The Twin

by Smokey Moment

  Niles instantly clammed up. He refused to be pressured into anything. But she had him in a corner and he didn’t know how to escape without losing her. “I care about you. I want to take things slow. Don’t force me into a commitment before I’m ready. I understand if you want more and you want to part ways. I don’t want you to leave but if you feel you need to Cheyenne, I can’t stop you,” he said.

  Cheyenne felt guilty. She didn’t want to part. She just didn’t want to be used and she wasn’t exactly sure she wasn’t. “Just promise me I’m not wasting my time. I want to hear you say it.” Niles stared at her. “Wow. Ok. That answers that,” she replied. “Come on. Don’t be like that. You know I care about you,” he said. “I need more than that Niles. We’re like friends with benefits. And I wasn’t looking for a friend. I have to go. I’ll call you later,” she said, as she tried to leave.

  “What do you want Cheyenne?” he asked. “Just more. More of you. You won’t even let me stay here more than one evening. I want to stay longer. Go home after we’ve tired from one another. I’m not asking to get married. I know you’re not ready for that. Just something that feels real.” Niles sighed then grabbed his phone again. “Then stay a few days.” Cheyenne walked back into the living room. She plopped down on the couch and turned the television on. She was happy. She finally won a battle with him. This was a start.

  Niles hit redial again. He shook his head at what he had just proposed. But there was a part of him that needed help getting over Bella. Cheyenne was a good second choice. She was attractive. Fun. Loyal. And they got along great. He wasn’t sure what would come of it but it was a start. The truth was he didn’t want to lead her on. He didn’t see himself in a committed relationship. He liked her company but he couldn’t love her and she wanted nothing but love from him. But he was willing to try. Thoughts of Bella was still consuming him. He loved her still.

  “Hello,” Noah answered. Niles felt a sense of relief at hearing his brother’s voice. Their disagreements were always difficult for him. He was more emotional. More sensitive. Noah shut down. But Niles usually reacted emotionally. “Um. Hey… Sorry I’ve been missing your calls. Shit got deep. Not your fault but still, I had to stay away,” Niles confessed.

  “That shit my fault. I should have gotten rid of Gemma that same day. It went on too long, and you got in over your head. Truth is, I would have never thought you would fall for her. For anyone, for that matter. You don’t do that. I guess I didn’t see that coming. How you been?” Noah said. He had a favor. He sweat as the stress of the moment took over. “I’m good. Look, I have to apologize. I shouldn’t have flipped out about it. You asked a favor and I went too far. That’s my fault. And now I’m paying the price. Shit is fucked up. But in any case, congrats. And I really do hope you’re happy,” Niles said.

  Noah held the phone. “You there?” Niles blurted. “Yeah. Thanks man. You have no idea how hurt I was that we weren’t talking. I know that wasn’t cool hooking you up with her. I never thought things would go that far,” Noah replied.

  “It’s cool man. I can’t say I regret it. But I moved on. Every day is better,” he replied, then held the phone. Noah was reserved. Something was on his mind. “Were you just calling? Everything ok?” he asked. It was obvious his twin had something to say. He knew him better than anyone. “Not really. But you know how it is. Life,” he replied. Niles understood. They had a lot on their plates. Demanding women. A demanding mother and father. Expectations that were overwhelming. And an empire dependent on them taking the reins and continuing the legacy.

  “Talk to me. Something else is going on.” Niles said. He was inquisitive. His brother took a huge risk. Marrying someone who was in love with someone else was not good. Bella loved him. Not Noah. Niles was waiting on the day his brother would confess that he had made a mistake. But it was apparent that he was far from feeling that way. Noah continued holding the phone. His marriage was in trouble but he had no plans to bail. Bella was the one bailing. She was distant. He felt he was losing her. He needed Niles. He needed another favor. Something to ask. And he hoped Niles would consider it.

  “Um. Its Bella,” he said pausing between words. He wasn’t sure how much to tell Niles. “What’s wrong?” Niles asked, his heart beating wildly. Noah became anxious. He didn’t want to tell Niles he was having marital problems. But he had nothing else to lose. So he trusted his instinct.

