Pretend With Me (Midnight Society #1)

by Jemma Grey

  I understood everything Katalin said. I’d thought about these things before and tried to convince myself that my mind was just running wild. Why would Katalin confirm these thoughts? Why would she want to make me hate the Elders and Thirdworld even more?

  A thought hit me then, like a voice at the back of my head just skimming the surface. I always assumed what Katalin wanted, Thirdworld wanted too. Now I was beginning to wonder what if Katalin’s goals and Thirdworld’s goals weren’t the same after all. What if they were completely different?

  I didn’t say anything to let her know what I was thinking, and she didn’t touch on the subject either. Instead, I heard myself say, “You’re also a weapon.” The sentence came out as a statement, and the second the words left my lips, I knew they were true. When Katalin remained silent, I took that as confirmation, not that I needed it.

  “Doesn’t it bother you?” I continued. “Thirdworld is using you – your strength and power – to kill people… They’re using you just as they are using me… how are you not pissed?” I snapped, feeling myself getting angry for her. “How can you not care?”

  “I have my reasons for letting them,” she shrugged carelessly, yet there was something amused about her.

  “How do you deal with the guilt?” I wondered. I had killed Zane, and though he deserved to die I still felt guilty about taking his life. He was a person and I – another person – had taken his life.

  “Guilt...” she frowned at me. “Most humans will tell you that taking a life never gets easier… Eric will say that it’s natural and the most powerful feeling in the world, seductive and like a sort of high… For you though, it’s different. No one will ever understand. Eric grew up knowing exactly what he was and that one day blood will be spilled by his hands... you didn’t. You grew up in the human world... killing or hurting others… you’ve never prepared yourself for that,” she paused again and I began to think she was talking more to herself than to me.

  “Taking a life was never in the equation for you… As for remorse… you’ll never stop feeling it and it won’t get easier to bear… you just have to decide if holding onto the things you’re trying to hold onto, is worth hurting others over... and if it is, then you have to find a way to live with it.... In our world, there is no such thing as good or evil, and right or wrong, there is only fighting for the things you can’t live without and living with the consequences after... In Thirdworld…” she mused, “you need to be selfish. You need to think about what you want, how to get it… then when you do have it think about how to keep it.”

  Just as I was about to ask another question she stood up, stretched and started for the door. Before I could ask, she answered. “Your questions are exhausting. I need to sleep now… and you need to speak to your friend…” she trailed off disappearing through the doorway as my phone came to life, blaring at my side.

  I answered without looking at the screen and was greeted by Charde, wanting to finalize everything for my bachelorette party. Then just like that, my entire week was planned, straight down to the day when I’d no longer just be Jenifer Kate Carson. Soon I’d have a shiny new name to add, along with a Thirdworld title.

  While Eric was gone helping Katalin, I spent the next two days with Mrs. Wilson and the wedding planner, going through every detail of the wedding, from the security right down to the color of the flowers and music. I was exhausted at just the thought of how much things were going to be happening all at once on the same day. There were meetings after meetings with the sound and light company, florist, photography and video people, the chef and what felt like thousands more. Truth being told, I hardly remembered much of it. I was present in all the meetings and gave my input when I needed to, but I wasn’t really into finalizing these things.

  My mind was tied up thinking about Eric still being gone, and all that Katalin had told me. Everything was just so overwhelming and happening too fast. It felt like I was dazed and just drifting by as the world rushed on in front of me, making all my decisions, which was exactly what it was, but the feeling was surreal.

  I looked down at my finger and the engagement ring glinting in the light. Looking at it now, I realized I’ve never really looked at it before, most of the time I avoided it. It was a vintage princess cut, silver ring that was made up of two separate bands though they were small and delicately joined at the top. Smaller diamonds weaved around the main diamond at the top and then led a short trail around the ring. It was a beautiful, gorgeous ring yet so simple.

  “You're home,” Jason said at my side, breaking me out of the trance I'd been in.

