Past Forward- A Serial Novel: Episode 15

by Chautona Havig

  “I don’t know.” Disappointment filled her tone. “I don’t want to be foolish and waste what really was the most wonderful month of my life, but how do you ignore strong attraction for someone else?”

  “Strong attraction, eh?” Josh’s voice sounded nearly giddy and his lisp grew more pronounced.

  “You’re not helping.”

  “So what’s the real question?”

  Her shoulders slumped. “What would you think about a woman who invests herself in one man for a month and is ready to turn her back on all that work she put into a relationship after just a few hours with someone else?”

  “What kind of commitment did you make?”

  “To come, get to know him, and decide if I want to continue talking to him after I leave. If he asks, I say yes or no.”

  A grin split Josh’s face. “So, in other words, this is like a really long blind date with no expectations, just hopes.”

  “That’s one way to put it.” She waited impatiently for him to answer and then urged again, “So what would you think if you were a guy who spent a month with a woman and she turned you down at the end because she thinks another guy is interesting.”

  “Well, now that I know there is no real commitment, I hope I’d be happy for her.”

  “But once she walked, that’d be the end of it,” she said for him. “You wouldn’t take a chance on her if something went wrong later with the other guy.”

  “Depends on how much I liked her. I’d rather her find out just how interested you are in him before you invested more in me and then realized after a long time that you were still into someone else.”

  “This went from she to me awfully quickly,” Becca joked. “So, am I being way premature?”

  Josh studied his hands. When she started to speak, he stopped her. “I asked you out already, if you remember.”

  “That’s no answer.” A bite to her words made her blush. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. This is just really hard.”

  “I don’t want to interfere in your—” Josh searched for a word, “thing but…”

  “But what?” Her face lit up. “Oh, you mean you’re not ready? I mean, I totally understand—”

  “I wasn’t until yesterday. If you had asked me, I would have been adamant—no romantic entanglements. Period.” A smile grew slowly across his features. “But I was wrong.”

  “Were you?” A grin grew until her eyes fairly sparkled.

  “What is this guy like?”

  “Everything I ever thought I wanted in a husband and more.”

  “But you are willing to risk throwing it away on someone you have only spent an afternoon with?”

  “I’m not willing to risk throwing away what I’ve been hoping for on the wrong man.”

  Chad arrived at two o’clock and found his wife and guests laughing at her attempts to use the spinning wheel. Her hands worked to hold the wool, pull, and still work the treadle. She had managed to create thick yarn with occasional clumps. Splicing the yarn was trickier. Becca and Josh spent half of their carding time giggling over the quirky way Willow stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth as she tried to twist the fibers back into the broken yarn, as yet another piece broke.

  So concentrated was Willow on her work, that she didn’t hear Portia yapping happily, the screen door slam against the doorjamb, or the titters of Josh and Becca at the look of amazement on Chad’s face.

  He bent low near her ear and murmured, “How are you doing, lass?”

  Willow jumped, her hand flying into the air and whacking Chad’s chin as she did. “You scared me!”

  “Well, I made enough noise coming in…”

  She put down her wool, stood, and walked to the kitchen to make him a sandwich and reheat a bowl of soup. Chad’s face furrowed in concern as he noticed a slight limp in her step. He pointed at the wheel. “How long has she been using that thing?”

  “Only since around eleven or so. Is there a problem?” Chad’s face left Becca feeling concerned as well.

  “She over did it—repetitive motion. Her muscles and nerves are probably killing her.”

  “Why—”

  “Accident last summer. She spent a lot of time in therapy, and I’m guessing that motion isn’t one she practiced.”

  He left them staring slack jawed at him and went to bully his wife into a chair while he fixed his own sandwich. “Lass, I’ve got it. Sit.”

  “I’m fi—”

  “You are not. Your leg is killing you, I can see it.”

  Willow shook her head protesting. “It’s just unused muscles. I’m fine.”

  “I can see pain in your eyes. Rest. I’ll rub that calf as soon as I get some food in me.”

  The front screen creaked and then banged shut. Willow retrieved the oilcan from the pantry and walked to the living room before Chad could stop her. Within seconds, the screen no longer squeaked. He tried not to let his frustration show. He relied on that squeak to let him know where she was and what she was doing.

  “How are things going with those two?”

  She gave him a smile he usually only saw in the most intimate of moments. “Do you think she’ll let me make her dress? I’d love to try to make a wedding dress.”

  “Seriously? You think—”

  “They remind me of us—but different. There’s this electricity in the room whenever they’re there. I don’t know how else to describe it.” She paused trying to find words she couldn’t imagine. “Like—like—you know, when you shuffle across the house in your socks in winter and then touch the doorknob. That.”

