Daniel's Gift

by Barbara Freethy

  "The truth."

  Luke nodded. "I should have figured. I don't think you ever lied to me. Although when you left, I really did think you'd get an abortion."

  "I couldn't get rid of our baby." Jenny pressed her fingertips against the glass in front of her, feeling the same pain she had felt thirteen years earlier when she had first considered that option. "Whatever you felt for me -- at that moment in time I loved you, and Danny was a part of that love -- the best part." She changed the subject. "How did you know I was here?"

  "When I was in medical school, I used to go to the nursery when things got intense. It helps to remember that good things can happen in hospitals as well as bad."

  Luke leaned against the wall, his hands in the pockets of his casual slacks, the sleeves on his navy blue sweater pushed up to the elbows. He looked tired, as if he hadn't had a good night's sleep in two days. That thought made Jenny smile. He deserved a few lost nights of sleep. She had had too many to count.

  "The last time I was here was when I had Danny," Jenny said. "I remember the long night when I tried desperately to breastfeed -- the loneliness, the fear of not getting it right. Yet, it was a happy time. I was surrounded by joy. I wasn't even aware there was anything else going on in this hospital but babies being born." She paused. "I guess being in a hospital is like a second home to you."

  "Actually, I haven't spent much time in hospitals since I got out of medical school. I've spent the last few years in a lab behind a microscope. Now, I find myself sitting in an executive office with a view of the bay."

  "Just what you always wanted, and your parents, too. They must be proud of you." She paused, reminded again of how he had chosen his parents' dreams over hers. "I need to get back to Danny."

  Jenny walked down the hall toward the elevator. Luke kept pace alongside her. Jenny was torn between wanting him to go and wanting him to stay. To have him back in her life after so many years took a little getting used to.

  "We need to talk, Jenny," Luke said as they waited for the elevator.

  "About what?"

  "I spent a few hours on the phone today, speaking to other physicians about Danny. I'd like to fly in Dr. Paul Buckley from the Mayo Clinic. He's the top neurosurgeon in the country."

  Jenny looked at him in surprise. "Why?"

  "To get a second opinion."

  "Do you know something I don't know, Luke?" She grabbed his arm. "That's it, isn't it? You're a doctor, and they told you that Danny is not -- is not going to -- " She stopped as Luke put a finger against her lips.

  "Sh-sh," he whispered. "Don't say it."

  "You have to tell me the truth."

  "Danny's in a coma. That's the truth."

  "People come out of comas."

  "Of course they do. I just want to make sure Danny has the best care available."

  "I want that, too."

  "Then I'll call Buckley in the morning."

  "That's going to cost money, Luke. I don't know what my insurance will cover."

  "I'll pay."

  "I don't want you to pay." She looked away from him. "I'll find a way to pay for it."

  "Don't be stupid, Jenny."

  She bristled with anger as she glared at him. "I'm not stupid. Danny is my son. My responsibility."

  "Mine, too."

  Jenny searched his face for answers to the sudden change in his personality. "Why now, Luke? Why do you care now? You don't know Danny at all."

  "I want to know him. I'm older, Jenny. I'd like to think I'm a little wiser. I made a mistake. A big one. I shouldn't have told you to get an abortion. I was -- "

  "Scared," she finished. "I was scared, too. When I told my father, he kicked me out of the house. I had to live with Merrilee and Richard."

  "I'm sorry."

  "I was eighteen years old. I had a high school education, no job and no money."

  "You had five hundred dollars."

  She smiled bitterly. "I threw it in the ocean on my way home from your house. It was stupid and impractical, but it gave me enormous pleasure."

  Luke sighed. "I can accept the fact that you hate me. Logically, I know I've given you good reason to feel the way you do."

  "And you're always logical. That's what broke us up in the first place."

  "You knew from the beginning I was leaving."

  "I didn't know how much it would hurt."

  "Neither did I."

  She sniffed in disgust. "Oh, come on. You didn't look sad the day you left. You looked exuberant. You were starting an exciting adventure in your life, and you didn't want or need me in it. As it turns out, I had my own adventure. I had a child. I had Danny, and he means more to me than anything in this world."

