The Squeeze

by Paul Schueller

  Tommy spent the days leading up to Jenny’s visit finishing up some consulting deliverables and got paid, so he was set for the next few weeks.

  He kept his place clean, even exercised a couple of times, ate right, and was down to just his laptop when it came to watching and analyzing carbon markets. He tried to have a normal guy’s week, even though he never really felt normal to begin with, and his current circumstances certainly weren’t.

  Tommy was waiting in the hotel lobby for Jenny before they were scheduled to meet. For nearly half an hour he watched every single person coming off of the elevator, each time anticipating it was Jenny, until she finally arrived. It was worth the wait; he loved to watch her walk. Tommy rose and smiled, but waited a split second for Jenny to initiate the greeting. This time she grabbed his hand and gave him a peck on the cheek.

  “Glad to see you!” Tommy said. “How was your week?”

  “Long, busy. Happy to be in Chicago,” Jenny said. “How about you?”

  “Productive. Manageable. Cleared my calendar and my head for your visit,” Tommy said.

  “It would be nice to get off to a little better start than last weekend. I don’t have my friends to hang out with as a backup plan this time,” Jenny said and smiled.

  “No need for a backup plan. How about some symphony music in the park instead of the hotel bar? Too nice to sit inside on an evening like this. Is that okay?”

  “Sounds great. Let’s walk over.” Jenny beamed as she agreed. Tommy’s heart melted.

  Tommy was right; it was too nice to be inside. It was a perfect summer Saturday evening. Mosquitoes had not descended, or had been eradicated by the city, and the grass of the amphitheater area of Millennium Park was lush, the ground still damp and soft. Massive metal tubes sprouting from the ground arched gracefully over the park and joined in a webbed structure overhead. Tommy had brought a bottle of red wine, two glasses, and a blanket. Jenny wondered what else he had in the backpack. The pinot noir was delicious, and a couple of sips helped both relax even more. Bright sun shone on the south face of nearby buildings, reflecting into the park and creating an iridescent glow even though the park was in the shadows of those same buildings.

  Time passed effortlessly for both. The air started to chill, but Tommy was prepared with a fleece for Jenny and a second bottle of wine as backup.

  They continued listening, talking, drinking. Nearly two hours passed.

  Jenny looked over at Tommy and smiled, interested in hearing what was running through his mind. She missed the hundreds of thoughtful and thought-provoking conversations they had in their younger days. She could tell from the familiar look on his face that he was lost in his own thoughts. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.

  “What do you mean? Nothing,” he replied a bit defensively.

  “It’s no big deal. I could tell that your mind was wandering a bit, but this time it was like most people do; it wasn’t like you to be completely checked out. I know what that looks like, too. Please just tell me.”

  Tommy’s heart softened a little when she brought up their past together. She knew him well, and it felt good. “I was thinking about what comes next, after this mess is behind us. Where will I live, what will I do?”

  “Now, that wasn’t that difficult. Just like always, thinking about the future instead of living where you are now,” Jenny said.

  “Other than you, ‘now’ sucks, so why not?”

  “Because I’m right here, right now. Why not just enjoy each other’s company?”

  “That’s what I was doing, really. In fact, I was enjoying it so much I started thinking about you and me, and our future,” Tommy revealed with a little hesitation.

  “Well, that’s flattering, but I’m concerned for you; you’re always worried or planning or thinking so much. I wonder if you’ll ever just be happy,” Jenny said.

  “I think those things helped me be successful before, and I will be again. If you don’t worry and plan and think and sacrifice, how can you accomplish anything? Or do you think I need to finally give up on my naïve, idealistic college views because they really haven’t resulted in much?”

  “No, don’t give up. They’re some of your best qualities, but then maybe if it’s important, why don’t you move forward now instead of going after John?”

  “I can’t get myself to move on without dealing with this. I’m trapped.”

  “Okay, well, you can’t do anything about it tonight, so let it go. Enjoy who you are with right now! Not every moment can be spent on analysis or you’ll end up in analysis,” Jenny said.

  “Ha, too late,” Tommy laughed.

