by Lauren Dane
At Damien and Mary’s, she slid her shoes off and hung up her coat, smiling to herself that she’d done it enough times that it felt like a habit.
“There are sodas and juice in the fridge. Damien brought some back from his giant box-store run. Also, about four hundred pounds of Cheerios. Those boys and cereal, I swear.”
“Great. I’ll get it. What do you want?”
“I’m having water with some oranges. I can’t do orange juice because it gives me heartburn. My mom says she had it really bad with all her pregnancies, too. Thank goodness I also have enough pregnancy-safe antacids to keep it under control. Also, a plus of the box-store run. Of course in his zeal to be sure I’m okay, there’s probably enough for the next fourteen pregnancies. Not that I plan on fourteen pregnancies. Man, I shouldn’t even have said that.” Mary rapped the wood of the table quickly, making Natalie laugh.
Tuesday arrived, and they filled plates and headed into the dining room.
Natalie buttered her bread. “I’ve never had anyone so much as write me a poem before. A song? I don’t know what to do with how it makes me feel. Damien declared his love for you in a concert venue in front of thousands. How do you process that?”
Mary put some spinach on her plate. “I don’t know. From the start, my biggest hesitation in entering into a relationship with Damien was that aspect of his life. But then I just fell in love with him. I tried to resist him and I couldn’t. I have to weigh that stuff, the harsh public fascination with everything about his life—which is now my life, too—with how much I want to be with him.”
Tuesday sipped her soda. “Song? Fill me in.”
Mary spoke, “Paddy wrote her a song. It’s a gorgeous, sexy love song.”
“It’s a song, Tuesday. Oh, my God. It’s beautiful and I’m filled with all this stuff he makes me feel. I didn’t mean for him to happen, but he’s so pushy and he’s cute and really good in bed, and he loves his mother, and he’s sexy, and he makes up poems about pigs, and I’m so out of my league here.”
Tuesday’s bemused smile made her feel better.
“So, Mary, tell me about the song. I know how Natalie feels and she’s not one prone for overreaction. But a disinterested opinion is always good.”
“He’s... This song is... Wow. Paddy is in major love with Natalie. His writing, as you can probably tell, is very autobiographical. That wasn’t just a run-of-the-mill love song about some random girl designed to make a hit. That song is how Paddy feels about Natalie. Damien told me about the song a week or so ago. Saying Paddy has been bleeding over it to get it right, and how they all think it’s going to be the lead single.”
“Yeah. Well. He’s not alone.” Natalie took a deep breath. “I told him I loved him today. Look, I know I’m not an easy girlfriend. I’m touchy. And I’m weird and messed up and he’s so mellow. But he...he’s my safe place. He had just been so sweet and he was nervous and I was touched and realized I needed to tell him what he meant to me.”
“I love how you say that like we’d be surprised.” Tuesday looked up at Mary, laughing. Mary snorted and rolled her eyes.
“It’s pretty obvious to anyone with eyes that you’re in love with him. And that he feels the same.”
“I think so, yes. But stuff is coming up and I’m wary. Not that he’ll give in to temptation backstage. I can’t worry about that. I just can’t. If he’s going to cheat, he’ll do it no matter if he’s on tour. But it all seems so chaotic. I don’t think it’s a secret that I have some control issues, and all that sort of unbridled insanity makes me anxious. I know it’s stupid.”
Mary waved that away. “It’s not stupid. I’ve been backstage. It’s crazy sometimes. I went with them on this last tour as their chef. They’ve already insisted on a short schedule because Damien absolutely doesn’t want to be away once the baby is born, and I want to be home for a few months afterward. I don’t mind traveling with the baby. Our friends have young children who travel with them on tour, so it’s possible. But I want to be here when the baby is very young. I want to be totally selfish and cocoon with my husband and my friends and family.
“Which is a tangent, sorry. Back to the subject. Tour is an anomaly. Do you know what I mean?”
“Maybe.”
“They’re not normally on tour. It’s this thing they do to push a new album dropping and because they love their fans and playing live for them. But it’s not normal. It’s like reality is distorted when they’re out on the road. They don’t get enough sleep. They’re not in any one place very long. It’s all about their public persona, like, all the time. Everything is catered to them. They have every bit of their lives planned by other people, taken care of by other people. Literally, every single day a sheet of paper is given to each one of them with a detailed schedule. They put all their energy into performing, and it gets frenetic, yes. Especially as they head into the last third or so and they’ve been away from home long enough to feel it every time they stop. It’s hard not to sort of fall into the lure of that. To be a different person on the road.”
“So you know you’re not actually helping, right?” Tuesday peppered her ziti.
Mary laughed, and the knot that had been tightening in Natalie’s belly eased a little. “I’m getting to that part. But I went with them. I was there every day with Damien. I brought home with me. I fed them, which kept me busy, and having me there reminded them they had lives away from hotels and backstage and groupies.”
“So it’s insanity but temporary insanity?”
“Partly. They still remember Ezra’s meltdown. That’s part of who they are now as a family and as a band. I think they all came away changed. What do you think about going? Not for the whole tour. I know you have a job. A reminder of home is good and maybe you’d feel better, too. To reconnect with him.”
