Raging Heart On: Friends to Lovers Romance (Lucas Brothers Book 2)

by Jordan Marie

  “After considering the facts in the case and the jury recommendations. This court is left with a conundrum, Mr. Kincaid.” The judge begins. Tess is sitting behind me. It’s the closest we’ve been, in what seems like forever. I can catch her strawberry scent in the air, and it makes me ache. God, I miss her. “The court puts a lot of credence in the testimony of Tess Oliver, but the unveilings by the story and subsequent investigation that is still ongoing in the governor’s office cannot be ignored,” he continues, and it feels like my heart stalls. This was what Marcum and I were both afraid of. “At the same time, upon review of not only your military record, but that of your prison record, I can’t find anywhere in there that reads you are a danger to society. But in consideration, the seriousness of your previous crime cannot be overlooked.” What the fuck does that mean? I question to myself, trying to stomp out the hope inside of me.

  “Fucking hell,” Marcum mumbles behind me, and I hear shifting of bodies too. When the judge starts again with more gibberish, I look down and close my eyes…and wait for him to tell me what I really need to hear.

  “I sentence you, Maxwell Kincaid, to an additional year for fleeing custody and evading arrest. To be served in addition to your previous sentence.”

  I hear the cries in the courtroom, mostly Tess’s, and I hear Marcum’s cussing, but it’s all from a distance. A year in addition to my previous sentence. It might not sound like a lot of time to someone else but to me, it sounds like a fucking lifetime. A year or longer away from my child, away from Tess. Hell, my baby will be walking before I get to lay eyes on it, and there’s no guarantee it will be that soon. They had turned me down for parole repeatedly before. With this new sentence, I’m not even sure how soon I can get a parole hearing, let alone if Marcum and I can fix it, so I get parole. I can’t even marry Tess unless I do it inside a jail, and that’s not happening. Regrets are burning a hole in my gut. God, if I could just go back…

  “Please rise,” the bailiff calls out, and I stand as if on autopilot. Tess is reaching out to me; I feel her touch on my shoulder. I’m handcuffed; I can’t take her in my arms. Her beautiful green eyes are filled with tears, and she keeps repeating how much she loves me. The deputies come to get me. My useless lawyer is spouting nonsense about appeals, and all I can do is stare at the woman I love.

  “I love you, Tess,” I tell her. I do. I should have told her before now. I should have told her anywhere, but a crowded courtroom where they are dragging me away from her, and her tears and cries are between us. I should have told her sooner. It’s just another failure. “I love you, Tess,” I say one more time before I turn away.

  43

  Tess

  A little over four months later

  Letting Max go was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. It felt like I was cutting out my heart. It felt like I was dying. When I watched them drag him away, a part of me did die that day. Being without him is like losing a part of me. I go through the motions.

  Marcum and the club have been my lone source of sanity. Marcum moved me into the beach cottage that Max and I shared together before. He offered me Max’s house, but that wasn’t where I wanted to be. This place had memories, good memories, of my time with Max. Cherry had the boys working like crazy to fix everything I needed. We turned one of the spare rooms into a nursery, which I decorated in pinks and browns with baby animals as my theme. My favorites were the baby giraffes and hippos even though Marcum said the hippos were going to scare the hell out of his granddaughter.

  Over the past few months, I’ve managed to turn this place into a home. It feels good, except Max isn’t here. It’s been hard going through this alone. From the morning sickness to the swollen feet and bloated feeling, all the way to the increased sex drive and being tired all the time—all of that I’ve dealt with okay. Even I would admit though, it would have been so nice to have Max with me to complain to, to hold my hand. Marcum and Cherry have gone with me to every doctor’s appointment. Their support has been invaluable, but again, I wanted Max by my side. He’s missing so much. He hasn’t even got to feel the baby kick.

  I knew it wouldn't go as easily as Marcum and Max believed. I knew it. Life just doesn't work that smoothly. It never has. It has been almost four months since Max was sentenced. I get to see him for thirty minutes every two weeks. That's it. It's a special kind of hell being so close to him but never getting to touch him.

