Finding Julia

by Desiree Holt

  She fervently hoped they didn’t expect her to take him home with her. The Pattersons, with their huge home and abundance of money, were far better equipped and could hire whatever care he needed.

  She tried to focus on what Rombauer said, but her brain simply shut down. The room spun, the air suddenly like cotton fleece sticking to her. The doctor caught her just before she slipped from the chair to the floor.

  * * * *

  When she opened her eyes, she found herself in an unfamiliar room, sunlight pouring in through a large window. Apparently the rain had stopped. The room was strange, the bed unusually high. Claire sat in a chair next to her, flipping through a magazine. Brad, Claire’s husband, stood at the window, staring through the open drapes at the brightness of the day.

  “Where am I?”

  Claire closed the magazine and leaned forward. “Rombauer asked them put you in a vacant hospital room.”

  She realized she now wore a hospital gown. “What’s wrong? Am I sick?” She tried to sit up, but the spinning of the room made her nauseous.

  “No, just exhausted and emotionally drained. Everyone was quite worried about you.”

  “Charles.” The memory stabbed at her. “How is he?”

  “Doing fine. He’s being well taken care of.”

  “We’re much more concerned with you, Julia.” Brad turned from the window to look at her. “Charles is receiving the finest care his money and his insurance can provide. You have to think about yourself. You have children who need you, now more than ever.”

  He was right. It was just so hard to think. Too much. Too many things to deal with.

  “What time is it?” Her brain felt fuzzy.

  “About three o’clock,” Claire told her. “You took a nice nap. I’m glad. You obviously needed it.”

  “I haven’t called Miranda yet.” She sat up, moving slowly. “Can I make calls from here?”

  Claire picked up the receiver from the bedside telephone. “I already spoke to her, but I know she’d like to hear from you personally.” She put her ear to the instrument, spoke briefly, and handed it to Julia. “You have a dial tone now. Go ahead. Would you like us to wait in the hall?”

  Julia shook her head. “No. Please stay.” She looked at both of them. “I’m not sure I can get through this by myself.”

  Brad moved to stand beside her. “We’re here for you, kiddo. Start to finish.”

  “I’m so glad to hear your voice.” Miranda’s relief, when she answered the phone, was evident. “You doing okay, Julia?”

  “Yes. Fine,” she assured her. “How are Andy and Beth? You sent them to school as we discussed, right?”

  “Yes. They just got home but I haven’t said anything yet. I thought it would be better coming from you.”

  Another difficult task, but one only she could handle. “I’ll be home later. Before I leave here I should know more about what’s going on.” She hung up the phone and looked at Claire and Brad. “What about Charles’s parents?”

  Claire made a face. “They were here this morning. Threw their weight around. Complained about everything. Didn’t seem too happy about your situation. Then they left.”

  “Left?” She was stunned.

  “Yeah. Howard said Elise is quite delicate, you know.”

  “Like a praying mantis.” Brad snorted.

  “They’ll be back tonight,” Claire warned. “Are you ready?”

  “As much as it’s possible to be.”

  “I have your suitcase here.” Claire pointed at it against the wall. “Do you need anything from it?”

  “Not now. I need to do something with it, though.”

  Brad pulled up the handle. “Since we’ll take you home I’ll go put it in the car.”

  “I can take a cab,” she protested. “You guys have done enough.”

  Claire hugged her. “That’s what friends are for.”

  And wasn’t Julia just damn glad for them now.

  She found the clothes she’d been wearing in the narrow closet and took them into the bathroom with her. A long, hot soak sounded like heaven but that would have to wait until she got home. She splashed cold water on her face instead and looked in the mirror. What she saw frightened her. The face staring back at her was familiar, but it was bleached white with dark smudges beneath eyes filled with anguish.

  Luke!

