Sweetest Obsessions - Anthology

by Anthony, Jane

  Last night …

  The lake …

  The bodies …

  His mind simply wanted to shut off, yet it kept going round and round like a dizzy ride that wouldn’t stop.

  His arms strengthened around her, inhaling her sweetness and the way she fit perfectly in his arms. A soft sigh floated out of her mouth, giving him a clue he wasn’t hurting her with how tight his embrace was, and hurting Rose was the last thing he wanted to do.

  He inhaled again, needing another dose of her wonderful aroma.

  Pine with a hint of lemon hit his senses.

  “Carter, let me make you something—”

  “I tried to save him.” His entire body stiffened as the confession slipped from his lips.

  Rose went still in his arms, yet her hands that were settled on his back started to shift upward and then down, as if she were soothing a child.

  He had no idea why he blurted that out, interrupting her. But the smell of pine brought him right back to that day when he couldn’t save his brother, no matter how hard he had tried.

  “We went to our lake cabin every summer. My brother and I knew that area like the backs of our hands. We went swimming at the quarry nearly every day. Jumped off the same cliff every single day. We had a routine. Jump, swim, climb back up the hill. Over and over until we’d hear the loud bell our mom set outside the cabin door to let us know it was time to come back.”

  He didn’t want to see it in his mind, relive it. But he had to tell Rose why he hated the water.

  And she enjoyed going to the lake.

  His breath hitched.

  “Carter, you don’t have to—”

  “I do, Rose.” Her hands continued their calming path up and down his back. He wanted to pull away and look into her eyes, but he couldn’t find the courage to do it. “I jumped first that day. I usually never did. Like I said, we had a routine. Charlie always jumped first. But for some reason, I wanted to jump first. When I got to the surface, I saw Charlie smile and give me a thumbs up and then he jumped.”

  He bent his head into the crook of her neck, inhaling another dose of pine and lemon, hating the smell and adoring it all in the same breath. He hated it because of the memories it conjured. Yet, he loved it because now he’d always think of Rose when he smelled it.

  “I waited and waited for him to resurface. But he never did. So I dove under and I saw him at the bottom near a pile of rocks. We usually avoided that area. Something our mother drilled into us because of the rocks everywhere and how shallow the area was. His foot got stuck between the rocks. No matter how much I pulled and yanked on his hand, I couldn’t get him out. I watched him die right in front of me.” A quiet hiccup escaped as he tried to hold back the tears. “Maybe I distracted him jumping first. I don’t know. But I know I didn’t notice that he jumped too far to the left, right in the spot he shouldn’t have been jumping. It’s my—” His voice cracked.

  “Oh, Carter, it’s not your fault. You tried to save him. You were just a kid.”

  He pulled away and cupped her cheeks. “Promise me, Rose. Promise me you won’t go to the lake without me. Or any body of water. I won’t let you.”

  Her eyes rounded. He knew he was scaring her, and maybe even asking to get booted out of her house for demanding something like this of her when he knew she enjoyed the lake, but he couldn’t handle the thought of her going there by herself. He wouldn’t survive if he lost her to the water like he lost his brother.

  “Promise me, Rose.”

  Her hands dropped from around his waist.

  His heart skipped a beat at the implications.

  Then her hands reached up to his face where she lightly brushed the tears away he hadn’t realized he let escape. He never cried. And in front of a woman, forget it. He had tried so hard to keep the tears in.

  A sweet smile touched her lips. “It wasn’t your fault. You have to believe that.”

  Pulling her closer, he kissed her softly. “Promise me, Rose.”

  Sadness coated her eyes.

  “I …”

  He couldn’t lose her now. Not like this.

  But he also couldn’t take his words back. He needed to hear two words from her—I promise. He didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t.

  She knew what he wanted to hear.

  Carter wanted to hear her say that she promised she would never again set foot in a body of water larger than a bathtub.

  But she couldn’t do that.

  Although she was very aware of the potential consequences of what she was about to say, Rose didn't see any other option. She loved the water. She loved going to the lake and had even been to the ocean a few times. She loved the feel of the cool water on her skin on a hot day. She loved the fresh breeze that always blew off the water. She loved going right under the water and swimming and swimming until her chest burned and her muscles tingled.

  She couldn’t give that up.

  Not because she wanted to upset Carter—that was the last thing she wanted to do. She understood where he was coming from. Fear was a powerful thing. She knew that all too well. But there were other ways he could handle this besides just ordering her not to go to the water.

  It was becoming a pattern.

  Him trying to tell her what she could and couldn’t do.

  Rose knew what it was like to be powerless, to be completely and utterly helpless. She would never allow herself to be in that position again. How could she? It had almost destroyed her and she had worked so hard to overcome that feeling of being so out of control you felt like you were alone in the middle of the ocean with nothing but empty water all around you and no idea what was lurking beneath the surface. She couldn’t go back to that place. If Evie was still here, she would kill her for even thinking about it.

  “Rose, I need you to promise me,” Carter said. He still held her and his arms tightened convulsively around her like he was subconsciously trying to convince her to tell him what he wanted to hear.

