The Mind-Murders ac-8

by Janwillem Van De Wetering

  "Yes, adjutant, the disappearance of Rea Fortune, a charming woman engaged with the short end of the stick throughout her short and unhappy life-she can't have been older than thirty-five when I saw her last-" ("Yes?" Grijpstra asked compassionately) "is surrounded by doubt." Hyme focused his eyes triumphantly. "Doubt!"

  De Gier's chewing changed. He abandoned the earlier method of simple chomping and replaced it by repetitive sucking and flattening.

  Zhaver, at Grijpstra's request, brought more beer.

  Hyme patted his paper headgear into shape and placed it on the table. He stretched both arms and nodded pleasantly.

  "Doubt. And why do I doubt Rea's so-called voluntary retreat followed by a complete failure on Frits's part to retrieve her presence? I doubt, for the one-among-other-reasons that this very same Rea practically embraced me when I offered Frits Fortune, at this same table a week ago, a cool million for his assorted rubbish, against my personal inclination, although the urgency of my associates' desire to take over Frit's's business might have warranted such a price." Hyme sighed briefly. "Did Frits accept? He did not. Was he sorry? No, he was angry. Was he very angry? He was furious. An emotion of that caliber is not without its deeper meaning. It isn't necessary to have studied psychology, as I have…"

  "Really?" Grijpstra asked admiringly.

  "… to conclude that Frits's personality began to split at that moment. A new personality attempted to emerge: new Frits trampled old Frits and confronted me, a once trusted friend."

  Zhaver brought more beer, at Hyme's request.

  Hyme collapsed. The beer supplied new energy. His voice dropped. His hand touched Grijpstra's knee. "We had been drinking, my guests and I. The stage was set well and I meant to give joy. Was I thanked? I was not. Frits stalked out of here; Rea followed sadly. What happened afterward? Can we surmise?" Hyme took his hand from Grijpstra's knee. "Was Rea a dragon, and did new Frits become a knight without fear?"

  "Or blame," de Gier said.

  "With blame," Hyme whispered.

  De Gier stood up. His chair screeched on the boards. Hyme coughed, shielding his mouth politely. "Suicide and reincarnation, and the new birth financed by a million florins to ease the black knight's future path."

  Grijpstra ordered a box of expensive cigars. Hyme accepted a cigar, reached again, and put a handful in his breast pocket.

  De Gier combed his hair in the rest room. Except for the detectives and Hyme, there were no clients in the cafe.

  Beelema returned from having walked Kiran in the street. "Titania hasn't come back yet?"

  "Not yet," Zhaver said. "I shouldn't have joked about her predicament. True love is admirable. She has loved Fortune since he bought her those flowers."

  De Gier came back. "Flowers?"

  "Two dozen roses. Beelema and I forgot about Titania's birthday although we remembered the year before, and Titania complained. She cried. Frits Fortune was here and a flower cart happened to pass. He rushed outside and bought the roses. A sentimental gesture and the undoing of Titania."

  "Because Fortune is a serious man," Beelema said. "Titania isn't used to his type, she is used to the others."

  "Fornicators," Zhaver said, "like us."

  "Whom she tries to avoid."

  "Not too successfully," Zhaver said.

  "Which makes her feel worse," Beelema said.

  Zhaver smiled. "Frits Fortune is a serious gentleman left by his wife, a handsome man still in the strength of his late youth and blessed with ample income. Titania is a lonely and beautiful woman looking for appreciation and solidity. If those two could meet, even for a moment, everlasting joy would surely result. I would like to see such bliss. True love, harmonious and lasting. It would encourage me. Why don't you arrange it, Borry? You claim divine parentage, it's your sort of thing."

  Beelema nodded, shifted on his stool, bent his elbows on the counter, rested his head in his hands, and closed his eyes.

  Grijpstra and de Gier studied Beelema.

  Hyme said goodbye and left the cafe" quietly.

  Zhaver put his hands to his lips and moved to the far end of the bar. The detectives followed him.

  "Sshh," Zhaver whispered, "he's thinking, it may take a while". What will be your pleasure?"

