by Jordan Marie
“That’s only because I’ve put up with your bullshit through the years,” I tell him, shaking off my thoughts.
“I’m just trying to make amends for last night. I shouldn’t have lost my cool,” he says.
I grimace. I knew going in what last night would be like. I just really needed someone with me because I hate Tommy’s family. They all treat me like a piece of ancient gum found under the table at a restaurant.
“Cynthia’s a bitch,” I tell him, then privately in my mind, I add: And so are the rest of them.
“I still don’t understand why he had to have her there.”
“He has a name.” I don’t truthfully understand why Tommy is so nice to Cynthia, except maybe in deference to their daughter. Still, even considering that, I didn’t like that she was at my dinner with the family. Tommy and I had words over it, and those words have slowly progressed into not talking much at all because we see things differently. That isn’t good, I know, but I’m not ready to bend just yet, and it’s not looking like Tommy will at all.
“Whatever,” White says, and all I can do is shake my head. “So what’s on the agenda for today?” he asks.
I take a minute to savor another doughnut as I think about his question. “Tommy and I were supposed to go check out wedding venues, but he got called in to the office. So, I’m not sure now. He told me to go without him, but I don’t really want to go on my own, and besides, what if he hates what I pick?”
“I still don’t see why you’re getting married.”
“White, let’s not get into this again. I’m aware of your thoughts on the matter. I’m marrying Tommy. I want a family. End of discussion.”
“Fine, then I’ll go with you.”
“Yeah, right. You get bored going to the grocery store with me. I doubt very seriously you’re up to traipsing all over town looking at different places to hold a wedding—a wedding you don’t even want to happen.”
“I can be impartial. Besides, I’ll be outside. I can do that. As long as you aren’t getting your toenails painted or hair done and I have to sit in the corner feeling my male chromosomes leaking out of my body slowly each minute, I can deal.”
“I don’t know. Besides, it doesn’t change the fact that Tommy won’t be able to be there with me.”
“You can send him pictures of your favorites. It’ll be like he’s right there.”
“You sure are being helpful for a man who doesn’t even want this marriage to happen.”
“I want my best girl happy. If Tommy truly does that, then who am I to stand in the way?”
“Thank you,” I answer him, unsure of what else to say, and his answer has left butterflies fluttering around in my stomach as it is.
“Anytime. I’m always here for you, Kayla. Always.”
“I know that, White. You’re my best friend,” I tell him.
The trouble is, I don’t know if I’m reminding him, or me. I really need to remember that we’re just friends.
That’s all.
CHAPTER 6
WHITE
“Oh, hell no!”
“What now??” Kayla cries.
This is the fifth place we’ve been to and I’ve managed to convince her so far that every one of them isn’t right for what she wants. I should feel guilty, but I don’t. I’ve been truthful for the most part, if not a bit over zealous in my approach. None of the places we have seen are good enough for Kayla. Especially the one we’re at right now.
“What’s wrong with it?” she demands, sticking her bottom lip out and looking like a pouting child being denied her favorite toy.
“Let me guess: Tommy chose this place?”
“Why do you say that?”
“It screams ‘stuck-up pretention’. It screams ‘I have a stick in my ass and I can barely walk’.”
“It does not!” she insists, looking around at the room that looks like it was decorated by the same designer who probably did Buckingham Palace. Beautiful, sure, but there’s nothing warm and loving about it. Nothing that screams flowers and wide open fields warmed by sunshine. Nothing that says… Kayla. “Tommy isn’t pretentious,” she mutters.
I want to roll my eyes, but I don’t. I stay the course. My job here is just to show the differences between them. I need her to push Tommy aside.
“His family is,” I tell her, then feel ashamed of myself when she lets out a defeated sigh. I refuse to waiver, though. I might be an asshole.
“He wants to make them happy.”
“Honey, the way I see it, this is Tommy’s second marriage. He got everything he wanted the first time around. This is your wedding, Kay—and I know you. When you get married, it will be your only wedding. That means this wedding should give you what you dreamed about. Remember that night at the prom when we laid back on the hood of my old Camaro and looked up at the stars? Remember what you told me?” I ask her, pulling her closer and rubbing her back.
She looks up at me and her big brown eyes look a little lost.
“You remember that?” she asks, her voice so quiet I have to strain to hear it.
“I remember every single conversation we’ve ever had, Kayla. Haven’t I told you that?”
“No.”
“Do you remember, honey?”
“I do…”
“You said you wanted to get married at the ranch with all of us around you. You wanted…”
“Sweet Williams, Buttercups, and Black-eyed Susans,” she whispers, naming the wildflowers that she wanted in her bouquet.
“And you wanted to ride off into the sunset on the back of your palomino with a man who would love you as much as you loved him. You said you wanted someone who wouldn’t see any other woman but you in a crowded room.”
“Well, that can’t happen. I don’t have a horse anymore and Tommy is not the type to ride one regardless. It was just a silly dream, White.”