  No. She mustn’t think of him now. If she hadn’t let herself…

  Let herself what? Be a human being for a change? Respond to a man who made her feel like a woman? Intellectually, she knew neither her impending divorce nor her connection with Luke bore any relation to Charles’s heart attack. But the enormous guilt gene Charles fed throughout their marriage smacked at her. It cracked its whip and jammed her back into the dutiful wife mode.

  Somehow the fact the final divorce papers weren’t signed appeared as some kind of omen to her, a sign her penance for pleasure was to stand by Charles during this terrible situation. Nausea bubbled up in her throat. With a heavy heart, she pushed away thoughts of Luke and headed back to the CICU.

  She checked in with the nurse before beginning her allotted five minute visitation. Again, she tried to coax a reaction from him but he lay wax-like in the bed, unresponsive, his chest slowly rising and falling as the machines beeped and dinged. When she left the room Claire led her to the CICU lounge where Brad waited, holding a cup of hot tea for her. She clutched it with hands not quite steady, grateful for the warm liquid as it seeped through her still frozen body.

  The elder Pattersons chose that moment to arrive, taking in the little tableau with barely concealed scorn.

  “I hold you responsible for this, Julia.” Howard delivered his opening salvo. “If you spent your time taking better care of Charles instead of running God knows where around the country, this wouldn’t have happened. Rest assured we will see that you pay for this. You have no idea the power of this family or our connections.”

  “We expect you to stand by Charles in this,” Elise sniffed. “He is, after all, the father of your children.”

  Claire, like a warrior, rose fierce and angry against the invader. “You might want to rethink what you’re saying, Howard. Julia has been a damn good wife and mother. Perhaps it might have helped if Charles had told her he was being treated for high blood pressure, among other things.”

  “Too bad your day was so busy you couldn’t get back here until now.” Brad snorted. “How do you suppose that looks?”

  Howard placed a hand on his wife’s shoulder, his face a mask of controlled fury. “Elise was so distraught I wouldn’t allow her to leave the house again until she’d rested.”

  “Mmm hmm.” Brad turned away from them. “Julia, I think you need to lie down again.”

  She shook her head. Running away from this wouldn’t help. “I’m fine, Brad. Honestly. But I could use another cup of tea.” By the time this was over, she’d probably never be able to drink it again, but right now it sustained her.

  “Coming right up.” He slid past the Pattersons as if they weren’t even there.

  “I demand to see the doctor.” Howard’s authoritarian mantle now sat firmly in place.

  “The nurse will page him for you.” Claire was not about to leave Julia’s side for a moment.

  “You know the divorce brought this on,” Elise accused, her face pinched. “There’s never been a divorce in this family. Charles was mortified.”

  “Mortified?” Claire was furious. “Maybe if he—”

  Julia put her hand on her friend’s arm. “Leave it alone, Claire. It’s a losing battle.”

  “There will be no divorce,” Howard stated. “I will see to that. Try to go ahead with it and you and your children will be sorry.”

  Julia tried to speak but a boulder had lodged in her throat.

  Claire opened her mouth to speak again but Rombauer’s arrival interrupted whatever she planned to say. Howard planted himself aggressively in front
of the doctor and barked his questions. In his dictatorial fashion, he gesticulated, demanded, ordered, and excoriated. Rombauer listened patiently, providing information in a calm, controlled voice.

  Watching him, Julia saw assessment and recognition flare in his eyes. He was no fool. Quietly, he assured Howard he was free to call in as many specialists as he wanted, but pointed out before he did anything he would have to consult with the patient’s wife.

  “Wait a moment.” Julia froze at his words. “What?”

  Rombauer turned to her. “Mr. Patterson has a medical directive and power of attorney. His partner brought them in this morning. You’re listed on both of them as the person making every medical decision.”

  “That must be what Rod was so ticked off about,” Claire murmured.

  Julia was so shocked she struggled to put words together. “B-But that’s impossible. Charles and I were…are…”

  “Nonsense,” Howard thundered. “We are responsible for his care. Before this happened they were all but divorced. That’s in the wind but no way is his care in the hands of anyone but us.”

