Raging Heart On: Friends to Lovers Romance (Lucas Brothers Book 2)

by Jordan Marie

  I do it, barely able to hear the leaves crunching around us over the pounding of need in my ears. He maneuvers my body exactly the way he wants me. My fingers bite into the hard bark of the tree. My toes curl into our pile of clothes he arranged under us. I’m doing my best to remember to breathe when I feel his cock slide against my ass, dipping into the valley between my cheeks, pushing against the entrance. My body tightens, wondering exactly what he’s going to do.

  “Soon,” he whispers, as if he’s reading my mind—and he probably is. The idea of White taking me like that, of him stretching me someplace that seems so forbidden, terrifies and excites me all at the same time. Before I can think more about it, or even question him, I feel the head of his cock slide around, and the tip pushes into my entrance. That’s it. Just the tip. I try to push back, wanting more, but he stops me by a firm hold on my hip.

  “Please,” I beg, and I am begging. The one word is so needy, the voice doesn’t even sound like my own. My heart is threatening to pound out of my chest. I feel his hand wrap my hair around and around it. He yanks, pulling my head back, and I gasp at the pain.

  “I got you, Kayla. I got you,” he whispers just as his cock plunges inside of me.

  CHAPTER 41

  WHITE

  I’m losing myself inside her. The way we fit together is beyond anything I’ve experienced before. It’s more than physical, though the physical is fucking amazing. As I give myself over to my climax, allowing myself to go over the edge just as Kayla does, I hear her cry out my name.

  “White. Don’t stop, never stop.”

  “Never, sweetheart. Never,” I breathe, emptying myself inside of her. I find my hand in her hair again—touching it, wrapping my hand in it as if I have to stay connected to her like that. As we ride out our orgasm together, I welcome air into my lungs, air that is a combined scent of strawberries that will always be Kayla to me—and sex. I take it into my lungs and as it moves through my body, one fact settles into me: I’ll never be able to separate where I begin and she ends. She’s a part of me. The best part.

  When she’s taken everything I have, I can’t bring myself to leave her. Instead, I keep us connected, slowly opening my eyes and finding myself staring straight at our initials I had carved earlier. The heart mocks me. I should have written the word love. I chickened out like a dumbass.

  “White?”

  “Shhh… don’t move.”

  “I don’t want to, but…”

  “But?”

  “Shouldn’t we… get dressed?”

  “Soon. Right now, I want to just stay inside of you, hold you like this, feeling your body against mine and remember.”

  “Remember?”

  “Remember the moment I put my child inside of you.”

  “White. There’s no way of knowing—”

  “I know. It was too special not to have happened, honey.”

  “What if it didn’t?”

  “It did.”

  “But… if it didn’t?” she asks, and I press a kiss against the back of her neck before moving my mouth to her ear. I run my tongue along the shell, then suck the lobe into my mouth, teasing it with my tongue.

  “It did. But if for some reason it didn’t, we’ll just keep trying,” I tell her once I release her ear. She doesn’t say anything else and I can’t tell you how long we stay like that, but eventually we do break apart and I help her get dressed before doing the same. We hold hands back to the side-by-side and I help her into it and latch her seatbelt. As I start to pull away, she touches the side of my face, stopping me.

  “You’re an amazing man, White Hall Lucas,” she says with such conviction it almost makes me ashamed of the man I’ve been. A better man would have known that Kayla was in love with him. A better man would have seen how special she was ages ago. I vow I will be better though. I’ll be the man she deserves.

  A better man for her and our child.

  CHAPTER 42

  KAYLA

  The problem with living a lie is that it taints everything with sadness, even when you are living a dream you have wanted your whole life. A sadness so deep you feel it with each beat of your heart. We’ve been back to Dallas for two months now. The only dark spot in this dream-turned-reality is that White’s arm still hasn’t healed. He hasn’t talked about it, but I know he has to realize it is looking more and more likely that he will never play football again. Well, that and the fact that I’m lying to him daily. The taste of the lie is bitter, but I don’t know how to stop it. I don’t know how to come clean. I’m afraid to mess up what we have. I’m afraid. That’s it. I’m just afraid. I’ve been in love with White for so long, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t survive losing him. I loved him before. Now? I don’t think the word “love” can sum up how I feel. That’s why today is a shit day all the way around.

  I knew I couldn’t be pregnant, even though the day at the old Oak tree seemed magical and a space out of time. I’m on the pill. I’m on the pill because I know in my heart and from things White has said that he doesn’t want a child. To force that on him is something I can’t do. So I don’t regret staying on the pill. But today, after being a month late, when I begin bleeding it’s such a disappointment that I cry. I lay in the bed with huge sloppy tears running down my face, hugging my pillow and wishing things could be different.

  “Buttercup? I saw your car in the parking lot when I came back from the doctor’s office. Didn’t you have a meeting today?” White calls out.

  Hearing his voice, hearing the worry in it, just makes me feel more miserable and I cry harder. I’m actually crying so hard, I can’t even tell when White comes into the room. I just feel the bed depress when he sits on it and a minute later, I’m hauled up into his lap and in his arms.

