The Hazards of Sleeping With a Friend

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “Free concert tickets.”

  “I already get those.” Free concert tickets was a perk for working at the only college radio station in town.

  “How about a trip to upstate New York?”

  “Uh… by myself?”

  “No. With me.”

  “First you offer sex and now a getaway? Wow, you sound like the desperate one.”

  “With me… and my entire family.”

  I laughed. I didn’t know what else to do. “What is this? Where’s the joke?”

  “There’s no joke. My parents think I have a girlfriend. I don’t.”

  “Why do they think you have one?”

  “I may have let them think I did. It doesn’t matter though. What do you want in return? I feel weird paying you…that seems too much like an escort or whatever, but I’ll let you borrow my car anytime, or anything. It’s only a week. We leave in three days, and the weather should be nice. Lake George is beautiful this time of year.”

  “Only a week? The weather should be nice? You’re asking me to pretend to be your girlfriend.” How was he asking any of this in a remotely serious fashion?

  “Yes… I know it’s pathetic, but I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

  “So now I’m your last resort?” He had to be kidding.

  “No. Of course not. You’re my first choice. Please.”

  “I’ve never been to Lake George before. Chase has a place there, and Cara says it’s beautiful.” My good friend Cara’s boyfriend had taken her up for a visit before.

  “It is. It’s breathtaking. Can’t be missed. Can I order our tickets? You’ll come?”

  “Can I have some time to think about it?” I should have said no, but part of me wasn’t ready to rule out the possibility.

  “You’ll think about it? As in you aren’t automatically saying no?”

  “Against my better judgment I will consider it.” I sighed. “Goodnight again.”

  “Goodnight, greatest most awesome friend in the world.”

  “Buttering me up won’t help.”

  “Are you sure? You’re wonderful you know.”

  I laughed. “Goodnight, Kyle.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I hung up and tossed my phone next to me on the bed.

  Why had I given him false hope? Now I was going to have to let him down the next day. He couldn’t have actually expected me to say yes. I mean, who in their right mind offers to have random sex with a girl one minute and then asks them to be their fake girlfriend the next? Kyle, that’s who. If it had been anyone else the answer would have been an easy no, but this was different. I could never say no to him. Whether he wanted me to cover a shift for someone or do his laundry, I’d have done it… just like I was going to do this. I needed someone to talk me out of it, and fast.

  I picked up my phone again and called someone I knew would still be up.

  “Jade!” Cara answered after a few rings. “How are you?”

  “You sound entirely too excited. What’s going on?” I could hear loud music behind her.

  “What’s wrong with excited?”

  I heard the sound of a door closing and the music quieted. “Nothing. You sound good.” Cara was off on the Sinister Summer tour with her rock star boyfriend. In other words she was having a much more exciting summer than I was.

  “Ok. What’s up with you?”

  “I need you to tell me not to do something idiotic.”

  “Define idiotic.”

  I’d piqued her interest. “Pretending to be someone’s girlfriend…”

  “That’s idiotic. Don’t go there.” Cara was very good at getting straight to the point.

  “You don’t even know who I’m talking about.”

  “I don’t care who. That’s insane. If you need money, I’ll lend you some.”

  “I don’t need money!” I wasn’t sure whether to be offended she’d immediately assumed it was about money.

  “It’s Kyle isn’t it? Oh. My. God.” Her serious tone turned to excited.

  “Wait? Why would it be Kyle?” I asked curiously.

  “Who else would you consider doing this for out of the goodness of your heart? You’re into him. You’ll never admit it, but I bet I’m right.”

  “You’re right,” I mumbled.

  “Ahh!” Her ear piercing scream nearly destroyed my eardrum. “What’s going on with you guys? Why in the world would he ask you to do that?”

  “We’ve been hanging out more, and he apparently made up a fake girlfriend to his parents…”

  “Wait. He wants you to pretend to his parents?”

