Sweet Nothings

by Daria Doshrelli

  He told her a slightly embellished version of his adventures in Laforetz, one where Dame Muriel’s she-wolf had swallowed Gram whole and almost had him in its mouth before he slaughtered the beast with his ax and the witch took off and he retrieved Gram from the wolf’s belly.

  “That’s not how I remember reading it in the ledger,” Claire said.

  Tad redirected his eyes to the bush. “Yes, well, I left out a few details.”

  Claire might have grinned at him just then.

  “But enough of my accomplishments.” He didn’t want to do it. Very likely he would regret ever uttering the fool words. But he told her anyway, what he and Nan had discovered about the mirror, Mathilde and the apple. The sparkle returned to her eyes and he just couldn’t help himself. “How about you help me find the hidden mirror Nan supposes is here on the island?” He smiled at her and patted her head again.

  Claire’s expression sobered instantly. “Right. Science.” She brushed his hand away. After a few moments of reflection she said, “I believe I have a theory.”

  Tad widened his eyes to prepare himself for a very long and arduous undertaking—keeping his eyelids apart while Claire prattled on about her latest hypothesis.

  “When I approached her rock I did notice a rather interesting sheen in the waters and remember thinking it must be a fascinating species of algae. But I need to confirm a few points with Nan.”

  “I’m right here, dear.”

  Tad turned his eyes up to see Nan sitting on a branch a few paces away. How long had she been watching?

  “When you say you’re looking for a mirror, in this case would any reflective surface do?” Claire asked.

  “The original mirror was the magical variety,” Nan replied, “but now that you mention it, since the siren has already emerged, a mere ordinary mirror ought to be enough to maintain the curse.”

  Claire’s face brightened. She stood an inch taller. “Then I believe I have your answer. This Mathilde is rather brilliant. It’s too bad she’s bent on ruining Lady Love’s affairs because she would have made a remarkable scientist, which is a far better use of such talents and—”

  “Let’s hear your discovery,” Tad said. He would let her have her say and then think over how he would disprove all of it later.

  “My hypothesis is that the rock formation the siren sits on is no ordinary reef. Recall from Prince Henry’s letter to his father that even he was unsure what his eyes saw beneath the waters, and that the rocks seemed to come out of nowhere.”

  “You think Mathilde hid mirrors in the reef?” Nan asked.

  “No.”

  Tad waited but Claire just stood there tapping her chin and nodding to herself. “Might you let us in on whatever it is you’re imagining to be going on in that reef?”

  “Interferometry…spectroscopy…diffuse reflection…parallax…coral exoskeleton.”

  Were those real words?

  Claire nodded more vigorously but her eyes were clearly commandeered by the faroff source of whatever theory she was about to spout. “Due to the biological makeup of certain species of algae, or possibly coral in this case, and with the magical nature of this region of the world I cannot deny there is a much higher probability that such species have additional permutations beyond known variations…Such limitations to existing knowledge are a tragedy and I would like to thoroughly study and catalogue my findings as soon as this case is over. This plus the wave-particle theory of light combined with the aquatic environment, what with the addition of saline compounds of unknown origin and—”

  That was it. Tad couldn’t take it anymore. “I can’t understand a word. Not a word. Could you please speak in human language?”

  Claire gave him a roguish look. “Especially in the moonlight and starlight, and to a lesser but still efficacious degree in daylight, the coral in that reef gives off a reflective luminescence. That is, grouped together, such as is the case in a reef of adequate size, the coral functions as a mirror when viewed from certain angles.”

  “You’re saying the princess doesn’t sit and stare out over the waters. She’s looking into a mirror?” Nan said.

  “Precisely.” Claire took a step away and spoke to the ground. “So my accidentally altering the siren’s vocal structure to be able to ensnare females with her song instead of just males has come in useful after all.” She seemed to speak these words to herself. “It was in trying to cure her condition that I noticed the unusual sheen in the waters.”

  Tad stared into her sparkly blue-green eyes. “There’s just one problem with your theory.”

  Claire turned to him and put her hands on her hips. “And what’s that?”