“So I have to babysit him?” This was her fear. That he’d be debilitated in some way, and she’d step in to help, to ease his burden, and slowly she’d end up resenting him and hating herself for doing it again.
“Nope. They play their hearts out every night across the country and back. It is wild back there. That part of their world is part chaos, part machine. It’s controlled chaos, I guess. You can go and experience it with him so you can understand it that way, find a way to process it and accept it. You can wait at home and understand that you will see horrible stuff that makes it look like he’s banging every woman he comes across—and you can understand it’s part of that machine. That celebrity media machine that exists to create caricatures to try to both satisfy demand for celebrity news and create more clamor for it all at once. But he’s still who he is.”
Natalie blew out a breath.
“Essentially, what you and Paddy are? That’s not going to change because of whatever happens on tour. He knows how to manage his shit. He’s a multi-millionaire leader of one of the most successful rock-and-roll bands of all time. Right? Oh, sure, he’s pretty and sexy and charming. He comes off laid-back but you know what? None of those boys is laid-back about their business. Touring is part of it. There are things I don’t like about their world, but I had to weigh it all against how much I wanted to be with him. This is a hugely tangential way of saying go if you want to see it for yourself. In my case, it helps because I hate being away from him for months at a time. Travel is fun. It’d be even more fun if you came, too, and I had a tour buddy. Man, I can’t keep coherent and on topic to save my life of late.”
Natalie laughed. “It’s fine. I get it. Sort of.”
“They’re going to do some dates to try out the material in front of a live audience. It’s sort of a brunch version of what it’s like out there. Maybe try that to see? I really can’t do justice to what it’s like. Good and bad. It’s pretty amazing to see how they put a show together. They’re really good together onstage, too.”
Natalie nodded. “Makes sense, I guess.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“COME TO PORTLAND with me,” he announced when she answered her
phone. “I need to do some Christmas shopping. We can stay overnight and order room service and have really filthy hotel sex.”
“I have some shopping to do, as well, and I’m always in the market for filthy hotel sex.”
He laughed. “I’ll pick you up in two hours. We’ll have lunch there.”
She’d agreed and got showered quickly before packing an overnight bag. By the time she’d put on some lipstick and watered the plants he’d shown up and they’d gotten on the road.
“Don’t you have to work with your brothers today?” she asked him as they headed west.
“We’ve declared a three-day break. We’ve got four tracks finished and Ezra wants to polish up the next two without any pesky interference from lesser human beings.”
She snorted. “Okay, then. I’ll take it. I’ve missed you.” He’d been working at night, and she worked during the day so it made getting together hard. Even on her days off when she could adjust her schedule to his, it was difficult. He had his energy fully on his work and she understood it.
But that didn’t mean she hadn’t missed him.
“I miss you, too. It’s not always like this.”
“Paddy, I get it. It’s part of your life. Creation takes time and energy. Really, it’s all right. It’s not forever. Soon enough your time will be filled with other stuff like promotion and appearances and then touring.”
“The label likes what they’ve heard so far. Jeremy took them what we had. They want your song as the first single. They’re interested in a branding shift.”
“For what?”
“We’re past the young guns getting drunk and nailing groupies stage.”
“I should hope so.”
He grinned at her tone. “Damien is married with a baby on the way. I’m writing love songs. They want to get out in front to create the buzz they can control. A more mature Sweet Hollow Ranch. Still sexy but grounded.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
“To be honest? It had been something I was thinking about. This album is introspective. Not just my stuff, but Ezra’s. Damien has contributed two songs, and at least one will make it. Vaughan’s daughters are growing up. We’re all changed by these major events in our lives. It’s good they want to handle it and make it into a positive. Damien the wild man now a daddy. Paddy in love. They proposed an interview with us.”
“Us meaning who? You guys? Mary? She’s not going to want the baby exposed to any of that. Though I suppose a baby can’t really be recognized the way a toddler or older child will be.”
“No. You and me.”
“Oh. That’s a lot of attention.” Her personal business exposed to everyone? Her father might see and want a taste of the attention. A million what-ifs filled her head.
“Yes. I told them I’d talk to you about it, but it was totally up to you. I said you valued your privacy. They promised to keep the questions to whatever you were comfortable talking about, and you could have control over the photographs they used.”
“You sound like you think it’s a good idea.”
“I think it’s totally up to you.”
“I’m asking you what you think. I’ll make my own choice, but I’m asking.”
“I like that I’d be showing you off. I know that sounds weird, but I want people to see what sort of person I’ve fallen in love with. Part of me realizes, though, that once we invite them in, even a little, others are going to feel like it’s now open season on my romantic life. Which hasn’t bugged me that much before, but now I’m in love with someone who values her privacy and who doesn’t live behind big gates like I do.”
“Publicity-wise? Will it help?”
“We’re fine, Nat. We will be just fine without this interview.”
“But if I do it, will it help with this new branding thing?”
