Hunting Season: A Zombie Survival Story

by Stoesen, Chris

  Avoiding Tim, I circled the house. Moving quick but not running, I came around to her back yard. One thing about Mrs. Jensen, her vegetable garden was immaculate. All the rows were tended and weed free. Well, that wouldn’t last long now.

  There was a screened in porch on the back of the house. The back screen door lay destroyed on the ground, the bottom hinge was the only thing holding it to the frame. Based on the blood and gore present on the screen door remains on the floor, the person breaking and entering wasn’t worried about getting hurt. I reached the closed back door to the house. There were bloody smears all over the door but it didn’t look like anyone had gotten in. I kept moving around the house. The shuttered doors to her cellar had a padlock keeping them shut. That seemed normal. But the three shambling zombies pawing at it weren’t. What the hell could those things want in an empty cellar?

  That is when I heard crying over their pounding on the doors and the distant gunshots. No way was I going to beat my way through these three. I’m not some ninja but I’m not a wimp either. As an American my martial art is Glock-fu. That thought made me laugh Proud to be an American but proclaiming an Austrian pistol. Nice. But Glock-fu sounds way better than Ruger-fu or Browning-fu. Anyway, switching hands, I raised the pistol and started firing.

  Bang, bang, bang, click.

  Click? What the hell? Oh, shit. I forgot to top off the damn magazine. Two of the zombies were down. The other was hit in the shoulder. That earned me its undivided attention. Shoving the pistol in my pants, I took a two handed grip on the bat. I spun a quick circle to see if the other shambler was sneaking up on me. Nothing yet, my back was clear.

  I held up the bat in a decent batting stance, stepped into the swing and tried to go low to high. I connected. Nailing the zombie's chin, the jaw just shattered. Teeth popped out of its mouth and sent it stumbling backward. How the hell did I not break its neck? When it stopped wobbling its mouth looked like one of the worst pictures from that 'Walmart people' website. The front teeth shattered and the lower jaw just hung slack and looked broken. I stepped up and tried my back-swing from high to low. Hands fumbled to grab me but the bat put a stop to that as the front of the zombie's head caved in with a spray of gore and the zombie dropped.

  Damn, that was a mess. Checking myself out for gore, I felt hands grabbing my pack. I lurched to the side to not step on the zombie I downed and tried to break the grip of the zombie. I spun around with the bat held up. This was enough to break one-arms grip on my pack. I saw how I was holding the bat with it up and sideways. What the hell did I think I was, a Jedi or something. Use the force indeed. There was no way I could strike from this position so I kicked the thing in the knee. The zombie didn’t step out of the way so the full force of the kick landed on the inside of its knee. There was a snap and down it went.

  I have to give the thing credit. It kept trying to grab at me the whole way down. It managed to hold on the cuff of my pants before I could adjust my grip and slam down the bat on its head. I jumped back and almost tripped due to its grip. Zombies, I really hate zombies.

  I spun around to make sure that there was no one else trying to kill me. With the coast clear and my legs away from the non-moving zombies, I needed to reload the damn pistol. I had a full spare magazine. I ejected the old and slammed home the new. Once that was done, I looked again for any threats.

  Next, I moved to the cellar doors, "hey, anyone in there?"

  I heard a gasp.

  Hmmm, no trust. "Look, this is Daniel. I'm Mrs. Jensen's neighbor. Who is in there?"

  That should give them something to think about.

  "Are you the Daniel that Grammy talks about?"

  "Yes, is this Gretel?"

  Her idiot son had named his kid after a Grimm fairy tale. She had to be catching crap at school for that. The kids probably leave breadcrumbs near her locker or something.

  "Yeah. Hey, how did you really get out of that lion's den? Was it an angel like my sunday school teacher says?"

  I almost face-palmed myself but remembered that I didn’t check for gore. "Not that Daniel. That's the one from the Bible, honey. I’m just a high school student here in Georgia."

  "Oh. Then Grammy never talked about you. You are a stranger."

  "Look, kid, do you want me to let you out of there and get you to safety or not? Things aren't normal right now."

