An Amish Winter

by Amy Clipston

  Even his father, whom he didn’t think of as an articulate or romantic man, had done better than him. The comparison had made him wince.

  He needed to talk to her and make things right between them. Even if he wasn’t as gifted with words as other young men, surely he could find a way to tell her that he was sorry for his anger, sorry for the way he’d asked to court her.

  It was one of her workdays at the shop. Ben decided to drive to her house and meet her there when she arrived, ask to speak to her. Surely she wouldn’t refuse him that.

  Rebecca’s day had been stressful. Customers had been standing at the door when she arrived. A tourist had pointedly remarked that she was five minutes late opening.

  Since one of the reasons people came here to visit was because they wanted to experience a slower, more peaceful way of life, Rebecca had been surprised at the comment. She was going to tell the tourist that Brownie had not been feeling well that morning and she’d had to arrange for a ride to work, but changed her mind when the woman quickly pounced on their most expensive quilt and proclaimed she had to have it.

  Anita called in to say she had a plumbing emergency at her condo and would get in as quickly as she could. The whole day was hectic, and Anita finally arrived the last half hour the shop was open, apologizing profusely.

  But that wasn’t the end of their bad day.

  On the way home, they had a flat tire. Grumbling, Anita pulled onto the side of the road. Anita rooted around in the trunk and brought out a spare tire and a jack.

  She looked at Rebecca. “I’ve never changed a tire. You?” Then, realizing what she’d asked, she started laughing.

  Rebecca laughed too. What else could they do?

  “Wait a minute, what am I thinking?” Anita said suddenly. She pulled out her cell phone. “I have roadside service.”

  But before she could dial, a buggy stopped beside them. “Rebecca! Do you need help?” a man called.

  “Jacob! Ya, we have a flat tire. Do you know how to change it?”

  “Of course.” He pulled his buggy over and joined them beside the car. After touching the brim of his hat and introducing himself to Anita, he set to work. In no time, the tire was changed, and the flat one and the jack were in the trunk.

  “Well, I hope your mother isn’t worried that you’re late getting home,” Anita said.

  “I just went by there, looking for you,” Jacob told Rebecca. “She said she expected you soon.”

  “Jacob, would you mind taking Rebecca home? I’d like to take this tire by my garage before they close.”

  “Of course.”

  “Thanks for everything. See you, Rebecca.” Anita winked at her when Jacob started toward his buggy.

  Rebecca didn’t feel at her best after the long day at work, but she was grateful for the ride home. Her back and feet were aching, and she was afraid her stomach was going to growl at any moment. She’d been too rushed to stop for lunch.

  All she wanted to do was eat her supper and put her feet up and relax. But Jacob was being charming and acted so interested in talking to her.

  Obviously, Ben had decided to do what she’d heard the Englisch call “moving on”; maybe it was time for her to start looking at someone new too. She’d gone to school with Jacob, and he’d always been nice to her.

  When they pulled into the drive, Rebecca saw Ben sitting there in his buggy.

  Jacob glanced at Rebecca and raised his eyebrows.

  “He’s probably here to see my father,” Rebecca said. Why else would Ben visit? “They work together.”

  “Ya, I know.”

  “Thank you for the ride and for changing Anita’s tire.”

  “I was happy to help. Rebecca, I came by because I thought I’d see if you’d like to go for a drive sometime?”

  “I’d like that.”

  They set a day and time. She climbed out of the buggy and waved as he drove off. Then she turned and found Ben alighting from his buggy.

  “What was he doing giving you a ride?”

  When she stared coolly at him, he shook his head.

  “I’m sorry, that was none of my business,” he said.

  “Did you come to see Daed? You could have gone inside. It’s cold out here.”

  “I came to see you. Can we take a drive and talk?”

  Rebecca rubbed at her aching forehead. “The other day you didn’t want to talk. Now you do?”

  “I was wrong,” he said simply. “I came to apologize.”

  The memory of how he’d hurt her was as sharp as the cold winter wind. “Apology accepted.” But her lips were stiff as she spoke the words. “I—Thank you for coming by.” And she rushed inside.