  “Jason, you don’t have to stay with me,” I said as he opened the car door for me, taking my hand and leading me towards the front doors of the Wilson mansion.

  “Are you kidding?” he frowned. “You’re a danger magnet… you might roll down the stairs… or lock yourself in the freezer… or fall head first into the washing machine… I can’t leave you alone… you’ll die,” he mused as he opened the door, standing aside to let me in first. “And then Eric will have my balls.” Since Eric wasn’t back yet and Katalin was still drained from being fed on, Jason had taken over as my guard, something I still thought was unnecessary.

  “It’s nice to know you genuinely care, Jason,” sarcasm coated my voice thickly as I stepped into the house and instantly found myself searching for any sign that Eric was back. I came up with nothing though. It was just after 9PM and the place was exactly how I’d left it this morning when Jason had shown up to take me to my dress fitting.

  “Self-preservation, baby,” Jason chuckled as he shoved me towards the living room. Once there he released me and grabbed the TV remote, then dropped down on the sofa, making himself comfortable. He was such a couch potato when he wanted to be. I slumped over to him, dropping down at his side, yawning loudly, which only made him laugh at me. “You’re such a light weight,” he joked.

  “You weren’t on your feet all day,” I yawned again.

  Jason just stared at me, shaking his head for a moment. “Go to bed, Jen, I’m sure when Eric comes back he’ll wake you up,” he smiled at me.

  I stared at him for a while, wondering how he knew I was waiting for Eric. Charde, Emily, Amelia, and I were supposed to leave for our trip early tomorrow morning and I didn’t want to go without saying goodbye to Eric. “Okay,” I nodded, standing up from the couch. “Goodnight, Jason,” I said and then walked out of the room.

  When I got to my bedroom, I paused for a minute outside, staring at the wooden door in contempt. Without Eric or any of the other Wilsons here, the house was too big. It felt too cold and spacious, and it made me feel alone. Not wanting to feel like this anymore, I turned away from my bedroom door and opened Eric’s.

  As always, his room was perfectly organized and cleaned. It was so tidy that it should radiate coldness, but I didn’t feel like that. Instead, the room was filled with warmth and comfort, everything that was Eric Wilson. It smelled like him, and despite being alone in a giant house, I didn’t feel so alone anymore.

  I walked over to his wardrobe and found his shirts. They were all hanging neatly and sorted by colors. Not wanting to mess anything up, I slowly closed his wardrobe, walked over to his bed and crawled into the middle of it. Even this smelled like him. The last thing I remembered before falling asleep was his scent and almost as it had conjured him up when I did awake, it was to his voice saying my name as his fingers gently shook me.

  “I’m up,” I muttered, barely able to open my eyes.

  “Charde is going to be here in half an hour…” he explained and I groaned remembering that today we’d be leaving for my party. “Or if you want you can cancel and stay?” he suggested and I could hear the amusement thick in his voice.

  I sat up on the bed at once, not even wanting to think about that offer. Eric was tempting enough. “When did you get back? And why didn’t you wake me?” I frowned.

  “About two hours ago… and I’m waking you up now,” he chuckled, hi
s eyes warm and easy. “Jen… why were you sleeping in my room?” he then smirked amused.

  “I… uh…” I started, too sleepy and tired to think of any reason other than the truth. “Well you know… I just decided to.”

  “You missed me,” he beamed, pointing a finger at me accusingly. “Admit it, Jen.”

  “What?” I scoffed at him, my voice a note higher than usual. “Pfff… as if I would ever… I mean you’re so… OCD-ish and you know,” I muttered as I crawled off the bed awkwardly and started for the bedroom door.

  My bachelorette party with Charde, Emily, and Amelia was amazing. When we got there, we checked into a hotel and spent a few hours relaxing. Then later that night we went to a nightclub called ‘Shade.’ I don’t think I ever had that much fun in a nightclub before.

