Soulshift

by Arizona Tape

  If she'd been more like this, maybe things would have been perfect between us.

  "I've never heard of any consequences," I muttered, already feeling like I was about to be proved very, very, wrong. Shit. This wasn't good.

  "It doesn't, before you're twenty-five. But after that, not drinking can turn you feral, Ayra. Feral. Do you understand? Do you know what happens to older vampires that don't drink regularly?" Her voice was raised and her nostrils flared. Oops.

  "No," I said softly, shaking my head and almost dreading what she'd say next.

  "They murder, Ayra. Murder. Do you understand now? And not the one accidental homeless man type of murder either. The go into a school and rip out the throats of everyone in there. How can you not know?" Her words strangled at the end, as if it was almost too painful for her to talk about. As if she knew someone it'd happened to.

  "I don't know," I said weakly.

  "And after they're done with all the murdering, they don't come back to themselves either. They go mad. I was hoping you'd grow out of it, and while you were drinking under protest, it wasn't too bad, but now..."

  "Why didn't you say anything before?" I asked, a lump forming in my throat. I always assumed the stories about Jack the Ripper were made up to scare people. To scare us. I didn’t think they’d be real.

  "I never really had a chance, Ayra. You'd give in just in time to stop me saying anything. And you were so certain. Don't think I didn't see it in your eyes whenever I mentioned drinking. Or blood, or when you smelled my breakfast every morning. It was so damn obvious."

  "Then why wait until now? What was it? You didn't love me enough to tell me any of this?" I could feel the tears building within me, but I pushed them back. I had to.

  "Oh for fuck's sake, Ayra. Of course I loved you enough. I worried about you every single day. But I hoped it was just a phase. That you'd get over it once you were closer to your birthday. But it's weeks away now. Weeks. You shouldn't be able to refuse the blood in front of you, never mind hate it."

  "Oh."

  "And then to refuse even though you know someone else needs your body too..."

  "I see." And I did. This had absolutely nothing to do with her concern for me. And everything to do with how she felt about Tate. I couldn't deny that the realisation hurt, even if I knew she wasn't really my one. She couldn't be with how Devon made me feel. I thought back to being wrapped in his arms the previous night. No, she couldn't be with Devon as my one.

  "You're thinking about him, aren't you?" The anger had seeped out of her voice, and she sighed, finally taking a seat.

  "Yes," I admitted softly.

  "You have it bad, don't you?" she asked, studying me intently, probably trying to gage my reaction.

  "I think so, yes."

  "I do too."

  I nodded. After all, I'd figured as much. Her saying it wasn't much of a surprise, even if it did sting a little. "But I can't do anything about it while he doesn't know..."

  "Yes, Tate said the same."

  "She did?" I perked up, that was good news. If Tate even felt a smidge of what I did, then she could be talking to Devon about us right this moment. Maybe then I'd be able to spend some time with him as Ayra, and not as Ayra pretending to be Tate.

  "Yes. She said she was going to talk to him about it."

  My heart fluttered. Yes. Yes. Yes. This was what I wanted. Devon, as mine. Not Tate's, not shared. Mine.

  "Oh," was all I said aloud. I didn't have any more words.

  "It's hard seeing you like this over him, because it makes me realise how wrong we were."

  "I know," I admitted, though I didn't like doing so. "I feel the same when you say Tate's name."

  "I don't want you to hurt," she said.

  "Me neither," I said, pulling the bowl of yogurt towards me. I looked at it, and felt my lips curl up in disgust. But I needed to do this. If Sian was right, and I didn't doubt that she was, then I'd need to get used to this anyway. If she wasn't, well, then I'd have to do this for her and Tate. They deserved to be happy, both of them, and if me eating this was what made the difference, then I'd do it.

  Bracing myself, I dipped the spoon into the breakfast, only briefly questioning why they were having breakfast so late, that wasn't like Sian at all. I brought it to my mouth and ate it, swallowing as quickly as possible so I could avoid the taste. I almost gagged, but there was no getting around this. So I prepared myself to take another bite.