  "Coffee," Grijpstra said, "for me and my sergeant." He smiled. "I was glad to meet Mr. Hyme. He argues along sensible lines and he is a reliable gent." He turned to de Gier. "I don't understand your negative attitude, Rinus. I'm going to telephone Cardozo and Public Works. They'll have to produce a digger and be quick about it. Weekend work is healthy and pays double."

  "Please, Grijpstra."

  "I don't quite know what you're talking about," Zhaver said, "but Mr. Hyme is not a reliable gent."

  "No?" Grijpstra asked. "No? A director of the best known publishing house of this country? A gentleman who dresses as a gentleman, who behaves as a gentleman?"

  "Don't talk like the American lady in Paris," de Gier said. "A gentleman is a gentleman is a gentleman."

  "Rose," Zhaver said. "Rose. Not gentleman. Do me a favor and please look out of that window, so that I can share my suffering. Throughout the week he holds himself together, but the weekends are too much, like now. Again and again. Isn't that type of behavior degenerate? Or am I old-fashioned? I think it is degenerate."

  Hyme straddled the bridge railing in feeble but ecstatic balance. The triangular paper hat rested on his elongated skull. His penis rested on the tops of two fingers. A thick foaming jet of sunlit fluid raced to the sky before-gracefully forced by gravity- curving downward to unite with the passive and gleaming canal water.

  "No," said Grijpstra.

  "Yes," said de Gier. "As if you couldn't have known. Why did you have to force it? Forget your imagination and join the party. Nothing whatsoever is the matter. We are in a caf 6 in the inner city of Amsterdam. Life is bad but we can put up with it here. And when we're done, we'll go for a nice little walk and look at the geese if you like. A Hondecoeter theme, remember?" He clenched his fist and shook it in Grijpstra's face. "Cheer up. It's all right."

  Beelema opened his eyes.

  "It's not all right, but we can rectify the situation. Zhaver, it won't be easy but I can do it, as you say. Fetch Titania and tell her to wear her new jacket and skirt."

  "With this heat?"

  Beelema sighed. "You want me to do it or not? You want to obstruct or assist? Is it your fate or Titania's?"

  "This is it," Grijpstra said. "This is it forever. I will no longer do this work. Everybody is quite abnormal in this town. I hereby grant them leave to destroy each other. I will, from now on, be sorting out traffic. No, because then I will still see them. I will be working in the clothing store at Headquarters. Not up front, but in the rear where nobody ever comes."

  "I want to assist in achieving Titania's happiness," Zhaver said. "I'm sorry, Beelema."

  "Go and fetch her then. She has to wear the long skirt, not that mini-rag. Her knees, first, will be covered or I won't even get into this. And a simple black blouse and something easy around her neck, that silk cord with the bone ring, she wore it the other day. She has to look neat."

  "Neat," said Zhaver.

  "Neat. And long silk stockings, no combination, real stockings, with real garters, she'll have some somewhere, and no panties."

  Zhaver was at the door but stopped and turned.

  "Is that neat?"

  "Neat? What neat? What do I care about neat? We're concerned with Fortune's mind, and with contrast. What are you delaying the action for, Zhaver?"

  "Right away, Bony."

  "And I need her make-up kit, and a comb, and a brush."

  They heard Zhaver crash up the stairs.

  Beelema locked the front door. He closed the curtains and placed a chair in the middle of the room. He arranged the lights.

  Titania came in and was directed to the chair. She sobbed pitifully.

  "I can't help it that I fell in love. And that he never notices me. Never wants to
notice me. Because I'm a street girl. Heeheehee."

  "Don't cry, Titania."

  "Heeheehee."

  Beelema talked into her ear.

  "This is your big day, Titania. The prince is coming."

  "What prince, heeheehee?"

  "Prince Frits the First. He loves you but he doesn't know that yet, because he doesn't know your true shape. We're going to work on your true shape. You're not what you think you are. You are a princess."

  "Yes?"

  "Yes. Easy now, Titania. You're an easy princess. Lovable on a high level, as I'm about to indicate. Here, a little here, and a little here too, close your eyes or 111 glue your lashes together, this shit is sticky, and a little there, oops, rub it away a mite. Aren't you incredible now? And you'll have a small accident, and the prince will be there to save you and take you to his castle. It's a bit empty his castle, but never mind, there'll be a mattress I hear, and that's all you need. A round of fahdee-foozle, a shower together, a bowl of soup and a sandwich shared in the main chamber, or in the royal kitchen maybe, and your souls will be linked. You'll never work again, Titania. We'll miss you maybe but nobody is irreplaceable, we'll find another so that the clients can have a fresh view, two fresh views, haha. Don't pull faces, Titania, or I can't do your mouth."