  Jenny didn’t know if he was kidding and decided not to ask. Instead, she simply asked, “Are we okay?”

  He looked into her eyes, and the rest of the whole mess fell to the wayside. All at once, he realized just how good he could have it with Jenny. How lucky he would be. “Actually, I’m only happy when you’re around.

  You’re all that I have,” Tommy whispered. Knowing how desperate and pathetic that sounded, he quickly tried to clean up his mess. “No, you’re not all I have. You’re all I’ve got tonight.”

  Jenny smiled. “Funny. I remember when one of us would sing that song to the other whenever the night ended with just the two of us together. Was that The Cars?”

  “Yeah, if I could do that over . . .”

  “You can’t, so don’t think too much!” Jenny said.

  “Yeah, I’m getting it—just really slowly.”

  The concert ended as the conversation did, and they packed up and walked back the few blocks north to the hotel. They held hands briefly and sporadically as they walked, which was completely new for them, but comfortable.

  When they got back to the hotel, Jenny said she wanted to change clothes before they headed to dinner, so she went into the bathroom.

  A little buzzed, Tommy was enjoying himself for the first time in a long time, so he poured the remainder of the second bottle of wine from the park. He figured it might be a while, so he took off his sandals and settled into an overstuffed chair that he had turned toward the window to enjoy the beautiful view of the darkening lake. It was purple over the water, melting to black, as the sun had already set behind him. He was comfortable and looking forward to the evening.

  Suddenly, Jenny came up from behind him and kissed him on the neck. Tommy froze, startled, excited, scared. Jenny walked around to the front of the chair and grabbed his hands so that he would stand up. She wore only a hotel robe. Her lean legs showed from mid-thigh. Tommy was amazed at how good she looked, but was still moving and reacting slowly, as if in shock.

  They met face to face, but did not kiss. Jenny slowly unbuttoned Tommy’s shirt and pulled it off his shoulders, tossing it aside. She then unbuttoned his shorts which fell to the ground under their own weight.

  Their chemistry undeniable, he couldn’t believe that after so long, she still made him feel so excited, so hopeful. In her eyes he saw his future, and in her arms he felt whole. This was more than either of them had ever expected, and even though they had been together all those years ago, something about standing there now, with each other, totally vulnerable, was new. Tommy took her face in his hands and kissed her.

  It was slow and passionate. He needed her desperately, but he was trying to hold back as best he could to make sure it was right for her. His hands dropped to her shoulders, and he stripped the robe off so that it fell to the ground. The kiss was gentle, and deeply reciprocated. The warmth, smell, and taste of the wine mixed, cultivating a whole new blend of pleasure for them both.

  Tommy was starting to regain some awareness. He turned them and eased her down into the chair. Their kissing intensified, and Jenny’s leg straddled Tommy’s body. He kissed her neck, her shoulder, her breast.

  Her head arched back meshing perfectly into the soft, rounded top of the chair. Jenny had initiated the encounter, so she thought somehow she would be able to better control her passion. That idea w
as gone as she gave in fully to the intensity of the moment.

  Tommy had never felt this; completely vulnerable, unguarded and intensely focused on pleasing his partner more than himself. He was acutely watchful for any signals from Jenny. He wanted to be fully submissive, hoping Jenny would recognize his commitment went far beyond this encounter.

  Jenny gently put her hand on his head, subtly suggesting he move lower. Without hesitation, Tommy took the cue. As he did, Jenny moved her body up, putting one foot on each of the chair’s overstuffed arms, arching her back across the top of the chair. As Tommy sunk lower, Jenny alternated between arching back with her eyes closed and looking forward to the Navy Pier Ferris wheel and the dark Lake Michigan abyss, never looking down toward Tommy, but clearly pleased by his actions.

  Tommy started moving back up her body. As he did, she effortlessly traded places with Tommy, removed his boxers and then straddled him from the top. They did not kiss. Instead, Jenny eased him inside of her.