  She almost did.

  If she and Evie hadn't talked about moving on, about growing strong, about never letting someone dominate them ever again, she very well might have said the words even if they weren't true.

  But she wouldn’t betray the promise she’d made to her best friend.

  “I’m sorry, Carter,” she said softly.

  “You're not going to promise me you’ll stay out of the water? Even though I'm only trying to keep you safe.”

  “I didn't ask you to try to keep me safe.”

  “You did last night when you were scared someone was following you,” he snapped, dropping his arms to his side and taking a step back.

  “You know that’s not what I meant,” she rebuked. “That was different, that was something real, but nothing is going to happen to me if I go swimming. I like the water. I understand why you don’t, but that doesn’t mean that the water is bad or that anything bad is going to happen to me if I go in it.”

  “Charlie thought that, but he was wrong.”

  “I’m so sorry about your brother, and I'm so sorry that you had to see that happen to him, but I can't promise you that I’ll never go in the water again. I can promise you that any time I do go swimming I’ll be as careful as it is humanly possible to be.”

  Carter stared at her so intently and for so long that she started to squirm. She hated to be examined that closely.

  Then, without another word, Carter turned and headed for the door.

  “You’re leaving?” she asked. She hadn't expected him to be thrilled that she wasn't going to agree to his demands, but she hadn't expected that he would just up and leave.

  “It’s been a rough night. I need to go home, grab a quick shower, then get back to work. Jade and I have a lot to do.”

  That all made sense, but Rose knew it wasn't why he was leaving.

  He was leaving because she wouldn’t do as he wanted.

  Carter was a good guy; she knew that. He was kind and caring and compassionate. He cared abou
t the victims in his cases, and she knew that he cared about her as well. But he had a propensity to try to take over, tell her what she should and shouldn’t be doing, and she wasn't sure that she should be thinking about starting a relationship with a guy who had some controlling tendencies, even if he thought he was doing what was in her best interest.

  Still, she couldn’t just let him leave.

  She cared about him; she might already be falling in love with him. Letting him walk out of the door and out of her life wasn't an option.

  “This doesn’t have to be the only option,” she said. “Carter, instead of just trying to order me not to go swimming, we could go to the lake together. I could help you learn how not to be afraid of the water.” She would do whatever she could to help Carter learn to let go of the pain in his past. It wouldn’t be easy; she knew that from experience, and it would never completely go away, but she would help him however she could.

  “I don’t go in the water. Ever.”

  “You did last night. When I needed you. Why can't you try? Why can't you let me help you?”

  “I have to go,” he mumbled, ignoring her questions.

  Rose just stared after him as he hurried out her door, not quite believing that this was really happening. Just a few minutes ago she had been waiting anxiously for Carter to get here because she couldn’t wait to see him, to talk to him, to kiss him. And now he was walking away like he never intended to see her again.

  It seemed like no matter how hard you tried you could never completely cut the ties to your past. They were always there, holding you back. Her past was why she never dated, why she mostly just kept to herself and her very small circle of friends. She had lost her parents. In foster care she had lost a part of herself she would never get back, and now she had lost a piece of her heart to Carter Dixson.

  Carter ran a hand down his face and groaned. What did he do? How stupid could he be? Instead of talking it out, thinking things through like a rational person, he walked out of Rose’s place without a word.

  He just walked away.

  He had no excuse, other than he couldn’t control his anger sometimes. When he got truly upset, he lost all control. His temper had gotten him into a few tight spots at work—usually with his boss when he told him something he didn’t like. He should’ve gotten written up for his insolence at times, but he always teetered on the edge, never fully getting in trouble.

  This morning, only two hours ago, he acted like an idiot. He should’ve never left Rose like that. What did she think of him now? Besides the fact he was a controlling jerk. Yeah, he wouldn’t dispute it. He demanded she stay away from any body of water. The words slipped out, and as much as he wanted to take them back, he couldn’t.

  He could still picture her in the tiny rowboat surrounded by black, inky water just waiting to swallow her up.

  He couldn’t lose her. Not to water. Not to such a gruesome, painful death. Why couldn’t she understand that?

  Why can’t you try? Why can’t you let me help you?

  Her words reverberated around his mind. Help him? He didn’t need help. He needed to avoid water because then nothing bad would happen.

  Let me help you, baby. Hold Momma’s hand. His mother loved to say those exact words, over and over, after Charlie died. Twelve years old, and his mother wanted him to hold her hand, even with something as simple as crossing the road. She became paranoid and overprotective. It was suffocating. Completely and utterly suffocating.

  He loved his mother, but her help didn’t do anything but further strengthen the tight band around his throat. Half the time she spoke, the band would get tighter and tighter until he almost couldn’t breathe. It felt like when he was under the water, pulling and yanking on Charlie’s hand, holding his breath for as long as he could, needing his brother to break free.

  But he never did.

  And he had to go to the surface before his chest burst and the water rushed inside his throat.

  Just like Charlie.

  No. Rose couldn’t help him. Nobody could. Not even his mother. He had to stay far away from water. Any body of water.

  It would be better if Rose did, too.