  CHAPTER 11

  Sunday was her favorite day of the week.

  Rebecca loved gathering with friends and family to attend services and sing God’s praises. And every other week, when there were no services in a member’s home, she loved gathering with friends and family just to enjoy the day.

  Today, services had been in the home of Ben’s parents. She had to admit that she was a little apprehensive about seeing them for the first time since she’d turned Ben down. She didn’t think Ben’s mother would be rude to her—that wasn’t her way. But she’d been nervous about how much he might have said to her about what had happened between them two weeks ago.

  She told herself that chances were good that he hadn’t even told them.

  “So good to see you again, Rebecca.” Emma’s hug was warm and welcoming.

  If Emma knew anything, she wasn’t going to let it affect how she treated Rebecca. Rebecca felt herself relax.

  Other women bustled about them in the kitchen after services, chattering as they prepared the light meal that would be served before everyone departed.

  Mary Anne sidled over, holding out a plate of butterscotch cookies. “Emma, I made Ben’s favorite cookies.” She gave Rebecca a superior look.

  “Very nice. Why don’t you put them over there on the counter?” Emma said.

  Was it Rebecca’s imagination that Emma wasn’t as welcoming to Mary Anne as she’d been to her? Then she heard Emma sigh as she watched Mary Anne smile smugly as she showed off the cookies to a friend standing on the other side of the kitchen.

  The older woman turned to look at Rebecca. “I haven’t seen you for a long time. How is the family? Work?”

  “The family’s fine. Work is busy like always.” Rebecca glanced around. She had arrived right on time and had missed seeing Ben.

  “He’s out in the barn.”

  “Who?”

  There was a distinct gleam of mischief in Emma’s faded blue eyes. “You know who. My youngest son.”

  “I—wasn’t looking for him.”

  The gleam of mischief faded, and Emma took Rebecca’s hand and drew her into the hallway for what privacy they could manage.

  “You’ve known my son for a long time. You know words don’t always come easy to him. He’s like his father in that respect—he’s a good man, but a quiet one. Some women might not recognize that.”

  Rebecca glanced down at the work-worn hand that held hers, then looked up at the older woman. “I do. But . . .” She struggled for words. “Emma, Ben doesn’t feel about me the way you think he does.”

  “Really?” Emma looked disbelieving.

  Mary Anne took that moment to walk slowly past them. Rebecca noticed that she took her time and swept the two of them with an assessing look.

  “Ben is . . . looking in another direction.” Her gaze followed Mary Anne as she found Ben and stopped him to talk.

  “Promise me you won’t do anything quickly,” Emma said.

  Puzzled, Rebecca stared at her. “Like what?”

  “Like look elsewhere yourself.”

  She thought about Jacob. But one drive to have lunch was hardly looking. Jacob is nice, but he’s not . . . Ben. “I’m not, Emma. I’m busy with my job and helping out at home. And it’s not like there are a herd of suitors chasing after me,” she a
dmitted ruefully.

  To her surprise, Emma touched her chin with her hand, and Rebecca was forced to look up at her. “I know you must have felt you lived in Lizzie’s shadow,” she told her quietly. “She was so exuberant people couldn’t help noticing her. But there’s an expression I always thought fit you: ‘still waters run deep.’ You have a sweet, thoughtful nature, and you look out for others before yourself.” She smiled. “Now, I probably shouldn’t have spoken at all, but my heart prompted me to. Give it some time, liebschen.” She walked slowly back into the kitchen.

  Rebecca was relieved to watch her sink into a chair. It was obvious that her arthritis, which was worse in winter, was making movement difficult for her today. Yet Emma hadn’t been willing to cancel services or stay in bed while others were guests in her home.

  Time. How could time resolve the differences between herself and Ben?

  “Why are you frowning?” Sarah Fisher stopped to ask. The rosy-cheeked toddler she balanced on one hip held out her chubby hands.

  Rebecca smiled and took Katie Ann and held her high. “I can’t have been frowning, not when this sweet kind is anywhere near.” She held her close and inhaled the special clean baby scent. “Oh, whenever I see this one, I am so very happy for you and David.”