  Max is miserable; I see it in his eyes. Sometimes I think I make him worse. With each visit, he gets more sullen and more withdrawn. Today is special though. I get to see Max without the plexiglass division between us. It took some major work from Marcum and him finessing government officials, but I get an hour to touch and hold Max. He can finally feel his daughter move. As the guard leads to a small closed off room, I am filled with excitement and nerves. I need this to work. I need this to get through to Max; to give him hope.

  The door opens, and Max is sitting at a table, looking angry. He always looks so angry these days.

  “I'll be right outside, Ms. Oliver. I told Marcum I'd do my best to give you an hour but if the men can't keep the supervisor busy I'll have to come in and get you early. They only gave us the go ahead for fifteen minutes,” the guard says.

  “I understand. Thank you, Andy,” I tell him, wishing he would leave already.

  “What's going on Tess?” Max asks, his voice darker than I remember.

  “Marcum fixed it so we could spend our time today just the two of us.”

  “Why?”

  “Gee, Mad Max. I've missed you too.”

  “You shouldn't be here. I told you last time, to quit coming. There's nothing here for you, Tess.

  “The man I love is here. The father of my child is here, Max.”

  “We were wrong, Tess. There’s no guarantee of when I’ll get out of here. Hell, our child could be in high school. Do you seriously think you can continue living like this? You need to grow up.”

  “It’s just a year, Max and then…”

  “And then, nothing. Don’t you get it, Kitten? I murdered someone with my bare hands. Then, I escaped. That’s all they see. That’s it. I’m just a number, another worthless piece of scum in the system. The year will come and go and then it will be just like before. A parade of parole hearings where nothing changes.”

  “That’s not true, Max! I told you before. I could have got you on parole that day. I know it! You just need to play the system, sweetheart.”

  “You need to quit dreaming, Tess. This isn’t a fucking fairytale. There is no happy ever after coming for me. You need to find a man and get that white picket fence you’ve been dreaming of. It’s not with me. It will never be with me.”

  Tears are pulled up from my soul. Each word he utters in that cold, dead voice he’s using with me now, cuts me open and makes me bleed.

  “Stop it, Max. Just stop it,” I plead, not wanting to hear this. I’m going nowhere, and he’s wasting our time. He loves me; I know he does.

  “Stop what? Making you face reality? I told you that day before this all went down. Don’t you remember, Tess? I told you not to forget who I was. I told you. I’m a murderer. I’m property of the state of Florida now. I have nothing for you. Nothing.”

  “You’re my heart! You’re my home, Max! Jesus, we’re having a baby!” I yell, walking to stand in front of him, needing to erase the distance between us—both physical and the kind he’s trying to put there.

  “No, we’re not, Tess. I haven’t been there for anything but laying the dick to you. Don’t you get it? Hell, I can give you more of that here today if you want it. Just strip.”

  “Max…” I’m physically hurting from his continued words. I didn’t envision today going like this. I had built up so much in my mind. None of it was like this. This is slowly destroying me.

  “That’s all I am, Tess. A willing dick.”

  I grab his hand and place it on my stomach. On cue, our baby kicks against his hand. Something flashes in Max’s
eyes before the mask slams back into place and his hand curls into a fist and yanks away from me. I don’t give up. I can’t.

  “That’s our baby, Max. Ours. You’re a father. You may not be with us right now, but you will be, sweetheart. You will be, and then we can finally live our lives….”

  “I’m a sperm donor, Tess. That’s it. I’m going to be nothing in that child’s life. I told you.”

  “No! You’re the man I love, the man I gave my body to!”

  “A willing dick, who enjoyed the fuck out of getting inside you. That’s it. “Go ahead, Kitten. Strip for me and I’ll give it to you here. Hell, it’s been a long dry spell for me. You might be enough to tide me over so I won’t have to use my own hand for a few weeks.”