  The next day we all slept until midday. Then Charde and Amelia dragged Emily and I on a shopping trip. I really would have preferred sleeping in, but Charde had literally pulled me off my bed. She had also insisted that I try on a lot of the clothes I thought were nice or the ones she thought I would look good in. I must have came deathly close to maxing out the credit card that Eric had given me or I’d put a major dent in it. I wondered if he would be mad.

  Later that night was the concert and then the next day we spent at the pool. The last night was by far the best though. Amelia had gotten some cheesy romantic comedy movies and we made an event out of that. The next morning, after breakfast we started the drive back and made it just in time for the rehearsal stuff.

  Sometime during my bachelorette party, my parents had flown into the country. They were staying at a hotel close by, mainly because the Wilson mansion was now fully occupied with other pureblood families who’d come from all around the globe and even Thirdworld for the wedding. The species didn’t stop at just purebloods though, there were also royal witch families, royal shifters

  – who I was staying away from – and some important people from Thirdworld.

  In an attempt to control all these people the security was over the top. I thought it was bad when I had a close guard and two far guards at school, but I’d really had no idea. Along with all the royals that came from Thirdworld, Katalin had brought in members of a Thirdworld army that now patrolled the grounds constantly. That, added to each royal family’s personal guards as well as the Wilson’s regular guards, made everything a mad house, and none of it made me feel any safer.

  During the rehearsal dinner I kept to myself not trusting any of these people, and once that was over and we’d gotten back to the Wilson mansion, I’d gone straight to my bedroom while most of my guests roamed the house. I figured this was about the only place I could safely hide out in since tonight Eric was having his bachelor party with his groomsmen in the pool house.

  As I crawled into bed that night, I couldn’t help but think about what tomorrow would hold. I was going to wake up, get dressed and walk down the aisle to the most amazing guy I could ever dream about; someone that was strong and powerful, who had protected me and made me feel safe when I was my worst enemy… A guy that loved me for everything I was, even when I was broken, untrusting and even as I hurt him…

  I was nervous like I’d never been before. My stomach was in knots so tig ht it was almost painful. My mind was a complete mess and just thinking about tomorrow made me want to throw up. Any girl getting married would feel this, but the source of my discomfort wasn’t wedding jitters...

  Tomorrow was the day I would join the ranks of Thirdworld; a dark and twisted place. I would be royalty… a princess to one of the strongest bloodline in the supernatural world; a world that planned to use me as a weapon to kill, and continue on the line of succession as its rulers saw fit. I was nowhere near ready for something like this. Every part of my body wanted to run and hide myself, but despite this feeling, I was going to marry Eric. I’d do it because Eric deserved to be happy.

  Once he’d told me that even though it would hurt him, if he could call off the wedding he’d do it. He’d do if for me, because he knew I was hurting. I didn’t want this and regardless of the love between us this wedding was nothing more than Thirdworld politics playing us like puppets on a string, but I’d do it. Somehow, I would find the will to walk down the aisle and say ‘I do’ because I loved Eric and that was what love was. It was doing something you didn’t want to do because it would make the other person happy, because it would save them from pain.

  22

  When I woke up that morning, the very first thing I was aware of was Christy’s tiny arm wrapped around my neck so tightly that she was almost choking me. Gently I eased her arm loose and away from my neck. She must’ve crawled into my bed again last night after I’d finally managed to fall asleep.

  I smiled remembering the morning I had first woken up to find a strange yet angelic golden haired girl sleeping on me. I had fallen in love with her from that very moment. Christy was such a sweet child, you couldn’t help but fall in love with her. In fact you couldn’t help but love the entire Wilson family. It was like they had a spell around them, making everyone take an immediate liking to them. I guess, in the case of in-laws I could’ve gotten worse.

  I hoped that I wouldn’t hurt them today. I wanted so much to make it through the day without freaking out. Every single cell in my body, every ounce of my soul wanted to go through with this wedding; I prayed I had the strength.

  I stayed in bed until it was a decent time to get up, then I gently eased off the bed, trying not to wake Christy. After cleaning myself up, I ventured downstairs through the staircase at the back of the mansion that led directly to the kitchen. I was avoiding all the decorations and other wedding details that might lead to a freak-out. I was beyond taking it a day at a time or even an hour. I was down to trying to survive the minutes as they came.