  There was no violent thrusting and heaving, but a slow, rhythmic motion controlled by Jenny. Then, she arched back, further than Tommy thought possible, and clearly found a euphoric spot to dwell on that pleased her. He was equally thrilled, but at times physically uncomfortable accommodating Jenny’s lead. It was if years of pent up passion were released in those moments. Tommy had clearly only had sex before. This was much different.

  They climaxed simultaneously and came to rest with Jenny’s face buried in Tommy’s neck. He stared at the ceiling, surprised by an experience unlike any he had ever had and baffled by how much he loved this woman. They laid, intertwined until Jenny had to move as her arm had fallen asleep pinned between the chair and Tommy’s torso.

  She turned her head and tenderly kissed his neck, grabbed her robe, and headed into the bathroom to get ready for dinner. Tommy put his shorts on and sunk back into his new favorite chair.

  Tommy took a quick shower after Jenny was done in the bathroom and put on worn clothes. He wasn’t dressed for anything fancy, and they were both famished, so they settled on a pizza place within walking distance of the hotel. They enjoyed each other’s company and talked comfortably and openly for hours. Some additional wine, the heavy Chicago style pizza, and the emotional and physical nature of their evening caught up with them all at once. They settled their tab, and Tommy walked Jenny back to the hotel and kissed her goodnight in front of the elevators, turned and started to walk away. Jenny said, “Do you want to sleep over?” It was quite endearing and sweet. Like they were kids again.

  Tommy turned and smiled. “Do you mean stay over?”

  “No, I mean sleep over. I’m exhausted,” Jenny said.

  “Actually, so am I. Do you like Sports Center?” Tommy asked.

  “Not really. My room, I get the remote.”

  “Fair enough.” Jenny laced her arm through Tommy’s, and they headed up in the elevator. They fell asleep in each other’s arms before the first commercial. They slept comfortably until the sun was high enough in the eastern sky to peek through the curtain and shine a sliver of light onto Jenny’s face. She woke first, showered, and brushed her teeth. When Tommy woke, he was uncomfortable that Jenny, with her hair pulled in a ponytail and a light dusting of makeup, looked far too stunning to see him so disheveled. He strolled past her and headed to the bathroom where he splashed cold water on his face, matted his hair to something resembling normal, and brushed his teeth. Trying to make up for his brusque departure into the bathroom, Tommy returned overly cheerful.

  “So, what do you want to do today?”

  “Maybe I can meet up with Pat. Mary and the kids are down for the weekend. Maybe Navy Pier? The kids would like that. I’m guessing that with whatever you have going on with the police and all, it wouldn’t work for you to go,” Jenny said.

  Tommy knew that he needed to tell Jenny about Kyle trying to use her to tie Tommy to Pat’s business, but letting all that spill out just then didn’t seem like the right thing to do. “I was hoping maybe just the two of us could spend the day together,” Tommy said, figuring he could ease into that conversation later.

  “That sounds nice, too, but I don’t want to be rude,” Jenny reasoned.

  “They have each other. They’ll be fine. I really need you.” The words hung out there again, temporarily stunning both Jenny and Tommy.

  Tommy felt sick. It sounded pathetic just like the night before. ‘I love you’ would have been far less awkward. Tommy thought to himself, that doesn’t sound like me—or does it? On one drug, then another, then off, then drinking, then not; it was hard for Tommy to say anymore what normal looked like. Neither of them verbally acknowledged the remark, and they moved on; Jenny folded some clothes, and Tommy grabbed the TV remote.

  Tommy thought about what he had said, and realized it was true. He desperately wanted and needed Jenny. He turned the TV back off and moved toward her, slowly. Each day he saw Jenny, every feature of her face and body became more interesting, more intoxicating for him.

  Tommy gently turned her around, and they faced each other. Tommy ran his hands up and down Jenny’s arms; they were thin and strong. He looked her in the eye. “I. Need. You.”

  “How do you mean?” Jenny asked.

  “In every way possible.” Tommy couldn’t believe that he felt this way, let alone that he was saying it.

