Ruby Lu, Empress of Everything

by Lenore Look

  The vapor of plums seeped into the house.

  The breath of Chinese vegetables filled the garden.

  Ruby’s parents were not good at gardening, but Flying Duck’s parents were expert farmers. They planted gailan, yu choy, bok choy, bitter melon, and dong gua. Ruby had never seen so many Chinese vegetables before. She and Flying Duck were expert farmers too. The girls especially liked Flying Duck’s mother’s “helpful exercises for relieving gardening stress,” which included fanning oneself under the plum tree while sipping a glass of lemonade.

  Flying Duck’s parents hadn’t found jobs yet, but they were getting closer. Everyone said that fall was a better time to look for work.

  Ruby and Emma were friends again.

  Emma and Flying Duck were friends at last.

  So Ruby crossed off:

  4. Be Frends again with Emma.*

  5. Play with Flying Duck.

  And

  7. Go to summer skool.*

  Wow. Ruby could hardly believe it. Now the only thing left was:

  6. Play with Oscar.

  That was easy.

  “Come here, Oscar!” Ruby called. “OS-CAR!”

  No sooner had Ruby called than a nose poked through the hole in the screen door. It sniffed.

  “Oscar?”

  “Rrrrf, rrrrrrf, rrrrffff!” it barked.

  It sounded like Oscar. It smelled like Oscar.

  But it wasn’t Oscar.

  Ruby gasped. She clasped her chest. It was the cutest, sweetest little dog she had ever seen.

  He had a mouthful of yellow teeth and big clumsy feet and a big clumsy head and a big clumsy tail. His breath smelled like the end of the world, and his fur looked even worse.

  Okay, so he wasn’t the cutest. And he wasn’t that little. In fact, he was quite big. Still, he was sweet. And he looked like an oversized mop.

  He panted heavily.

  Ruby forgot all about Oscar.

  This was the dog Ruby had waited for all her life. She had looked for him every summer, but never found him. She had wished for him upon every star. She had breathed his name upon every wishbone. She had wanted him more than anything. He was a dream come true.

  Instantly Ruby loved him. And so did Flying Duck. And so did Oscar.

  There was only one little problem.

  Emma.

  Emma didn’t love him. She loved Elwyn, who had been the only dog on 20th Avenue South for as long as anyone could remember. And Emma knew all there was to know about dogs.

  “He’s a stray,” Emma said. “You can’t play with a stray.”

  “He isn’t a stray,” Ruby replied. “He’s mine. And his name is … is …”

  “See, he doesn’t even have a name!” Emma said. “And he has no tags,” she added.

  Tags were not a problem. There was enough aluminum foil in Ruby’s kitchen to tag a million dogs. Flying Duck was good at cutting, and Ruby was good at writing.

  But coming up with the right name was a little trickier.

  Elmo? … Elmer? … Elonzo?

  “Elvis!” Ruby called.

  “Rrrrroooooh,” crooned Elvis.

  “What kind of a name is that?” Emma protested.

  “Same kind as Elwyn,” Ruby said.

  “But Elwyn’s a bona fide pet dog from the pet store,” Emma said.

  “Well, Elvis came from heaven,” Ruby replied.

  So Emma had something else to say.

  “He has to have shots,” Emma said, letting it sink in.

  “Rabies, Lyme disease, distemper”—she rattled them off—“parvovirus, coronavirus, hepatitis, parainfluenza, Bordetella.”

  A dark, ripe plum fell close by. Phump!

  Shots?

  It was all Ruby could do not to jump Emma. Instead she counted to ten. Her father had taught her that when you’re angry, count to ten.

  When Ruby got to twenty, she still didn’t feel any better. She felt like a latte machine bursting with hot, steamed milk.

  Then the latte machine exploded.

  “I should have never rescued you, Emma!” Ruby shrieked. “You. Belong. At the. Bottom. Of the. Pool!”

  Emma let out a little cry.

  Several dark, ripe plums fell. Phump, phum-phum, phump!

  And then it was quiet.