  “She wanted a baby. And now she wants a divorce. She won’t come home. She had me served today,” he said his voice changing. Niles put his hand on his head and closed his eyes. The news was not so shocking. He believed Noah should have told her everything. “Why is she so upset? Enough to want a divorce,” Niles asked. This was exactly what he thought would happen. He had spent too much time with her and their connection was deep and meaningful. He always believed she would start to notice the difference. He and his brother were physically identical. Very little was distinguishing about them. And he wondered when Noah would come calling.

  Noah was flooded with strong emotion. He took a moment before he answered. Niles held the phone, waiting on his brother to get himself together. “I don’t know. She called me selfish. Asked why I won’t perform oral sex on her. Says she desires it. That its natural and I should want to. Then tried to guilt trip me by saying that I used to do it. And now that we’re married I won’t. I didn’t know you did all that to her Niles. Damn,” he replied. Niles shook his head as Noah continued.

  “That shit got my marriage messed up. She said I should want to go down on her. That she does me all the time. That it keeps the relationship alive. What the fuck does that mean. Alive! And now she’s on this baby quest. We have a great fucking relationship. If she would just get out of my way. Let me be the man. Let me be myself,” he confided.

  “So… You don’t go down on her?” he asked. Noah held the phone in contempt. “No Niles! I don’t eat pussy. Never have. Is this new news. Are we not twins? Do you not know this?” Noah lashed out. “Hey. Don’t be pissed at me! This situation is entirely your doing,” he replied, trying to keep calm. He could see Noah was stressed and panicked. He had never seen him that way. The only time he ever saw him so emotional was when their father said something to set him off. Noah placed his brother on speaker phone and turned his music down. Niles didn’t know what to say to ease his troubled spirit.

  “Look man. Women make threats to get what they want. You can fix this. Go and talk to her.” Noah sensed Niles was trying to distance himself from it. He didn’t ask any questions about Bella. No inquiries into her or his happiness. He imagined it was hard for him to speak of her. Hard to relive the moment. But he banked on his brother’s past with her awakening a desire in him to see her again. Because he had a terrible idea. But it was the only one he had.

  “I can’t talk my way out of this one. I’m not good with words like you. Say what? Huh? What’s going to soothe her aching heart. More than anything she wants a baby. A baby! I can’t give her one. I am physically incapable. Remember!” he said. “Yes. I know this. But my question is, why does she not know. You never told her you couldn’t?” he said, surprised that Noah would try to keep such an important part of his health from her. “No. I couldn’t tell her that I can’t have kids. Tell me how you deliver that news to your new wife Niles. I’m listening,” he shouted. “I would lose her. She would have never married me. She doesn’t have kids. You have to help me,” he continued. Niles followed along. He was there up until Noah said help him. Words that had him at a loss. He frowned. Noah’s words sent shock waves through his body. He was afraid to ask him what he meant. But he had a sinking feeling what he meant by help him.

  “Help you how?” he asked, his eyes closed as he braced himself. “I don’t know. I need to figure this out,” he said, reluctant to ask his brother what he really wanted to ask him. “You are panicking man. Ok. This is not a loss. You can save this. Fix what you can right now. First things first. You have to go down on her man. Come on. This is your wi
fe. And you had to know she would want kids. You’re having problems you shouldn’t be having. What the fuck Noah. Tell her the truth. Then adopt some babies. And open your life up to her. She will forgive you. She’ll understand your fears for not informing her,” he assured. “I can’t Niles. Come on. That’s not the same. You know what I’m asking.”

  The phone went silent again. Niles was in shock and he knew where the conversation was going. Noah wanted him to impregnate Bella. The woman he was in love with. Which meant being intimate with her again. Niles wanted to see her again. But he had a long road of sleepless nights and sleeping around trying to get over her. Nothing worked. Time apart helped. But now his brother was asking him to be with her again. A part of him rejoiced. He would have another moment with her. He would get to kiss her again. Touch her. Smell her. Look into her eyes and tell her how he feels. Real feelings from deep within his soul. His heart rejoiced. But his mind freaked out. He had mixed feeling about it.