  Chapter 15

  I stirred awake, stretching out over the bed, and hoping for the tell-tale heat of Devon's body. Except that it didn't come. There was no Devon next to me. There was no one next to me. I guessed that this was going to be half of my life now. An empty shell with no person to share it with.

  Except that wasn't entirely true. I could hear Sian humming to herself while she showered, and it was only the rational part of my brain that kept me from jumping to my feet and going to join her. It's what I would have done a few weeks ago, but now nothing was the same. Now, I wasn't the same. I'd been a dragon after all. Not for very long, true, but I'd still been one. And it'd still affected me in ways I hadn't expected.

  My dragon body felt so right. Certainly far more right than my vampire one did. And if anyone tried to tell me there was nothing in that, then I'd call bullshit. That, plus how Devon made me feel, definitely had me convinced that there was more at work here than mere coincidence. Maybe that made me naive. Or just too romantic, or whatever other thing they could use to fault me.

  The shutting off of the shower brought me back to my senses, and I swung my legs around, rising from the bed-settee in time to see Sian leaving the bathroom, a beige towel wrapped tight around her. That image alone used to be enough to get my motor running, but now? It was doing barely anything. Unless I counted being nostalgic. I wasn't sure I did.

  "Morning," I murmured, still a little embarrassed about our fight yesterday. And about my yearning over Devon. I'd only seen him yesterday, and yet I was already desperate to see him again. I'd never been one of those women who needed a man to define her. Or a woman, I supposed. Was I becoming one? I hoped not. I hated those women.

  "Morning, Ayra," Sian returned, eyeing me warily. I watched as her face visibly fell, disappointment taking over. Ah, so I wasn't the only one who'd been hoping for an overnight switch. Good to know. At least she wouldn't be heartbroken if I got stuck in Tate's body forever. The idea was becoming more and more appealing by the day.

  "Do you have any plans today?"

  Oh, Ayra. Really? How awkward could you get?

  "Work, Ayra. It's a work day."

  "Oh."

  "Had you really forgotten?" she asked, slipping back into our bedroom. No, her bedroom. We weren't sharing any more and I needed to remember that. It was sad that four years could end so easily. But then, we'd ended for a good reason. I just needed to try and get my head around it. Maybe if things were progressing well with Devon, it'd be easier, though a little part of me wasn't convinced. A small piece of my heart would always belong to Sian. She was my first love, and always would be. It was just that some loves were stronger. Some connections better forged, and some things were just meant to be. The latter, Sian and I were not. It was sad. But it was necessary.

  "Yes, kind of," I admitted. It wasn't that I'd forgotten, per say. More that, there were other, more important things going on in my head, and work wasn't one of them. Not at all.

  "You need to go to work, Ayra."

  I wondered about her use of my name. That was a lot for Sian. We hardly ever needed to use each other’s names, we knew who we were talking to. Or maybe that was the point. Maybe Sian was reminding her who she was talking to. It couldn't be any easier for than for me. It might even be harder. Tate looked like I did. She had the same voice, even if it used a different tone. It would be the same with her mannerisms. I was more than convinced she had some of her own, that were uniquely Tate, but that didn't stop the fact she was doing them while looking like me. It was enough
to mess with anyone's head. We should both be glad Sian was sticking around for us at all.

  "I know," I muttered as I made my way over to the bathroom. "It just wasn't the first thing I thought of when I woke up."

  She chuckled, a sound I wasn't used to. It wasn't like her normal laugh, or her giggle, or the tension filled sound she made when she was turned on. It was almost more natural. I frowned as I stepped into the bathroom. Maybe Sian wasn't just happier with Tate around, maybe Sian was more of her normal self when she was. Horror filled me. What if I'd been stopping Sian from being the person she was meant to be?

  No. I had to stop that train of thought. It would lead nowhere good.

