by Tia Lewis
I started looking through the online dating apps on my phone. I had heard about a few of them, but apparently, they all had a reputation. The first one that popped up was the app for Match.com. This was one of the dating apps I was most familiar with. One of my good friends found her husband on that website, but I had been told it was for older couples or individuals that were looking for long term commitment. The next app I saw was OK Cupid. I scrolled through some of the reviews on this app. I had heard it was mostly used for hooking up and finding other people that were only interested in casual encounters.
I thought about trying Bumble, but I didn't like the idea of the girl having to start the conversation first. I wasn't that good at starting conversations in real life; I was probably even worse at that in the online world. What would I even talk about? I looked through the app Plenty of Fish, but there didn't seem to be too many people using the app. I wanted to find an app that was a good balance of all of these, one where there was a wide variety of people. I wanted there to be people who were interested in casual sex, serious relationships, friends, marriage, all of it. I hoped to find a wide age range of people who had all different types of backgrounds. I finally scrolled to Tinder. It seemed to be exactly what I was looking for; I remembered it was Brooke's favorite app too. I had heard stories about some of my friends hooking up with guys from Tinder, but also some of my friends had started serious relationships from it. I didn't know what I was looking for, but I thought maybe I could find it there.
I went ahead and downloaded the app to see who was in my area. I uploaded a few pictures of myself; ones that were cute and modest. I listed some of my interests, hoping that I wasn't being too vague. I included my age, the city I lived in, and my name. Even though there was a good amount of information about me, I still felt like I was somewhat anonymous. I wondered how I would come across to other people when they saw such a limited amount about me. As I started to swipe through the dating app, I was actually surprised how many handsome men were near me. Immediately, I started getting some messages. I read the first message:
Hello beautiful, do you wanna fuck?
My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe someone would just send a message like that. Who did they think they were talking to? I wanted to scold them on their manners, but I decided to move along. I read the second message:
My girlfriend and I think you're beautiful! Would you be open to exploring with us?
I raised an eyebrow. I had never even been kissed before, and I wasn't anywhere near ready to even entertain the idea of being with two people at once. As I scrolled through the incoming messages, I was surprised, yet comforted, by how everyone was so straightforward about what they wanted; I could at least appreciate that. I browsed through more of the profiles. At the same time, I was getting flooded with messages from all types of people. Some of the messages I didn't even open, I was getting overwhelmed. The ones that I did open either I didn't find attractive, or they said something offensive within the first few sentences.
I was ready to go to sleep so that I could wake up and get ready for my first day of work, but I found that I couldn't put my phone down. I wanted to find at least one person on there that I was interested in before I fell asleep. I noticed in the top corner of the app was a filter button. I clicked on it and started to look through all of the different filter options. Height, Race, Weight, Age, Occupation, Location Distance—there were a lot of really specific filters. I realized I didn't know exactly what I was looking for. I always felt that when it was meant to be, it would simply fall into my lap with ease. I filtered my search to men within a ten-mile radius of my house.
It would be great if I could find someone near me. I'd like to find someone tall and older than me. I liked guys that were older because they seemed more mature and had their lives together. I wanted someone who had more experience than me, someone that could show me the ropes of dating. I filtered my search so that I could see guys who were over six feet tall and over the age of twenty-seven. Immediately, guys started to pop up on the filtered search. Some of them were pretty attractive, some of them were not. I was surprised by the wide range of people that were in my area, tall, and within that age range. I felt somewhat shallow looking at all of these guys, judging them by their profiles and pictures. How did I really know what they were like? What if they were attractive online but had bad personalities, did I have to risk an entire meal or coffee with someone just to find out who they were? What if I passed up someone really great because they selected bad pictures? I had so many questions and uncertainties.
It seemed only natural for people to buff up their images or inflate their stats to increase their appeal. Everyone wants to put their best forward and take attention away from their flaws. How was I going to make a genuine connection if no one wanted to be themselves and show their real sides? The anonymous nature of a profile on a dating site makes it easy to perfect a sharper image. I figured I shouldn't be surprised that online dating seemed so impersonal. I had already taken the plunge and gotten an account, why not take it all the way and see what it is like to meet one of these guys in person. I scrolled down the page, looking at each profile picture briefly before deciding if I wanted to read their profile. There was one guy that caught my eye, I clicked on his page.
I'm a fun loving guy and a self-starter who has absolutely no interest in committing murder. I'm looking for love, companionship or just that one lovely evening (and rest assured that one lovely evening will absolutely end with you back at your house, safe and sound!) Let me take you into my magical world of not murdering anyone, ever, for any reason.
But seriously, I'm just here to have a good time and see where it goes. My name is Ken, I'm 30, I'm from New York City, no kids, no previous marriages, no weird sex fetishes, and a full-time job with benefits. Let's get to know each other, grab some coffee, and maybe someone will say something interesting. If not, at least we had a good excuse to get some coffee. I'm easy to get along with and always looking for a new adventure. If you can say the same about yourself, I would love to get to know you.