  "I know. Daddy put me down here when Mommy went crazy. She bit Daddy, so Daddy took us to Grammy's house. He locked me in so that Grammy could help Daddy. They haven't talked since then. Just lots of strange noises. I'm scared."

  "OK, let me get you out and back to my house."

  I pulled out the PRICK-Twenty-Five and called Sharon, "Peaches, you there?"

  "Yes, honey. What's going on? You are making me a nervous wreck."

  "I found Mrs. Jensen's granddaughter in the cellar. I'm going to let her out."

  "OK, Gretel, can you step away from the doors please?"

  The small voice inside sounded even more frightened, "ok."

  I scanned my surroundings one more time and then went to work on the lock with the bat. It was a cheap combination lock like what they give you for a school locker. Three hits with the bat and the dial had come off. I reached down and gave the lock a good tug and it came open. Throwing the pieces aside, I opened the double doors. Inside was a whimpering six-year-old girl. She was wearing My Little Pony pajamas and holding a pink stuffed bunny rabbit. One look at me and she started to outright cry.

  "Whoa, there. I’m not that scary. Look, I'm just a guy."

  I pulled down the facemask and gave her what I hoped was a reassuring grin. For all I know, I looked as mad as a hatter.

  "See, just a normal person."

  I turned around to make sure that nothing was coming up behind me, then turned back to the girl.

  "Look, I knew your grandma, Mrs. Jensen. We have been neighbors for years. She used to give out chocolate chip cookies for Halloween. Did she ever make them for you?"

  The little girl popped her right thumb in her mouth and nodded her head once at me.

  Then in a stage whisper, I leaned in and said, "they weren't very good, were they."

  A slight grin emerged from behind the thumb as she shook her head to the negative.

  "So tell me, have you seen or heard from anyone since you have been here?"

  Once again, I get a negative shake of the head. Hmmm, she is real communicative.

  "Hey, I'm about to go home. Would you like to come with me? You can meet my girlfriend Sharon. She told me she would like to meet you. Would you be willing to come with me?"

  She shook her head no again.

  Taking a deep breath, I tried to explain, "Do you know there are lots of people running around who are sick?"

  The thumb came out, "The sick ones don't run. They just walk kinda funny."

  "Yes, that is true. But they are all over the place. I need to take you to where they aren't. My house isn’t very far. We have food and water. Would you like something to eat?"

  She thought for a while, then nodded her head after putting the thumb back in. An unruly curl fell in front of her face. We needed to get out of here quick before more shamblers came and spoiled things. She didn’t look like she weighed much. Her footie pajamas didn’t look like they could take much walking.

  "I tell you what. I will give you a piggie-back ride. Does that work for you? You won't even have to walk."

  She thought for a minute and then agreed. Finally, there was progress. But first I had to check myself for gore. No sense in rescuing the girl just to kill her with accidental fluid contact. I stepped into the basement. There was a full-length mirror. I checked myself out as best as I could. There were a few spots on my face mask. There were more spots on my sleeves. I looked around and found the washer and dryer in the basement. Next to it was a sink. I found a rag and wet it with some bleach and wiped at any visible spot. Bleach should kill anything, I hoped. How nasty was this stuff?

  Once do
ne, I squatted down, "OK, hop on."

  She came near me and wrinkled her little nose, "You stink. It smells like the stuff Mommy cleans with."

  This didn’t stop her from hopping on my back. We started up the stairs to climb out of the basement. A quick scan as we topped the stairs, and I froze. There were four zombies walking towards us. They were still twenty yards away, dead ahead. To the right, there was one and to the left, there was a group of three. My guess was that the pistol shots attracted some unwanted attention.

  "Close your eyes, honey. I'm going to make some loud noises, OK?"

  "You mean you will roar at them?"

  "Uh, no. Shoot them."