“It was what you wanted. You deserve that wedding, Kayla. Let me help you have it.”
“You mean have my wedding at your mom’s house?”
“Why not?”
“Well, I mean Tommy’s family… and, well, Green hates Tommy.”
“But he is marrying you, honey. If he cares about you, he will make it work,” I tell her, knowing fucking well the bastard won’t.
“You really think it would be okay?”
“It would be more than okay.” Yeah, I’m probably skating major asshole-ism.
“Shouldn’t I talk to Ida Sue?”
“I already have.”
“Why would you do that, White?”
“Because I want you to be happy and I know in my heart that unless you get the wedding of your dreams, you won’t be.”
“Tommy won’t be happy.” Despite her words, I see the excitement in her eyes. She wants this.
“He’s marrying you. He’s getting a dream right there, honey. He should give you yours,” I tell her, letting my fingers brush the loose hair from her face. “You know this is what you really want.”
“It really is,” she agrees. I watch as her lips spread into a smile and those brown eyes heat up with happiness. Kayla is beautiful. I guess I’ve always known, but I’ve never taken the time to notice before. She’s sweet, too, and she doesn’t have a conniving bone in her body. Like right now, she’s staring at me like I’ve captured the moon for her. It’s almost as if she thinks I can do anything, make anything possible. A man could get addicted to a look like that…
“Then let’s do it. Let’s have our wedding at Mom’s.”
Her body tenses up, “Ours?” she questions.
“I mean yours,” I tell her, feeling stupid. All this wedding and family talk is obviously getting to me a little too much. I should go out with the boys tonight since I’m back in Dallas. I haven’t even told anyone I’m back. I’ve been too intent on trying to stop this wedding.
“I’ll talk to Tommy tonight about it,” Kayla says, but I can hear the doubt in her voice.
“Don’t back down, Kayla
. You deserve this,” I encourage her and fuck, I almost wince as I say it. It’s official. I am an asshole.
CHAPTER 7
KAYLA
“Absolutely not.”
“Tommy, you’re not being reasonable.”
“I am not having my wedding to my new wife at the home of Cynthia’s ex.”
“They’re my family.”
“They are not. Not really. Any of those places on the list I gave you were beautiful spots to have a wedding, Kayla. I will not agree to have a wedding at Green’s parent’s home. No way.”
“They are the only real family I’ve ever had and I love them. I want them there and I want the wedding at their house.”
“I said no.”
“Just like that? You don’t even want to consider it? Even knowing how important it is to me?”
“Quit being melodramatic, Kayla.”
His words are like a slap in the face. Melodramatic?
“I don’t think I’m being melodramatic at all. I only plan on getting married once, Tommy.”
“I know that. I didn’t mean to imply otherwise,” he starts, but I cut him off.
“And I’ve always wanted a wedding on the Lucas farm. It’s where my favorite memories are. It’s where I finally felt part of a family. It’s important to me.” I finally think I’m getting through because Tommy listens to me and then he pulls me close. Immediately, I feel guilty because with Tommy, there’s none of the heat or excitement that happens like when White does the same thing. There’s no breath that lodges in my throat, no quickening heartbeat. There’s just nothing, and the fear that I’ve chosen wrong and made a mistake settles once again deep inside of me.
“Kayla, you have to let the past go. We’re going to make our own memories and those memories will have nothing to do with the Lucas family. They will involve only you and me and the family we will have around us,” he says while looking at me, and it’s strange. His eyes are the same color as White’s, but they don’t hold the same intensity. They’re cool, not warm.
“Your family hates me.”
“They don’t know you.”
“They don’t want to. And I don’t want Cynthia to be at our wedding.”
His face goes grim at my words, his jawline tightening, and I can see the disapproval that washes over him.
“She’s the mother of my child. The same child you will be a stepmother to.”
“I love your daughter, you know that. Arie isn’t the problem.”
“The problem? I didn’t realize we had a problem, Kay,” he says, and when he shortens my name, I hate it. I never let anyone do it… except for White.
He steps back from me and leans against the wall. His arms are folded at his chest and I know before I even start that his mind is closed.
“We do. I don’t think you’re putting me first.”
“Arie comes first.”
There’s a small part of me that’s hurt by his words, which is crazy. If I had a child, I’d put her first too. But, for him to just say that without even adding me into the equation really stings me. Couldn’t he have said “you and Arie” will always come first?
“And where do I fall in line?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, so far, I see you making concessions for your parents, your friends, and your coworkers. Hell, even your ex-wife came to the dinner we had scheduled with your parents. I ask to have my wedding at my family home, and you immediately shut me down.”
“And you know why!”
“Why? Because you want Cynthia to be there? It’s my wedding, Tommy. Mine.”
“It’s mine too, Kay, or did you forget that?”
“What? Of course I didn’t. What do you mean…?”
“I mean, maybe you forgot that I’m the groom and not Lucas.”
“That’s a low blow, Tommy.”
