Sweetest Obsessions - Anthology

by Anthony, Jane

  “I’ve known him longer, and I told him to rent the jewelry. You just want to sell his necklace, and I wouldn’t allow that if he hadn’t ordered me to.”

  “He’s a good liar.” She grabbed it, ignoring the way he wrinkled his nose. “Alright,” she clasped it around her neck. “I’m ready.”

  “He isn’t, I’m afraid.” George left with a begrudging nod and walked off. He hated her, and she could feel it, but she knew what she was dealing with. Even if he knew Cade all this time, he never saw Cade’s true self. Nobody did.

  18

  The couch was designed for parlors, where stiff, Victorian women would entertain unwanted company with furniture that was just as rigid uncomfortable as they were. By the time Lori checked her phone again—an urge she’d been suppressing since George left—it had been a half hour, and she was starting to get impatient.

  Rather than have the wooden backing dig into her spine, she decided to go back to her room and sit on the end of the bed. If she laid back, the perfect fabric on her gown would get creased, and he’d notice.

  The idea was to show him perfection, and make him see that she didn’t need him to take care of her. That’s what he was doing. He was trying to show off; he made his money, built his fleet—as he used to say—and he wanted her to think that she could take part in that life.

  It wasn’t true, of course. He’d promise her everything, say whatever it took, but the second she stepped on land, he’d do what he always did: sail away and leave her behind. She could’ve killed him, but she couldn’t get to him.

  He was stalling to make sure she wanted it, and she did want to see him, just not for the reason he was hoping for. That’s what always bothered her about him—the wait, the worrying, the anxiety, but he liked water better than land, and she couldn’t even look at the ocean.

  After an hour, she was pacing around her room, trying to convince herself that it would be a bad idea to go hunt him down. It wouldn’t have worked. He was going to see her when he wanted to see her.

  When he did, she couldn’t be in this state. He wanted her to be angry. She was pliable when she was upset. It clouded her reason, and it made her predictable. She laid down, closed her eyes, and focused on her breathing—the in and out—the invisible flow, moving through her.

  She saw his silhouette, a pillar in the darkness outside the restaurant; his face when they were lying together, safe in their personal blanket fort; the innocent exploration, the sanctity of pillow talk, the promises they made. Deception had no place when two souls combined. If there was such as thing as an unforgivable sin, he committed worse.

  She couldn’t forget. Instead, she allowed herself to dwell on that painful time after, when her world ended, and she was living in a hotel with nobody to turn to—the blood, the pills, the whiskey. He drove her to that.

  He convinced her that the world didn’t matter without him—that life was hopeless, and she was weak. That’s what she walked away with, and it travelled with her. She couldn’t better herself. She kept thinking of the poor woman sitting by the front window, checking out every few minutes, because she knew that the man she loved had betrayed her.

  She decided to take that thought and flip it around. She wasn’t going to let those memories control her any longer. She was going to take that destructive force and use it as a shield against him.

  She held on, swimming in resentment and adrenaline, until she heard the knock. “Finally,” she stood, checked her hair in the mirror, and went to go answer the door. With anger swelling, she stepped aside, so George could push the food cart inside.

  “Captain Parker sends his apologies. He has other affairs to tend to this evening.”

  “Bullshit,” Lori replied. “Let’s make this fast.”

  “But Miss...”

  She held up a hand. “No buts. I’m tired. I don’t want to play games. Now take me to him.”

  “My orders were to deliver the message.” George strode out, leaving her to wonder.

  Was Cade going to make her wait? She didn’t think he would. This was a last-ditch attempt to piss her. Unless, if he wanted to be thorough and ensure that he had the effected he wanted, he wouldn’t let her see him until the end of the cruise. But what would be the point in that? He wanted to fuck, not fall in love. No, he was ready, and so was she.

