The door opened and a pretty nurse stepped out. "Ah Gage I was wondering when you would be back. I see you brought mommy this time. Gage has talked so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you. I'm Erin, your daughters nurse. If you two follow me we can wash up then you can meet your little girl."
Gage rolled me along behind the nurse. We washed our hands then Erin turned to me saying, "Ok, did Dr. Tomlin talk to you about what you’re going to see?"
I nodded and replied, "Yes, he told me about the wires and machines. Honestly, I don't care about any of that. I just want to see my baby."
Erin smiled sweetly and said, "Your daughter is absolutely beautiful and perfect. I must say she has me and her daddy wrapped around her tiny little pinky. And I'm sure the moment you see her you will be right there with us."
"She is my little miracle, she already has me wrapped around her tiny little pinky."
Erin placed her hand on my shoulder saying, "You’re going to be an amazing mommy."
She opened the door for us and Gage rolled my wheelchair up to my precious babygirl. My eyes were filled with tears as I stuck my hand inside her incubator. She was perfect. I wrapped my hand around her tiny one as my tears fell. Whispering to my baby as I cried, "Mommy loves you sweet girl. You are absolutely perfect. Please fight through this. You are my little miracle and I can't wait to watch you grow. I love you peanut."
Gage knelt down beside me and said, "She's perfect, just like her mommy." Kissing my temple he slid his hand into her incubator and rubbed her little cheek. "She's strong just like her mom too, she will get through this and we will go home as a family. I love you and I love our little girl."
"I love you too, Gage."
I smiled looking at my tiny, beautiful little girl. I couldn't help but fall in love with her even more. After sitting by my perfect peanut for a few hours I was tired and hungry. I decided to go back to my room to rest and eat before everyone else got back. When we got back to the room I slowly got back into bed and looked to Gage who was studying me.
"What?" I asked. He was making me nervous, looking at me like that.
Gage let out a breath before sitting beside me. "He knows, Jenna."
I shook my head in confusion and asked, "Huh? Who knows what?"
Dropping his eyes to my hands Gage's voice was shaky when he said, "Larkin. He knows about the baby. He knows he's the father. He said when he saw you he knew. I'm sorry."
More tears. "Well he's not here so obviously that’s my sign that he didn't want anything to do with me or my baby."
Gage brought his eyes back to mine, he had unshed tears he was fighting. "No, Jenna. He wants to be in his child’s life. He has been next to me these past few days watching over her. When the nurse talked me into coming to see you he told me he was going to his hotel to shower and get a little sleep. If I had to guess Jinx called or texted him letting him know you’re awake, so I'm sure he will be here when everyone else comes back. You need to talk to him, babe."
I shook my head and softly said, "I can't Gage. I won't allow myself or my baby to get hurt. I hear people talk. I heard y'all talking about how he went back to his old self. I'm with you, I love you. I'm marrying you, Gage."
"I love you too, babe. I'm not Larkin.” Gage shrugged his shoulders before dropping his eyes to my hands and sadly said, “I know you love me but not like you love him. I will never be him and you will never love me like him. I will always be by your side but you need to talk to him. He still loves you and even if you don't want to admit it you love him."
I brought my hand up to cup Gage's face and said, "I love you, you Gage. You. I will always love Larkin, I can't lie to you but you’re my safe place. My comfort, my home. With you I don't have to worry, I know you."
Gage didn't get a chance to respond. My door was opening, Sadie, Tyler, Trent, and Jinx walked in. "Hey momma, how you feeling?"
I sighed and said, "Ok, I guess."
Sadie hugged me followed by the guys. Sadie looked into my eyes asking, "You know he knows, huh?" I nodded and Sadie hugged me again. "He still loves you. He has been by his babygirl this whole time. He's there right now. Maybe you guys could talk?"
"Sadie, I can't do this. Gage has already tried. You know about my past and you know why I can't go through that again. Larkin is too much of my past. I have to focus on my baby and what’s best for her. If he wants to be in her life, there is nothing I can do about that but just because he's her father doesn't mean we have to be together. She has a family, Gage and I. I'm marrying Gage, I love him. I love Gage." It sounded like I was trying to convince myself more than Sadie.
