by Unknown
“And I know for a fact that you two haven’t fucked. You may have kissed, which is never going to happen again, but he hasn’t been inside of you. Do want to know how I know this? Because I would feel it in my entire body. I would feel you slipping away from me and I wouldn’t be able to breathe anymore,” he says, his voice shaking.
“What about you then? You can have a wife and fuck her but when it comes to me, I can’t do the same thing? Get off your fucking high horse and stop being a hypocrite!” I snarl, pushing him away from me.
He doesn’t seem shocked by my outburst. His stance is determined as he straightens himself.
“You’re going to feel really foolish when you find out why I brought you out here. It wasn’t my intention to practically assault you against the wall but you drove me to it. I saw you kissing Lucas and I snapped. I’m sorry for hurting you but at the same time, I’m not,” he says, rubbing his neck tensely.
“You think you know all my secrets? Well, not even close, honey. What I’m about to tell you is the truth and I swear it on my mother’s grave. If you look into my heart, you’ll realize that you can trust me, Emma.”
I jerkily shake my head back and forth, still angry but very curious about what he could possibly tell me.
“I haven’t seen Jessica in two years and I haven’t fucked her in just as long. Yeah, we are still technically married but in name only. I was so fucked up after my car accident that I didn’t bother getting a divorce. It’s like staying married reminded me of how cruel women can be. I never expected or even wanted to be with someone again, let alone fall in love. I never knew what love was until you,” he says, squeezing my heart with his stare.
“She signed a pre-nup before we got married and then after she left, she contacted my lawyer saying that she wanted a monthly allowance. Told me that if I didn’t give it to her, she would tell everybody about my hand. I agreed, to my lawyers warnings, and began giving her a generous monthly sum. I just knew that what I had been giving her these past two years wouldn’t be enough,” he says, rubbing his hands across his face roughly.
I look at him, believing every word but still wary of where this is going. Why did she all of sudden show up in Astoria and why did he let her ruin his life again? Something’s not right here.
“A few days ago, I talked to my lawyer and said that I wanted to start divorce proceedings. I was never going to tell you because I knew you would leave me. I wanted to fully sever things with her so I could be with you. I guess I thought that I would deal with the consequences later. I knew she would freak out and bash me to the tabloids, and I realized that I could handle that. All my secrets…they’re not worth keeping if I can’t have you,” he says.
“Yesterday, right after I got home from dropping you off from work, she showed up at the house. She shocked the hell out of me because it was more than a little unexpected. I remember looking at her on my doorstep in disgust, trying to figure out why the hell I ever married her,” he snorts. “Then I recalled being a drunken addict, being fucked out of my mind half the time and finally understood her appeal.”
“I told her to fuck off and that I was getting a divorce and nothing she would say could change my mind. I didn’t tell her about you Emma, I swear. I have no idea why she wanted to go to the bar and start shit with you. It’s like she knew all about us, but I don’t know how that’s possible because she lives in California,” he says confused.
“She threatened me and basically told me what she wants from me,” he says sighing. “She wants all of the money that my father left me in his will. How she found out about it, that I will never know,” he says shaking his head. “I agreed to give it all to her but that’s not enough.”
“Wait, how could she threaten you and why did you agree to give her that money?” I ask confused.
I thought that he said he wasn’t afraid of her going to the tabloids? It probably wouldn’t even be that bad for him anyways, since he’s been out of the public eye for a while. They would probably just do a segment on TMZ about the recluse, Aiden Crowe. What is he not telling me?
“I agreed because of…because of my son, Emma,” he says.
Chapter 2: Flesh and Blood
I sway slightly, leaning back against the wall. Did I just hear him right? He has a fucking son that I never knew about?
I swallow the lump in my throat, feeling suddenly dizzy and on the verge of seriously losing it. Who is Aiden, this man who I love but know nothing about?
“Emma, baby. Are you okay? You look sick,” he says coming over to me.
He caresses my face with my hands, trying to soothe me.
Gee, let me think, Aiden. What could possible make me feel ill and make me almost pass out? My guess is the fact that you told me you have a kid.
Before I can vent all of my frustrations, he cuts me off.
“Hold on a second, I’m not done. You jump to conclusions with me, and I guess I don’t really blame you. I’ve been I real bastard lately and I’m sorry for that.”
I snort, agreeing with the assessment of himself.
“I just found out that I’m a father, Emma,” he says, as my eyes widen in disbelief.
“Hear me out,” he rushes out. “When Jessica came to my house, she just sprung it on me. When she left me after the accident, she was only a few weeks pregnant and never told me. She says that he’s a year old and that if I want to see him, I have to give her everything she asks of me. I have no idea where he is or who’s raising him but I know it’s not her. She said that she’s hidden him, where I will never be able to find him,” he says torn. “The best part is that she named him after my father, Michael. She knew that I hated him and vice versa and I’m sure she did it just to be a bitch,” he snorts.
Is this for real? Is all of this really happening or am I on one big reality show where I’m the only one not in on the joke. I feel like someone will pop out with cameras and will say that this entire week as been a farce. These things just don’t happen. Only in daytime soaps. Next thing you know I’ll find out that the man in front of me is actually Aiden’s evil twin.
He notices my quizzical expression and sighs loudly. Yeah, well, start having a normal life and then maybe I’ll be able to stomach what you tell me.
“I know what you’re thinking and I agree with you. All of this is fucking crazy. When she told me, I just froze and agreed to whatever she wanted. That included going to the bar with her. She insisted and I freaked out, trying to pacify her. I need to find my son, Emma,” he says desperately.
I look at him, noticing his skin has turned white. I frown, realizing how big of a manipulating skank Jessica is. There’s something he’s not taking into consideration though and I have to bring it up.
