Sweetest Obsessions - Anthology

by Anthony, Jane

  I enter the room to find him worse than I pictured. The ugly tube protrudes from his mouth. Wires connect him to a myriad of machines. He’s pale and gaunt. My heart aches as I step to his side and take his hand in mine.

  “C-carter,” I whisper, pressing a gentle kiss to his pale cheek. “It’s me. It’s Teddy Bear. I’m here. I’m not leaving.”

  I settle in the chair next to his bed and kiss his hand.

  “I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.”

  36

  Teddy

  “Dad?” I say into my phone later that evening.

  “Teddy? What’s wrong?”

  I burst into tears, the dam I’ve built crumbling around me. It takes me a moment to calm myself before I can speak. In a rush, I tell him what’s happening.

  “Carter George? That’s who you’re in love with?”

  “I know. He’s famous and all—”

  “No, Teddy. Did you say you’re his power of attorney?” Dad interrupts.

  “Yes. But Dad, you’re missing the point. He’s sick. He had seizures—”

  “I know who Carter George is. I already know his medical history.”

  I fall silent for a moment. “What?”

  “I’m the doctor he was referred to for his surgery.”

  “You’re the one doing the experimental surgery?” I choke out, my heart somersaulting in my chest.

  “I am. He signed everything for the go-ahead a few days ago. After viewing all his records, I think he’s an excellent candidate for the procedure. Teddy, why didn’t you say you were seeing him?”

  “I-I don’t know,” I whisper, feeling numb. “Do-do you think you can save him? Because it’s bad, Dad.”

  “I won’t lie to you. This is our first go at this. Aside from computer simulations, theories, and my own thoughts on the matter, it will be all new ground. The truth of the matter is, he might not wake up if things are worse than we thought once we get inside. The other side of that coin is if we’re successful, we’ve bought him more time, probably even a lifetime. And we might buy others more time,” his voice is soft. “Teddy, I do think Carter has a chance. Combine the surgery with the new drug, which is a combination drug and the odds go up. The meds are meant to shrink anything small that we may leave behind that’s beyond our reach. Top that with the radiation therapy, he has an excellent shot at survival.”

  “But for how long?” I say, biting my lip.

  “Years. Maybe his whole life. He might outlive you.”

  “But you don’t know that for sure. He could also die on the operating table.”

  “He could,” Dad says delicately. “Carter wanted this surgery. He wanted to try. Now that he’s in no place to decide, it’s up to you to make that decision for him. He gave you the responsibility because he knew you could handle it, and he trusts you. You probably know him better than anyone in the entire world.”

  I swallow a sob and nod. I feel like I’m judge and jury. If I say yes to the procedure, he could die. Can I live with myself if that happens?

  “I already booked my ticket out there,” Dad’s voice hauls me back to the moment. “I’ll bring a team with me so we can get him back here if you decide to do this. I daresay he’s going to need another day before we can travel safely. But I’m going to need an answer soon, Teddy. I’m not telling you this because I’m trying to push you to help me try this new procedure. I’m doing it because I don’t know how much longer Carter has left. Without this surgery, he will die. It’s just a matter of when. With the surgery, he may have a chance.”

  “I-I need some time,” I say, numbness taking over me.

  “I understand. Just don’t take too much. I’ll need an answer by morning.”

  “OK,” my voice is thick. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

  “OK,” it’s Dad’s turn to sound emotional, a strange thing since he’s the strong, gruff type. “Be brave, Theodora. We’re here if you need us. We love you.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” I manage. “I love you guys too.”

  I hang up and stare down at Carter. His cheek is damp. I wipe the wetness from his cool, pale skin, my heart aching. A tear has slipped from his closed eyes.

  “What do I do, Carter?” I whisper, my own tears squeezing out. I clutch his hand. “What do you want me to do?”

  “I’ll sit with him if you want to go to the Beastmaster and rest,” Derek’s soft voice calls out as my head lolls on the edge of Carter’s mattress. My back is screaming at me. I’ve been hunched over his bed for hours.