  “This is dangerous. Come on. I want to. Believe me. I love her. You want me to say it, then I’m saying it. If you ever wondered, you can stop wondering. I did. I still do. And I was pissed off when you still wanted her. After I told you I had been with her. After you saw how I felt. And all after setting me up then not taking how I felt into account. Hell yea. I was mad. Because shit crossed the line. Look…If you need me then I’m there. Ok. But I have to be honest…It won’t be just for you this time. I miss her. And I want you to tell her what we did. You can’t hide me forever. You can’t hide your life. It will never work. Tell her.”

  Noah held the phone. Niles could hear him breathing. “I can’t tell her. She loves you. She’ll chose you. She knows I’m not the same and she hates me for it.” Niles dropped the phone and closed his eyes. He knew he was the issue between them. He could hear Noah calling his name over and over. He reached down and picked the phone back up.

  “Niles. Niles,” he blurted. “Yeah,” he hesitated. “I’m sorry. I know this is all too much. But she misses you. I didn’t know she was that in love. She doesn’t like the change. She doesn’t get me. We don’t...you know… I don’t know. I’m not what she wants. But I’m married to her. And unless she asks for a divorce, I’m not leaving her. I love her. Probably more than you love her. Point is, I just want your help. If it’s too much then say so and I will figure out something else. But I’m begging you. Please!”

  Niles shook his head. He couldn’t believe Noah would ask that of him. Not after everything that had happened. He was torn. He wanted her. This was a good and bad thing. But this was stepping back in the fire. He would have to get over her, all over again. The good of it was obvious. But he felt he would be destroyed if he continued. This would only make him want her more. He just didn’t see a good outcome. But he needed her one last time. “Ok.”

  C

  ongested traffic made Nicole commute to her parents’ home take much longer. She drove into the gated community and slowly made her way there. She wasn’t ready to go home. She had a lot on her mind. She had begun to work part time at Langston at the request of her father. Just two days a week was too much for her. Especially with her home life had begun to unravel. Austin was behaving strangely and she wasn’t sure why. She blamed herself. Her health was changing and it was affecting their lives. But part of her felt that was an easy out for him. If something else was going on she wanted to know what it was. Before it smacked her in the face.

  She pulled into the long driveway slowly, looking around. She hoped the house was empty. Ingrid usually went out shopping or visiting local art galleries in the early afternoon. She was a huge supporter of some of the local painters and sculptors. Ingrid was an artist herself. She hung several of her watercolors proudly throughout her home. Nicole had just left George. He still had several more meeting to attend. Nicole was avoiding her own home. Austin was on vacation for a week and seemed intent on making like difficult for her.

  As she neared the house, she could see her mother outside in the garden. “Great,” she mumbled. Ingrid was perceptive. She would see right through her daughter’s attempts to look normal. And her life was anything but normal. “Hey. What you doing,” she said as she walked over to her mother. “Oh hi honey. Just pruning. These flowers we relooking pretty shabby. Where you on your way to?’ she asked.

  “Here. Just wanted to check on you. See what fabulous meal Gloria prepared for the evening.” Ingrid stood up and dusted off her pants. “Ma. Why are you gardening in white pants?” Ingrid looked down. “These old things. Who cares. And besides, it’s more of a beige color. Come on sweetheart. Let’s go see what Gloria has cooking. I can smell it from here. And it smells fabulous.”

  The women went inside the home. Ingrid looked back. A car was barreling down their long driveway. “Who is this?” she asked her daughter. Nicole looked back and rolled her eyes. “It’s Austin. I’ll be right back,” she said, as she turned and walked onto the porch. The car came to a screeching halt. Ingrid sensed something going on. Austin jumped out of the car then tried to soften the appearance of his dramatic arrival. “Mrs. Langston,” he greeted her, then glared at Nicole. “Austin. Something wrong?” Ingrid asked. “No ma’am. Just needed to talk to my wife,” he said.