  Borry Beelema worked on and continued his monologue. He rubbed color on her cheekbones and wiped most of it away again. He stood back.

  "You'll have to be tragic, Titania, and decent, but sensual." He bowed down, adjusting lipstick. "Sit still, I've got to concentrate, or we get nowhere."

  "Morons," Grijpstra said, "and not an exception among them. If they're in Amsterdam, they're morons. Sometimes I think I see a normal person, but the fault is mine. I've let myself be persuaded by weakness, by unhealthy idealism, but it won't happen again."

  "I'm a little nauseous," de Gier said. "Maybe it's the matches. Don't you have any gum, Zhaver? Who would ever have thought that I would chew gum? And to think that I stopped Seeny on the corridor the other day and bothered her, and now I do it too."

  "Here you are," Zhaver said. "This is supposed to taste like sour apples. Who is Seeny?"

  "A constable from the radio room," Grijpstra said, "a well-shaped girl, but since he grabbed her by the throat and broke her jaws open and removed the gum from behind her back teeth, she doesn't like him anymore."

  "Quiet!" said Beelema. "I've done it, Titania. From here we can proceed. The beginning is easy enough, you'll go outside, and so do we, to take care of you, for you're too lovely to be on your own now. All sorts of types are about and they all have loose hands, my work is not to be spoiled. We'll be with you, although we won't be in sight, and Zhaver will phone Frits. He does have a telephone, I hope, or did she take that too?"

  "There was a phone on the wall," de Gier said.

  "Splendid, that's all we need. Zhaver phones and says that he has, what do we have? Knockwurst? That he has some nice knockwurst for him, that we're about to close but that he can come in for a moment. He is home, see?" Beelema lifted a curtain. "The light is on." He dropped the curtain. "Frits comes here, and Zhaver feeds him the sausage. Then Zhaver says it's been a long day. Frits leaves again. And then you cross his path, Titania, and have your accident"

  The girl smiled.

  "Right away?"

  Beelema arranged a hair that had jumped free of his careful arrangement.

  "No, no, no. No hurry, please. First there'll be some conversation. He never saw you in this outfit, he won't even recognize you. I've changed and exaggerated, your eyes are bigger and your ears are all out. So you say, 'Hello, Frits,' softly and nicely, polite-like, but a little more. Say it, Titania."

  "Hello, Frits."

  "Okay. That'll stop him but that's not enough. He's got to be with you, so you touch his arm. Let's see, I'm Frits, I pass you; say it…"

  "Hello, Frits."

  "Perfect, hold my arm now, see? He's stuck, never to free himself again. And now, a few steps ahead, there's this brick sticking up, and you stumble and fall. Pay attention now, Titania, this is where it goes, you've got to grab him with sex, it's your only weapon in the end. He's got to think of the actual insertion, he's got to really want the ultimate contact. Do you get me?"

  "Can't we kiss? I like kissing too."

  "Yes, sure. It'll be a start, you can do that too, I don't mind. So you fall and pull up your dress, all the way up, he looks right into you, but only for a moment, for then it's gone. You pull your dress down again, if you stay there in your full glory, you overdo it, it'll be the end of it. Get me? Let's try. Move up, gentlemen, take your stools. Sit up straight, your heads will have to be on the same level as if you were standing. You're the committee. All set?"

  "We're the committee," Grijpstra said.

  Titania stumbled and fell. Dress up, dress down.

  "No," Grijpstra said. "I didn't see anything. Too fast."

  Beelema agreed. "Well try again."

  Later.

  "Are you crazy?" Titania said. "I won't fall all night. And I'm not on show for nothing, certainly not underneath. Have you all gone out of your minds?" She took a deep breath.

  "Don't say it!" Beelema had raised his arms. "That's it. You're in the right frame of mind now. Let's go."

  11

  It was Saturday night and the lush heat of summer hung under a clear and starry sky. Two red-beaked geese floated in the Emperorscanal and had almost reached the bridge at the edge of the Brewerscanal. The herring-stall on the bridge had closed.