  “It doesn’t tell us a thing about how to uncurse the princess.” He crossed his arms. “As the lead avenger, that will be my job.”

  “Hmf.”

  Tad grinned and redirected his eyes to Claire’s pockets. She could hmf all she wanted because he knew just the cure for Princess Arabella’s life as a despicable siren.

  Chapter 15

  “Now, who’s going to hold her and who’s going to put these on here?” Tad dangled the goggles in front of the pirates.

  No answer. Even Prince Henry pretended he had not heard.

  “I’ll feed myself to her again,” Avery said, though he furrowed his brow and twisted his lips to the side in a boyish manner.

  “Come now, we need two more volunteers, one to hold each of her arms.” Tad bobbed the goggles by their leather strap. “Then Captain Avery will wrestle these onto her face, look her deep in the eyes and tell her she’s the most beautiful creature in all the realms. And you had better kiss her on the lips this time just in case.”

  “And what will you say to her, cap’n?” Diddle grinned at Avery.

  “Princess, your eyes are like death, your teeth like an eternal grave,” Stew offered.

  “Let me kiss your fishy lips,” Iakapov chimed in.

  “It’s the plank for the lot of you,” Avery replied.

  “And where is your first mate?” Tad asked. “He’s rather stout and might sit on her, if necessary.”

  “He’s scouting,” Avery said. “So it’s just us.”

  “I don’t think this is a very sensible plan,” Claire said. “There is clearly a biological mutation at work here.”

  “I don’t understand, either,” Diddle said.

  The rest of the crew muttered its confusion.

  Tad lowered his eyelids. “If my assistant’s theory is correct, the princess has been looking at herself as a siren in the mirror created by the reef. When we put these love goggles on her, she’ll look into Avery’s eyes and see her reflection in them, not as a siren, but as his true love, and that will break her curse by changing the mirror. Why is this not obvious?”

  “So the cap’n’s eyes are goin’ to be a true love mirror?” Diddle scratched his chin. He and the crew simultaneously burst into laughter.

  “Thank you all for volunteering for this mission,” Tad said. “Yes, eight is surely better than two for wrestling a siren.”

  The laughter came to an abrupt halt.

  “You’ll need these.” Claire presented the crew with two handfuls of earplugs.

  “What are they made out of, anyway?” Tad asked, fingering his own earplugs.

  “Beeswax,” Claire said. “Plus a few other compounds, one of which is highly combustible in certain environments, but I’m sure we’ve nothing to worry about here.”

  Everybody exchanged apprehensive looks, except Claire, who smiled and held out her handiwork.

  “You heard her,” Avery said. “Man up and follow your captain.”

  The crew grumbled but accepted the plugs from Claire.

  After a few minutes of plotting, the group shuffled toward Princess Arabella’s lair.

  It was a good plan until the pirates decided not to decide who would make the first move. The general idea was that they would all sneak up behind her and pounce. Who would pounce where wasn’t exactly discussed. But
Avery trusted his crew.

  Diddle was the first to pounce on the siren, but only because Iakapov and Stew conspired to make him so. The two shoved him from behind and he went sailing right on top of Princess Arabella. He shrieked, the siren shrieked, though nobody heard anything being that their ears were plugged. It was just mouths open and Diddle’s terrified expression, and rest of the crew sprang into action.

  The siren overpowered the first four, tossing them aside as ragdolls. But Nan, Sev and Pip swooped down and flapped at the siren’s face so that she could not see her attackers. Grimtrunkle, Nadie, and Prince Henry managed to capture one arm together. The prince jerked Nadie away just as the siren nearly got a mouthful of her arm.

  A serpent appeared, sending spams of terror into Tad’s heart until the creature slithered up the siren’s frame and coiled around her, and he realized it must be Wigamus. The she-beast strained against the coil, dragging herself and her assailants backward toward the waters where she was surely planning to drown them. Just as the struggle reached the waves lapping against the shore, Avery appeared behind her and slipped on the goggles, quite forcibly, though it could hardly be helped as her unnatural strength toppled him over a moment later.