  Absentmindedly, I switched the shower on, turning up the heat so the steam was filling the room, reminding me of my shower two days ago. The one that'd brought out my scales. Tate's scales. Damn it, I really needed to remember where I stopped and Tate began. It wasn't fair to anyone involved if I just merged us together in my mind.

  I screeched the moment I stepped into the water, quickly turning the heat right down. Why had I turned it up? What on earth had convinced me that was a good idea?

  "Ayra, you okay?" Sian's muffled voice called through the door.

  "Fine," I called back. "Nothing to worry about."

  I was an idiot. I kept the water temperature low as I soaped up my body and hair, cleaning off the grime of sleep. My skin cooled down, leaving me feeling a lot more refreshed than before. I hadn't seriously burned myself then. That was good to know. Though I really did need to work on remembering I was a vampire here, not a dragon. A vampire who probably still needed feeding. Yesterday's yogurt had been fine for a snack, but everyone knew it wasn't enough for a regular feeding. Sian ate it more for the taste than anything else.

  I emerged from the bathroom, and knocked on Sian's bedroom door. It might just be hers now, but all my stuff was in there, and I really did need clothes. The door opened slowly, and Sian stepped out. "All yours." She smiled easily. Friendly even. I liked it. If we weren't going to be together, then I did want to be friends. She was someone I didn't want to lose from my life.

  "Thanks."

  "Do you want some breakfast?" she asked, fiddling with the cuffs of her blouse. She was really nervous. I wished there was something I could do about that, but I doubted it. There was probably only one person who could now, and the fact I wasn't her, was the problem.

  "That'd be nice, thank you," I replied, slipping into the bedroom.

  It felt weird to be in here. Very weird. Like I was intruding. But then, if Sian and Tate went to bed together, then I was going to end up waking up in here anyway. An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach, though I wasn't sure if it was the thought of Sian and Tate together, or the idea of waking up in here as an intruder, I wasn't so sure. The latter I thought. But I didn't want to explore the feeling any more than I had to.

  I dressed quickly, putting on one of my comfiest work appropriate dresses and throwing a cardigan over the top. I could maybe have gone without it, but there was the odd nip in the air that would cause some funny looks from humans if they saw me without one.

  The door clicked shut behind me as I made my way out of the bedroom and towards the breakfast bar where Sian, and a full bowl, sat waiting. I knew what was in that bowl before I got there, but it didn't stop the disgust and dread building up inside me. I took a seat, wary of Sian's inquisitive and concerned gaze on me. I sighed inwardly. It wasn't worth the argument not do this. I picked up the spoon, but didn't get any further than that when my vision began to blacken, and my heart began to race.

  I was going to be a dragon again.

  Chapter 16

  I was pressed up against a rock hard chest, the scent of the sea in my nose. My first response was relief. I was with Devon again. I didn't have to eat the disgusting blood yogurt. Just because I had to, didn't mean I wanted to, and while I'd understood where Sian was coming from, it didn't make the task any more appealing.

  My relief lasted all of about three point two seconds. Which was all it took for me to feel the anger rippling through Devon. It was almost like a rumbling within him, and I had to wonder if this was what a shift felt like from the outside. Shit. A shift. I'd felt how large my dragon had been, and Devon was larger than I was in his human form. No way would their bedroom survive a transformation.

  "Devon?" I asked, my voice shaking even as I held him close. I was scared. Not for me. Not for the room, but for whatever had set it off. Was it something Tate had said? Or maybe Sian was right. Maybe Tate had told him about the swapping. But that meant it could be me he was angry at. A lump formed in my throat and I tried to choke back the tears that threatened. Eurgh. Why was I crying so much at the moment? Anyone would've thought I was a little girl.

  "What?" he bit out, and I cringed, but didn't pull away. Something was telling me that the connection between us was all that was keeping him sane.

  "What's wrong?"

  "What's wrong? You're seriously asking what's wrong?" He was angry. Really angry. I could see the smoke swirling out of his nostrils. If the situation wasn't so dire, I'd be trying to work out how to do that. It was a cool trick.

  "Yes," I squeaked, the word coming out far smaller than I'd intended. That was annoying. I hated being weak.