  Jenny was startled by the intensity in his voice and in his eyes. She let him guide her to the bed, where they stood and unbuttoned and took off each other’s clothes. They kissed, and Jenny let her hands linger on his chest. Tommy rested his hands on his favorite part of a woman’s body, the curve at the top of the hip. Jenny’s were athletic and subtle. Tommy fell backwards onto the bed, pulling Jenny with him. She straddled Tommy’s body.

  They intertwined their fingers on both hands, and then Tommy lifted their hands above them, raising Jenny’s breasts to his mouth. She moved up and down and side to side, allowing Tommy’s mouth to land where she wanted. As if choreographed, they rolled together until Jenny was on the bottom. She wrapped her legs around his body and locked them at her ankles as they came together.

  The intensity of the moment thrusted Tommy’s hand on each side of Jenny’s head and arched his body backward, and without really knowing it he had raised them off of the bed and into a push-up. Jenny hung on with her legs and arms, lifted off the bed, freed to control the movement from the bottom. Again, they reached a simultaneous peak before Tommy lost the strength to hold them both up and came down a bit hard.

  “Whoa, you could have knocked the wind out of me there,” Jenny gasped.

  “Sorry about that. I’ll have to work out more if we want to do that again,” Tommy said.

  “How did we do that?” Jenny said, still breathing heavily. “I guess the core training is good for some things!”

  They laid together for several minutes in comfortable silence, then Jenny decided to provide direction to a conversation knowing that she wasn’t ready to deal with the ‘I need you’ yet. “Are you okay if I meet up with Pat and Mary?”

  “Yes, absolutely. It’s the right thing to do. But before you go, we need to talk,” Tommy said.

  “About what?”

  “This whole mess with John is getting more complicated, and I don’t want to drag you into it. This isn’t a good ‘naked conversation.’ Let’s get dressed first and grab some breakfast.”

  “Sounds good,” Jenny said, and they got up and ready for the day. Near the corner of Randolph and Michigan, they found a cafeteria-style restaurant where there wasn’t a wait. They picked a table in the corner by the window. The restaurant was loud, so in a way, private.

  Cocooned in a layer of hustle and bustle, Tommy explained the whole situation with Kyle, and how he was trying to find a trading tie between Tommy and Pat’s business and that he saw Jenny as the link. Jenny listened intently, seemingly devoid of emotion. Tommy finished and waited for her reaction.

  “So, why didn’t you tell me all this when we first got together
yesterday?” Jenny asked.

  “You’re concerned about the timing, not the ramifications?” Tommy asked.

  “We can get to the ramifications, which, by the way, I think are totally manageable. But the timing is more important to me right now.”

  Jenny frowned, still a bit disappointed that he didn’t trust her with this information earlier.

  “I was waiting for the right time,” Tommy said.

  “You mean after we had sex? I put myself out there, and you weren’t even honest with me.” Jenny’s accusation cut him.

  “That was much more than sex for me, and I didn’t even know that was going to happen. Oh, and you think you put yourself out there? I basically told you that I loved you,” Tommy said.

  “You said ‘need.’ I didn’t hear ‘love.’ Do you love me?” Jenny asked, tentatively.

  Tommy again stared into her eyes and decided that this was, one hundred percent, worth the risk. “Yes.”

  She smiled, but still interrogated him. “Okay, then all the more reason to be respectful.”

  “I’m so confused! You also told me last night to live in the moment, enjoy who I was with and what I was doing, and then, you initiated things in the hotel room . . .”

  “Yes, but you knew that telling me might change the whole weekend,” Jenny said.

  “Exactly, and I had already screwed up last weekend.”

  “But you didn’t do the right thing. The right thing would have been to tell me so we could deal with it and move on,” Jenny said.

  “We did. I did. We are. I think we had a wonderful time. I get that I didn’t do the right thing, but are you sure I didn’t do the better thing?” Tommy rationalized.

  Jenny thought for a second, looked sheepish, and then smiled again.

  “Well, I’m pretty sure. Okay, I get your point.”

  “This relationship thing is new to me. It’s hard,” Tommy admitted.

  “Yes, it is, but haven’t you been through this before?” Jenny asked.