Losing Hope

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Losing Hope Page 17

by Michelle Windsor


  “No, not today. Maybe someday, though. I know this is something that may never come, or at the very least, something that has to be earned.”

  Gage watched as Robert stood and walked to one of the photographs of Hope. She was in the canoe and staring out at the water, a look of serenity on her face. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

  He nodded but said nothing.

  “She hasn’t quite forgiven me yet. But, I think, well, I hope, perhaps maybe soon. She did let me visit her for Christmas.” Gage watched as the older man turned back to face him. “She’s living up at the house in Vermont now. Did you know that?”

  He shook his head. “She’s not in New York?”

  He watched as Robert walked back to the table, pulling his coat off the chair he had hung it on earlier, and began to put it on. “No, she left in November. She’s writing, if you can believe that.”

  A small smile appeared across his lips. “I can, actually.”

  “You should go see her, son. My secrets and lies have caused enough heartache. Don’t let it come between what you obviously still feel for her.”

  Gage watched him silently, absorbing everything he had just learned, and could only nod his head.

  Robert approached him and extended his hand. “Thank you for listening. I truly wish that I had done this sooner, but I hope having the complete story eases some of your pain.”

  He stared down at the hand stretched out before him and, without conscious thought, reached out and grasped it firmly in his own, pumping it once before letting go. He watched the man who had scarred so much of his life walk out his door and wondered what he was supposed to do now.

  *

  Four Days Later

  *

  Hope watched as a light snow fell outside and left another clean layer of white, fluffy powder on the already growing drifts at the window. It had been snowing most of the morning, but curled up under a blanket in front of the fire left her little cause for concern.

  She was working on a coming of age story that had always prickled in the back of her mind. Writing had always been a long-term goal for her, but given all the events that had occurred over the last few months, the timing of things had been turned up a notch. Lord knows she had enough money, between the trust fund her father had established for her long ago and the money she had earned while working.

  Thinking of her father and all they had gone through over the last few months drew a long sigh out of her. She missed him, but she still needed more time to forgive him. And she knew she would eventually. Time did, in fact, heal all wounds. Well, maybe not all wounds. Thinking about Gage still caused an ache in her heart that compared to a knife piercing through its very core. But at least she didn’t cry anymore whenever she thought of him. That was progress, she supposed.

  She turned her attention back to her computer and stared again at the words she had typed out over the last few hours. She was about to begin typing again when a knock came from the door. Placing the laptop on the cushion beside her, Hope lifted the covers off her as she rose from the couch. She slid her feet into the comfy pair of fur-lined slippers lying next to the couch and scuffled to the door.

  Walter always liked to stop by and check on her when the snow began falling. Opening the door, she yelped in surprise when the last person she expected to see stood before her.

  “Gage! Oh my God! What are you doing here?”

  She watched as a huge smile bloomed across his face, the adorable crinkles she’d come to love lifting and lining the corners of his bright green eyes.

  “Are you going to let me in? It’s fucking freezing out here.”

  She stepped back and waved her arm, indicating for him to come in, her mouth still hanging open. He entered and shut the door behind him, stomping his snow-covered feet on the rug. He looked up at her and winked. “I know you hate when I drip over all your things.”

  “I don’t. I just… What are you doing here?” she stammered, having a hard time getting anything else out.

  “Well, I would think that would be obvious. I came to see you.” He unwrapped the scarf around his neck and then removed his jacket, his eyes never leaving her as he did. Finally, he pulled his boots off and stood in front of her. “I’ve had enough of this.”

  “Enough of what?” Her face held a bewildered expression as she tried to process the fact that he was standing in front of her.

  “Enough of not seeing you.” Then he swept her into his arms and crushed his mouth to hers in a searing kiss. It took only a second for her to recover before her arms wrapped around his neck and she was kissing him back. She clung to him as if he were her next breath, her fingers clutching onto the hair that fell over the nape of his neck. His hand moved to her face, his fingers caressing her cheek gently, before he pulled his lips from hers, his forehead resting against hers as their heavy breaths collided.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Angel.”

  He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers again but only for a moment before pulling away again. “I want to take you upstairs right now and strip you naked, but…”

  “But we should talk.”

  He nodded against her forehead. “We should talk.”

  She let go of him and stepped back, her arms wrapping around herself in protection. She went to turn, but his hand reached out and threaded through her hair and around her scalp, pulling her close, as he bent down and pressed his lips to hers again. She whimpered when his teeth nipped her bottom lip, and he let go once again and backed away.

  “I’m sorry,” he breathed out. “I just had to do that one more time.”

  She turned and walked back to the living room, him walking beside her. She went and sat on the couch and couldn’t help the smile that formed when he stopped to put more wood on the fire before he joined her.

  He pointed to the laptop. “You’re writing?”

  Her brows furrowed quizzically. “Yes, how did you know?”

  “Your father.”

  Eyes widening, she stammered, “My father?”

  He nodded. “He came to see me a few days ago.”

  She asked again, not sure if she heard him correctly. “My father came to see you?”

  “Believe me, I was just as surprised.”