  They got on the elevator with two other people and were silent until they reached the next floor. As they stepped out, Luke turned to Jenny. "I'm going to get Buckley here tomorrow if I can. We'll bring in other specialists and run as many tests as necessary. Tomorrow I'll assign two of my researchers to go over the medical data available on head injuries and comas. I won't leave anything to chance. Lowenstein is a good doctor, one of the best, but he's not infallible."

  Jenny stared at him as he continued to outline his plan of attack. He was taking control, steamrolling over her, the way he had always done. She wanted to fight back, but she couldn't do that. She had to swallow her pride -- for Danny's sake.

  "Lastly, I want to be able to visit Danny whenever I can," Luke finished.

  Jenny shook her head. "No. You're going too fast for me." She started to walk away.

  "Too fast?" Luke grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around. "Too fast? The woman who drove eighty miles an hour down the hairpin curves of Highway 1 thinks I'm going too fast?"

  "That was a lifetime ago. I'm a grown-up now, with responsibilities. This isn't just me we're talking about. Ifs Danny. My son."

  "Our son." He paused. "You've had him all to yourself for twelve years. Okay, that's the way you thought I wanted it. That's over and done with. But today, right now, is what I'm concerned about. Please, give me this time to be with Danny. I need to be with my son."

  Jenny looked at Luke for a long moment, studying the sincerity in his eyes, the desperation in his voice, the longing. It was the last that did it for her. The fact that Luke didn't just want to see Danny, but that he needed to see him, reminded her of how much her son had needed to know his father.

  "What about your wife?" she asked, trying to find a good reason why she should deny him access to Danny. "Your parents never liked me. They won't want Danny to be your son. They won't want him to be their grandson. Have you told them yet?"

  "Not yet, but I will. Your family never liked me either, Jenny. This isn't about them. It's about us."

  "Us?" The word cut her so deeply, Jenny gasped from the pain. "Us? There is no us."

  "There was and always will be an us, because we're tied together by our son. We made him together."

  "But I had him alone, Luke. And I've raised him alone. You gave up your rights a long time ago."

  "I could sue you for custody," Luke said abruptly. "I could force you to let me in there. I don't want to do that."

  "Why the hell not?" she asked, furious at his power play. "You've always taken what you wanted and left what you didn't. Not anymore. This time, I'm in charge. I decide. I make the plans."

  "You? Plan? You never planned beyond your next meal."

  "I was never sure I'd have enough money to pay for my next meal," she said, her voice rising with agitation.

  "That's bullshit, Jenny. You always lived for the moment. It was who you were."

  "It's not who I am now. I'm not a foolish young girl, Luke. I'm a mother, and I'm in charge of Danny's care. I will take your advice because you're a doctor. I will listen to your suggestions, and dammit to hell, I will even take your money, because Danny means more to me than pride."

  "And I can see him?" Luke persisted.

  "Yes. Because Danny wanted to know you. That's why he went to s
ee you. That's why he got hurt. He doesn't respond to my voice." Her tone trembled as the sadness ripped through her. "Maybe he'll respond to yours. Maybe the desire to talk to you will be so strong that it will pull him out of this place that he's gone to. But I call the shots, you got that?"

  Luke nodded, feeling a sudden admiration for the woman before him. He had always been drawn to her laughter, her imagination, her joy, but he didn't remember her courage or her strength. Perhaps those qualities had developed later, born of maturity, born of Danny.

  Jenny stopped at the double doors leading to ICU. "Are you coming?"

  It was the same question she had asked him years ago. Then she had offered a simple swim in the moonlight, the beginning of their relationship. Tonight it was quite possibly the beginning of a relationship with his son.

  "I'm coming," he said.

  * * *

  Alan pushed the button on the remote control, speeding through the Sunday night movies, the sports channel, and CNN. Nothing caught his attention. He kept thinking about Jenny. He had spent the afternoon with her and part of the evening, but to be honest he had gotten tired of the hospital, of her total absorption in her son, and her withdrawal from him.

