Pretend With Me (Midnight Society #1)

by Jemma Grey

  “Why?” His voice suddenly changed going hard and rough. I forced myself to look at him then. His eyes narrowed at Katalin, murder written plainly on his face and eyes. “You know what that will do.”

  “Eric,” Katalin sighed, closing her eyes. She brought her fingers to her temples, massaging the area. “Your constant questions are giving me a headache. Honestly,” she opened her eyes staring at him tiredly. “Why do you insist on questioning my every move?” She was silent for a second. “Did you know, you are the first person to do so and live? Amazing isn't it? I must really like you.”

  “Katalin, I'm not going to kill her,” Eric growled, suddenly in front her face. He grabbed her neck, shoving her into the back of the chair so hard that it turned over with them both. “I will not let you poison her, Katalin,” he sneered.

  “It isn't going to kill her,” she gave in, rolling her eyes shoving Eric off her. I felt like her personality had changed completely. Katalin was unstable, yet somehow sane and focused. She was whole and separated into pieces at the same thing. It was like watching a split personality slowly take form. “Do you honestly think that after all my hard work to keep her alive, I’ll kill her? Because she didn't take it for while, she's too weak for that to happen. I'm surprised she's awake and not dead actually. She’s too human Eric. Her eighteenth birthday is in a few months, at this rate she won’t change. There aren’t enough pureblood cells, she’s too human... She’s so human in fact that I want her...”

  She stood up and dusted herself off. “Dean is here, my cue to leave.” Katalin then began making her way, at a human pace to the door. I was silently thanking God.

  “Katalin, wait,” Eric both demanded and pleaded suddenly in front of her. “I want to talk to him, now,” he demanded.

  “No,” she said simply and then disappeared from the room, leaving no trace of herself behind. For a split second everything was quiet, like the aftermath of an accident and then Eric was kneeling in front of me.

  “Are you okay?” he breathed out running his eyes along me. I remained silent, not being able to find my voice. It was hidden somewhere deep inside me. “Jen, talk to me,” he pleaded.

  I wanted to, I had so many questions. So many things I needed someone to explain before I really did go crazy. I opened my mouth, trying to speak, but not looking at him. I stared at everything else in the room, but nothing could hold my gaze for long. My eyes kept wondering at random things, searching for something, but I didn't know what.

  Eric grabbed my face and my eyes focused on his face. “You...” I heard myself whisper. “You lied to me..?” I asked and in the same moment realization hit me like a bullet to the brain. I was stunned and angry and awake at the same time. I slapped his hand away from me and immediately shoved him aside. “You lied to me!” I screamed as loud as I could.

  I knew that there were other things I should be angry about, things that I should try to figure out. I had just learned about an entirely different, scary world, and I’d been initiated into that world – whatever the fuck that meant. All I could focus on though, was that Eric had lied to me.

  I shot off the sofa and Eric began backing away. “You fucking lied to me, Eric!” I grabbed the closest solid object that I could find and lugged it at him without aiming. It shattered into pieces at his foot. “I am going to become one of you and you knew . You lied to me!”

  “At least I'm not suicidal,” he spat back. “You're a liar too, Jen!”

  “That's different, you ass!” Hot angry tears rolled down my face. “How does someone not mention that they're a vampire? I am being forced to marry you - and you you're a vampire,” I spat back, making the words as dirty and offensive as I could. “How the fuck could I become a vampire? How could I have trusted you?”

  “You trust me?” he scoffed. “You said you were fine. You said there was no reason to worry.”

  I grabbed another object, this time a lamp, and threw it at him, hoping it would smash his head in. “Stupid son of a bitch, I hate you!” I sneered throw ing something else at him, aiming this time. Eric stepped out of the way and it shattered against the desk.

  “Oh, the feeling is mutual,” he sneered back. “I can't believe you. You trust no one, you make yourself so hard to read, I have no idea what is on your mind on most days and I'm a mind reader. It's impossible to tell you anything!” he screamed, suddenly in my face. “And then you wonder why everyone around you keeps keeping things from you,” he whispered, his breath washing over my face in the same instant that fresh tears spilled out my eyes.