  She moved to adjust the blanket over her body nervously. “What did he want?”

  “To tell me the truth, I guess, about your mother and Faith, about what happened the night of the accident.” He ran a hand through his damp hair and shrugged. “Better late than never, right?”

  She frowned. “And, so, you thought you should come see me now?”

  He shifted so he could move closer to her and rested his hand on her thigh. “He told me to come see you.”

  “He what?”

  He nodded. “He said he’d caused enough heartache and if I still loved you to come see you.”

  “Oh.” She stared at him, dumbfounded by her father’s actions, watching as he shifted uncomfortably. “And do you?”

  “Do I what?”

  “Still love me?” It came out on a whisper.

  He shook his head. “Do you really have to ask?”

  “Gage, what about your family? They could never accept me.”

  “I flew here from Pennsylvania. I spent the last two days with them, telling them what your father shared with me, but mostly telling them all about you.”

  “And they are okay?”

  He shrugged. “It’s a lot for them to accept and understand in a short amount of time, but, yes, I think they’ll be okay. More than anything, they know you are a victim in everything that happened.”

  “What about you?”

  His eyes narrowed. “What about me?”

  “Will you be okay with everything that’s happened? Can you be with me, knowing who my father is and what he did?”

  A scowl crossed his features and then vanished. “I was angry at your father, at your family, for a really long time. Mostly because I wanted to understand what happened and
wanted answers. Your father finally gave me some of that when he spoke to me the other day. Am I ready to be sitting across from him at a family dinner?” He shook his head. “Not yet, but I don’t want to kill him anymore. Over time, I’m hopeful it will get easier.”

  She turned her head and watched the flames lick over the logs, teasing and tickling the wood that would soon be burned to dust. She was so afraid opening her heart up to Gage again could very well cause her the same fate.

  She twisted her head back to him as he moved to slide up against her waist on the couch. “Hope, over the last four months, all I’ve done is think of you—every time I walked into a coffee shop and heard someone order more cream than coffee, every time I saw a white Range Rover drive down the street, or saw a woman with long blonde hair, or any time I smelled lemons. Do you know that you smell like lemons?”

  She shook her head, eyes locked on his.

  “And every single time I closed my eyes, all I could see was you—in my arms, lying back in the grass, kissing your lips, tasting your skin. I heard your laughter in every smiling picture I took of you. You’ve invaded my soul. You want to know if I still love you?”

  His hand moved up and cupped her cheek, and he brought his face even closer to hers. “Baby, I never stopped.” Then, their lips were fused together as one as tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Gage rolled onto his side, dragging Hope with him as he slid out of her, a groan of protest falling from her lips as he did.

  “God, I missed this the most.”

  “You always were a little bit of a minx, but you’re going to have to give me a little break. That’s the third time in two hours. I’m not a machine, woman!”

  “Well, I haven’t had any visitors since you left. What do you expect?” She giggled, hoping he didn’t forget their conversation about past lovers so many months ago.

  He leaned up on his elbow and gave her ass a playful smack. “There better not have been. I better be the last visitor in this bed ever again!”

  “Ow!” She snuggled into him after his spanking. “You better be able to say the same, Mister!”

  He bent his head and feathered kisses against her silky tresses. “Only you, my angel. Only you.”

  He smiled as he felt her sigh contently and then grinned mischievously when she rolled over onto her back, giving him a perfect view of her beautiful body. He stroked a hand over her breast, cupping it and swiping a thumb over the hard nipple.

  “Is it my imagination or have these gotten bigger?” He bent over and sucked the peak into his mouth, swirling the hard tip around his tongue, eliciting a loud moan from her.

  “You better stop that or be ready to suit up for round four.”

  He released her nipple with a soft pop and grinned up at her. “Food. We need food if you’re going to make me do this again.”

  She giggled and whacked him on the head softly. “Oh, I’m sure this is pure torture for you.”

  He watched as she sat up and then stood beside the bed. Laughing lightly, he pointed at her softened middle. “I think, now that I’m here, we’re going to have to get you eating healthy again. Let me guess, all pasta and wine diet?”

  Her face paled as she looked down at the little paunch that now graced her normally slim frame before looking back up at him. “I’m not getting fat.” She caught her lower lip between her teeth, biting down hard, and gave him a shrug. “I’m pregnant.”

  His heart literally stopped in his chest. His eyes flew open wide as they shot back and forth between her belly and her eyes, in shock. “You’re—”

  “Pregnant.” She finished the sentence for him and placed a hand over the round bump protectively.

  A thousand questions spun in his head, but the one feeling he could not dismiss was pure and utter joy. She was pregnant with his baby. Holy shit.

  And then, as realization sunk in, his euphoria wore off. His brows furrowed, and he frowned. “Were you going to tell me?”

  She nodded her head and sat back down on the bed, covering his hand with her little one. “Yes, I just didn’t know how. I was so afraid of what it would mean. I didn’t want to force you to be with me, or be a part of my family, knowing how much you despise my father.”

  “When? When would you have told me?” He wasn’t certain if he believed she would have ever told him, a cold wave of fear slicing through him.