  The accident was driving them apart instead of bringing them together. He always seemed to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. But then, he hadn't had much experience with women. As the oldest of four boys, he had been surrounded by males, and his mother had been a tough, no-nonsense woman who didn't put much effort into nurturing. As far as she was concerned, just giving her boys life was enough.

  He had been slow to start dating and his first sexual experiences had been a tangle of arms and legs, and girls who never wanted to see him again. Over the years, he had developed more finesse and confidence in himself, but he had never found the right woman, the perfect woman. Until Jenny.

  Jenny was soft and loving, generous to a fault. With her he saw a future where there had been nothing before. The only problem was that Jenny's passion for life didn't seem to extend to him.

  Six months, and they still hadn't made love. Jenny had told him from the beginning that she was cautious about relationships, that she had been hurt in the past, and with a child to worry about, she couldn't afford to jump into bed with the first man who came along. He had accepted her reasoning, had even been impressed by her restraint. After all, he was looking for a partner, not just a lay. But even his patience had a limit.

  In the last few weeks, their evenings had had more silences than conversation, maybe because they were both feeling tense about the future of their relationship. Jenny had told him just last week that she wanted to make love with him, that she wanted things to work out, that he was a good man and that she cared for him -- but ... and that was the problem, there always seemed to be a reason why she wasn't ready.

  He knew Danny wasn't helping. Despite Alan's efforts to be a substitute dad, he had never hit it off with Danny, which drove another wedge between him and Jenny.

  Alan flipped through two more channels and mindlessly perused a soccer match, not realizing for a good five minutes that the announcer was speaking Spanish.

  In disgust, he turned off the television and swung his legs off the couch. His apartment was small and cluttered. His dirty gym clothes lay in a heap by the front door. His gun lay on the dining room table along with three half-finished cartons of Chinese food.

  What a dump, he thought. He had been living in northern California for three years and still hadn't hung a picture on the wall. In fact, he spent as little time as possible in his apartment. Most of his time was spent in his patrol car, at the station, or at Jenny's house.

  Alan remembered the first time he had met Jenny. She had been working the cash register at McDougal's Market. Her smile had caught his eye. For six weeks, he had gone to her line, even though the others were shorter, because Jenny had a tendency to chat with anyone who came by.

  Finally, he had asked her out for dinner. They had gone to dinner at Chuck's Steakhouse. He had blown a week's salary on a bottle of champagne, hoping to impress her. Of course, it hadn't taken him long to realize that Jenny didn't give a damn about expensive gestures.

  Reaching over, he picked up the photograph on the coffee table -- Jenny at the Pumpkin Festival. Danny had taken the picture, so he wasn't in it, but Alan remembered the day, wishing it could have been as nice as the picture. Danny had spoiled it, wanting Jenny's complete attention, refusing to pick out any pumpkin that Alan liked, and generally being obnoxious. Jenny had scolded him quietly, gently, but her words had had no effect.

  The same softness that appealed to Alan also allowed Danny to manipulate his mother. If -- when he and Jenny got married, he would lay down rules, restrictions. That is, if Danny pulled through. And if -- his gut tightened -- if Luke Sheridan stayed the hell out of their lives.

  Alan knew that Luke was the biggest threat to their relationship. Whatever problems he and Jenny had could be worked out. Danny would eventually see that Alan cared about him even if he was strict.

  But none of that would happen if Jenny let her first love back into her life. Alan had seen the way she looked at Luke, the way Luke had looked at her. It was an image that haunted him, terrified him, because Jenny had never looked at him like that, with longing, desire.

  He had tried to rationalize that her lack of interest in sex probably meant that she just wasn't a woman who really enjoyed sex. But one look between Luke and Jenny had sent that thought right out of his mind.

  He knew she had been with Luke. After all, he was apparently Danny's father. The fact that Luke had slept with Jenny and Alan hadn't made him illogically angry. He wished he could make her his now, tonight, drive all thoughts of Luke Sheridan from her mind.