“Probably. You’re beautiful, but in a relatable way. We’re a reunion story. People love second chances at love. You’re a freaking librarian. The public will eat that up. But on the flip side, you’re a librarian in a relatively small town. Easy to find. It might raise some money for the library, or it might end badly because people snoop around to get pictures of you. This isn’t an easy decision, I know. And if you say no, I will totally understand.”
“I need time to think about it.”
“Of course. I didn’t tell you to rush you. I just wanted you to know it had been discussed. I’m trying to be up front with you.”
Her father had left her alone since that whole showdown with her grandmother before Thanksgiving. But if she was in the media, he might get it into his head to sniff around again. He craved attention so much. The lure of media attention would be too great to pass up.
At the same time, it was her life. She wanted to help Paddy. And to be honest, she sort of got off on such a public declaration of love. But would it be like getting someone’s name tattooed on you? Like a curse?
Ugh.
She was being dumb, and she refused to think about it anymore.
“So they’re also trying to get Ezra on the road with us for at least a few shows.”
“Wow.”
“It’s totally his decision. I love playing with Ezra. He’s the backbone of the band whether he comes out with us or not. But the road nearly killed him. He’s got his life on track. There is nothing more important than him keeping his life together.”
Paddy pulled up to a beautiful hotel that looked more like a grand old mansion than a traditional hotel. Right on the river, so the views would likely be fantastic.
The valet came out, and a bellman came to collect the bags.
Turns out their room was a suite that overlooked the Willamette as well as downtown Portland. Once their stuff had been delivered, he turned to her. “You like?”
“This is fantastic.” There was even a wood-burning fireplace in the living room of the suite.
“I discovered River Place right before I ran into you again, actually. This is the first time I’ve stayed in this suite. It was booked when I was here before. But I love the park next door, and the views are beautiful.” He stepped closer. “Like you.”
“Oh, you’re good, Hurley.”
He grinned and kissed her slow and easy.
“First shopping and then when we get back, we’ll get massages, and then I’m going to fuck you so hard, no one is going to look us in the eye when we check out because you’re gonna make so much noise.”
“That’s a very bold promise.”
“One that’ll bring me a great deal of pleasure to keep.”
“Win-win for me, then.”
* * *
THEY HEADED INTO town to shop, walking hand in hand as they did. He wore a knit cap and sunglasses but even disguised he was gorgeous, so of course people looked twice, and when they did, they realized he was famous.
In Powell’s, arms full of books, they were beset by a group of college-age guys.
“You’re Paddy Hurley! Dude! We saw you guys six times on your last tour. We even drove to Utah for a show, and then we went climbing. But it was stellar. Can I get your autograph?”
Paddy gave her an apologetic look, but she smiled and took the books he’d been holding. One of the guys saw it and handed her the small basket he’d been carrying around.
“Oh, here. You can have mine. I’ll get another.”
“Thanks.” He even helped her put the books in.
“When are you guys doing a new record? Been nearly three years now!”
Paddy signed things but kept an eye on Natalie, not failing to notice the way one of the dudes in the group had helped her with the basket and kept sneaking looks at her. Not that Paddy blamed him or anything, but she was his woman, after all.
“Finishing it up right now. It’s set to release in January. We’re touring starting in early February.”
He signed for the next guy.
“Where are you going to be playing?”
“Keep an eye on the website. Announcements about all this will
be coming soon.” The label was working on all that. They’d drop the album and start the tour right then. It worked best for them that way, and they’d be out and back by the time Mary got too far along to be away from home. It was either that or wait until later in the year and have the tour with an infant. Damien was nervous about security and how it would be on Mary, so they’d opted for early in the year.
“Awesome. Thanks so much, man. It’s an honor to meet you.” The third dude pumped his hand, his smile from ear to ear. “Plus, your lady is plenty pretty. Damn.”
“Totally agree, man. You guys have a good day. We’re going to keep shopping.”
They stumbled off, waving over their shoulders as Paddy took the basket. “Sorry about that.”
“Nah. Nothing to be sorry about. They were pretty sweet, actually. You’re good with them.”
Better it be a group of dudes than women. It would happen eventually; it was part of the gig, after all. One he appreciated. But one he didn’t want her to be freaked out by. That time in the grocery store was one thing, but that was a whole different sort of experience.
“Let’s pay for this. I have a few more places to hit, and then we’ll get lunch.”
They did, and he got stopped twice more. The last one being the least pleasant.
“Oh, hey, Paddy!”
He’d been walking down the sidewalk toward where they’d parked when he’d heard the voice.
His arms were full of bags, but he kept close to Natalie as the women approached.
One of them full-on pushed Natalie aside so she could stand next to him.
“Standing here.” Natalie’s voice was not polite, though he had to give it to her, she kept her temper.
The woman turned and shrugged before looking back to Paddy.
“Hey, there, you maybe didn’t hear. Or see. But someone is already standing there. Can you move, please?”
“Oh.” She turned back, gave Natalie the once-over and then stepped in front of him, keeping her back to Nat.
“What do you ladies need? We’re on our way to lunch.”
“Don’t you remember us? The Gorge when you were there with Adrian Brown?” She licked her lips and Natalie snorted.