  Just as with my engagement ball, all the walls from the ground floor had been removed, except the ones separating the kitchen and ballroom. I couldn’t see it, but I knew the schematics of everything. It was all supposed to be lavishly decorated with exotic, yet warm and comforting flowers, lights, and a million other things that I refused to think about right now. Even the garden at the back of the house was supposed to have pretty water fountains; frankly, every square foot of the property would be decorative and fancy.

  Eric and his groomsmen would be dressing at the pool house, while my bridesmaids and I occupied the bedrooms upstairs. I didn’t know any of my bridesmaids, save for Charde; the one thing I’d insisted on. I suspected they were all other purebloods from the other bloodlines, but today was the first time I was seeing any of them.

  The kitchen was a madhouse. There were about fifty persons at least, all dressed in chef’s uniforms hustling about the now giant room, calling out orders to each other, directing how and where everything was supposed to be, stressing about every tiny detail. It was like a circus - there were so many things going on at once. It was all so chaotic that I wondered how they got anything done.

  Just seeing this made my stomach turn and the walls of my throat tightened instantly. I could already feel panic beginning to gracefully sink into my skin. Doing the only thing I could think of, I spun around and bolted back up the stairs before I could have a full-blown panic attack. My plan was to hide out in the bedroom until I was needed for makeup and whatever destiny had in store for me today.

  Much to my dismay, destiny came knocking on my bedroom door sooner than I had hoped in the form of three very pretty women. One was short and curvy, with dark grey eyes. Her name was Celia. She had curly hair that reached just under her chin. The next was named Krystal. She had long black straight hair that dropped to the middle of her back. She was tall and a little thinner than Celia. The last woman had dark down skin and eyes that were as dark and deep as a lake at night. She was the prettiest of them all and reminded me of those rare African dolls. Her name was Abi.

  I took an instant liking to them. Unlike my usual prep team, these girls were laid back and calming. I found that I could see th
em clearly, they were well defined, rather than blurred, as I saw people sometimes. I could feel them being genuine in everything they did and said while they did my hair and makeup.

  It took me a while to realize I had been seeing them with the third eye, instead of my human eyes. Ever since I awakened this started happening. One second I would be looking at a person, seeing only what was being shown and then the next, I’d shift to looking at them and seeing what was hidden. Luckily, the shift happened within me so to the people around me, nothing really changed. I could tell when people were lying to me, or why they were suddenly nervous, or if they were hiding something. My inheritance was almost like having a combination of Eric’s and Christy’s inheritance, yet not as intense.

  Abi, Celia and Krystal suddenly stepped back, standing in front of me. They all had small, awestruck smiles on their lips and as I looked at them, my heart thudded in my chest with a mixture of excitement and fear. “Girls,” Abi gushed, “we did good,” she grinned proudly.

  “She’s like a doll…” Krystal beamed at me.

  “Okay, don’t get too excited now,” Celia chided them. “We still have the dress,” she said and then looked to me. “Are you ready?”

  No was what I wanted to say. I was never going to be ready for something like this, because even though I wanted to get through today for Eric and his family, I didn’t want it for me. Inside I was torn. Every part of my body revolted at the thought of hurting my soon-to-be extended family, yet at the same time all of me wanted to turn and run away from everything. I didn’t want to be a pawn piece for the Elders, to be pushed forward or sacrificed for their need. I didn’t want to be a princess of Thirdworld, and I certainly didn’t want to get married because I was being forced to.

  I didn’t answer right away; instead I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. My heart was racing in my chest. Already, I was so nervous that deep breaths weren’t helping anymore. My stomach was tight with knots as I took another long, slow breath - sucking in air and feeling it fill my chest then I let it out, standing up from the chair I’d been sitting on. “As I’ll ever be,” I whispered in a small, timid voice as I opened my eyes staring at the wedding dress she was now holding; my wedding dress.