  But Jenny was at the hospital, and he was alone.

  Damn it all.

  He was getting old, almost forty. He was going to be alone for the rest of his life if he didn't find the right mate soon. He had invested six months in dating Jenny, going slow at her request. He'd be damned if Luke Sheridan could waltz back into her life and steal her away. Alan Brady protected what was his, and Jenny was his.

  A knock came at the door, and Alan instinctively tensed. It was almost ten. Maybe it was Jenny. When he opened the door, Sue was standing on the doorstep, her expression grim.

  "What's wrong?" he asked.

  "I went down to the Acapulco Lounge again. I wanted to talk to the bartender who was working Friday night."

  Alan pulled her into the apartment and shut the door behind her. "And?"

  "He said Matt St. Claire was drinking heavily that night. He left a few minutes before the accident with a group of people. They were heading down Tully Road, the same road on which Danny was hit."

  "Go on."

  "The bartender also said that Matt can't find his car and has no recollection of where he went Friday night."

  Alan stared at her, knowing that she was saying aloud exactly what he had been thinking, that Jenny's beloved brother was driving the car that hit her beloved son.

  "Good God in heaven. Jenny will die," he said.

  "Jenny won't die. But Danny might. Like it or not, we have our first suspect."

  Chapter Sixteen

  Monday dawned with crisp, clear sunshine, making the fogginess of Friday seem like a lifetime ago. Jenny parked Merrilee's navy blue Lexus in the hospital parking lot and got out of the car.

  Today was a new day, a beginning, and even with only four hours of sleep behind her, Jenny felt more optimistic than she had the day before. Maybe it had something to do with talking to Luke, making her position clear, taking charge, instead of wondering when and where he would show up next. Whatever the reason, Jenny felt confident that the day would bring new hope, new possibilities.

  As she walked toward the hospital, she noticed a lone man sitting on a bench just to the side of the front door. The man was dressed in faded blue jeans and a dark-hooded sweatshirt. Next to him was an old ten-speed bicycle. It looked f
amiliar. He looked familiar.

  The man raised his head as she approached. His eyes met hers. They were filled with anguish.

  "Matt," she said quietly.

  "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

  Jenny studied his unshaven face, his bloodshot eyes. Matt looked terrible, hung over, and much older than his thirty-four years. She felt a twinge of pity at the sight and put a hand on his knee, once again feeling like the big sister instead of the little sister. "Are you all right?"

  "Jesus, how can you ask me that? I should be asking you. Asking about Danny. Tell me -- how is he?"

  "He's not good, Matt. He has a head injury and he's been unconscious since the accident. The doctors say he's in a coma. It could go on indefinitely."

  "Shit." Matt shook his head. "God, why did it have to happen to him? He's just a stupid kid."

  "I don't know. I don't think there's an answer."

  "You sound like you've given up."

  "Not on your life," Jenny said fiercely. "I won't give up, not ever. But I'm trying to get beyond anger and blame. Those emotions won't help Danny. I need a plan of attack, things I can do to encourage him to wake up."

  "Like what? What can you do? What can anyone do?"

  "Talk to him, sing to him, visit him." Jenny opened her purse and pulled out a sheet of paper. "I wrote down a list of his favorite songs and his favorite movies, books, T.V. shows, everything I could think of. I spoke to the nurses. They said I can bring in some of Danny's friends one at a time for a short while to see if anyone can get through to him."

  Matt looked at her in amazement. "Wow, you're really together, Jen-Jen. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this."

  "I have to be together, Matt. I can't cry every day -- all day. I can't wish this away, because I've tried, and nothing happened. And unlike my sister, I can't pretend everything will be all right, when I know" -- she took a deep breath -- "that there's a good chance it won't be all right."

  "Don't say that."

  "I have to say it. I have to face it. I don't want to lose my son. Not now, not to this horrible freak accident. I've had time to think during the past few days, Matt. You know why I didn't tell Danny about Luke? Because I was afraid of losing him to his father, and now I may have lost him forever."