  She found the elevator and took a moment to breathe before stepping inside. She had to harbor resentment, but not the fiery anger she was used to. He was the master of the water, fluid and strong. He could put out a fire. She had to be cold, like steel—neutral and indifferent.

  Under the watchful eye of the elevator’s security camera, she did manage to keep her composure, but that was about it. Inside, she was planning her attack—and panicking. She promised herself that she would never do this.

  She knew what she was going to feel before she felt it. Twisting through the shaft, there were chills swimming down her shoulder blades and bursts of static, dancing across the hair on her arms., and when the elevator stopped—a dread, sickening feeling that had her staring, watching as the doors opened to the hall she’d seen before.

  She didn’t get a good look; she was almost blacked out with rage. Now that she was anxious, and her breath came slow, she had a moment to look. On both sides side, water was falling through slits in the wall, creating tiny streams that flowed down the corridor, circled the sitting area, and found their place outside, creating a ring that came crashing down into the wave pool below.

  There was no railing, nothing to keep Cade from falling, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was staring out at the ocean, his back turned, with his captain’s hat in hand. He was a statue of the perfect soldier.

  “You say you want to see me. Then you cancel dinner, knowing that I would storm up here, and that—did you become a sadist, because that is the only possible explanation for the picture you sent me. How could you? Do you have any idea what you did—what you’re doing to me now?”

  He didn’t even acknowledge her presence. “Goddammit, Cade, speak to me!”

  “I’ve been trying to find you this whole time, and this...how could I? How could you? Why did you do it, Lori? Why would you leave?”

  She was shocked by his resentful tone. He wasn’t a victim. “I should push you off.”

  “Please,” he turned to face her, and a glint of light reflected off his cheek. With his arms held out at his sides, he took a step back closer to the edge. “If you won’t tell me, then push me off.”

  He knew how angry she was, and part of her was ready to run forward and shove him over the edge, but she’d never seen a single tear fall down his face, not once since freshman year in high school. He wouldn’t fake that. He had far too much dignity. In fact, the courage it took for him to show her this—it had her wondering: Was this the first time he cried since she left, or were there other nights, spent alone?

  “Fifteen years. Fifteen years. Dear God, and you call me a sadist.”

  “They said it happened because of the stress.”

  “FROM WHAT!?”

  He advanced, arms still raised at his sides. “What did I do except love you and fight and sacrifice?”

  “Why are you doing this? You know. You just...” she looked around. “What is this? Are you trying to relive—”

  “I came home to find my pregnant wife gone, on the edge of death after a miscarriage—that you had tried to take your life. And I died—I died after you left. How could I possibly leave a moment like that? I live that betrayal, and dammit I deserve an answer. Why? There have been times when I have been so close to...I love you. What did I do?”

  “You came home every night for weeks with perfume on your shirts, and the stench of liquor all over you. You were leaving me there while you screwed somebody else.”

  “No,” he shuddered.

  “You think I didn’t know. You’re going to pull this fucking stunt, and you think—what? What do you want from me?”

  “Do you remember how we lived? We c
ould barely pay for our electricity. The only things we ate, I caught myself. I couldn’t bring a child into that.”

  “So you thought yo—

  “Give me a chance. That is the least you could do.”

  “No.”

  “I got a job bartending, and I was so ashamed, I didn’t want to tell you. I can’t believe you left, and for such a simple misunderstanding. We could’ve...”

  “Are you lying to me to use me?”

  “Why would you...? Lori, I’m the man you knew, not the distorted image you came up with. I have been trying to find you this whole time, and when I say there’s never been anyone else, that I care, and that I have been dreaming of you for fifteen years, I mean it. The man you knew—who you still know—didn’t lie.”

  “I’d like to go back to my room.”

  “You don’t believe me,” he said with a bitter nod. “I told myself, if I ever found you I’d find a way, but...alright. Go.”

  “It’s not tha—it’s hard.”

  “This is your palace. Use it as you see fit.”