She realized what I was doing and pulled me into her before saying, "Just talk to him. I'm not saying you guys will get back together or that things with him are perfect. Hell, we know what a major fuckwad he can be but when you were with him I saw a side of you I had never seen and these last few months that side has disappeared. I know you love Gage, you two have been best friends forever and he has always been there. Never settle for anything less than butterflies, babe. That's all I'm saying."
I just lowered my head and closed my eyes. When I opened them it was only Sadie in my room. "Sadie, I will talk to Larkin, just not now. I need time. I need to figure out what the hell is going on in my head. Yes, I love Larkin but sometimes that’s not enough. With Gage I have everything I need."
"True. With Gage you have everything you need but not everything you want. With Gage you’re warm and fuzzy, safe but with Larkin you’re alive and wild. I'm not saying what Larkin did is ok or that you should even forgive him but at least give him a chance to explain."
I let out a sigh and turned my head to look out the window as I said, "I know your right Sadie but I just need to sort shit out. I don't have just me anymore to think about. I have my babygirl who comes first. She deserves the world and I'm just not sure I can trust Larkin to give that to her. The first sign of problems and he could go running to some other girl, just like he did before. Then what do I say to my baby?"
"Sweetie I wish I could tell you that life is perfect and nothing bad will ever happen but you know what a lie that would be. I know life with Larkin will be full of ups and downs and chances are he will hurt you, more than once. You deserve to be happy and have a love like Ty and I have. You don't have that with Gage, you have that with Larkin. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but maybe you should stop focusing on the past, worrying about the future and focus on what you have now. And right now you have a guy who is crazy in love with you and his daughter, don't fight it." Sadie got up and walked out the door without another word.
I felt my tears streaming down my face. I knew what Sadie was saying was true but it was a hell of a lot easier said than done. Leaning my head back I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was a knock at my door, figuring it was Gage or my family I kept my eyes closed as they walked in. As soon as they were in the room I had goose bumps covering my body. Larkin.
CHAPTER 30
Larkin was in my room.
I slowly opened my eyes and saw Larkin standing at the end of my bed watching me closely.
"Why didn't you just tell me, Jenna?"
I blinked a few times and took a few deep breaths before angrily asking, "Are you serious? We have a fight and the next thing I know you’re running into the arms of some other girl. What the hell was I supposed to do? I wasn't going to tell you and hope you would come back to me and then worry the next fight that you run again. I also heard the stuff you were into. I refuse to have that around my child." Larkin started to open his mouth but I held up my hand to stop him. "No, dammit, let to me finish. I told you about my past. You have no idea how hard that was for me then the next thing I know there’s a picture of you and some hoe snuggled up together. So excuse me for protecting myself and my child. You are everything from my past that I want to forget. I can't allow myself or my child to be hurt."
Larkin was gripping my bed so tight his knuckles were white. It looked like he closed his eyes and
counted to ten before turning his dark and serious eyes to me and biting out, "Jenna, I told you I fucking loved you and you basically told me to fuck off. I was hurt and I fucked up. I got shit faced that night. I know that’s not an excuse but dammit Jenna, you fuckin’ hurt me. Bad. After you called me I knew I lost you because I was so damn stupid. I tried to stay away but I asked about you, constantly. It got to the point it hurt so much to hear about you I just stopped. The day I saw you in the student union...when I saw your ring I wanted to freak the fuck out. You were mine and Gage took you. I knew that day that I had to let you go, let you live your life and be happy. I swear if I'd had known you were pregnant I wouldn't have let you go so easy. When I saw you at the draft, I knew. I tried to talk to you but Sadie drug you away and the guys told me if I loved you I should walk away. I tried, I really did. I saw Jinx a little later and he told me you were in the hospital. When he told me that it took everything I had not to come down here and save you. Jenna, I love you and I love our baby. Sitting by her side watching her fight just to live, that is the hardest thing I have ever done. I wanted to trade places with her and with you. Knowing it’s my fault you and our baby are in this situation kills me. I am so fucking sorry, Jenna."