I liked Ken's profile, he seemed like he was funny with a good personality. I was so afraid of meeting someone creepy from the internet that it made me feel better that he would make jokes about being safe. I looked through his pictures. He seemed like he might be mixed race. Ken had dark skin with hazel eyes. His profile said he was 6'5" and lived within 5 miles of me. The more I looked through his profile, the more interested in him I became. He had a lot of hobbies; he liked surfing, hiking, sailing, skiing, and traveling. There were pictures of him in different countries and on top of mountains with his friends. I decided he seemed like the perfect combination of sexy and non-threatening, exactly what I would want from someone online.
I clicked on the message button to start a conversation. Surprisingly, he had already messaged me.
Ken: Wow you're beautiful
I stared at the words on my screen for a few seconds, not sure what to say back. I figured there was no right way to approach the conversation so I might as well just type a natural response.
Me: Thank you. I like your profile, it made me smile
As soon as I sent the message, he sent one back quickly.
Ken: Haha, thanks. I was trying to seem approachable. It seemed to have worked well, considering you messaged me back. What are you up to?
Me: Yes, it definitely got my attention. I'm glad you're not interested in murder haha.
Me: Not much, I'm just hanging out at home right now. What about you?
Ken: There are a lot of things I'd like to do to you, but murder is far from them ;)
Ken: I'm at home too. It looks like we live close to each other. Want to get dinner?
Me: Tonight?
Ken: Yeah, tonight. Right now?
Me: Are you serious?
Ken: Yeah, there's a great spot down the street. It's called Paz.
Ken: Want to meet there in 45 minutes?
We had only exchange
d a few messages, and he already wanted to meet up. Was this normal for online dating? Is this what people normally did when they found someone they were attracted to? I would have wanted to talk for a little longer, but I couldn't think of a good excuse to not meet up with him for dinner. I was available, he lived nearby, and I needed to eat dinner. I might as well meet up with him and see how it goes.
I messaged Ken back and agreed to meet him at the restaurant within the hour. I sent him my phone number, asking him to text me when he was on the way. It all happened so fast, I didn't have much time to be nervous. I ran to the bathroom and started to get ready. I threw on a tight, red dress and some light makeup. I added some curls to my hair and slipped on some heels before telling Brooke I was about to go on a date. She screamed and told me I had to give her all of the details when I returned. We were both shocked that I had just gotten the app and was already going on a date within the same hour. I hoped it wasn't too fast but kept reminding myself that it was supposed to be casual.
When I pulled into the parking lot, I looked around for any sign of Ken. I wondered if he would look similar to his profile picture and if I would be able to recognize him from afar. As I sat in my parked car, I saw a tall man walking from a BMW into the restaurant. I knew it had to be Ken. He seemed a lot more muscular in person than he did in his picture. I heard my phone vibrate from my purse. I picked it up to see a message from Ken.
Ken: I just got to the restaurant. Back table on the left side.
I took a deep breath and got out of the car. I texted Brooke the name and address of the restaurant, so she knew exactly where I was meeting up with Ken. When I walked into the restaurant, I could feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I wondered if Ken had spotted me from across the room as I slowly scanned each face.
"Are you meeting someone here? I believe he's this way," the hostess said, gesturing toward the left side of the restaurant. "Follow me."
I followed the hostess around the corner and into a room with large windows. I saw Ken sitting in the back corner, looking down at his menu. When he saw me walking toward him, he smiled and quickly stood up.
"Your server will be with you in a moment," the hostess said cheerfully before walking in the other direction.
"Hi! I'm Ken, nice to meet you," Ken said, opening his arms to give me a hug.
"Hey, I'm Anna, nice to meet you too," I said with a smile, feeling his strong arms and chest as he hugged me.
I noticed his perfect white teeth as he kept smiling while he sat back down in his chair. I sat across from him, placing my purse on the back of my chair. I looked down at the menu and then back at him. I could still feel my heart thumping in my chest. I felt like it was so loud he could hear it from across the table.
"I'm sorry, I'm kind of nervous. This is my first time meeting someone from online, so I wasn't sure what to expect," I said honestly.
"Ah, so I'm popping your cherry? I'll be sure to take it slow," Ken winked.
"Uh, ha thanks, yeah I was surprised when you asked me to dinner so quickly. Have you met up with a lot of girls from online?"
"Yeah, all of the time. Most girls are pretty willing to meet up with a millionaire for dinner. They see pictures of me in my car and can't keep their panties on. I swear, it's crazy what these women are willing to do to spend time with me. They usually don't agree to meet up with me as fast as you did, it usually takes a little more work than that, but I appreciate a lady that doesn't want to waste time. You seem like you like to get straight to the point, just like me," Ken raised his hand, gesturing toward one of the servers. "Please bring me two top shelf long islands, make them both doubles on the rocks. Thanks."
"Oh wow, a double? I don't drink much, I'm afraid to say. I'm a cheap date," I told him, I was having a hard time reading Ken. I didn't know what to think of him. He seemed a little more intense than I expected him to be. I didn't realize he was a millionaire before meeting up with him. I didn't even pay attention to what kind of car he had in his profile pictures. Did he think that was why I agreed to meet up with him? I had never been interested in dating rich men, I had my own career going for me.