  That wasn’t likely to happen. Ever. Would he even see her again? How badly did he screw up? How could they make things work if they couldn’t agree on something that terrified him? Could he date a woman who didn’t understand his fear?

  That had to be the problem.

  She didn’t understand his fear. How did he get her to understand? He told her his brother drowned. He figured that should’ve been clue enough how badly he hated the water.

  “Guess what I—” Jade stopped speaking when he jumped in his chair.

  Heart racing, avoiding eye contact, he shifted in his chair and tried to pretend he hadn’t been lost in thought and she caught him off guard.

  “Are you okay, Carter? You’ve been … off this morning. Did you see Rose?”

  “Yeah, I’m good.” He cleared his throat and met her gaze, determined to push the worries about his relationship with Rose to the side. “What did you find?”

  Jade eyed him quizzically, but then tossed the folder onto his desk. “Preliminary findings from the bodies indicate they might’ve been restrained. Light bruising around the wrists and ankles on most of the bodies. At least two of them appeared to have been in the water a long time, so Crocker couldn’t give a definitive answer about them, but the other four had clear indications of bruising. We’ll know more once he completes the autopsies.”

  Carter flipped open the folder and scanned the reports. “So what do we think that means? They were being held somewhere? For what reason?”

  Sitting down across from him at her desk, Jade shrugged. “It could be anything. A serial killer that gets his kicks off kidnapping and torturing women. Maybe a pimp controlling his ladies a little more aggressively than normal. Maybe a psycho pulling women off the streets to sell them to the highest bidder, but the women aren’t cooperative. We honestly don’t know at this point. We need to identify them. It’s going to be difficult because of the condition of the bodies.”

  Musing over the few things Jade mentioned, Carter then started to dig through the papers and files littered around his desk. When he found the folder he wanted, he tapped it vigorously with his finger.

  “Nathan Insoll. Our prime suspect right now. I don’t think he’s a pimp, but the sex trade business … may be plausible. Not sure why he’d kill them if he wanted to sell them, but maybe he tried them out first and he had to kill them when they fought back, or something equally insane. Or maybe he’s just a sexual predator who gets his kicks off by torturing women.”

  Jade straightened, eyeing the papers from across her desk. “He does have quite the rap sheet.”

  “Oh, yeah. Domestic abuse charges. A few sexual harassment charges. He has an arrest when he was eighteen for an attempted rape, but the charges were eventually dropped.”

  “We found a lot of bodies. Do we think he kidnapped and killed these women on his own?”

  Carter shrugged, then slumped back into his chair. “I don’t know. If he nabbed one woman at a time, he could’ve held the women somewhere for a while, maybe for his own sexual purposes, maybe to sell them eventually. But why kill them? Did he get sick of them? We don’t know much at this point.”

  “But we’ll know something soon.”

  Carter slowly sat up. “Because we’re going to go question him right now.” A tiny smile started to emerge. He’d love to release some of the tension battling a war inside him.

  Jade stood up from her desk. “Yes, but you have to promise to be on your best behavior. I know something’s bugging you. Maybe something to do with Rose, and I won’t make you talk about it, but you have to promise to keep your anger in check when we talk to Nathan.”

  Shuffling the papers and files back in order on his desk, he tried to come up with an answer that would appease Jade.

  “Don’t try to fool me, Carter. I know you, and I kno
w your temper. You’re gearing to explode. I can tell. Maybe we should talk about it.”

  Carter stood up. “Maybe we should throw out more theories rather than talk about a bunch of nonsense.”

  Without missing a beat, Jade stepped into his space. “Don’t talk to me that way. Go ahead and ignore whatever the issue is, but don’t talk to me that way.”

  Carter averted his gaze, ashamed for speaking to his partner that way. Ashamed for walking out on Rose and treating her so disrespectfully for something he should’ve never demanded of her in the first place.

  He met Jade’s eyes once more. “I don’t want to talk about it. But I promise to keep my cool with Nathan. Good enough?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “For now.”

  Carter followed Jade out of the precinct, hoping he kept his promise. Honestly, he couldn’t be sure he would. He didn’t keep his cool with Rose this morning, and she was the one person he should be able to control his anger around. Upsetting this new relationship was the last thing he wanted to do.

  He needed to apologize to Rose. He needed to see her and tell her how sorry he was for acting the way he did.

  But he also needed her to understand how far his fear went. How much he couldn’t stand the water.

  If they couldn’t come to an understanding, then maybe they needed to part ways before he lost his entire heart to her.

  Well, that was a lie.

  He’d already lost his heart to her.

  He didn’t think he’d be able to give her up.

  Rose felt like she was walking around in a fog.

  And it had nothing to do with the fact that she hadn't slept last night.

  She had messed up with Carter. She’d hurt him when she hadn't been able to agree to stay away from the water. She hadn't wanted to do that, and yet, at the same time, she couldn’t do as he asked, but maybe there had been a better way to say it. A way that said she cared, but what he was asking just wasn't something she could do.

  Instead, she’d hurt him.

  And Rose wasn't sure that it was something they could recover from.