  “I...” Lori couldn’t see through the tears.

  “You still love me.” He told her, as direct as he could be.

  “Stop.”

  “You do.” He took her hand and stepped away from the edge. “You can’t lie to me, just yourself.” He came closer, his shadow fell across her face, and she felt a jolt. It was like an animal too scared to run away from a predator.

  But there was a second, when he moved closer still, and she thought about what it was like to know that her other half was there. She thought that was him, but it wasn’t. He lifted a hand and swept the edge of his palm across her jawline.

  She couldn’t look him in the eye, so when he lifted her chin, she craned her head to stare at a spot just past his shoulder. That was a mistake. His breath came down in cascading waves, each one a potent flame, licking at her cheeks and tickling her eyelashes.

  It made the blood rush in, compounding with the heat that had her heart drumming. Her breath stopped, and she met his eyes, watching the glint of light, dance across them. Those were tears, and the arm coiling around her neck; that was support, and his lips—a blessing.

  He let them rest on her forehead for a moment before stepping away, allowing the cold wind to take his place. She crossed her arms and looked at him, really looked. Yes, he was suffering. “I’d like to see you again,” he said, adding, “and I want to respect your space.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I love you,” he purred, using a tone so deep it seemed to vibrate the air around them. “And I’ll always love you. That never changed. I didn’t even know why you left.”

  She nodded in acknowledgment and turned to walk back to her room. She was shivering, and she didn’t trust herself to stay with him. No matter how convincing he was, or what history they had, she needed to hold onto her skepticism.

  19

  “Listen, I just wanted to apologize.”

  Lori got out of bed and wrapped a robe on, so she could dart into the next room.

  “I really shouldn’t have gotten involved in your personal life and...”

  Reina stopped short when Lori grabbed her by the sleeve and pulled her out of the hall. “You’re airing dirty laundry.”

  “Sorry.” She looked around, eying the food cart that had been left next to the coffee table. “They cleaned up.”

  “Must’ve taken them all night. He had the whole room filled with flowers to piss me off.” Lori left out that she broke most of them.

  “How’d it go?”

  “Somebody told you that I visited Cade?”

  “I just assumed. I mean...” she had to stop herself from smiling. “George brought me dinner, and I asked him what happened.”

  “You’re not...”

  “No,” she gasped, “he’s old. I think he’s assigned to us both now.”

  “Well, he’s on Cade’s side. I don’t want you telling him anything.”

  “Even if you don’t give him an answer, everyone will see it on your face.”

  “He asked you to come talk to me this morning.”

  “You’re such a prude.” She opened the largest platter in the middle of the cart. “What is this?”

  “It’s red corn chips and eggs, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, but who eats that for breakfast?” she asked.

  “People in Baja where we had our honeymoon. They’re called chilaquiles.”

  “Does that mean you’re on a honeymoon?”

  “Jesus, take half. There’s a plate there.” Reina was already stuffing a chip in her mouth. She was quick to grab her own plate.

  “You wouldn’t say if you did anything, would you?”

  “I’d have no reason to lie.” She gave Reina a moment to stop helping herself before taking the rest and bringing it to the table. “I can’t trust him, and I don’t know if I ever will.”

  “He’s telling the truth, and you just won’t admit it.”

  “It’s not that simple. Trust doesn’t always listen to logic. Even if he is telling the truth, and I don’t fully believe that he is, I’ve had this image of him for most of my adult life. It’s a physical reaction now. That’s not something you can just get rid of.”

  Reina picked a jalapeno out of a mound of chips. “That would be a tragedy.”

  “What does he tell you?”

  “He doesn’t talk much. You know that. He’s straight to the point. Like this morning, he called at seven and asked me to go find out what your thoughts were. But I think you should just tell him what they are yourself.”

  “I don’t want to, and I don’t want you telling him anything either. It’s too personal.”