"Maybe I should have made it a triple then, I want to make sure we both have a good time," Ken flashed a devious smile. "So you have never met anyone from the internet, huh? What made you decide to give it a try?"
"Well, I just moved here recently and got settled in. I don't really know anyone other than my roommate. She encouraged me to get on Tinder to meet some new people. I actually just got an account earlier today, it's definitely different from what I was expecting it to be…" I let my words trail off at the end as I saw Ken pull his phone out of his pocket and check his messages as I was talking. I felt like he wasn't listening to anything I was saying. If he was interested, he wasn't acting like it.
"Damn, my assistant forgot to forward an email to me. I'll have to fire her on Monday. She always dresses like a slob anyway. I like when my assistants work out and show off their bodies around the office. I should've let her go last month," Ken said to his phone.
"What? Are you serious?" I asked, a little shocked at his callous tone.
"What? I wasn't talking to you, I was voice texting. Hold on a second," Ken said, staring at his phone.
The server walked by and sat our drinks down on the table. I took one sip of it and cringed. It was one of the strongest drinks I had ever had.
"Cheers," Ken said, raising his glass to touch mine. He immediately downed a third of the drink before setting it down on the table. "Did you say you have a roommate? Why didn't you bring her along with you?"
"Oh, um… I mean… I didn't think about it really," I shifted my weight in the chair, I started to have a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Why would I bring my roommate with me on a date?
"Do you have a picture of her? Is she free now?"
"Um no, she has plans tonight," I wasn't sure why he was suddenly so interested in Brooke. Was he trying to have a threesome? I didn't know what Ken's intentions were, but I figured I should at least keep trying to have a conversation with him. Maybe he wasn't as terrible as he was making himself seem. There had to be something good about him. "So will you tell me more about yourself? What kind of work do you do?"
Ken took a long sip from his drink and then set the empty glass down on the table. "Another!" He yelled, picking up the glass and waving it in the air while looking at the server. My eyes widened, I was surprised he was being so rude. "Are you ready for another drink, Ashley?"
"My name is Anna," I corrected him, looking down at my drink that was still more than half full. I was wrong, I wasn't going to be able to find something good about him. I looked over at the door. "No, I don't want another drink."
"Alright, I'm going to the bathroom. Order some food to go and then pay the tab," Ken dropped a hundred dollar bill on the table and then stood up, walking toward the bathroom.
I watched him bump into a stranger on his way to the bathroom. They gasped, but he kept walking, completely ignoring them. That was the moment I realized I was on a date from hell. I started to feel even more uncomfortable as I realized I had just launched myself into this crazy situation without even thinking about it that much. Why was I so willing to meet up with someone I didn't even know? Why did I think he was going to be kind and chivalrous? I started to become annoyed with myself, this wasn't the way I wanted my first date to go.
The server brought Ken's second drink and sat it down on the table. I handed the server the hundred dollar bill that was on the table, telling him to keep the change. It was probably way more than what the bill was worth, but the server deserved a big tip for dealing with Ken, and I knew Ken could afford it.
When Ken came back to the table, his demeanor seemed to have changed. His eyes seemed even redder than before, and he was looking around the room quickly as he kept brushing the tip of his nose. He seemed a little more on edge than before. Ken picked up his long island iced tea and started to chug it. Within ten seconds, h
e had finished the entire drink, slamming it down on the table.
"Alright, did you order some food?"
"No, I'm suddenly not hungry," I said bluntly.
"Cool, me neither. Let's get out of here," Ken said, standing up.
I didn't move. Ken started to walk away from the table but noticed I was still sitting in my seat. He turned around and sat back down in his chair across from me. "What's the problem? Did you not hear me?"
"Where do you think we are about to go?" I was feeling rather unamused.
"Back to my place, where else would we be going?" Ken brushed his nose again. "Let's go."
"No, thanks. I'm not interested in going back to your place. We haven't even had a full conversation."
"What do you mean? Yes we have, we just had two drinks," he shrugged and raised his eyebrows.
"I've only been here for about ten minutes. You spent longer in the bathroom than you did talking to me. Why would you think I'm ready to go back to your place now?"
"Why wouldn't you be?" Ken smirked, "Look at me. Who wouldn't want to go home with me?"
"You have to be kidding," I rolled my eyes. I couldn't believe he was serious. I watched Ken rub his nose again. When I looked closer, I saw a small amount of powder on the tip of his nostril. I leaned in and grimaced. "Did you just do coke in the bathroom?"
"Yeah, of course, it's LA. Everyone does coke in the bathrooms. Why? Did you want some?"
"No, I don't want some! I'm a nurse, are you kidding me? This is the worst date ever," I muttered, grabbing my purse off the back of my chair.
"Whoa whoa, slow down. We aren't on a date. I don't go on dates. You know what this is baby, you know what you came here for. I'm going to give it to you if you behave yourself," Ken winked at me, his leering expression alarming me.