  “Kayla? Honey talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  “I’m in pain,” I tell him, which isn’t a lie. I am in pain. I don’t want to keep this from him anymore. I want to be able to talk to him about the fears that I have. How I’m afraid he will regret giving me a child. Or the fear that when he finds someone he could truly love, how it will feel to be tied to him by a child that he didn’t want while watching him have a family with the woman he chose freely. I can’t tell him all of that, however, and that just makes the tears fall faster.

  White rocks me back and forth, his fingers crushing through my hair and pulling it from my face.

  “Shhh… I’ve got you, Kayla. I’m right here. Whatever is going on, I’ll take care of it, honey. Just talk to me.” He repeats that a couple of times before I finally force myself to take a shuddering breath.

  “I started my period.” I cry like a baby, letting White comfort me, when I should tell him the truth.

  “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. This is all my fault for getting your hopes up that day by the tree. I know this is a setback for you, but it will happen, honey. We just have to try harder,” he says, and even through my tears, I hear disappointment in his voice. That doesn’t make sense, though. I have to have imagined it. I take another breath and try to get my tears under control.

  “This isn’t your fault, White. None of this is. This is all on me,” I tell him, crying to dry up my tears. White reaches over and finds the tissues on my nightstand and offers them to me. I grab a couple and dab at my eyes, trying to get my emotions under control.

  “It is my fault. I had to be all ego and tell you I was sure you would be pregnant. I’m an idiot. I don’t want you to get discouraged, though. You want a baby and I’m going to make sure you get it.”

  You want a baby. I’m going to make sure you get it. The words replay. The way he said them, the choices he made. It’s all so clear. It hurts like hell.

  “White. I think we should talk,” I start, because I can’t do this anymore. The more I’m with him, the longer we’re together, I know it will destroy me when he leaves. I can’t keep going on like this.

  “I do too,” he says and that weight in my stomach feels like it weighs a million pounds.

  “Y
ou do?” I ask, shocked but resigned. It’s best to get it all out now. We can still be friends. I just need to adapt to being on the sidelines of his life.

  “I know we discussed it before and decided against it, but I really think it’s time we see a specialist.”

  “A specialist?” I ask, confused.

  “Yeah. I mean, you were tested once before, you said, when you were thinking of marrying that loser.”

  “Tommy—”

  “Never say his name. Anyway, I haven’t been tested and I really think I should.”

  “White, that’s not necessary. In fact, I have something I need to talk with you about.”

  “It is necessary. I need to know.”

  “But…”

  “I’m doing this, Kayla. In fact, I already have.”

  “You… what?”

  “I made an appointment with one of the leading fertility doctors in the state. If there’s something wrong with my swimmers, we’ll know by this time next week.”

  “White. You should have talked to me about this. I need to tell you—”

  “You don’t need to do anything other than go to the doctor with me and be there for moral support.”

  I really should argue further. The words don’t seem to want to come though.

  “It could be me, you know,” I tell him, the guilt filling my voice. “It may be nothing you’re doing that’s causing me not to be pregnant. It could all be me.”

  I’m lame. The words I’m giving him are lame.

  “Well, you have at least been tested before. I haven’t. So let’s start with me and we can face whatever needs to be done next together.”

  “White, I really don’t think—”

  “We’re doing this, Kayla, end of discussion.”

  That’s when I know I truly am weak, because I don’t argue further. I let White settle us on the bed. I let him rub on my stomach and feed me chocolate and tell me outrageous stories about his brother Cyan. I soak it all up even as the guilt is eating me alive. What I don’t do is tell White the truth.

  I’m a horrible person. I agree to let my best friend-turned-lover get his sperm tested, knowing there’s no reason to. Worse. I let my best friend-turned-lover think he might be impotent rather than tell him I’m on the pill.

  I’m weak.

  CHAPTER 43

  WHITE

  “Right this way, Mr. Lucas,” the nurse calls as she leads me down a small hallway off of the doctor’s office. I look over to make sure Kayla is beside me, then reach out and grab her hand. She doesn’t look at me. She’s looking at the small plastic cup I’m holding that the doctor referred to as a specimen container—if that isn’t a mood killer in and of itself. I squeeze her hand reassuringly, more for my benefit than hers. I wanted to give Kayla a baby. She wants that more than anything and I find I want to be the man who makes all her dreams come true. So I’m doing this shit, but it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.

  “Mrs. Lucas, you can sit here in the waiting area. Mr. Lucas, you will be in room 1A.”

  I look at the door that has a metal plaque above it that says 1A. That’s it. I guess in my head I thought it would read Jacking-Off Area. They could at least make it fun. Call it the Snake Charming Room, Splooge Collection Chamber… something.

  “I’ll be back,” I tell Kayla in my best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. She gives me the smile that I wanted to see, so I wink at her and then follow the nurse to the room.

  “There’s magazines and a computer in there to, umm… help if you find you need it.”

  “Help?” I ask rather stupidly.