I just stared, I was speechless. Dragging my eyes from Larkin I glanced around the room and said, "Her name is Evalyn Grace. Evie for short."
Larkin let out a sigh saying, "Evie, I like it. She looks like an Evalyn."
I smiled and nodded. "When I saw her earlier I knew she was an Evalyn.” I brought my eyes back to Larkin’s and seriously said, “If you want to be her dad, Larkin I won't stop you. But if you’re going to be a dad, be a dad. Don't come in and out of her life."
Larkin walked up so he was standing next to me and grabbed my hand before saying, "I'm not going anywhere. I'm in this."
Shaking my head and fighting tears I looked up at him. "Larkin I can't do this. I will allow you to be a father to your daughter, but that's it. I'm a good enough person to forgive you but I'm not stupid enough to forget."
Larkin looked defeated as he said, "Ok. If that's what I can get right now I will take it. Evie is the most important thing in my life and I want to be her father."
"Thank you." I rubbed my face and let out a sigh.
My room filled back up with those I loved and Larkin left to sit by our daughter. I saw the looks Sadie and Gage kept giving me but I wasn't sure why. After a while I was given more pain medication and slipped back into a comfortable sleep.
**********
Two days after I woke up Gage, Larkin, and our friends had to return to school. Gage's parents and my dad also left. My mom stayed with me to help when I got discharged and to sit by Evie.
There was a knock on my door before it opened and Dr. Robertson walked in. “Hey, Jenna. How are you feeling?”
“I actually feel really good. My pain isn’t too bad, the Ibuprofen helps.”
“Excellent. I want to take a look at you but you seem to be healing very well. I’m thinking I will release you tomorrow.”
“That would be amazing. Do you know when Dr. Tomlin is planning on seeing me about Evie?”
“No, but I can call him and let him know you would like to speak with him.” Dr. Robertson pulled his stethoscope from around his neck to listen to my heart.
After checking me and determining I would be good to go tomorrow Dr. Robertson left my room. Turning to face my mom I couldn’t help the huge grin on my face.
“Honey, I am so proud of you. You are the strongest person I know.” My mom kissed my cheek.
“Mom, I only did what anyone would do. I have fought hard to get to the point I’m at but I still have a long way to go.”
“It just breaks my heart, sweetie. I know you love Gage, but he’s not your Larkin. Trust me honey, I’ve been in your shoes. I was best friends with your real dad and one night we went too far. After I told him I was pregnant he got scared and left. Then I met your daddy. I fell in love with him but I was so damn scared he would leave me too. When your dad, Shane, came back and tried to step up I almost gave up everything I had with your daddy to be with Shane. He was what I had considered safe for years. It took me awhile, and thankfully your daddy waited for me, but I chose who I loved and not who was safe. Sometimes you just have to follow your heart and tell your brain to shut the hell up.” My mom ran her hand down my cheek and caught my chin between her thumb and fingers. “Honey, I want you to have a love like your daddy and I. I want you to be happy and enjoy life. I know you would be happy with Gage. But, he’s not your daddy.”
Sighing I laid my head back. “Maybe, sometimes there are people who can stay in your heart but they don’t belong in your life. I think Larkin and I were meant to love each other for Evie but were not meant to be together. I picked Gage, I know him, trust him, love him. Maybe not in the way you love daddy but we are good for each other. I just think Larkin and I tried at the wrong time. I was still trying to find myself when he walked into my life.”
My mom dropped her head and just as she went to speak there was another knock on my door, and Dr. Tomlin peeked around. “Hey. Dr. Robertson told me you wanted to talk with me.”
“Yes. I just wanted to see how Evie was doing and see if you had a guess as to when she would be released.”
Dr. Tomlin smiled warmly. “Evie is doing great. We have lowered her oxygen and hopefully within the next few days she will be off it completely. She still has her feeding tube, but I want to try a normal feeding once she is off the oxygen. If she keeps improving like she is I would say within three weeks, when she’s around 4 weeks old, she should be ready to go home.”