  He scrambled to his feet and snatched her into his arms so that her eyes were staring into his. What he said Tad could not hear but moments later the siren’s lips closed, her terrible rows of teeth disappeared, and she collapsed. Avery cradled her as her body slipped to the ground. Wigamus uncoiled himself and slithered off. The crew slowly turned loose of the princess.

  Princess Arabella opened her eyes to see Avery smiling down at her. He bent his head and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. Tad let out the breath he had been holding and pulled the plugs from his ears. The crew gazed intently at the pair before breaking into cheers.

  Claire had a sort of maniacal look on her face as she observed the goings-on.

  “I told you true love would prevail over science,” Tad said.

  “Science solved the riddle of the mirror,” she replied without looking at him.

  Tad was going to think of something very witty to say in reply but Avery pulled Princess Arabella to her feet. She pushed herself out of his arms and Tad’s heart dove for the sand. Had she not fallen in love with him yet?

  She walked up to Prince Henry. “I see my future husband has come to rescue me?”

  Prince Henry’s face paled. He pulled scrap and charcoal from his pocket, scratched out something on the parchment and handed it to her.

  The princess moved her eyes over the contents. “I’m sorry but I can’t marry you.” She laughed and flung the parchment over her shoulder with a great smile. “I never wanted to marry you, either. I tried everything to get you to deny the expectation that we would be betrothed. You did not seem quite as interested as I would have liked in the army of ladies I sent to tempt you away from your duty. I may have been desperate enough to call on a certain fairy godmother.”

  Prince Henry’s eyes widened.

  “Yes, Mathilde. She was to cast an enchantment so I would be able to lure the pirates into a trap and recover the treasure they stole. That way I would never be forced to marry you to save my own kingdom. Very selfish of me, I know, but I have always wanted true love and would never have been content with an arranged marriage. Some things no amount of money or comfort can replace.”

  “So…you love me?” Avery asked.

  The princess swiveled her eyes his way. “I think I must consider that you may be my true love since I did wake up in your arms. It was like being inside of a glass coffin looking out at the world. I couldn’t get out, couldn’t stop…” She looked back at the pile of bones. “How could anybody love me after…that?”

  “I’m your true love,” Avery replied. “I suppose that means I’ll love you no matter what.”

  “I might be somewhat persuaded to believe that…and to fall in love with you.”

  Avery held out his arm. “Then walk with me and allow me to fully persuade you.”

  Princess Arabella tucked her arm into his and off they went strolling along the beach.

  Whatever Avery was saying to the princess, she was laughing and falling all over herself by the time they turned and headed back. Tad was ready to get back to the library but Claire wanted to gather some coral specimens and he was terrified that she would get herself into a heap of trouble again.

  He followed her around, at a distance, of course, so that she didn’t think she was special. It was just that he didn’t want to explain to Lady Love how his new assistant ended up in the belly of some creature or other because she was a little snoop. At last she had her specimens and Tad shooed her back to the huddle so they might take their leave.

  “I read your message in a bottle, by the way,” Avery said to Prince Henry as he strolled up with the glowing Arabella. “A little dramatic, don’t you think? Would that we had all perished instead. You could have just said, Dear Sir, we went to the Aeorus where a siren ate the pirates, then my crew. Do not come here.” He cast a sideways look at Nadie. “You and my sister will make a fine pair.”

  Prince Henry’s gaze moved from Avery’s lips to his eyes.

  “Yes, I suppose this means you have my blessing to court my sister, even though you are a filthy royal. No doubt she’ll soon have you every bit as conniving and—”

  “I beg your pardon,” Princess Arabella said. “I thought you just declared with all your heart that I am your true love.”

  “You are,” Avery replied. “But you are not a filthy royal.” He leaned over and kissed her sweetly on the cheek. “You are officially an ex-siren girl and I am an ex-pirate boy. We’re the perfect couple.”

  The princess chuckled.

  “I am a man who has it all. A full pardon for my many years of villainy.” Avery smiled at the princess. “My true love, plus a heap of treasure. We’ll need to discuss my cut.”