  She picked off another and tossed it into a pile where she was stowing them on the rim of her plate. “I don’t want to tell him that, and you know what? I’m not sure I believe you. Even saying his name is enough to put you into shock.”

  “I don’t care. It’s my business.” Lori stood up to pull her tablet out of the room. On the Lunafreya, there were a thousand ways to reach Cade. The staff were required to do what he asked. Beyond a doubt, they all had standing orders to report back anything she said. Telling him to stop calling Reina was as easy as jotting down a note.

  What she didn’t expect was adrenaline and bolts of static streaming down her arms when he replied. It was almost instant, and the chime was loud enough for Reina to hear. “What’d he say?”

  “You’re far too perceptive.” Lori darted out, tablet in hand. She didn’t want Reina to see the goosebumps on her arm. She took a seat on the bed and closed her eyes to focus on her breath for a moment.

  “Well?” Reina’s voice cut through her thoughts.

  “He’d like to me come see him.”

  “Then let’s get you dressed.”

  “No,” Lori said, cutting her off before she could get into the bathroom. “You don’t understand. I’m in too deep. I can’t get attached to him.”

  “Then cut it off, but don’t wait. He needs to hear it now. It’s driving him out of his mind.”

  “I can’t—I—how do I look him in the face and say that?”

  “If you can’t, you shouldn’t.”

  Lori opened her mouth to counter that, but she couldn’t think of anything to say. That’s what was so dangerous about this. She wanted him to be the loyal, honest man she thought she knew, but it was just as likely that he was lying, and if he was, when this cruise ended, she’d be inconsolable.

  She’d never be able to trust a man again, and this was more than just trust. She truly loved Cade. She still felt something; it was undeniable, so every time the possibility of love came into her life, she’d think of him and the idealistic image that she had of their time together. She didn’t want to confront that. She spent years suppressing it, and she couldn’t forgive him for forcing her to live with it again.

  He was the one that was dragging out all these emotions. He didn’t have to be dramatic or insistent. It had been a
long time. He could’ve moved on, but he didn’t. Now he was making that her problem.

  Lori had sunk back, laying on the bed sideways, and she was staring up at the ceiling, while Reina fished through her things in the bathroom. She was speaking, but Lori wasn’t paying attention, until she came walking out, holding several pairs of jeans, a dress, shorts and a one-piece swimsuit. “I’d like to help you, but I can’t if you won’t tell me what’s going on.”

  “I could be wearing rotten fish, and he wouldn’t care.”

  “Why are you being so resistant? You know him,” Reina said. “Don’t you? What’s there to think about?”

  “Oh my God. Decades of my life, what direction it’s going to take, whether I want love, whether I can trust him or not. Fools rush in.”

  “He’s telling the truth. Admit it.”

  “I’m not to the point where I can say that for certain. I’m overwhelmed, and frankly, I don’t want to deal with any of this. It’s going to be a disaster.”

  “What did he say?”

  “I want the day to myself. Maybe I’ll...” she sighed. “I don’t know. I’ll get back with you.”

  “You don’t want any help?”

  “No, because I’m not going.” Lori stood to see her out. She felt like she was dangling above the water, and Reina was trying to push her overboard into a ring of sharks; everyone was, and they didn’t give a shit about her feelings. They just wanted to make sure Cade lived happily ever after.

  Meanwhile, she felt like she was hung over after a yearlong binge. The beginnings of a sobbing fit swelled up somewhere behind her eyes, like an impending storm, torturing her, simply because she knew that at some point—somehow—it was coming.

  It was the force pulsing beneath her brow that had her frightened. It was a flaming vortex, as powerful as it was familiar. She used to feel it every time they kissed. Now it was there—a seething reminder of what Cade was capable of doing.

  She was just glad that she was alone. She needed that, along with a good meal. She was about to retrieve her plate and go back in her room when a knock came. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with Reina, or have her space invaded by a team of crew members. She just wanted to be left alone.