  "Seriously..."

  I cut him off by grabbing his hair in my hands and pulling his face down so our lips met. I didn't know what made me do it. Nor what made it seem like the right thing to do, but I felt him relax against me, so it was the right move at least.

  Devon's arms wrapped around me, no longer tense with anger. Instead, they were soft, tender almost. This is what I wanted. What I needed.

  His lips moved against mine, his tongue nudging against my lips, wanting entrance. I let him in. Maybe I shouldn't have. I had no idea what the status of his relationship with Tate was anymore. But even though I knew I should stop, I didn't want to.

  One of his hands left my waist, and he cupped my cheek in his hand as he deepened the kiss. It was filled with a softness and tenderness that had nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with love. It made my heart ache. If only it was me he was kissing and not Tate.

  Eventually, we broke apart, both breathing heavily, but not from anger this time.

  "Ayra," he murmured.

  Wait, what?! That was my name. My name.

  "Yes, Devon?" I bit my lip, nervous that he hadn't realised what he'd said.

  "She was telling the truth," he said, seeming a little in awe. I guessed that meant Tate had told him about the body swapping then. That was good, or I thought it was.

  "Yes."

  "And you're Ayra now?"

  "Yes."

  He pulled back a little, but the arm around my waist didn't leave, which I took to be a good sign. If he'd pulled away completely, that would be the moment to get worried.

  "And it was you that turned into a dragon?"

  I swallowed nervously, and nodded. This could be the part he struggled with. I didn't know what Tate had told him, and didn't want to freak him out with the whole drinking blood thing.

  "And you're really a vampire?"

  "My body is, yes," I whispered. She'd told him that much then. Interesting. At least he wasn't getting funny about it. I could've seen this going a lot worse.

  "The body Tate's in right now?"

  Why did I feel we were going around in circles right now? Then again, if we swapped in the middle of their conversation, there might not have been time to get through all of this.

  "Yes, Tate's in my body now..."

  "With your girlfriend?"

  "Ex," I corrected quickly. "Sian's my ex-girlfriend. We ended things when..." I trailed off. There was no way of saying the next bit without seeming completely crazy. Could you love someone if they didn't know who you truly were? Did I love him? I wasn't too sure. All I really knew was that he was special to me. My body, well, this body, and my very soul wanted him. My soul. I was convinced it wasn't just an echo of T
ate's feelings now. Not after how Sian had been acting.

  "Oh. So Tate is..."

  "Probably having blood yogurt with Sian right now, yes."

  "Blood yogurt?" He pulled a face, and from where I was stood looking up at him slightly, it was nothing short of adorable. I rested my hand on his chest, able to feel the smooth, hard muscles beneath. And picture them. And the way they'd rippled as he'd removed his shirt yesterday...I really needed to work on not getting so distracted. Where were we? Oh yes, blood yogurt.

  "Disgusting, I know, but Sian likes it, and..."

  "You don't?"

  "Oh no, it's awful stuff." I stuck my tongue out and a low chuckle took me off guard. Wow, our kiss really had calmed him down. I'd have to remember that for next time. If there was a next time. I kind of hoped there would be.

  "You don't like blood?" He cocked his head to the side and it took all I had not to swoon. There was just something so utterly endearing about the gesture.

  "No, I've hated it ever since I was a child," I told him, thinking back to the first time I'd knowingly ingested blood. I'd been five, maybe six, and my Mother had given me it in a glass rather than mixed into my food. I'd drunk it, mostly to please her, but then spent the rest of the night throwing up in my room. After, my parents had tried to give me all kinds of blood, thinking it was just an odd allergic reaction to that specific type. They'd given up around the time I'd turned fifteen and told me I was old enough to find it for myself. Looking back, I suspect they'd been hiding blood in my food up until then. Otherwise, I had no idea how I'd gone so long without keeping any blood down. It'd taken another year or so for me to get my habits in check, and find a way that didn't leave me heaving. Though it did still make me feel nauseous.