  “Static electricity.”

  “Yes!” she exclaimed relieved. “That’s what I mean. It’s in there, with them, all the time. It’s fascinating.”

  Chad didn’t want to disappoint her, but he could see her building romantic hopes for her new friends and didn’t want to see her hurt. “You know, sometimes that’s all there is—it’s called attraction, infatuation. It doesn’t always grow into anything more substantial.”

  She nodded sagely. “I can see that. Endorphins. That’s what Mother called them. She said that they controlled happiness, crushes, and something else. I can’t remember.”

  “Crushes?”

  “It was when I went nuts for Bill that year when I was fifteen. She explained it all, and I saw that it was just a natural chemical reaction that God built into—”

  “Enough. I can’t stand to hear it,” Chad said wearily. “Your mother was so amazing in almost every area of her life, but when it came to male-female relationships, she knew how to strip the God-given joy out of things.”

  “Well,” she retorted giving him a playful look that he recognized all too well. “I learned a lot from her, but I’ve had other teachers in my life too.”

  “Just give me that calf and let me try to work out the kinks before it turns into a sore mess and a Charlie horse,” he growled.

  “Oh, my leg isn’t kinky. It’s just tired.”

  Chad rolled his eyes heavenward and shrugged at the Lord. “What can I say, Lord? What can I say?”

  After dinner, Chad brought up the mail. In it was a large package from Boho full of fabrics for the following spring. “They sent you more fabric? Didn’t you just finish with fall?”

  “Lee says that they’re trying to get on a normal schedule. Apparently, they try to be a full year ahead of current time. If they’re selling spring/summer now, they want spring/summer done for next year too.”

  Before Chad could give his idea on that score, the sound of tires crunching in the yard interrupted them. He glanced out the window and groaned. “Adric and Becca are here.”

  “Wha—”

  “I think Becca needs some advice, and from what I can see, Adric looks a little lost.” Chad tugged gently on Willow’s braid to bring her eyes to meet his. “I’ll take him if you can handle her.”

  “It’s a deal. Oh, and I intend to do some crying later. I feel it already. Thought you should know.”

  �
��Duly warned, milady,” Chad acknowledged with a goofy sweeping bow.

  “That’s lass and don’t you forget it.”

  “Yes’m—hey, Adric. Good to see you guys!”

  Adric opened the door for Becca and ushered her inside. “Becca needed—”

  Before Adric could finish, Becca with tears streaming down her face, rushed at Willow and threw her arms around her. “I’m so confused.”

  “Come on, Adric, why don’t we go take a walk and let the women talk.”

  Willow, not knowing what else to do, led Becca to the couch, wrapped her arms around the weeping woman, and just held her. The minutes ticked by until Becca quieted to an occasional sniffle. Willow reached around her and retrieved a box of Kleenex.”

  “I thought—” Becca sniffed again, “I would have assumed you’d be big on handkerchiefs.”

  “I am. Chad isn’t. He compromised a lot to move here… you know, no electricity, lots of hard work, goat milk, which he hates but drinks because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings…”

  “He hates the milk?”

  “From the faces he makes when he doesn’t have his guard up, he hates it. Doesn’t mind the butter, cheese, yogurt, or ice cream but the milk…”

  Becca gave a half-hearted laugh. “That’s funny.”

  “Something isn’t funny in your life. Am I crazy to suspect it has to do with Josh and Adric?”

  Becca’s eyes filled with fresh tears. “Am I insane? What is wrong with me? I have a wonderful man who is genuinely interested in me. He’s everything I ever wanted. He has invested in me this month, and I know he’s going to want to keep corresponding…”

  “But you find Josh attractive.”

  “I find Josh attractive,” she admitted. “What do I do?”

  “In five years, if you are married to Adric and things are going badly for whatever reason, will you wonder and regret not at least seeing if there was anything to consider with Josh?”

  Willow’s question wasn’t what Becca expected but immediately, it gave her the answer she needed. “I’d regret it before trouble hit if I couldn’t stop thinking about him.”

  “If Adric is the reasonable man that I think he is, he’ll understand. He’ll be hurt—definitely. He might not even realize he’ll understand, but he will. If you spent time with Josh for six months and then decided he wasn’t for you, and Adric still hadn’t found the right woman, I think if you contacted him, he’d be willing to at least meet to discuss it.”

  “But isn’t that kind of using him?” Becca’s pleasing tendencies were tearing her apart.

  “Not if he knows up front. Not if you don’t string him along while you get to know Josh. From the way you’ve described it, he’ll ask to continue correspondence, and you can choose yes or no. Tell him no and tell him why. He’ll know you won’t be playing with fire while pouring water on it at the same time.”