  I slap him. This is not my Max. I don’t know who this man is, but he’s hateful, he’s crude, and he’s vile. He’s slowly killing me with his words. The echo of my hit vibrates in the air, for minutes after I do it. I just stare at him with tears in my eyes, and Max returns my stare, his dark eyes harsh and cold. His hand holding the place on his jaw where I slapped him.

  “I think we’re done here,” he says.

  Those words…kill.

  I reach inside the small purse I brought with me. There’s nothing inside but two items, because of the security. Both things are pictures. I take them out and place them on the table beside us. A picture of the newly finished nursery, that moments ago I had been so proud of. And the picture the doctor printed off of my last sonogram.

  “I don’t know what you wanted to accomplish today, Max. If it was hurting me, then your mission was accomplished. I brought these for you. I stupidly thought you’d want to see your daughter. You can just throw them away,” I tell him quietly, my voice thick with tears. A few have escaped, but I’m doing my best to keep them in, at least until I get out of here.

  “My daughter?” he asks, but I’ve already turned away. I can’t stay here, not now. I pause at the door, trying to breathe through the pain.

  “Goodbye, Max.”

  He’ll never know how hard those words were for me to say. Then again, apparently he doesn’t care.

  44

  Max

  The guard pushes me down in the seat. I don’t bother giving him the time of the day. It doesn’t matter. Nothing does these days. Nothing except this visit. These visits from Marcum keep me sane. I don’t know how he did it, and I don’t ask, but these days we get to talk sitting across from each other at a table. No more glass between us. That, at least, makes me feel less caged.

  “You’re looking rough, boy.” Marcum says, and I give him a one finger salute.

  “How are Tess and the baby?” I ask getting straight to the point.

  “Why are you asking? You’re the fucker who pushed her away.”

  “She needed to stop dreaming of a life with me. She needed to live her life,” I explain again, even if the thoughts of her with another man destroys me.

  “Then I’ll guess you’ll be happy to know Officer De Luca has taken a liking to her,” Marcum says leaning back in his seat like he doesn’t have a care in the world. The words are like acid.

  “That fucking detective?” I bark, not liking the idea of his pretty boy face anywhere near Tess.

  “Hey, what do you care right? He’ll take care of our girl, keep your kid safe. He’ll be honest as the day is long, and Tess can have the home in the suburbs you say she wants. All’s well that ends well, right, boy?”

  “He’s not right for Tess,” I tell him, not even bothering to act uninterested. Marcum would see through that shit anyway.

  “He doesn’t seem to agree. Been over at her house four times in the last two weeks.”

  “What the fuck for?”

  “Says he’s making sure her and the baby are okay and don’t need anything.”

  “The fuck he is. He’s after, Tess.”

  “Probably, she’s a damn fine woman. And thanks to you being a stupid, she’s free.”

  “You and the boys need to have a talk with the asshole. He needs to stay away from Tess.”

  “Why, boy? Isn’t that what you wanted? A nice, stable, honest man for our girl?”

  “Fuck, I don’t know what I wanted. I just didn’t want her pining away for something that wasn’t going to happen, Marcum.”

  The old man exhales and then slides up, so he’s leaning his upper body on the table.

  “It may not be overnight, but it’s going to happen, boy. You need to get your head out of your ass and give my girl some hope.”

  “Your girl?”

  “She’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done in your life, Maxwell. The club has claimed her; we’re keeping her and little Maddy.”

  “Maddy?”

  “She named the baby, Madison. Little Maddy is damn cute. Looks so much like her mom it’s unreal.”

  “She had the baby? She wasn’t due till next week,” I say, feeling like I’m coming apart at the seams. My baby…she’s here…and I haven’t got to touch her or see her. Fuck. My hands shake as I reach for the photo that Marcum pushes across the table to me.

  Tess. My precious Tess is holding a child. She looks so tired and worn out, but she’s smiling down at this small bundle in her hands like she’s holding the world…and she is; this small, wrinkled, beautiful baby girl, staring back at me. She’s got a head full of dark black hair, and it’s sticking up in places, Tess’s hand is lovingly placed on the top trying to calm it down. These midnight-dark eyes stare back at me, and her small little lips have a half smile on them. She’s gorgeous. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life. That’s not what makes me feel like someone is squeezing my heart and killing me though. No, that’s baby Maddy’s smile. It’s so much like Tess’s it takes my breath away.