  Rombauer shrugged. “I’ll be happy to show you the documents, if you like. But until Mr. Patterson is able to make any changes, whatever actions are needed will be her choice and hers alone.” He paused. “You are, of course, free to consult with her and give her your input. I’m sure she’ll be happy to consider your wishes.”

  Julia could have sworn a smile flirted with the corners of his mouth. His face was his normal impassive mask, but his eyes quite clearly stated he did not like Howard and Elise Patterson. Claire and Brad struggled to keep their own faces impassive.

  Howard’s face twisted in contempt as he turned on her and delivered a speech that would have stripped the skin off someone who cared. But in the years of their marriage, any good feelings Julia harbored for her in-laws had disappeared. The thick shell she’d developed where they were concerned insulated her from any pain they might now inflict, and she hoped they’d get out of there before she told them to go to hell.

  At a time when normal families pulled together and surrounded each other, the Pattersons’ single purpose was gaining control and shutting Julia out. If things hadn’t been so dicey—the destruction of her marriage, the separation, the impending divorce that now seemed on hold—she might even have laughed. She was caught in a trap she didn’t want, yet it was her only weapon against a familiar enemy.

  Howard was infuriated at his inability to intimidate her, and the presence of Claire and Brad only increased his rage. Through it all, Elise sat without moving, avoiding so much as a glance in Julia’s direction. The only words she spoke were to demand Claire find her some coffee.

  “Preferably with hemlock,” Claire muttered, then touched Julia’s shoulder briefly. “I know, I know. I’m going.”

  If not for Brad’s intervention, Julia knew she would have said things best left unspoken. Forceful in his own way, he thanked Rombauer for everything and asked if the Pattersons could see their son. Elise waited for her coffee, but Julia followed the nurse as she led Howard down the hall to Charles’s cubicle.

  “My God.” Howard’s eyes swept the room full of machines and his son lying immobile in the bed. A muscle twitched in his cheek. He didn’t approach the bed, simply watched from the doorway. Julia waited outside until the nurse came to tell him his time was up.

  Elise still sat on the hard plastic chair drinking her coffee. She raised her eyes to Howard’s as he walked toward her. He simply shook his head.

  “He’s still not awake, my dear. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.”

  Elise stood up, mouth set in a grim expression. “We’ll arrange our visits so we needn’t collide with each other,” Howard told Julia. “We’d prefer to visit in the evening.”

  Good. She’d work it out so she could avoid them altogether. “Actually that will work out well. I’ll be home then with the children.”

  “Oh. Yes. The children.” As if they were belongings with no place to be put at the moment.

  “Well then,” Howard continued, “we’ll be leaving. Elise needs to get home to lie down. This is quite an ordeal for her.”

  He took the coffee cup from his wife and handed it to Claire, as if she were the maid. Without another word they made their way down the hall, backs stiff as starched sheets.

  “Ordeal, my ass.” Brad twisted his lips in a grimace. “I noticed they didn’t once ask how you were, Julia, or if there was anything you needed.”

  “What a couple of cold fish,” Claire added.

  “They just don’t know how to deal with a situation requiring emotion. Nothing has ever disturbed the smooth surface of their lives. And I don’t expect them to think of me. The minute they discovered they didn’t have me under their thumb, I became the enemy.” She rubbed her forehead. “It’s fine. But I don’t know what to do about the medical power of attorney. The last thing I want under the circumstances is to make those kinds of decisions.”

  “Well, honey.” Brad gave her a lopsided grin. “I hate to tell you, but you’re stuck until Charles is alert enough to appoint someone else.”

  “Maybe if I sneak in and pull out his tubes and wires, we won’t have to do anything,” Claire teased.

  “Claire!” Julia was shocked her friend could call up gallows humor like that.

  “Just kidding.” Then she winked at Julia. “But it would solve a lot of problems.”

  “Right now I think I’d like to go home and see the children. I’ve done what I can here for the moment.”