  Sarah nodded. “I prayed for a long time for God to send me David. And to send me a boppli.”

  “David?” Rebecca stared at Sarah. “He was always yours, from the day he saved you from that stray dog that was chasing you. What were you, twelve?”

  Laughing, Sarah grasped Katie Ann’s hand as she tried to pull one of the strings on Rebecca’s kapp.

  “Sometimes other people see what we cannot,” Sarah murmured obliquely. “He never lacked for the attention of the other girls at singings and such.” She stroked her child’s cheek. “But he was so worth waiting for. He got me through the pain of my miscarriage and the waiting for Katie Ann here. It was God’s will if we had children, if we received this precious gift, he kept telling me, and if we didn’t, we would be a family, the two of us.”

  Rebecca bounced Katie Ann, and she gurgled.

  “Could you watch her for a moment for me?” Sarah asked. “I need to use the bathroom. I’ve had to run to it three times already this morning.” She laughed when Rebecca’s eyes widened. Glancing around, she leaned in and with her eyes sparkling admitted, “Yes, I’m wondering if I’m pregnant again.”

  Swaying and bouncing Katie Ann, loving the way the toddler giggled and giggled, Rebecca walked around the room.

  When Katie Ann squealed with delight, Rebecca turned to see David approaching and handed her over.

  After greeting Rebecca, he looked at his daughter. “So what did you think of the services today, Katie Ann?” He listened with a thoughtful expression as she babbled baby talk. “Ya, the singing was my favorite part too.”

  “She’s quite a talker.”

  David nodded. “Takes after her mamm.” When Rebecca looked over his shoulder and smiled, he rolled his eyes. “She’s standing behind me, isn’t she?”

  “Ya,” Rebecca said, and she laughed.

  David turned, and his grin faded. “Sarah, are you all right? You look a little pale.”

  “I’m fine, but do you think we could leave now and eat at home?”

  “Ya, sure. I’ll go get the buggy and meet you out front. Be sure to bundle up.”

  He put Katie Ann in her arms, then turned to Rebecca. “Sarah and I are feeling a little tired. Katie Ann had a tooth coming in this week and kept us up.”

  Sarah and Rebecca exchanged glances.

  “What?” David looked from one to the other.

  “I’ll tell you later,” Sarah said.

  Rebecca helped Sarah put Katie Ann’s coat on. It took two of them because Katie Ann was laughing and pinwheeling her arms. Sarah got her own coat on, and then Rebecca hugged her. “I’ll be praying for you,” she whispered to Sarah.

  “I said I’d be happy if God sent me one child,” Sarah whispered back. “But now, if He sent another . . .” She stopped, as if she couldn’t even envision such happiness.

  Rebecca nodded. “I know.”

  She was standing at the kitchen window, watching the buggy leave, when Amanda joined her.

  “Are you coming to the singing tonight?”

  “I’m not sure.” As if drawn by magnets, her gaze locked with Ben’s on the other side of the room.

  Amanda’s gaze followed hers. “You care for him, don’t you?”

  “Shh!” Rebecca glanced around to see if anyone had heard.

  Ben was opening the oven door for his mother, but she was talking to him, and there was so much chatter and noise with others moving about in the room, she realized no one could have heard.

  “Besides, it doesn’t matter.”

  “It does matter!” Amanda insisted in a lowered voice. “Go after him if you want him.” She gave Rebecca a not-so-gentle push.

  “Not now,” she told Amanda.

  “Then when?” Amanda demanded. “When?”

  Don’t be afraid!

  “What is it?”

  Rebecca blinked. “What is what?”

  “You just looked funny—kind of startled. What is it?”

  Don’t be afraid!

  Although she realized that Amanda was staring at her, waiting for an answer, Rebecca wasn’t about to explain.

  Ben used potholders to pull a heavy casserole from the oven and set it on top of the stove. He closed the oven door and turned to her. “Anything else you need?”

  “No, thank you, Sohn.”