  My finger touches against the glossy photo as if somehow it can absorb through and touch the real thing. Emotions are pushing through me at the speed of light. So many different ones swirling in all directions and all I can think is; this is my family. My woman and this child…this child that is a part of me. A part of me and the woman I love, this child is …everything.

  “She’s special, boy. Do you see her? Really see her? She’s the reason you need to get your head out of your ass.”

  I can’t drag my eyes from the photo. I don’t even try.

  “I can’t magically just get out of here, Marcum. God, don’t you know if I could I’d be right by Tess’s side? Fuck!” I can’t hold it in anymore. Emotions are so thick, so raw and real that I can’t hold them inside any longer. The picture shakes in my hand. My baby. My daughter! Does she wonder why her dad isn’t there? Does she even know that she’s supposed to have a father there? Protecting her? Holding her? Talking to her? Rocking her to sleep? My daughter! Tears gather in my eyes. I can’t help it. I want to be with her. I want to be with her and Tess. The fact that I’m not, that I can’t be, is destroying me.

  “I didn’t say you can. But, you can damned well get your act together and start helping me, to get you the fuck out of here.”

  “I’m locked up behind bars, Marcum. What the hell do you think I can do from in here? That fucking Jenna has it so everything that happens to me is monitored. Your bigwig connections are worthless. They’re all fucking afraid to touch my case, so they don’t get accused of being in bed with crooks on the five o’clock news!”

  “I’m handling that. I didn’t say it would happen overnight, but, son, it will happen. In the meantime, you need to quit pushing Tess away, before you lose every shot of having your family together when you walk out of here. You have the world right there. You don’t just fucking hand that away to another man. Especially some uptight cop. If that fucker raises my granddaughter I’ll personally cut your dick off, boy. Do you hear me?”

  “What do you want me to do?” I ask him, drying my eyes with the side of my hand and trying to get a hold of myself.

  He pushes a notepad that’s been on the table and a pen at me.

  “Write to Tess. Giv
e her a reason to hold on.”

  I look at the paper like it’s a gun pointed at me. What the hell do I tell her? What in the hell can I say? Will it make a difference to her now, after the way we parted months ago? I pick up the pen, ignoring the way my hand shakes.

  Hell.

  45

  Tess

  Madison’s First Birthday Party

  I watch as my daughter screams in pleasure each time Dusty throws her up in the air. She’s such a happy child. I’m thankful for that. She’s kept me going this last year. It’s been hard. I’ve lost count of the nights my pillow has held me and taken my tears while I’d read the latest letter from Max. That’s the only contact I’ve had with him for a year. Just letters. He’d send one with Marcum, and I’d send one back once a month with pictures of Maddy. I wanted to go and see him, but he asked me not to. He told me how much it hurt to see me and not be able to hold me. It hurt, but so much about Max hurts me. He apologized for the day in prison when he pushed me away. I understood, but I’d be lying if I said it still wasn’t painful. I don’t know how I’m going to react to seeing Max again. I’m excited, nervous, and petrified. I’m scared as hell.

  I need to figure it out soon because Marcum called twenty minutes ago to let us know he has Max, and they’re headed here. That means any minute now Max will be showing up at the party. I will lay eyes on the man that I loved…still love…after all this time. I don’t know what to do with that. I’m not sure I even believe it. We have so much to discuss. We have so much to decide. And Max…he’s missed so much. Things he’ll never get back. How will he handle that? The party is suddenly suffocating me. Panic is overwhelming me.

  “You okay, sweetheart?” Cherry asks her hand on my shoulder. I hadn’t even realized she was in front of me.

  “I…I’m scared, Cherry,” I admit. Cherry understands, she’s been the only person I’ve been able to let in. She listens and lets me cry. I can be weak with her.