  “I’ll get the car and meet you two downstairs.” Brad strode toward the elevator.

  They were all silent on the drive to her house. Julia was too exhausted to form words and she was sure Claire and Brad were giving her space. All the house lights were on and Miranda opened the door for her as Brad helped her and her suitcase up to the porch.

  “Thank you,” she told him. “I... Just thank you.”

  “It’s okay, kiddo.” He kissed her cheek. “We’re here for you, whatever you need.”

  “The kids are across the street with their friend, Charley.” Miranda closed the front door and took her coat. “I told the Greggs what happened and they invited the little ones over to play. Give you a chance to get yourself together before you have to tell them what happened.”

  “Oh, thank God.” She hugged Miranda.

  “You go on upstairs. I’ll bring this suitcase up in a bit.”

  Gratefully Julia made it up to her room, closed the door, and threw herself across the bed. What a mess. What an incredible mess. Just when she thought she’d finally gotten things under control and could move forward, fate knocked the pins out from under her. All the pent-up tension finally exploded and sobs burst from her throat. Hot tears burned her cheeks. She reached up and touched the tiny charm at her throat, wrapping her fingers around it. She could almost feel Luke there with her, encouraging her. Telling her how strong she was. As her tears finally subsided and her heartbeat slowed, she realized she had the strength to get through this, for her children and for herself.

  Chapter 10

  It hardly seemed possible it was only five o’clock in the afternoon. The day seemed as long as a year since Claire’s early morning phone call. Cried out at last, she washed her face and drank a glass of water. Then she sent Miranda to fetch the twins. They were wildly glad to see her, hugging her with great ferocity and pressing their bodies against hers.

  “Why do you look so sad, Mommy?” Beth plastered herself against Julia’s side.

  “Did we do something wrong?” Andy’s voice had a plaintive sound to it.

  “No, babies. Not at all.” Julia dug up a smile. “You are my wonderful children.”

  “They know something’s wrong.” Miranda shook her head. “Kids sense those things.”

  “I missed you guys so much.” Julia hugged both of them at the same time. Fear of the unknown bloomed in their eyes. She knew exactly how
they felt. How would she tell them from this moment on their lives would be dramatically altered?

  They would be her salvation in the difficult days ahead. Their love for her and their needs would keep her sane and grounded when the urge to run away became too strong.

  “How come you didn’t come home this morning like you said?” Andy demanded.

  Julia swallowed. “Some…things came up. Let’s have dinner first and then we’ll talk about them.”

  “What things?” he demanded in his child’s voice.

  “After dinner,” she insisted.

  “Will you eat with us, Mommy?” Beth begged.

  “Please?” Andy added. “We didn’t see you for three whole days.”

  Julia’s head throbbed and her stomach was doing a war dance again, but no way could she deny these adorable imps.

  “Yes.” She hugged them tightly. “I’ll eat with you. But just some soup and tea,” she told Miranda. “I think it’s about as much as my system can take right now.”

  “Why don’t you change into something more comfortable and I’ll get something on the table. Come on, kids.”

  Miranda herded the twins toward the family room. “Give your mama a few minutes to herself and then you can sit down together.”

  Bless Miranda. Life would be abysmal without her.

  Julia unpacked, showered, and opened a drawer to take out sweats. Charles hated for her to sit around the house in them, but right now she needed the feel of comfort they gave her. Her hands hovered over the set Luke had given her for just a moment. She recalled how his eyes lit up when he saw it on her, and darkened with passion as he’d slowly removed each piece. She was just finding herself and now she was being swallowed up again. She needed Luke.

  But Luke was an impossibility at the moment, and who knew for how long. Depression settled over her. Stop it, she told herself. No time for tears or self-indulgence now. Her children needed her. And Charles, damn him, Well, she’d do what she had to for him to get stabilized and then she’d tell Harry to get the damn papers signed one way or another. Her life had been on hold for long enough.