  He saw Rebecca standing, looking out the window near the front door with Amanda and wondered what they were talking about. When Rebecca looked over and saw him, then glanced away quickly as Amanda did the same, he suspected they were talking about him.

  He wondered if that was a gut thing or bad.

  Then something Amanda said to Rebecca upset her. Amanda walked away and Rebecca stood staring after her, her forehead creased in thought. Ben started to walk over to her but found his way blocked by women hurrying around in the kitchen. By the time he could move forward, Jacob was standing there talking to Rebecca, and he lost his chance.

  Ben knew that women found Jacob attractive. He was fair-haired, with blue eyes and dimples. He was several years older, and his farm was one of the most prosperous in the county.

  An unaccustomed jealousy flared up in Ben as he watched the two talking. It was so immediate, so strong, that he felt his steps propelling him toward the door and outside into the chilly day.

  It took several minutes for him to become aware that he’d left his jacket and hat inside. Feeling a little foolish, he debated going back inside for them. He heard the door behind him open, then shut.

  “Forget something?”

  His daed held his coat and hat in his hands.

  Looking sheepish, Ben took the coat and pulled it on, then accepted the hat, settling it on his head. “Danki.”

  They stood staring at the fields surrounding the house. “I saw you come out here after Jacob began talking to Rebecca.”

  Ben gave him a sideways glance but said nothing.

  “You know, I’d always been taught to turn to God, to pray to Him as my Father,” Samuel said after long moments had passed. “After I had children, I started thinking about what it must be like to be God watching over His children. You know, He sees them happy, and He sees them sad or hurting.”

  He paused and glanced over at Ben. “The happy part would be easy. But I wondered how He felt watching them when they’re having difficult times. It’s hard for a father not to jump in and try to fix things, like you fix an engine that’s not working or repair a broken fence. I asked myself if our heavenly Father had trouble not jumping in to fix things for His children.”

  He turned as a couple emerged from the house and said good-bye to them. After they were out of earshot, he turned back to Ben and laid a hand on his shoulder. “It’s been a long winter.”

&nbs
p; Ben nodded. “For years it’s been a sad time for Rebecca. But she’s finally more at peace about Lizzie and looking happier.”

  “And maybe becoming interested in someone?” his father asked quietly.

  “Yes, it seems so,” he said finally.

  “Just like you and Mary Anne.”

  Ben’s head shot up. “Not because I wanted to.”

  “Don’t see any harness on you,” Samuel said, and with that, he ambled back inside.

  Laughing ruefully, Ben stared after him. No, Mary Anne had no harness on him.

  But there was sure something tying him to Rebecca. Always had been.

  Amanda came out of the house. She stopped and looked at Ben. “Are you going to stand out here forever?”

  “Just getting some air.”

  “Awfully cold air.”

  Turning, he looked at her. “Is there something you want to say, Amanda?”

  Her hazel eyes sparkled with mischief. “I think you should come to the singing.”

  “Because?”

  “Ya, because.” With that she fairly danced down the steps.

  Ben wondered what was going on. He’d known Amanda all his life. While she was sweet, she was always nosing about in someone’s business—not for bad reasons, but because she cared.

  He guessed he’d be going to the singing tonight. Then he stopped and laughed at himself. He’d been so upset, he’d forgotten—his family was hosting it because they’d had services here earlier and the benches and hymnals were already present. It was obvious God’s hand was at work.

  Rebecca knew the minute Ben walked into the singing.

  If she hadn’t, Amanda’s sharp elbow in her ribs apprised her of the fact. “Go over there and talk to him,” Amanda hissed in her ear.

  “He just came in.”

  “Are you going to let Mary Ann fawn all over him? Or are you going to do something before she gets her claws into him?”

  The image made her laugh. She saw Ben’s head come up, and he stared at her from across the room. And then Mary Ann walked up and put her hand on his arm.

  Rebecca took a deep breath and let it out. After the services, she’d returned to her house and gone to her room to read for a while. Instead, she’d lain there and found herself thinking about what had happened earlier, when she’d been talking with Amanda and heard that inner voice urging her not to be afraid.