  I sprung up the rest of the stairs and turned to the right. Best to deal with just one if I have to. I raised the pistol and fired. Bang. And missed. The shot sailed over the thing's head. Gretel cried again. I kept moving toward it and fired again. Bang. This shot caused me to name this one, Van Gough. For destroying the ear, there was little gore. Disappointingly, the zombie showed no reaction to this. I angled away from the walls of the house so I could move around it if this next shot missed. Bang. This time, I had a direct hit into the forehead of Van Gough. It dropped to its knees and then fell backward.

  "Hold on Gretel, I'm going to run."

  Picking up the pace wasn't easy. I was getting dog tired by now. I turned the corner on the house to head back towards my place and saw my back yard. There had to be a dozen or more of those things just wandering around. That wasn't something I wanted to fool with. Our two properties were close to a hundred acres each. It was longer than it was wide so they extended back a good bit. The back half of our property, beyond the chicken coop was full of pine trees. I moved into the woods. I had a two man tree stand set up back there for archery practice. It was only a twenty-foot deer stand that lacked a safety rail. Perfect for a bow. But the only place I could think of to hide at the moment. Shoving the pistol inside my overalls, I reached for the larger bottle of doe estrus. I uncapped it and splashed estrus behind us. Trying to put some on my boots as I ran, honestly, I think I only splashed the pants, but I wasn't about to stop to do the job right.

  This elicited instant commentary, "Ew, you smell like pee-pee now. That is yucky."

  "The sick people can't smell us if it smells like pee-pee."

  "Oh."

  We continued our run, but I was slowing down a bunch. Gretel was whispering in my ears, "Faster, faster, faster."

  When we got to the stand, I let her down and told her to climb. She gave me a dubious look. I picked her up and set her about four feet up the ladder.

  "Climb. You are way safer up there."

  She climbed and stopped at the half way point and cried some more.

  "Hush, they can hear you."

  That stopped the crying but scared her more. I splashed doe estrus all over the bottom of the stand. Once I had emptied three-quarters of the bottle, I climbed.

  I whispered, "Go on, I will catch you. You can do it."

  We made our way slowly up. By the time I was seated, with her next to me, the first of the zombies came into sight.

  I leaned over very slowly and whispered, "don't move and be very quiet."

  This would be the ultimate test of my cover scent theory. They lifted their heads and sniffed. They turned in circles. They spread out and wandering through the woods. They dispersed. I could feel Gretel vibrating next to me. She must have been terrified. Frankly, I was too. As the zombies spread further out, I put my arm around her and hugged her close. I turned my head and saw tears streaming down her cheeks. The sight just broke my heart. But what the hell could I do about it? The sounds of zombies were all around us. They made no effort at stealth. That was a bonus. They tripped over vines and branches. The sounds of them tripping and falling were constant. The only animals that made that much noise were squirrels. They chattered and barked non-stop, but not a one was lower than ten feet up a tree. Normally, they will bound around in the leaves and make a huge racket. But the zombies made them a little more skittish. I didn’t blame them.

  When I dared risk speaking, I leaned over and whispered, "we will be OK. When they move away, we will go."

  Gretel just scooted closer and leaned in. She rested her head on my chest. The sun was setting. I never minded daylight savings time until the zombie apocalypse. I needed more sunlight. Gretel would get cold as night fell. I was still sweating from carrying her. The crashes around the woods were still constant, so I dared not climb down. Instead, I moved the radio and put it to my head and turned the volume low before turning it back on.

  "… there? Please come in. I’m so scared for you. What is going on? You should be here by now. Daniel?"

  "Shhhhh. We are OK. I’m up in a tree with Gretel. The area is crawling with zombies. There was at least a dozen between us and the house. I ran into the woods to lose them. We are OK. Over."

  "Oh, thank God you are all right. Wait, Gretel? Does that make you Hansel?"

  The little form leaning against me shook. I looked down in fear. Was she bit? Was she turning now? Oh, crap. Did I kill myself with a good deed? No good deed goes unpunished after all. When I caught sight of her, she was shaking with laughter.

  Moving the radio, I whispered, "What is so funny?"

  "Your Hansel and I'm Gretel. We are escaping the evil witches who wants to eat us. That is funny."

  Holy crap. The girl was awesome. She is funny as hell. I like this little girl, she is alright.