  “Arabella or the treasure,” the prince said. “Choose one.”

  “Henry, after all we’ve been through together.” Avery made a stabbing motion at his heart. “And after I just pawned my sister off on you, this is my thanks?”

  “Am I being bartered as well, then?” Princess Arabella asked, her tone betraying amusement.

  “Never. I will never trade you for all the treasures in all the seas.” Avery lifted her hands to his lips and kissed each one. His besotted expression sobered. “I suppose that means you can keep my sister and your silly gold, Henry. And not one word from…Where is Nadie?”

  “Over here,” Nadie replied.

  “Well, this isn’t how it was supposed to work out.”

  They turned to see Avery’s first mate standing at the water’s edge holding a sword against Nadie’s neck.

  “What are you doing?” Avery said. “She’s not cursed or anything.”

  “He’s a traitor,” Nadie spat. She struggled against her captor but he twisted her arm until she grimaced.

  Basset pulled her tighter against him. “Quiet, girl.” He looked at Avery and the rest of the crew. “If you’d be so kind as to look over there, you’ll see my own ship, a real pirate ship crewed by real nasty pirates, not like the lot of you. If you want your precious Nadie left in one piece, you’ll do exactly as you’re told.”

  They all looked out over the waters to see a ship sporting broad sails and a skull and crossbones flag.

  Avery took a stomping step toward his first mate. “You mutinous eel.” He stopped when Nadie let out a cry. A drop of blood trickled down her neck as Basset dug the knife into her pale skin.

  “Not mutiny, and not an eel,” Basset relied evenly. “You’ll kindly address me as the Sea Fox, and this loot...” He nodded at the waters behind him. “…is rightfully mine. Only the lot of you were supposed to be a pile of bones by now.” He ran his eyes over Princess Arabella. “But I see someone has gone and undone all my hard work.”

  “Mathilde turned me into a siren, not you.”

  “I planned it all, though I may h
ave had a little help with the particulars from a certain fairy godmother.”

  The princess frowned. “You’re working with Mathilde?”

  “A mutually beneficial arrangement. The details are none of your concern.” Basset looked at the prince. “But didn’t it strike you as odd that a bunch of ornery pirates under rival commands would sail together, agree to split a great treasure?”

  Avery’s eyes widened. “You’re the shiftiest bilge rat I ever saw. You set them up, all of them, so they’d come here and be wiped out. Then the treasure would be all yours.” He drew back as if someone had thrown cold water on his face. “And I imagine you set me up as well. John Cottingham and James Griffin? Two of your men, I suppose?”

  “You always were a bit slow,” Basset replied. “But I see the old Fox has taught you a thing or two. Real pirates do not share plunder.”

  “Planning to murder your new crew as well?” Avery asked.

  “Not your concern. But I think I’ll change my name to the Sea King.”

  “More like the king of bones and the graveyard,” Nadie shot back.

  “A king, nonetheless,” Basset growled in her ear.

  Avery shook his head. “All these years and my own first mate was the Sea Fox?”

  “Every move you made, every port we put into, all my doing. You haven’t got much for brains, but you’re the trusting sort, and that’s my favorite attribute in a young man. I’ll admit this has been one of my most clever disguises. Nobody ever guessed the Fox was running with the sorriest excuses for pirates ever to sail the seas. And now to summon my real crew.” Basset turned loose of Nadie’s arm but pressed the edge of the knife against her throat as he clutched at his shirt pocket. His face froze.

  “Looking for this?” Nadie held up miniature, silvery hornpipe for a moment before tossing it over her shoulder where it landed with a plunk in the water.

  Basset’s eyes followed the trinket. He let out a string of unmentionables.

  “What, you think after years of doing your laundry I didn’t know you were up to no good? Amazing, all the things that come out in the wash.” The pirate girl grinned at Basset’s stunned expression. “Thinking you’ll do it all differently next time, won’t let a mere girl get the drop on you? I have sailed the seven seas, sir, and you villains all have the same flaw. You just can’t stop needing everybody else to serve you. Can’t even clean up after yourself.”