  “Get yourself a shower and some food,” Derek continues. “I had a pizza delivered. Take a nap. You’re exhausted. I’ll make sure I get you if something changes.”

  “I can’t leave him—”

  “Teddy, Carter would want you to do these things. In fact, he’d steer you out of this room and make you. You know he would. So go. I’ve got this. I promise.”

  I rise to my feet and nod. He’s right. Leaning down, I press a soft kiss to Carter’s cool skin.

  “I love you,” I whisper, squeezing his hand. “I’ll be back. I promise.”

  I let out a gasp of surprise when Carter lightly squeezes my hand. I look from him to Derek, wide-eyed.

  “What’s wrong?” Derek asks.

  “He-he squeezed my hand,” I say. “He can hear me!”

  Derek smiles and looks to Carter. “Carter, you better wake your ass up in the morning. We need you, man.”

  Carter’s hand twitches beneath mine, a slight squeeze before he stills. Tears well in my eyes.

  “Baby, I’m going to leave you with Derek. I swear I’ll be right back. Just please, don’t…don’t leave me.” I kiss his forehead and back away, releasing his hand.

  “What’s wrong?” Derek asks as I look at him.

  “I-I need to tell you something.” I nod in the direction of the hall. Derek follows me out.

  “What’s up?”

  “I-I’m Carter’s power of attorney. I-I have to decide what to do.”

  “I know.” Derek rakes his fingers through his hair and sighs. “He told me he was putting you in charge.”

  “That procedure? The one that could save or kill him? Remember me telling you about how good my dad is at his job?”

  Derek nods.

  “Well, I guess Carter’s referral was to my dad. I just found out.”

  “Whoa,” Derek murmurs. “That’s nuts. Small world, huh?”

  “Very,” I mutter. “My dad thinks Carter is an excellent candidate for this. But there are risks.”

  “Carter would take those risks, Teddy. I’ve known him for a long time. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years it’s he doesn’t back down from a challenge. This will be his biggest yet. If he signed those papers already, he was ready for it. He trusted you to finish what he started. He trusted both of us. I don’t want to let him down. He’s truly my best friend.”

  “I know,” I choke out, wiping away my tears. “But he could die. In just a few days if this goes south, he’ll be gone, Derek. I-I don’t know how I’ll live with myself if I say yes and that happens.”

  “Teddy,” Derek says gently. “Carter is already a dead man. You won’t be the one killing him. If things don’t work out, it’s the fucking disease. Not you. Do you understand?”

  I nod painfully, my chest tight, my throat burning.

  “Get some rest. Please.”

  “I will,” I say as he pulls me in for a hug. “Just please, get me if—”

  “I promise.” Derek pulls away and gives me a sad smile. “Now go.”

  I sink onto the bed I’ve shared with Carter the past few weeks, my heart heavy. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to decide the fate of the man I love. Rolling over, I slide my hand beneath his pillow and frown. I shift the pillow and pull out a worn book.

  “What’s this?” I mutter, flipping it open and peering at the first page, taking in the beautiful handwriting.

  I don’t know why the hell I thought I’d start
a diary. No. Let’s call it a travel log. I guess maybe I thought it might help sort my thoughts. Perhaps after I’m gone someone can auction it off and make a few dollars. The great Carter George’s innermost thoughts before his death. Yeah, I can see it becoming a bestseller now.

  I snap the book closed and bite my bottom lip. This is Carter’s diary. His innermost thoughts and feelings. Guilt washes over me as I finger the gold-edged pages. Carter is dying. There’s no denying it. And he never told me anything about his illness or what he really wanted, but he left me in charge. Hauling in a deep breath, I open the book again.

  It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Besides, I’m desperate for an answer to figuring out what the hell I should do. Maybe Carter’s diary has the answers. I repeat it to myself before my eyes roam over the pages, taking in each and every beautiful word he penned.