  “It's because you make it impossible, Jen,” he breathed out. Before I could answer he was gone from in front me, walking to the door. I stood there angry and crying not sure what to do. I heard the door slam shut and it made me jump in my skin, scaring me into movement. I was soon out of the room and after him. I found him walking down the stairs, almost to the end of it.

  Before I could stop myself, I grabbed a picture hanging on the wall and hurled it towards his head with all the force and strength I could manage. It clocked him at the back of his head and immediately he turned staring at me with hate and murder plain in his eyes.

  “Take it back,” I said my voice surprisingly steady and a little calm. “That's not true Eric, take it back.”

  “Oh it's true Jen,” he snorted, “you just refuse to see it. Everyone else can, and I’d bet Daren saw it too.”

  I flinched at this. “Don't talk about Daren, he has nothing to do with this. You didn't fucking know him Eric!”

  “I know enough. Why is he really dead? How did he die Jen? Why do you feel so guilty?” I stood at the top of the stairs frozen, not sure what to do. I couldn't move. My heart was beating loudly against my ribcage and at that moment, I wanted to rip it from my chest and fling it at him too.

  “So you don't know?” he continued bitterly when I didn’t respond. “He died because he loved you. Loving you, it's a curse, because to love you means to die for you. That's why he's dead, Jen. That's why you feel guilt, because you know deep down in that little black, selfish heart of yours that you killed him.”

  “Eric, enough,” Mrs. Wilson demanded suddenly standing at his side. She placed a hand on his shoulder and as soon as she did he shrugged it off roughly.

  I didn't take my eyes off Eric for one second. Instead they zoomed in on him as if he was my target. All my tears had stopped now. I felt pure anger building in me, boiling in my veins, licking my insides like fire consuming a house filled with gasoline. Steam rose inside me and my breathing became hard, fast and furious. My entire frame shook.

  I stormed down the stairs, moving so fast that before I could recognize what I was doing, what I meant to do I was already in front of his face. My hand curled up in a tight ball and I smashed it into his jaw using all the strength and force I had in me. Eric didn't move aside or try to block it; instead he stood there and absorbed the blow which only fuelled my fury.

  “I hate you!” I screamed in his face. “I hate you, Eric!” My hand tightened again and it shot out at him. But before it could hit him again, another hand clamped around my knuckles, stopping me. My eyes blinked and in that short time someone was behind me, holding me back as Eric's mom stood in front of him.

  I kicked and trashed at the person, digging my nails into their neck and hands, any part of them I could reach, making the person's hand tighten around my waist. Adrenaline shot through me, making me see everything foggy and red from anger. There was nothing I wanted more than to hurt Eric Wilson.

  “Calm down, Jen,” Eric's dad said in my ears and I realized that it was him holding me back.

  I took an angry deep breath, forcing myself to stop trashing around. “I'm fine,” I told him and the second his arms loosened I shot towards Eric not caring about anything but beating him to a pulp. Before I could reach him, Jason was in front of me, stopping me from going any further.

  “I hate you!” I screamed again over Jason’s shoulder, fighting as he held me back. “And I'd
rather be dead than married to you!”

  “Yes, I know just how much you want that,” Eric said blankly, but his eyes were hurt and livid. Then without saying another word, he turned away from me and stormed out of the house, slamming the door so hard that it sent shock waves running through the house. The aftermath of that; was that it left the house completely silent and devastated. It was worse than not fighting with Eric.

  9

  I was in my bedroom, sitting on the bed while Dr. Wilson was on a chair in front of me, cutting away the crumpled cast from my hand. After Eric had stormed out Dr. Wilson and Jason brought me in here. Mrs. Wilson had stayed back to apologize to everyone who had witnessed the fight. As soon as I had stopped screaming how much I hated Eric and w anted him dead, Jason had left to find him.

  “Dr. Wilson...” I began ashamed. “I’m so sorry...” He smiled trying to comfort me. “I understand completely. Eric should not have said those things, it was horrible... the entire situation was horrible.”