“Let’s not fool ourselves, Kay. You’ve told me how you feel about White before. We both agreed to this wedding because we wanted certain things. It’s a marriage of friendship and convenience. You need to put White out of your life.”
“But there isn’t anything between us! We’re friends. You can’t act like it’s something we need to address, Tommy. You don’t get to do that. We talked about all of it before I even agreed to your proposal! This is about respect and—”
“And do you think you are respecting me by asking me to have this wedding at the home of the man my wife left me for?”
“You took her away from him first, and she isn’t your wife anymore! She wasn’t then!”
“I don’t want to talk about this with you!” he growls.
“Don’t you think we should talk about it? We’re getting married, Tommy!”
“Are we, Kayla?”
“What? What are you saying?”
“I’m saying if you keep insisting on having this wedding at the Lucas Ranch, then as far as I’m concerned, there will be no wedding.”
“Are you serious?”
“Completely. I will not agree to a wedding at the Lucas Ranch. If you insist on it, this wedding is done.”
“Just like that?”
“You’re the one pushing this, Kayla. Not me.”
“If it’s so easy for you to decide, then why were you telling White how you knew my worth last night? What was all that about?”
“I do know your worth, Kayla. We could have a good life together. A calm life. A life without surprises and one of mutual respect. But you’re not willing to let go of White and the Lucas family. They’re not yours, Kayla. They’ve never been yours. It’s time you either accepted that and move forward with me and the family we could build, or admit you will never be able to cut the ties.”
His words hurt. They cut something inside of me that has been raw since my stepfather left. He’s not entirely wrong. I can admit that. If I move forward, I do need to let go of them some—specifically White. One question hounds me though.
“Are you willing to do the same?”
“What do you mean?”
“If I give up White and the rest of the family, what are you giving up, Tommy?”
“This isn’t a game, Kayla, where you give up something so I do too. This is life.”
“What about Cynthia?”
“What about her?”
“I don’t want her in our lives.”
“She’s the mother of my child, Kayla.”
“Then where Arie is concerned, it’s fine to work with her. What’s not fine is her being at a dinner for our engagement, or the way she talks about me.”
“Cynthia is—”
“A bitch.”
“Kayla…”
“Can we agree that she stays out of the marriage, this agreement that you and I have?”
“I can’t guarantee that. As the mother of my child, I naturally will have to take her into account with anything to do with my life,” he says, and something clicks into place. He expects me to do all the giving in this relationship, all the allowances. While I’m in love with White and was up front with him about it, he’s always going to be in love with Cynthia, but he won’t admit it. Maybe even to himself. I can live and settle for a lot. Tommy and what he’s offering isn’t one of them.
“Then I guess it’s over,” I whisper, my stomach in knots. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I want a child, but the more time I spend with Tommy, the more I know marrying him would be a mistake.
Without another word, Tommy walks out. My emotions are all out of whack. I’m not sure what I feel. I think I should feel panic, but right now all I really feel is what I felt on the days before I accepted Tommy’s proposal.
Alone.
CHAPTER 8
WHITE
“C’mon, Kay. Let me in,” I yell, pounding on the door. It’s been two days since I’ve heard from her. She’s not answering my texts, she’s not returning my calls, and I can’t take the silence any longer.
“Go away,” I hear from the other side of the door, a mumbled reply.
“I’m going back to bed, you freak. It’s not even eight in the morning! And it’s Sunday!”
“Kay, I’m warning you!”
Silence.
I should walk away. I know I should. Give her space or whatever the fuck it seems to be she’s wanting. The problem here is that I haven’t gone so much as one day without contact from Kayla in fifteen years. Hell, even at the height of football season and during the big games, we still managed to text or call. Two days may not seem like a lot to some people, but it feels like a fucking lifetime to me. So like an idiot, I don’t walk away. I don’t back off and give her time. I kick her door down. Okay, well I kick it until the cheap little lock she has on the front door gives. As it breaks with just my second kick, I make a mental note to install a deadbolt in her apartment. One I have the key to. Key… Motherfucker!
“Tell me you did not just break my door in!” There’s not much I can do to answer Kay’s accusation. Denying it would be pretty stupid since it’s hanging awkwardly away from the doorframe beside me. Stupid even to a dumbass who broke a door into his best friend’s apartment when he has a motherfucking key on his key ring—a key ring that just happens to be in his damned pocket. “White Hall Lucas! Tell me you did not just break my door!”
I shrug, walking further inside. I try to close the door behind me. There’s nothing for it to latch onto since I broke the lock frame on the door. But it does go together for a second—right before it opens about two inches as if to say, “Hah, motherfucker, you fucked up.”
“Why in the hell did you break my door!?”
“It could be because you haven’t been answering your damned phone, or your texts. Maybe it’s because you knew I was out here and you weren’t letting me in. Maybe it was all three. I warned you!”
“First of all, it’s not even eight in the morning!”
“It is now,” I interject, causing her to give me a look that, if possible, would kill me dead.
“Second of all, White Hall, you have a damn key!”