  By the end of it, I’m weeping. Carter loves me. Truly, deeply, this man loves me. He wants to live. He’s just as afraid as I am. I can’t bear losing him. God, I can’t. So that’s why when I pick up the phone, I say the words that will either save him or be the final nail in his coffin.

  “Dad? Bring the team. We’re doing the surgery.”

  37

  Teddy

  “How long will it take?” I ask Dad as he stands before me in his blue scrubs. Derek and Phil are standing next to me. Carter was flown back to the east coast two days later. He’s still on the ventilator, and they kept him in a medically induced coma. He has been here longer because it took us an extra day to get a flight back. I’m antsy because I haven’t seen him.

  “I can’t say for certain,” Dad says in a gruff voice. “It depends on what we encounter when we get inside. I’m banking on a minimum of twelve hours, though. That is, if he can make it.”

  The blood leaves my face, and I sag against Derek who’s quick to wrap his arms around me.

  “Don’t tell me that,” my voice is choked as I realize exactly what Dad is talking about. Dead. Carter could be dead in only a few hours.

  “He’s a fighter, Teddy. I wasn’t lying when I said I think we have a shot at this.”

  I nod, swallowing thickly. “Can I see him?”

  “Of course.” Dad pats my shoulder. “I need to go over a few things with Doctor Abrams. Go see him before he’s taken in.”

  “Come on,” Derek urges, steering me forward. I feel as if I’m floating. Like I’m in a dream. No, nightmare. I can’t believe this is happening.

  “You go first,” I whisper as we stop in front of Carter’s door. “I-I need a minute.”

  “Are you sure?” Derek frowns at me, worry etched onto his face. I nod, unable to speak.

  He gives my hand a squeeze before pushing Carter’s door open and disappearing inside. I sink down onto the chair next to Carter’s room, my head in my hands.

  Please God. Please, let him make it. Please don’t take him from me. I’ll do anything!

  It’s a silent plea. One I’ve been repeating for days now.

  Time seems to stand still yet passes far too quickly. Before I know it, Derek is coming out, his eyes moist.

  “Your turn.”

  “Is it bad?” I rise to my feet, wringing my hands. I swear I’ve been doing it so much lately the skin is starting to peel off.

  “He’s sick, Teddy.” Derek wipes at his eyes. “Those machines in there are helping him. Don’t think about them as bad.”

  I tip my head, my throat tight. Derek gives me a reassuring hug as I step forward.

  “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

  I nod again, my heart thrashing around in my chest as I step through the door. My breath catches in my chest as I take in the scene. Carter is in bed with so many wires and tubes connected to him. A machine helps him breathe. The even beeping of the monitor and the whoosh, whoosh of the ventilator is all there is. Plus, the roar of my blood in my ears as the situation hits home.

  This may be the last time I ever see him.

  I repeat my prayer again as I take unsteady steps toward Carter’s bed.

  “Hey, baby,” my voice cracks as I take his cool hand in mine. I place a kiss on his forehead, brushing his dark hair aside. “I miss you, Carter.”

  I stare down at him for a moment, tears trickling down my cheeks. He looks ashen. Pale. Gaunt. Gone.

  Finally, I realize I’m sagging against the mattress, so I sit in the chair beside his bed, pushing the ugly thoughts out of my head.

  “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I whisper, his hand still in mine. “I’m so in love with you. I-I can’t do this without you. I never knew what I was missing before, but I know now it was you. It was always you, Carter. Please…come back to me. Don’t go.”

  A soft sob leaves me, the ache in my chest tearing me apart. My body shakes with my tears as I cling to his hand.

  I choke on a sob as his hand twitches beneath mine. Then the slightest tender squeeze.

  “Carter?” I manage to rasp out.

  I’m on my feet, peering down at him, my tears splashing onto the ugly polka dot hospital gown he’s in. The beeping of the monitors increases. “Can you hear me?”

  His hand twitches beneath mine. It’s good enough. He’s still with me. Hope soars inside of me, melting away the darkness of the past few days.

  “I’ll wait for you,” I murmur, pressing another kiss to his forehead before moving to whisper in his ear. “I’ll wait forever.”