Letting out the breath I didn’t know I was holding I let my huge grin take over my face. “Wow. I can’t believe how much she is improving. Will I be able to stay with her once I get discharged?”
“Of course, we have cots for the parents.”
“Thank you so much, Dr. Tomlin.” I smiled and reached out to hug her.
After hugging me Dr. Tomlin pulled back. “Jenna, your daughter still has a long road but she has done amazingly well so far. I don’t foresee her having any major issues but I don’t want to count them out either.”
“I just want my baby to be healthy.” I shrugged and chewed on my bottom lip.
Dr. Tomlin grabbed the door handle before saying, “And that’s what I’m here to do.”
**********
The next day I was discharged and moved all my things upstairs to Evie’s room. Being a mommy was something I never thought I would get to experience and here I was watching my baby fight for her life. I was in awe of this beautiful little angel.
The weeks seemed to drag but also flew by. After numerous calls from Gage, Larkin, my family and friends to check on my baby blessing the day had come to release Evie. She had improved tremendously and Dr. Tomlin was impressed with how well she was doing. She was gaining weight, eating like she should, and all her vitals were great.
On Evie’s one month birthday she was discharged. Once the last paper was signed my mom, Evie, and I walked out into the New York air. We had to stay the night in New York then we would fly to Columbus in the morning. I couldn’t wait to get Evie home and finally settle into life as a mommy.
CHAPTER 31
When our plane landed in Columbus, we walked into the terminal and I never expected to see such a crowd, all waiting for us. Well, I’m sure more for Evie. Even though Sadie was twenty six months pregnant, as she claimed to be, she was still there, waiting for us.
Gage came running toward us with a huge smile. “Hey, babe! Where’s my girl?” He lifted Evie from my arms and snuggled her into him, kissing her cheeks. “There’s my girl. I missed you. I love you, babygirl.”
Sadie pulled me into a hug. “Hey mama. You look gorgeous. I hope after I have this baby I look as good as you. How was the flight?” She held me at arm’s length and looked me over.
Yes, I was one of those girls who other girls hated. I had my flat stomach back as soon
as Evie popped out. “You will look amazing, too. You’re going to be a total MILF.”
“She’s my MILF.” Tyler was laughing as he placed his arm around Sadie’s shoulders.
I saw Larkin standing off in the distance, a sad smile on his face. When he saw me looking at him he shoved off the wall and started walking toward our group.
Gage wrapped an arm around me and pulled me so I was flush against him. I felt nothing, nothing like what I felt with Larkin. “I’m so happy you’re home. I have missed you and Evie. I have everything set up. Her room is done and waiting for her.”
Trying to muster up some feeling of ‘in love’ with Gage I leaned my head up and kissed him. “Thank you. I can’t wait to get home and settle in.”
Gage gave me the warmest smile before grabbing my left hand and kissing my ring. “Our home.”
Larkin walked up and stopped beside Gage. He ran his hand through Evie’s dark brown hair. “She looks perfect. I was hoping I could stop by today and spend some time with her. I leave for San Diego tomorrow and I won’t be back for a few days.”
Looking at Gage I shrugged and said, “That’s fine. She’s your daughter too.”
I could see Gage’s mood changing in front of me. But what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t keep Larkin away from his daughter and if he wanted to be a dad I wouldn’t stop him. I didn’t want Evie growing up with the feeling I did. The feeling of not being good enough for your own father, to wonder what or where your father is. If I could give this to Evie then Gage would have to accept it.
“Thank you, Jenna. You don’t know how much this means to me.” Seeing the smile on Larkin’s face made my chest hurt even more. I could see how badly he wanted to be the one standing beside me, the one who was taking me home. But he isn’t because I’m not ready to face my past and let someone else in.
Giving Larkin a small smile, I kissed Evie’s cheek and turned to my mom and asked, “Ready? I just want to get home and sleep in my bed.”
“Yes. Let’s get out of here and take your baby home.” My mom rubbed her hand on my arm and smiled.
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