  The nurse doesn’t respond, unless you count the blush she’s wearing. I step in and she closes the door behind me. I look around the small room. For some reason, I feel like I might have walked on the small set of a porn movie—or at least the fluffer room. That thought comes when I see the stack of adult magazines. I thumb through them, totally unimpressed. These were the kind of things my brothers and I hoarded when we were young, but it’s definitely not something I’m going to stroke my dick to now. All I can think about when I look at them now is how their breasts look incredibly fake and lacking compared to Kayla’s. Kayla’s are large and just right to wrap my dick inside of and ride hard, not being afraid I would hurt her.

  I walk towards the small computer and tap the keyboard. I immediately feel like some kind of under-sexed, over-hormoned loser who lives in his mother’s basement because the fucking thing is sticky. The screen lights up and there are several desktop icons that lead you to various porn. Threesomes, submissive partners, dominating, big breasts, virgin asses—there’s something there for everyone. I click on one out of curiosity, watching as a woman appears on the screen. She’s on all fours in the middle of a big bed, reaching back to spank her ass, begging me (or whoever) to cum all over it. She’s not that pretty. Her breasts are a little too saggy, and my dick just lies there, even as she starts squeezing her own breasts and begging for cum.

  This may be a long day…

  CHAPTER 44

  KAYLA

  White has been in that room for fifteen minutes. If you can die from an overdose of shame and nerves, I’m right at the edge of that point. I’m sitting in this damn chair ringing my hands, torn between rushing in and telling White the truth and running away completely. Will he hate me when he finds out the truth? Will he understand why I did it? Can I survive losing him?

  There are so many questions literally swirling in my head that I don’t notice when White comes out—not until he’s standing in front of me pulling at my hands to lift me out of the chair.

  “Are you finished already? That was really quick. I mean, you’re not normally that fast. Though I suppose this is a little different—”

  “Let’s go,” White mumbles and I stumble, trying to follow him as he holds my hand and then uses it to pull me where he wants me.

  “Wait? Where are we going? The exit is that way. White?” I question again as he leads me to the room he was in. He doesn’t talk again until he has me in there and the door closes behind us. I look around the tight space that’s dimly lit with a frown. “Why did you bring me in here?”

  “There’s no hope in hell of this working if you aren’t here, Kayla.”

  “What? Why? What are you talking about?”

  “Do you see this crap?” he asks, holding up a magazine of women with fake breasts and very little, if any, clothing.

  “Yeah?” I ask, confused, not sure what he’s getting at.

  “There’s no way I’m going to be able to get the doctor a sample in here, Kayla.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s okay. I think we should talk about that. This really isn’t necessary, White. I need to talk to you about everything, actually—”

  “It is necessary. Which means you’re going to have to step up here, Buttercup.”

  “I am?”

  “Yeah. It’s the only way this is going to work.”

  “I’m not sure I understand. Exactly what is it you think I should do? Get tested?”

  “You have to make me come.”

  “Um… what?”

  “The only way any of my soldiers are going to swim in that damn cup is if you get them out of hiding.”

  “I don’t think… I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m not even supposed to be in here.”

  “Well, you are. And that’s the only way this is going to work.”

  “You want me to… jack you off?” I ask, still not exactly sure what White’s thinking and feeling like a pervert for being a little turned on by the fact that he thinks he needs me to make him come. I always figured something like that was automatic for a man.

  “Well, that’d be the most straightforward approach, I guess. Or maybe I could while you get me in the mood.”

  “Get you in the mood?”

  “Take your top off,” he orders while he unzips his pants. My eyes might pop out of my head as he pushes his pants and briefs down and takes his cock in his hand in quick, efficient mov
ements. He’s not even taking a breath. It’s like we’re in our private bedroom. Not a doctor’s office. Oh my God! Do they have cameras here? Are they going to come in here and having me escorted out at any moment? Crap, what will they do if they catch me in here while White is—??

  “White! Stop that.”

  “If I stop, we won’t get out of here, and this may have been my idea, Kayla, but I want out of here.”

  “Then let’s just go. I’m telling you that you don’t need to do this. There are things we need to talk about anyway.”

  “Quit stalling, Kay. Let me see your boobs.”

  “My… I don’t think I’m supposed to be in here, White.”

  “They want me to come in a jar. For that to happen, you have to be in here. Now quit stalling and show me those tits.”

  “You’re so sweet,” I grumble, looking up at the ceiling and around the room.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Seeing if there are any cameras in here.”

  “You’re so cute. Fuck. Now strip,” he orders, and if I hadn’t picked that moment to turn and look at him, I might have resisted. But I did pick that moment to look, and having White order me to strip causes chills of need to run through me. When I see him with his hand wrapped around his cock, stroking it, I’m done for. There’s not a woman around who could resist him.

  I sigh in defeat, put my purse down on an office chair beside me, and pull my shirt over my head.

  “If we get in trouble for breaking the rules, I’m never going to forgive you.”

  “Noted, honey. Now as much as I love that purple bra, take it off.”