  Very quiet.

  “Wait till your mother finds out what you said,” Emma said, blinking back tears. “Not to mention when she sees the stray. You’re going to be so busted.”

  Then Emma gathered Sam and Elwyn, and she did exactly as Ruby was hoping she’d do. She went home.

  Ruby thought she would feel better. She’d given Emma what Emma deserved.

  But Ruby didn’t feel so good.

  She didn’t feel like a latte machine anymore.

  She didn’t even feel like a regular coffeemaker.

  Ruby felt terrible.

  Why did Emma always have to ruin everything? Everything had been perfect. Their friendship was on again and they were cruising along. But now it was off again, and it was like having a dead battery in your car.

  It seemed their friendship had gone to the dogs. Ruby loved that expression. Gone to the dogs.

  But worst of all, Emma was on to something. Ruby’s mother was not home. What would she say when she saw Elvis? A three-hundred-pound Elvis?

  Ruby had to think fast.

  Empress of Everything

  Aluminum foil has many uses.

  It is clothing for a potato.

  It is a hand warmer. Wrap your hands in aluminum foil. Sit in sun.

  It is a foot warmer. Do the same as above, except on your feet.

  It is a hair warmer. Do the same as above, except on your hair. Sit in beauty parlor. Read magazines. Ruby had seen her mother do this, and her hair always came out like sunshine.

  It is a TV antenna-extender. Ruby’s GungGung had done this.

  It is a pet tag.

  It is the source of all sorts of crown jewels. Fold this way for a crown. Scrunch this way into a scepter. Smooth it out for a sword.

  “I crown thee Prince Oscar the Cutie,” Ruby declared, placing an aluminum crown on Oscar’s head and giving him the appropriate taps on the shoulder with her foil sword.

  Turning to her cousin, “I crown thee Princess First Duck Flying in a V,” Ruby said. Flying Duck bowed, which made her crown fall off.

  Then Ruby thought about Emma. For a fleeting moment Ruby thought about how much Emma would enjoy getting crowned and wearing lots of magical jewelry. But then the thought was gone.

  “And I crown myself …,” Ruby said. She had to think about this one a little more. It had to be something appropriate. It couldn’t be anything fake or too important. But, of course, it had to be wonderful.

  “Okay, I got it!” Ruby cried. “I crown myself … Empress … of Everything!” It was perfect. And her crown fit just right.

  Now, as everyone knows, empresses are very powerful.

  Their jewelry has magical powers.

  It took a little practice, but soon Ruby and Flying Duck were working all sorts of magic with their royal scepters.

  Take Ruby’s mother, for example. She was reading on the couch. Ruby aimed her scepter directly at her.

  With the dog hidden in the garage out back, the empress had time to work her magic.

  “My royal mother looks sleepy,” the empress intoned, waving her scepter from across the room.

  “My royal mother should nap instead of read….” The empress shot powerful rays out of her eyes.

  Meanwhile, Flying Duck and Oscar marched around and around the royal sofa.

  “Sweeeep,” Oscar bubbled. “Sweeeep.” He meant “sleep.” He looked his mother smack in the eye and then wiggled his thumbs at her. He was so cute.

  It took forever. But finally her royal mother was napping. And so were Princess Flying Duck and Prince Oscar, who curled up with his royal mother and fell fast asleep. Ruby nearly fell under her own spell too, it was that powerful. But she had a job to f
inish. After all, you can’t be Empress of Everything and snooze, too!

  “You love dogs,” Ruby began, standing over her sleeping mother.

  “You love BIG dogs,” she intoned.

  “You will see Elvis,” Ruby added for good measure, “and fall in love!”

  Then she paused. She looked closely at her mother’s sleeping face. Ruby had rarely seen her mother asleep. She looked beautiful with her eyes closed. She did not snore.

  “I love you, Mom,” Ruby whispered. She gave her a kiss.

  Then it was back to work. Being Empress of Everything was a big job. Ruby repeated everything she said before about dogs. Mind control is like that. For best results, you have to repeat several times, like medicine.