  “I hit him,” I said mostly to myself. I was never a violent person. I’ve never fought anyone like this in my life, not until now. Who was I becoming? I could barely recognize myself. I didn't know what or who I was anymore. After Daren's death I'd lost myself but somewhere along the line, while being with Eric and his family I'd begun to see myself again. It was slow, but it was progress nevertheless. And now in a few hours I was back to being totally lost and confused, maybe even more lost than I'd been before. Once again I was blindly stumbling around in the dark.

  “But that wasn’t you,” he said and pulled the cast away freeing my hand. “How does your hand feel, any pain?” He held my hand and began rotating my wrist this way and that.

  “No,” I shook my head. “What do you mean it wasn’t me?”

  “It was Eric’s blood. You’re used to a weaker, smaller version of it. But Katalin gave you almost thirty times what you’re used to. Our blood is very powerful and the thing is, with our blood in a human it may take a while to take effect but once it does, it fuels and strengthens everything in the body. Your emotions where... is still heightened. Eric knew that, you didn’t.”

  I frowned letting it sink in. “So that’s what this is..?” I wondered. I was overwhelmed. I felt anger and hate towards Eric - there was so much hatred for him that I still wanted to beat him. Just thinking about it made me so mad all over again. Inside I wanted to rip him apart yet at the same time I felt unbearable sadness and guilt. I was at fault too. Eric was right; we'd agreed to talk to each other. And as if that wasn't enough, there was also the thought that I didn't know who I was anymore circling me. Suddenly I was going to become a vampire. I was engaged to marry one. My head was swimming with these thoughts. It was overwhelming and I just wanted to scream. “I feel like I'm about to burst,” I admitted. “Is it like this for all... of you?”

  “Naturally everything about us is intensified so when we hurt... we hurt in a way no human could ever understand. It's unbearable...”

  I thought about that for a long while and could only come up with one thought. “How do you find the courage to continue then?” I whispered looking up at him.

  “It’s quite simple really,” he smiled as if he was about to let me know some ancient secret. “When we’re heartbroken... it’s like our world - ourselves - nothing is worth it anymore. Everything is broken around us, it all goes dark and cold, and all that's left of us is fractions of what we once were. But when we love, it’s amazing. Our entire universe is overwhelmed with life... When we hurt, we hurt terribly Jenifer... but when we love... there aren’t words for when we love...” He let out a small light chuckle. “In time you’ll grow accustomed to it,” he smiled and placed my hand on my lap. “Everything is fine. All the bones are in place, your hand has healed completely.”

  “Katalin broke my hand and then held it in place, why did she do that?” I asked staring at my hand. It felt light without the cast. As if at any moment it would float up and fly away.

  “Healing is faster and less painful with a clean break.”

  I nodded. “So all this time... all my life, Eric’s blood has been keeping me alive... It’s been him all along, constantly healing me?” He nodded looking at me. “Wouldn't his blood have healed my wrist too?” I wondered. I mean if it could treat my illness then what was a damaged wrist? Dr. Wilson only nodded. “So why did you leave me in the cast? You didn’t know I wasn’t taking the pills...”

  “You didn’t know what the pills were; you didn’t know what we are either. It was about keeping up a human appearance.”

  “My parents…” I hesitated, swallowing. “Do they know about you and…” I trailed off, not knowing how to phrase it. “About all of this...?”

  “No, and hopefully they’ll never have to find out.” I nodded, relieved. I never wanted my parents to find out about these things, or about the ‘medication’ they’ve been giving me my entire life.

  I opened my mouth to ask another question, but was stopped when a soft knock on the door echoed through the room. Both of us turned at the same time to find Eric standing in the doorway. Dr. Wilson turned to me, “I’ll leave you two to talk,” he stressed making it clear that all we were to do was talk. He then got up and left the room.

  Eric shuffled into the room and a strong stench of blood followed him. I was sure that when he’d left the house there was no blood on him, and my heart picked up immediately. “Why is there blood on you?” I asked.