  "Hilarious, Peaches. Will call you when we move out. May not run for it for a few hours yet."

  "Gotcha. Take care."

  The girl calmed down and soon her breathing changed and I could tell she was asleep. I was tired too but with no safety bar, I felt that if I went to sleep, one of us would fall out. I held her tighter and waited. The zombies wandered further away. Their crashes were getting harder to hear as they moved away. I looked up to the night sky and saw the full moon. It looked huge in the sky. A thin mist covered the ground below. There was a creek that wound its way through our properties that would do this on a crisp night. It really made the place creepy looking. I had always liked it before, but tonight, not so much. Hell, I loved it before now. During hunting season, the game was more active on the full moon. I wondered if that same effect occurred with zombies. I know kids act crazy when there is a full moon out. Dad, you used to tell me I went insane during the full moon but I suspect he exaggerated some.

  I shook the little girl to wake her up.

  "It's time to go. We need to race to get to my house, OK?"

  She opened her eyes and just nodded. I started down first but then let her climb down with me. She was in between me and the ladder. This way, I could be sure she wouldn’t fall. Upon reaching the ground, I scooped the girl up in my arms. Now I had a pistol in my left and a little girl on my right. This was no way to fight anything. Besides, the little girl didn’t make as good a weapon as the baseball bat. I had to remind myself that I was just kidding with that joke. Damn, I must be tired.

  I ran. Well, I tried to. The clothing and the girl limited me to more of a fast waddle. I was trying to be careful where I placed my feet as I didn’t want to trip and land on the girl. My breath smoked in the cold morning light. The girl shivered, but I was sweating hard. Less from the exertion but more from worry at what I might find.

  The next step nearly caused me to roll my ankle. I must have stepped on a dead branch. As I stopped to look at the mist and figure out what I stepped in, a hand reached up and grabbed at my leg. I nearly wet my pants. I twisted away and ran faster towards the house. The clutching hand never got a grip on me. I cleared the woods and came to the ditch. The mist completely filled the ditch. My imagination surged with images of more grasping hands as I tried to cross the ditch. But it wasn’t wide, and I jumped across. The girl woke some and moaned quietly from the impact. I shushed her as I crouched down. In my yard, there were three moving forms. I pulled the radio and called Sharon.

  "Peach
es, come in Peaches. We are outside. Are you ready to let us in?"

  My heart felt as if it had stopped as I waited for her to respond. Five seconds… Ten seconds… twenty seconds…

  I keyed the radio and tried again, "Sharon, are you there?"

  I turned to look behind me to make sure nothing was sneaking up on me. So far the coast was clear, but for how long? The zombies near the house weren’t acting as if they had noticed me. The one out of the mist in the woods acted like an opportunity hunter. It would try to eat what stumbled by rather than the driven hordes I had seen earlier. I didn’t want to be trapped by the basement door knocking and get trapped by these guys.

  This was when I realized, I had to be constantly good around them. They only needed to get lucky once. I looked down at the bat and thought, batting five hundred here isn’t quite a good achievement. The zombie's advantage was that no one was perfect.

  Tried the radio one more time, "Peaches, I need you to answer."

  A long pause again and finally, "Hey, I'm so sorry."

  Her word 'so' dragged out into far more vowels than was ever intended for the word.

  "I had to go to the bathroom and left the room for just a few minutes. I’m very sorry. Where are you?"

  "It's OK. We are right outside the house. I’m going to run past the three I can see and pound on the door. I will shout if it isn’t all clear. Otherwise, just open the door when I knock. I’m starting my run now."

  I put up the radio and began a run across my back yard. The movement caught the eye of all three. I zigzagged across the yard and avoided all of them with no issues at all. Turning the corner of the house brought me up short as one critter was standing just outside the doorway. No time to try to bat left handed, I yanked the pistol free and fired three quick shots at its head. The creature dropped with its gore-streaked head laying over the side towards the doorway. No time to move it, I went down the steps and knocked with the but of the pistol. I pressed against the far wall to keep Gretel and myself from getting something nasty dripped on us.