  Ruby tiptoed out to the garage to check on Elvis. Then she tiptoed back to watch her kingdom sleep.

  She watched.

  And watched.

  And watched….

  “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaack!”

  Ruby woke with a start. Oh no! She had fallen asleep too!

  And Elvis, who had apparently tiptoed back in with Ruby, was licking Ruby’s mother’s face!

  And Ruby’s mother screamed! “Aaaaack! Aaaaack!”

  Oscar woke and started crying.

  Flying Duck jumped and starting signing.

  “Oh no!” Ruby cried. She and Flying Duck grabbed their dog and pulled him back. But it was too late.

  “Ruby! What … what … what is that?” Ruby’s mother stammered.

  “A dog,” Ruby said.

  “A BIG dog,” Ruby added quickly, to open the floodgates of love. She crossed her fingers to boost her mother’s learn-while-you-sleep abilities.

  Ruby’s mother clutched Oscar.

  “Call the police!

  “Call the animal shelter!

  “Where’s the vacuum cleaner?

  Then finally …

  “That’s no dog!” her mother shrieked. “That’s Dogzilla!”

  20/20 Vision

  Everything happens the week before school starts.

  Posters of DOG FOUND: ANSWERS TO ELVIS AND DOGZILLA went up all over 20th Avenue South.

  Ruby’s father placed an ad in the newspaper.

  Meanwhile Elvis got shampooed.

  He got clipped.

  He got brushed.

  He even got shots.

  But he didn’t get real tags … yet.

  Still, Ruby was hopeful. Every day that passed without someone coming forward to claim Elvis was another day closer to Elvis staying forever. Ruby had heard about this happening to other dogs, and she was sure that it would happen to him. She kept her fingers crossed.

  Meanwhile summer school ended. Swimming school closed.

  Empty sunscreen bottles rattled around different corners of the house.

  Then it rained for nights.

  And it fogged for days. Everything was moong-cha-cha. Ruby loved that word, “moong-cha-cha.” Her mother used it often. It meant not clear, out of focus, confused.

  Everything was changing, even the weather.

  Even Elvis. He got to come into the house. The garage was getting cold at night, Ruby’s mother said. It had no doors.

  Ruby’s mother wasn’t crazy about dogs, but Elvis had many human characteristics.

  He needed his own blanket.

  And his own bed.

  And his own rice bowl.

  And most of all, he needed to be near other people.

  And when Elvis had all those things, it no longer mattered that no one had come forward to claim him. He was already claimed.

  So Elvis became Elvis Lu, the newest member of Ruby’s family and not a stray. It was one of the best changes of the season.

  But one thing didn’t change.

  Ruby still hadn’t made up with Emma.

  Ruby didn’t like to apologize. So she didn’t.

  But the wee little voice inside Ruby’s head spoke to her about this nearly every day.

  “Rubeeee…”

  Uh-oh. Suddenly it was louder than Ruby remembered it.

  “Rubeeeeeee!”

  Ruby jumped. Her wee little voice was not usually so sharp and clear.

  “Yes?” she peeped.

  “I just found your backpack!”

  It was not Ruby’s wee little voice at all. It was Ruby’s mother. She was standing on the back step with Ruby’s backpack, the one long-forgotten in the back of her closet, the one from second grade, the one that held—gasp—the hidden letters! And her mother was waving them!

  Oh no!

  “Ruby, why didn’t you give me these letters?” her mother cried.

  “I didn’t want to flunk,” Ruby squeaked.

  “What? These are from the nurse’s office,” Ruby’s mother screeched. “You and Flying Duck need to have your eyes checked. You both need glasses, aiyaaaah!”

  Eyes checked?

  Glasses?

  “Hooray!” Ruby cried. She would finally get glasses!

  So that afternoon Ruby and Flying Duck got glasses. Ruby chose a cute little pair with … what else? … sparkly rubies! And Flying Duck picked the frame with the twinkly diamonds.