  “Yeah… on the family trip to Lake George.” It sounded even worse when I explained it to her.

  “Lake George? That’s all the way up in New York.”

  “I’m aware of the geography.”

  “You can’t really say yes, you know that, right?”

  “Why not?” I knew perfectly well, but maybe playing devil’s advocate would get me some good advice.

  “Because pretending to be someone’s girlfriend is inherently risky, and it’s worse when it’s a guy you actually like.”

  “But maybe that’s why it’s good. Maybe pretending will be so awkward that I’ll stop liking him.”

  “And you admitted it.”

  “You’re doing a victory dance, aren’t you?”

  She laughed. “How’d you know?”

  “Just a guess.” Cara didn’t do a great job of hiding her feelings on the subject of my dating life. She thought I’d been single long enough.

  “You should tell him you like him. If he’s desperate for a fake girlfriend, why not get a real one?”

  “I don’t want to be his girlfriend.” I wasn’t going there, and I hoped Cara wouldn’t push for too many details.

  “But you admitted to liking him.”

  “That doesn’t mean I want a relationship. Think of what would happen when we broke up. I’d lose my show.” And I’d lose much more. I wasn’t strong enough.

  “You can’t stay single forever.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says me. Besides, don’t you uh… get lonely?” That was her polite way of saying horny.

  “There are other ways to deal with that.”

  “Yes, but none as satisfying as finding the right guy.”

  “I don’t want a boyfriend.”

  “Fine. Then why even consider pretending to be his girlfriend? All the fuss with no rewards.”

  “I can’t say no to him. I don’t want him to hate me.”

  “He’s not going to hate you for being reasonable.”

  “I kind of want to go…”

  “Because you like him. At least if you’re doing this it’s with Kyle. That makes it better.”

  “Yeah, I’m glad I wasn’t asked by a random guy.”

  “You know what I mean. Kyle is safe.”

  “Then I probably shouldn’t tell you what else he said tonight.”

  “What do you mean?” She breathed heavily into the phone. “What else did he say?”

  I considered spilling the beans, but I couldn’t. Kyle would kill me. “Nothing. Forget it.”

  “No way. You can’t throw that out and then back down.”

  “Yes I can.” I sat up. “How’s the tour?”

  “Interesting and fun, but I miss normal life.”

  “I’ve followed your blog. I’m totally jealous.” I couldn’t imagine anything cooler than touring across the country and seeing a new city every day. I’d seen so little.

  “Don’t be, and you know you can always come out and join me. Len would love that.” She laughed. “But either way we need to get back to you and this Kyle thing. Are you sure you’re okay going along with the charade?”

  “No. I’m not sure. I know I should probably say no.”

  “Yes, yes you should. Not that you shouldn’t spend time with Kyle… but you need to do it the right way.”

  “The right way… okay.”

  “Sorry.
I’m not trying to lecture you.”

  “I know. I only wish I knew how to avoid making everything awkward.”

  “If you think saying no to him will make things awkward, what do you think will happen if you guys ever hooked up or dated?”

  “Exactly. Why do you think I’m avoiding it?”

  “Just be careful either way.”

  “I’m always careful.”

  “Normally I’d agree, but the fact that you’re even considering this brings that into question.”

  “I know.” I knew I sounded crazy and completely out of character.

  “And if you do go, remember it’s cooler up there. Make sure to pack a sweatshirt, and also figure out sleeping arrangements.”

  “I’ll pretend to be really old fashioned about sleeping with a guy before marriage, and thanks for the packing advice.”

  “Uh huh.” I could picture her raising an eyebrow.

  “Anyway, I never said I was going to say yes. I’m still leaning toward no.”

  “Either way, be sure to tell me.”

  “I will. Have a good night.”

  “You too.”

  I hung up. My talk with Cara had helped. I needed to say no, and I didn’t want to wait.

  I picked up and called Kyle.