  A strange look filled Becca’s face. “I have no idea what that means, but I get the gist—I think.”

  “Something’s wrong Chad, I can sense it. I’m not the most intuitive man, but it doesn’t take one to see the difference in the past two days.”

  “This is a difficult process. I imagine for women, it is even more difficult—all those emotions…”

  “I know it’s crazy, but I started to care. I’m not head over heels but—”

  “I know exactly what you mean. It’s what I felt for about two or three weeks before I fell in love with Willow.”

  “When did you know?” Adric’s voice seemed simultaneously resigned but curious.

  “The Friday before the wedding when you came over to talk to her about the property situation.”

  “Huh?”

  Chad grimaced. He still felt foolish over his illogical flash of jealousy. “You were out here talking to her and she was so concerned about you, your situation—I watched the two of you and I’m not stupid, she’s an appealing woman.”

  “So jealousy pushed you over the edge?” Adric’s voice was filled with amazement.

  “Something like that.”

  “You know—I mean, I hope you know—that I’d never—”

  “I knew. I just realized, at that moment, that my irritation with a pesky woman that had grown into brotherly affection had moved beyond tentative caring and into a love I cannot describe but am thrilled to have.”

  “That’s what I keep waiting for, but I’m not so sure—”

  “I don’t know,” Chad began hesitantly, “if it’s the right thing to wait for or not. I just don’t know. I do know that we would have had a glorious life if neither of us ever lost our heart completely. You don’t need it to be truly happy. I’m just blessed that I have it.”

  Adric kicked at the dirt for a minute and then told Chad about a man he’d met in Ferndale. “Allison, from April, she took me to her Saturday morning Bible study and there was this man there—Silas.” He paused remembering the story and amazed at how much he desired what Silas had while thinking the man was crazy.

  “Silas met this girl—a lot younger than him. Not just in years but maturity wise, you know? She’s so far beneath him it’s not funny, but he loves her. I’ve never seen anything like it. She left him; he took her back. She goes out with other men; he waits. Until the day she marries someone else, he’ll never quit hoping and trying.”

  “And you wonder if that’s rare or worth holding out for.” It wasn’t a question. Chad understood the appeal of something so deep, but couldn’t encourage it. “I don’t know if Becca is the one for you or not. I do know that if she is, or if this Allison is, or any of the other women you’ve met, it won’t be just because you can’t stand not being with her. I think that’s probably a little rare—especially for a man.”

  Adric nodded. “You’re right. It was amazing to watch, but—”

  “I will say that I’d rather marry someone I know I can trust, respect, and enjoy spending my time with even if I didn’t have the crazy mixed up love for them that I have for Willow, than to marry someone who after twenty years, makes me wish it was over rather than wish for another twenty.”

  They wandered through the greenhouse, out to the gardens, over to the pasture where the sheep enjoyed an evening trough of liquid refreshment, and then back toward the house. As they neared, Adric paused, his jaw working so much that his teeth ground together mercilessly. “Do you think Becca is going to turn me down?”

  “For what, marriage?”

  “No, to keep corresponding. Something is wrong. I’d just like to know what I did wrong.”

  Chad chose his words carefully. “I don’t know that you did anything wrong, man. Even if she isn’t the woman for you, aren’t you glad you had a month with her?”

  “I am but—”

  “Then be thankful for your month and forget about what you can’t control. Trust the Lord in this one. Trust Him.”

  “You’ve got to be a good ten years younger than me, Chad. I’d give anything for that kind of faith.” The exhaustion in Adric’s voice was very telling.

  “You have it. You’re just weary. Rest in the only One who can give you true rest as your brother-in-law always tells us.”

  As Adric and Becca drove away, Chad and Willow waved from the front porch. “Is she going to turn him down?”

  “Yes.” Regret hovered around Willow’s single word.

  “He’s going to be so disappointed.”

  “I wonder if she knows that Josh switched work days with one of the ladies from the store.”

  To be continued…

  Note: This episode is dedicated to the men and women who have found themselves in the gay lifestyle only because of assumptions by others rather than their own preference. I’ve read of the pain of being rejected by “straight” folks because of personality or physical traits that defined them as “gay” and being rejected by the gay community for “denying” their so-called true feelings. This is for them. I wanted one of my characters to represent that person who doesn’t fit in a neat, st
ereotypical, politically correct box.

  Alone without friends or family to comfort her after the death of her mother, Willow Finley’s idyllic life is over—and just beginning.

  Follow Willow as she learns to blend her old life with the new, experiences things she’s only read about, and makes the first friends she’s ever had. Living as if in the past, her life is moving forward.

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