  Suddenly nothing was moong-cha-cha anymore. Everything was clear! Ruby felt like a new person with glasses. She was not the person she was before. Teachers wear glasses. Mah-jongg masters wear glasses. Scientists wear glasses.

  Benjamin Franklin wore glasses.

  Now Ruby wore glasses. And so did Flying Duck.

  Wow.

  Ruby puffed out her chest like a pigeon.

  She was ready for third grade.

  Almost.

  The Emma Dilemma

  The whole world is different when you have 20/20 vision.

  Ruby found she loved to listen to marching band music. It was GungGung’s favorite music, and Oscar’s too. Now Ruby loved it. It made her feel confident. She could march and see where she was going, all at the same time.

  Everything was much clearer to Ruby. Even friendships.

  Yes, she was ready to march right over to Emma’s house and be friends again.

  Oh, no, she wasn’t. She was simply ready to march to her plum tree and sit in it.

  Alone.

  Suddenly her plum tree felt like the biggest plum tree in the world.

  And Ruby was the teeniest, tiniest little bird.

  It was a good place to think things over.

  Would her tree always feel this empty if she never, ever apologized?

  A gentle breeze combed Ruby’s feathers.

  Why was friendship so hard?

  Ruby blinked a little bird blink.

  She moved her foot, just a little, like a bird getting a better hold.

  Leaves broke into applause.

  Why did summer have to end?

  Ruby didn’t know.

  But she knew what she had to do.

  She put on a little John Philip Sousa to get warmed up. And she let her legs march her right next door.

  “Em-ma!!” Ruby called from Emma’s front stoop. She marched in place. It was more fun than marching forward. Ruby could lift her knees as high as her armpits.

  Emma appeared immediately from behind her door.

  “Emma …,” Ruby said, breathless. She wanted Emma to see her marching technique. Then she stopped. She swallowed. She stood on one foot … then she stood on another. She wiggled a little, but not too much.

  “I am truly glad I saved your life,” she finally said.

  Then Ruby stopped to think. She had more to say. In fact she could feel an entire speech coming.

  “You deserve to be saved over and over again,” Ruby declared. “I hope we can be friends again.”

  Emma thought about it. “Okay,” she said.

  Ruby paused. She searched for something else to say. Something friendly. Maybe even something impressive. But she couldn’t think of a single thing.

  But Emma came up with something.

  “I think I can march like that too,” Emma said.

  “Real
ly?”

  “Sure!” Emma showed Ruby. She was pretty good. She’d never even marched before.

  Ruby joined her. Together they marched in place. Emma could lift her knees up to her armpits too. And several times she even got them up to the bottoms of her earlobes. It was utterly breathtaking.

  “Nice height,” Ruby huffed. She could hardly get her words out, but she meant it.

  “Nice glasses,” Emma puffed.

  Ruby grinned. And Emma grinned back.

  After that Ruby put a smiley face next to:

  4. Be frends again with Emma.*

  It was the perfect ending to a perfect summer.

  Now Ruby could hardly wait for third grade.

  Her backpack was cleaned out.

  Her glasses were on.

  She was finally ready.

  That night, as Ruby and Flying Duck waited in their bunk beds for sleep to overtake them, the stars in their window moved from their summer positions to their fall ones. With her glasses on, Ruby could see this very clearly. She and Flying Duck wore their glasses to sleep so that they could see their dreams.

  But what was that across the room? Right there under her window was … a stack of books! Oh no! It was the very thing Ruby couldn’t put her knuckle on when she had made her summer list! At last, the very important thing that should have been on her 12-Step Plan:

  Her summer reading.

  Flying Duck’s Awesome Glossary and Guide to Important Chinese Sign Language Signs

  (as demonstrated by Ruby)

  “I burst my skull”—Tap head and make a burst of fireworks with outspread fingers behind ears.

  “More”—Put first finger and thumb together and move hand to opposite side of chest. Then pull hand across chest sideways, ending in a number one sign.

  “Eat”—Put first finger and middle finger together, and touch fingertips to lips multiple times with fingers pointing sideways.