  He picked up on the first ring. “Need me?”

  “Very funny. I made up my mind.”

  “It’s fine. I understand. I can find someone else.” His voice dropped.

  Someone else? The thought of Kyle bringing someone else made me lose all my resolve. “I’ll come.” I was pathetic. Completely pathetic.

  “Yeah? That’s awesome. I’ll get our tickets right now.”

  “Great.” I gritted my teeth. What had I just agreed to?

  Chapter Four

  Kyle

  I waited nervously outside the Delta Mu house. Maybe asking Jade to do this was a mistake. She’d seemed willing enough, but what if she changed her mind halfway through the week and admitted the truth? If I thought things with my parents were bad now, that would only make it worse. Jade wouldn’t do that to me. Would she? Despite knowing Jade for close to a year, I didn’t actually know all that much about her. Every time she seemed close to opening up, she stopped short. I couldn’t blame her though. I hadn’t exactly been forthcoming myself.

  I’d just headed for the front steps when the door opened, and Jade walked out wheeling a black suitcase. I hurried up the steps to take the bag from her. “Hey.”

  “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Jade mumbled while I placed her bag in the trunk.

  “I can’t really believe it either, but I appreciate it.” Not only was she going to help me save face with my family, but I got to spend a week with her. I knew there were better ways to spend time with a girl, but maybe getting away from campus was what we needed. Dating on campus was complicated even when most of the students were away. It was hard to change up anything.

  “Why you need me to do this still makes no sense.”

  “I already told you why.” I held open the passenger door for her. She was going to have to get used to me doing those sorts of things if she was going to pretend to date me. I could be dumb about plenty of things, but I still believed in chivalry.

  “Why not tell your mom you broke up with the girl? Wouldn’t that be easier?”

  “No. She’d hound me like crazy about what I did to mess things up.” I closed her door and went around to my side. There was no easy way to explain everything to Jade. The full story involved years of depression and a mother who believed finding the right girl would fix everything.

  “You mean your mom wouldn’t side with you?” She scrunched up her nose in either confusion or disgust.

  “Not on this. You don’t know my parents.”

  “I wasn’t being judgmental. My mom would do the same thing.”

  I studied Jade’s beautiful face. I knew she didn’t see what I saw, but there was no questioning it. She was gorgeous. “Really? That surprises me.”

  “Your mom does the same thing, so why would it surprise you?”

  “Because you’re you, and I’m me.” I turned on the car. I hadn’t left much leeway for us to make it to the airport.

  “And that makes sense because….”

  “Forget it.” I pulled away from the curb. The street had only a fraction of the traffic it had during the school year. “You’ll understand more when you meet my parents.”

  “What if they don’t like me?”

  “You’re pretending to be my girlfriend, yet you’re worried about what my parents will think?”

  “I don’t know. I’m probably not the usual type of girl you bring home.”

  “Yeah, I don’t bring girls home much.” I didn’t bring girls home at all. First of all I hadn’t met any worth bringing, and second I knew how intense my family could be.

  “Wait. What name are they going to call me?” she asked in a strained voice.

  “Jade.”

  “Uh, they never asked your girlfriend’s name before?”

  “They did.” I looked straight ahead. “I never told them. I didn’t want my mom trying to snoop around. At least that’s the excuse I gave.”

  “Yet they bought that you’re now ready to bring the girl on a family vacation?” Skepticism dripped in her voice.

  “It’s all my dumb brother’s fault. He told them I would come, and I’d bring my girlfriend to meet everyone.” I sounded lame even to my own ears.

  “And you couldn’t tell them no?”

  “Not after that. My mom would know I was lying.”

  “But you’re lying now.”

  “Yes… but it’s different.” It was sort of.

  “Why, because she doesn’t know?” Jade put a hand on my leg. The touch was at once comforting and exciting. If I was getting excited over her hand on my leg I was in trouble.

  I glanced over. “And look you’re already playing your part.”