  Grijpstra and de Gier stood next to the stall and peered cautiously around it. Kiran sniffed at a tree. Beelema and Zhaver were present but invisible. A couple, arm in arm, approached slowly. The woman, clearly visible in the light of the bridge's lampposts, emitted a serene beauty from every particle of her body and clothing. She talked to the man in a low voice. She stumbled and fell. Frits Fortune reacted in fear and concern, he bent down, his arms reached. Titania groaned. Her skirt, made of pure and delicate wool and matching her long and elegant jacket, slipped up, ignoring the limits of decency.

  A gentleman, in a three-piece summer suit and wearing an old-fashioned expensive felt hat, cycled toward the bridge. One of the pedals of his cycle clanged against the metal chain guard. The geese appeared at the other side of the bridge and greeted their new view, honking softly. Titania corrected her unruly skirt. Frits Fortune, with diminishing fear and growing concern, lifted the fallen woman and remembered how, in clear and almost touchable detail, the lady's thighs were soft and pink, and how they held and would still hold a promise of curly down that in turn protected a moist NO, he would think no further. He asked if she had hurt herself. She said she had, poor Titania.

  On her feet, she leaned into his arms. The geese honked loudly, the cyclist was close. Beelema and Zhaver stepped back into the shadows between a pickup and a van, Grijpstra and de Gier held on to each other. Titania's lips pursed, opened slightly, her long lashes partly hid her soft and inviting eyes. Frits's mouth drew close to Titania's, the cyclist braked, the cycle fell, the object the cyclist pointed was made of blue steel.

  "HO!" Grijpstra shouted.

  De Gier was running, no, De Gier was running, no, leaping. The cyclist flew sideward, propelled by the sudden contact with the sergeant's last and far-ranging leap. The shot rang out. The bullet whistled and splashed. The red-beaked geese flapped and blew in anger. The cyclist's hat dropped, and his wig, beard, and mustache moved to the side of her face.

  Titania, suddenly released by Frits Fortune, staggered, stumbled, and fell. Her skirt, much higher now, translated the indicated into the obvious until once more corrected, as Titania, unaided, struggled up. Beelema and Zhaver came forward. Kiran waved his long tail Fortune, Titania, Zhaver, and Beelema stared at the cyclist.

  "Hello, Rea," Fortune said.

  "Mrs. Fortune," Grijpstra said politely, "I arrest you, under suspicion of repeated attempted murder or manslaughter, as the case may be, of your husband, and of ill treatment
of your dog Babette resulting in its death."

  De Gier bent his knees and looked into Beelema's eyes.

  "Are you the other son of God?"

  "It was well meant," Beelema whispered hoarsely.

  "It usually is," de Gier said.

  "Are you coming with me?" Grijpstra asked Rea Fortune imperatively.

  "Coming with me?" de Gier asked Beelema pleasantly.

  "Coming?" Fortune asked Titania shyly.

  Kiran embraced Zhaver, barking cheerfully.

  12

  "Well, well," the commissaris said, "and in the weekend too, in the off weekend! Will I ever understand what motivates activity? I do hope your reports will be short and limit the prosecutor's ridicule. A merry display indeed! Will you be holding Rea Fortune, adjutant?"

  "I might recommend that to the authorities, sir," Grijpstra said. "I've charged the suspect with the illegal possession of a firearm."

  "And the attempted manslaughter, albeit murder?"

  "We might drop that part of the charge, sir. The suspect is in a state of shock, the material we've come up with is somewhat garbled, and the lawyer the suspect hired seems to be rather forceful, and, eh, intelligent, sir. It seems that Mrs. Fortune was merely persuading her husband to sell his business, by manipulating circumstances, so to speak. I gather that she thought that the sudden emptiness of their apartment, coupled with her own and the dog's disappearance, would make him change his mind. By weakening his defenses by, as the lawyer puts it, not illegal means, she meant to release the victim of his fear of retirement."

  The commissaris harrumphed furiously.

  "And the evidence you found? Fortune's weak heart? His susceptibility to sudden shocks? The actual death of that poor little poodle? Can't we show a sinister underground? And what about Beelema, the divine entrepreneur, surely he can be charged with complicity?"