  “I actually have the plane reserved for Monday next week. I have an ultrasound scheduled that day to learn the sex. I was going to come see you directly after. I swear it, Gage.”

  He stared at her, trying to read every emotion displayed in her pleading eyes.

  “Please, believe me. I would never deny you this right, especially after what my father did.” She then laced her fingers through his and moved his hand over the soft spot on her belly. His eyebrows shot up at the realization that his baby was growing under his hand. “This is our baby, made only from love. I’m not going to let anything that’s happened before ruin this.”

  He brought his gaze up to meet her wet one and grinned widely. “We’re having a baby. You’re having my baby?”

  She nodded, small tears trailing down her cheeks. “I’m having your baby.”

  “Will you stop pacing already?” Hope was lying on the exam table, hands folded over her middle, watching Gage eat up the space in the small office with his wide strides.

  “How much longer are they going to make us wait?” he huffed out, coming to a halt and crossing his arms over his chest.

  No sooner than the words were out, the door swung open, and a young woman entered the room. “So sorry to keep you waiting, Miss Yorke.” She stopped then, her eyes landing on Gage. “Oh, you must be the father?”

  Hope’s heart soared when she saw his face light up at the reference, and any fears she had about him not wanting this baby evaporated. “That’s right. I’m the father. Gage Flynn.” He had stretched his hand out, but the tech just nodded and walked to the table where she lay.

  “Come this way, Mr. Flynn.” The tech pointed to the table beside the bed. “You’ll be able to see the screen from there.”

  He moved over and clutched Hope’s hand in his. She was surprised to feel it was clammy and cold. She squeezed it gently and looked up at him. “Hey, you okay?”

  He nodded down at her. “Excited.”

  “Okay, this might be a little cold.” The tech had lifted her shirt and was squirting light blue gel onto her belly. She placed a white tool onto the goo and started sliding it around. All of a sudden, through the static, they could hear quick thumping.

  “That’s the heartbeat,” the tech said, smiling as she looked up at them. “It’s nice and strong. It’s right at a hundred-thirty beats a minute.”

  “Is that good?” Concern laced Gage’s voice.

  The tech smiled at him. “That’s very good.”

  Hope looked up at him, beaming. The tech pointed out the actual heart and took measurements of the baby’s body, head, and spine, again noting everything looked perfect. “It looks like you are nineteen weeks along, making conception right around the beginning of October. Do you want to know the sex?”

  “Yes!” Hope and Gage both answered in unison, causing the tech to laugh.

  “It makes it easier when parents agree. You’d be surprised how many don’t.” She swirled the instrument around on Hope’s tummy for a moment and then stopped. She pointed to an area on the screen that, quite frankly, just looked like a v shape to her and smiled.

  “You’re having a daughter.”

  Epilogue

  Gage watched in wonder as Hope appeared over the edge of the hill like the angel he had always known her to be. The simple white dress she chose to wear billowed out behind her as she gracefully traipsed to stand beside him, her face golden and dewy in the fading sunlight. He grasped onto her hand and leaned down kissed her cheek, whispering, “You look stunning.”

  It was exactly one year ago on this very hill that th
ey both realized they had fallen in love, and neither of them could think of a better place to exchange their wedding vows. Of course, this time, they had an audience, so there would be no lovemaking in the grass afterwards to consummate their union.

  He looked over his shoulder and smiled at his parents. His mother was holding his lace-covered daughter, cooing to her softly. “Hush, Alana Faith. This is Mommy and Daddy’s moment to shine.”

  She had arrived ten days early, on July seventh, and came out kicking and screaming. They thought it only fitting that she also fell somewhere in the middle of their own birthdays, being born on zero-seven-zero-seven. They had decided to move back to the city, him moving into Hope’s apartment, so Gage could continue his work, but they spent as much time as they could at the house in Vermont. Her book was being published next month, and she had already begun penning another.

  On the other side of Hope stood her brother and her father. This hadn’t been an easy feat to achieve, given his parents’ presence, but the love both sets of parents had for their children superseded all other feelings for that day.

  They only wanted their immediate family present for this part—where they expressed their love, their devotion, their commitment to forever. There would be a big reception in Burlington with all their friends when this was over, but this part of the world, the top of the world, was just for them.

  Acknowledgments

  Thanks as always to three most important men in my life, Douglas, Tyler and Thomas. They remind me every single day what real love is, and serve as constant reminders that they are what matters most in this world. I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention my lovely daughter Felicia. Although she no longer lives at home, she’s never very far away, and continues to be a beautiful, shining star in our world.

  A year ago, I was introduced to the woman, the firecracker, the always smiling, never-ever underdressed, champagne-drinking, daytime healer, lipstick wearing, city girl-turned farmgirl, emotional hot mess, fellow writer who I now possessively and happily call my book bestie, Haylee Thorne. I wish I could find the words to express how much her friendship has come to mean to me. The constant phone calls of support, or meltdowns, or champagne driven giggles that have made my life so much richer. We’ve become so much more than just authors supporting each other. We’ve become friends who love each other. You truly are the most surprising bonus in this crazy book world we live in.

 

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