  “Oh. Sorry.” She moved her hand.

  “I meant it was good. This isn’t going to be that hard.” I missed her hand.

  “Your family isn’t scary, is it?” She stiffened.

  “Define scary.” I didn’t want to worry her, but I didn’t want to sugar coat it either. She was going to find out soon enough.

  “Oh boy. Maybe you should turn around and drop me off.”

  “They’ll be really nice to you. Just stay away from my brother. He’s a little crazy.”

  “Dylan, right? He dated Juliet.”

  I groaned. “Yeah. If you’ve talked to her about him then you know why I’m warning you. He’s an ass most of the time.” Dylan had dated one of Jade’s sorority sisters, and he hadn’t treated her well. The fact that I’d had a huge crush on her for years didn’t help my feelings on the subject either.

  “I’m assuming he’ll stay out of my way since I’m supposedly your girlfriend.”

  “Yeah… not really. Like I said, he’s an ass. Plus, he probably doesn’t believe you’re actually my girlfriend. It’s going to get worse when he sees you.”

  “Sees me?” She looked down at her clothes.

  “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? I don’t get girls like you.”

  “Uh, not exactly. You’re the rich boy. You’re the one who’d be unrealistic for me.”

  I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “Seriously? Is that what you think?”

  “Half my house has a crush on you. Ever since you stood up to Aaron last year you’ve been on the hot list.”

  “Yes, when I got my nose broken by Cara’s ex. Wonderful memory.”

  “When you stood up to one of the biggest guys on campus to defend a girl. That was cool of you.”

  “Glad you think so.” I’d tried to push that night out of my memory. I wasn’t sure what I’d been thinking. Really, I probably wasn’t thinking at all. I’d snapped when my friend’s ex called her a slut. He was a jerk, and I wasn’t going to stand by and listen to him.

  “Ok, start
telling me everything.”

  “Everything about what?” I turned away from campus and toward the airport.

  “About your family. What I should expect.”

  “It’s not going to be all that crazy. Just my parents, my brother, my grandparents, and a cousin.”

  “Is the cousin a boy or girl?”

  “A girl.”

  “Our age?”

  “Twenty-five.”

  “Ok. Got it. Any weird food stuff I need to know?”

  “About me?”

  “No, your family. I already know all your weird ones. You hate mustard and like mayo.”

  “You know I hate mustard?” I tried to remember when that would have come up.

  “It doesn’t take much to figure that out.”

  “Okay. Then nothing else. My family eats what other families eat.”

  “Alcohol? Yay or nay? For us since we’re underage?”

  “Yes to both. They’re not going to check your ID.”

  “Oh thank goodness.”

  I laughed. “I never took you to be so alcohol dependent.” Jade rarely drank, and when she did she usually didn’t even finish a single beer or drink.

  “I’m usually not, but you’ve never seen me pretending to be someone’s girlfriend.”

  “Have you done it before?”

  “Of course not.” She pushed my shoulder.

  “Glad I’m breaking your fake girlfriend virginity then.”

  “You just wanted to use the word virginity.” She crossed her arms.

  “No I didn’t. It sounded funny in my head.”

  “No more use of that word. I need to stay in character.”

  “In character?” I turned onto the interstate. “What does that mean?”

  “Should I go with prim and proper? You are a rich boy after all.”

  “Stop.” It was my turn to put a hand on her jean clad leg. “You’re not playing anyone but you. The only thing you’re pretending is that you’re my girlfriend and not just my friend. Got it?”

  “Oh, you’re no fun.”

  “What were you hoping to be? An exotic dancer by night?”

  “No, I was thinking more pre-med trying to save the world.”

  “My parents are going to be cool with you as you are. The almost sophomore music obsessed Delta Mu.”

  “They know I’m a sorority girl?” She cringed.

  “My mom was Delta Mu at Harrison. Don’t worry, it’s a good thing.”