  Ingrid narrowed her eyes slightly at her son-in-law. It hadn’t escaped her attention, that her daughter had been coming over more often and staying for longer periods. Ingrid nodded and walked into the house. She entered then stood off to the side hoping to catch their conversation. She had a bad feeling. And she hoped she was wrong.

  “You left work early. And you come here. Why aren’t you home. I needed to talk to you. I’m not finished talking Nic.” Ingrid listened intently. Austin sounded desperate. She wondered what had transpired between them. “Austin please. What did you need to say? You’ve said everything. I need a moment to myself. Give me a chance to breathe. Have you forgotten? There are pictures of your penis in your phone. Sitting in your gallery. Who did you send them to? You thought you were clever by erasing whatever texts had the pictures in it. And you think your clever by saving women’s numbers using a male sounding name, to throw me off. I’m not stupid. Who is she?” she fumed. “Your wrong Nic. It’s not like that. The only women I know are clients. Family. You have to believe me.” Nicole walked back and forth, her arms folded. She didn’t believe him. But she had no proof. And she wasn’t ready to lose him. But if he was having an affair, she would be gone. Nicole tolerated a lot. But she hated disloyalty. It was unforgiveable.

  “I’ll be home soon. Let me visit with my mom. I’ll be there shortly.” Austin kissed Nicole and walked off the porch. He looked back. His demeanor calmed. He got in the car and started the engine. Nicole stood looking at him. She was tiring of his antics. His late night entries into their home. His constant need to clear his message and call log. The mystery trips to see his mother in New Jersey that always seemed to happen at a spur of the moment. And his lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom, all pointed to one thing. He was having an affair. Nicole wondered when his luck would run out. She had tried to be clever herself, but was unable to catch anything more specific. For the time being, she would wait. Things done in the dark always came to light.

  Ingrid walked away. She didn’t want her daughter embarrassed that her mother had heard what she said. Nicole was respectful. The language she used with her husband would surely cause her to turn pink in the face if she thought her mother had heard a single word of it. “Gloria made seafood and pasta with light olive oil and seasoning. It’s kind of spicy honey. You better taste a small sample first. See if you like it,” she said. Nicole took a fork and pulled a shrimp from the pot. “Oh this is good. No. It’s not too hot. It’s just right.” Ingrid could tell something was on her mind. She made their plates while Nicole leaned against the counter.

  “You ok honey. You’re awful quiet.” Nicole looked off. “No. I’m not ok,” she said then let out a loud sigh. “I think Austin is having an affair.” Ingrid stirred the pasta. This was he
r daughters third marriage. The first one ended after just one month when George had him investigated and found out he was an ex-con with a long rap sheet. Her second husband was separated but not legally divorced from his first wife and so they were never legally married. Marriage number three came just a year after marriage number two was dissolved.

  No one knew much about Austin, not even his family. There were rumors, but no one knew details of his life. A fact that made both Ingrid and George nervous. George had him investigated and nothing was ever found. So he took her new husband under his wing and showed him the family business, at the urging of his daughter. Ingrid tried to love and accept him. But there was always something nagging at her about him. Still he was Nicole’s husband and she tried to stay out of it. Her family gave her a hard time about George when they first started dating. They thought he was mean and a bit of an ass. And so, she vowed to support her daughter choices. Even if she saw differently.

  “What makes you think he’s having an affair?” she asked. Nicole found it hard to talk on the subject without becoming upset. “Everything ma,” she said, turning to her. Her expression showing how serious and painful it was for her. Ingrid became upset. She had no idea Nicole was going through such torment. She looked tired. Worn down. Hurt.

  “Let me tell you something about men. They can be as loyal as their options. I find that their instinct is to look maybe even touch, if they feel so inclined. Men can be loyal. But you have to figure out very quickly if yours is one of those men or not. Because if he cheats, he will always cheat. So you have to decide what you will tolerate. What you want to know. I don’t keep up with your father. I expect him to be a provider, a father, a husband and I expect him to be home at a reasonable time. And that’s the extent of what I demand from him. If you believe he is being dishonest and you want to know, then find out.”