  “Don’t worry, Jen, I haven't been murdering people,” he sneered bitterly. He shrugged out of his jacket and my breath caught. Instantly I stood up wanting to go to him. Instead I forced myself to stay where I was. Most of his shirt was covered in blood. It was fresh, still wet and clinging to his skin. What had happened to him?

  “What do you mean?” I asked forcing myself to focus on what he’d said. It didn’t make sense.

  “Isn’t that what we do, kill people?” he sneered mockingly. I felt myself take a step, but stopped when I saw his eyes. They were bitter, angry, and filled with loathing.

  “What are you talking about, Eric?”

  “Are you trying to tell me that for one second you didn’t think that?” He began walking to me slowly.

  “No,” I answered honestly at once.

  I felt his hands on my shoulders and he pressed me back against something, a wall. It took me a few seconds for my brain to catch up with his fast movements. He had spun us around and now we were at the far end of the room directly opposite the bed. “And I suppose that you’re not afraid of me right now?” he growled, as his blue eyes suddenly became so intense that they burned brighter before me, almost glowing and lighting up like a blue bulb on a Christmas tree.

  I swallowed and then forced myself to take a breath. “No,” I said. “I’m not.” It was just clicking in my head that since Katalin had told me the truth, I had never been afraid of him. I had been lost and pissed off, but never scared of him.

  “Bullshit,” he breathed out in a low whisper. His breath washed over my face and I breathed in his scent. Even now, covered in blood and angry at me I wanted to kiss him. A fire burned in my throat and I urged to pull his face to mine. I yearned to reach out to him, rip the horrible blood filled shirt off and hug him, never letting him go. I bit my lip to stop myself from doing just that.

  The feeling was unjustifiably strong, and I couldn’t make sense of it. Somehow I was suddenly filled with lust and desire. It felt like all throughout this night, that was what I was doing - feeling things that I could not explain. When would it stop and start making sense again?

  I forced myself to concentrate. I swallowed making sure that my voice was steady. “I’m not afraid of you, Eric.” Without thinking I grabbed onto the ends of his shirt, not caring about the blood. “I know you won’t hurt me. I’m not afraid of you,” my voice was hard, confident, and knowing.

  “You should be,” he whispered, his breath brushing my face again making me want him even more. Every cell in my body ached f
or him to touch me. The feeling was more than a want; it had crossed that line long ago. I needed him now.

  Eric swallowed and then dropped his hands from the sides of my face where they'd been caging me in. He started backing away now and the further he got was the more alone and cold I felt. It was like I was losing him, like he was going away and never coming back. My hands fell loosely at my side.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you, Eric,” I whispered, desperately wanting to reach out and hold him. He couldn’t leave me, if I was clinging to him.

  “Hurt me?” he snorted. “Jen, you completely destroyed me. Sorry doesn’t begin to compensate!” he shouted. I closed my eyes and tears rolled down my face. When I reopened them, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in both of his hands. I didn’t respond, there was nothing I could say to make it better. The loud silence stretched on for what seemed like forever.

  “Look,” he sighed loudly, “trying to be friends... isn't working. You don't want this wedding and there is no way we can get out of it. I'll leave you alone from now on and you'll do the same... We won't have to see each other until we absolutely have to, so I guess I'll see you on our wedding day.” Then finally Eric got off the bed, heading for the door.

  “Eric...” I trailed off not sure what I wanted to say. He stopped but didn’t turn to me.

  “What is it now, Jen?” he asked tired. Guilt and sadness flooded me, but the most potent emotion in me was the overwhelming thought that he was leaving me. That I was losing him... and how could I blame him for leaving me?

  It was me, I was doing this to him, yet I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop feeling what I was. I wished I could but my feelings for Daren... my feelings about this wedding, it was too strong. I couldn’t stop it or change it.

  “That’s what I thought,” he said bitterly and then left the room. The door clicked shut behind him like an explosion and it left the room engulfed in an ear-piercing, loud silence that were like knives and razor blades cutting into my flesh.