  38

  Teddy

  “Your father assures me everything looks promising,” Phil, Carter’s doctor, says as we sit in the waiting room. Derek returns with three cups of coffee and doles them out to us.

  “Carter’s a fighter. He’s going to make it,” Derek says firmly, giving me a small smile.

  I nod miserably. Despite their words and my feelings of hope from earlier, I can’t shake my worry. We’re approaching the sixth hour of surgery. My father has sent someone out every hour to keep us informed. So far, Carter is holding his own.

  My attention is drawn to a slim, older woman dressed in a blue pantsuit. Her dark hair has streaks of gray in it and is tied in an elegant bun on her head. She peers at us for a moment before seeming to come to a decision.

  Phil looks up as she approaches, recognition in his eyes.

  “Laura,” he greets her, getting to his feet. “It’s been a long time.”

  “Phil,” she returns, a sad smile on her lips. “We need to stop meeting like this.”

  Phil gives a soft chuckle before he turns to us. “This is Laura George, Carter’s mother.”

  I widen my eyes as I take her in. The woman looks like she could command an entire nation with just the point of a finger.

  “Laura, this is Derek, Carter’s friend and Teddy, Carter’s girlfriend.”

  “I’ve heard about you,” Laura says as I stand. I’m afraid she’s going to be one of those overbearing mothers who can disarm me with a single look. Instead, she leans in and gives me a gentle squeeze. “You’re as beautiful as he said you were.”

  I’m surprised at the compliment and feel the heat rush to my cheeks.

  “Thank you,” I manage. “Carter means the world to me.”

  She nods, a sad smile on her lips. “Me too, although I’m sure he’s already told you our history.”

  It’s an awkward statement which leaves me speechless. If she notices, she doesn’t seem to mind because she turns to hug Derek before taking the seat Phil has offered her.

  “How long has he been under?”

  “We’re going on seven hours now,” Phil says. She pales.

  Phil rushes on. “But it’s looking good. We received an update only minutes ago. They’ve removed two tumors successfully, which was a lot faster than we thought they’d be.”

  She nods, and Derek offers to get her a coffee. She agrees, and he leaves. Her gaze focuses on me again.

  “How are you holding up, dear?”

  “Barely,” I say, my voice shaking. She pats my k
nee and gives me an encouraging smile.

  “Carter would be proud of you. I’m sure he’s going to tell you the moment he wakes up.”

  I breathe out and give her a smile. I appreciate that she’s trying to be kind. We all need the encouragement in that moment.

  “Teddy, you should sleep,” Derek murmurs in my ear. I’ve been sitting in the same spot for hours. Phil and Laura left long ago to rest.

  “They haven’t been out with an update in hours,” I whisper, tearing my eyes away from the picture of a bowl of fruit I’ve been staring at for the past few hours. “He’s been in surgery for fourteen hours, Derek. Something’s wrong. Why haven’t they come out to give us an update?”

  “I don’t know.” Derek rubs his eyes. “But no news is good news, Teddy.”

  I focus my gaze back on the bowl of fruit. The hours have been long. After speaking to my mom on the phone and her consoling me for an hour, I paced the waiting room floor before focusing my attention on the fruit picture.

  “Teddy, I got you a room at the hotel down the block. I even made sure you had clothes and everything waiting for you there,” Derek says gently.

  I tear my gaze away from the picture and look at Derek. “What?”

  “Carter would kick my ass if I didn’t make sure you were taken care of. And I know damn well he’d be pissed knowing that you’re here hungry and exhausted. I can call you when he’s out of surgery.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “I’ll wait until he’s out. Once my dad gives the all clear, I’ll go to the hotel.”

  Derek lets out a soft sigh and chuckle. “You’re just like him. So damn stubborn.”

  I give him a sad smile. “Birds of a feather.”

  Derek is about to reply, but my dad comes into the waiting room. I’m on my feet and rushing to him.

  “How is he?” I ask. Dad looks exhausted. His eyes are heavy, but he gives me a smile.