“Wait, you said that Jessica cheated on you, right?” I ask him.
“Yeah,” he says nodding.
“Well how do you know if it’s even your kid or if there’s a kid at all? You only know things she tells you. She’s obviously a conniving gold-digger. What makes you think that this isn’t just a ploy to ruin your life and take all your money?” I ask.
Please tell that you’ve considered this, Aiden. I know you’re not that naive.
“At first I believed her wholeheartedly and then I started having my doubts. I was able to think clearly after the shock of it, and I think she noticed my wavering. She pulled out a picture of him and…fuck, Emma, he looks just like me when I was a kid. He’s practically my double,” he says, his eyes tearing up.
“Yeah, maybe she just found a picture of some child that looked like me but if it isn’t? What if he’s mine, Emma? Don’t you think I should do everything in my power to find out? If he is, I’ll take care of him. My mom always wanted grandchildren and now I can give her this. She may not be alive to see me as a dad but I have to do this, for her and for him,” he says.
I sigh loudly, aggravated by the turn of events but equally proud that he’s stepping up to the plate. He’s doing the right thing by trying to find o
ut the truth. It just fucking sucks that I’m caught in the middle of all of this. I’m still pissed that he never said he was married. I get why he hid it but still. How can I ever trust him again?
“You’re totally right, Aiden. You need to find out if he’s your son,” I say truthfully.
Aiden was right when he told me that I would feel foolish. I feel like the biggest fucking bitch ever. I never gave him a chance to explain or defend himself. I should have known. Deep down in my heart I should have known that he would never hurt me intentionally. He promised he wouldn’t and I didn’t have the faith I should have. He still doesn’t know my little secret and that makes me feel guilty.
“What are you going to do? Just wait until she doesn’t want anything more from you? We both know that she won’t ever stop,” I say exasperated.
“Fuck no. I got in contact with a private detective this morning and talked to my lawyer. They know the whole story and will fight with me to get him. She underestimates me. She remembers the old me, the one who never fought for anything. I would just give in and not give a shit about anything. I have things to fight for now. You and my…my son,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.
I move my hand up to his cheek, feeling the coarse stubble already growing back on his face. I smile, remembering only a few days ago that he shaved off his beard. Only a few days ago when times were much simpler. Oh, how the times have changed. He has a little boy to worry about and he doesn’t need me to mess anything up. His son is his first priority and I need to step aside. I frown, realizing what I have to do for him and for me.
“What Emma? What’s that look, baby?” he asks, genuinely concerned.
“This. Us. Ugh, I’ve never been in a situation like this and you’re right,” I say to him.
He looks confused and realize that I’ll have to explain myself.
“You said that it’s not our time right now and you’re right. It may never be our time, Aiden. Do you see how much shit has happened to both of us? Ever since we’ve known each other, things have crumbled down around us. It’s almost as if the universe is telling us that we’re not meant to be. You need to find out if you have a son and you don’t need me in the background waiting for you. Let’s say you do find him and everything works out. What about us? We’re toxic together and we can’t bring a child into all of our bullshit,” I say truthfully.
“I was wrong, Emma. It will always be our time. You think that it doesn’t freak me the fuck out, taking care of another human being? I’ll have to love him and teach him about the world when I can barely survive in it. I can’t do this without you. Don’t do this to me, to us. Don’t push me away because you’re scared of the unknown. We can be scared together. You’d be a wonderful mother, Emma. You have so much love to give if you would just let go of your fear. Life is too short. If you're afraid of falling, then you're afraid of living. Fight with me, Emma.”
“I hurt you earlier because I wanted to punish you for kissing Lucas. I realized I needed to change tactics and make love to you because a child should be born in love, not anger. I knew exactly what I was doing when I didn’t wear any protection. If I don’t end up having a son, I want one with you. A girl would be amazing too. She would have your beautiful brown eyes and I would even love it if she had your temper. The house might be a warzone but I’d love every second of it,” he says smiling.
“I want the life I never had growing up. A family to call my own. One that I can wake up to and go to sleep loving, knowing that I’m loved by them as well. Tell me you want that too, Emma. I don’t want it all without you.”
I do want those things, Aiden. He forgets that I’ve had this conversation before but with Jeremiah. He wanted a family so badly before he passed away. We tried as hard as we could but I just wasn’t able to conceive.
How can Aiden want this with me? After only a week? How can he be so sure that I’m the one, the mother of his future children? Can I truly be with him? What if I lose him? It will be the same as when Jeremiah died. The only difference is that he will permanently break me. I won’t be able to recover if I lose him. I can’t take the chance. At least not right now. Too much is at stake.
“Look, you need to figure this thing out with Jessica and your son. She obviously knows about us and is not too pleased about it. Maybe someone that lives here told her about us, I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t come between you and your son. If I’m in the picture right now, she might get back at you and make things even harder. She seems like she’s capable of anything. I just can’t do this, Aiden,” I say dejectedly.
“So that’s it? You don’t want to be with me anymore?” he asks harshly.
“It’s not that simple and you know it. It’s not just you and me to worry about anymore. I just…” I say frustrated, trying to make him understand.
“You just what?” he says dejected.
“I just don’t fucking trust you, okay?! You kept me in the dark and lied to me, Aiden. I don’t know if I can get past that.”
“You think trust comes easy for me, Emma? You lied to me too, remember? I let it go and forgave you. Fuck, I still think you’re hiding things from me and I’m okay with that because I love you. All I know is that you’re scared and you’re fighting me. You still don’t believe I love you and it’s because all of the shit I’ve put you through,” he says, rubbing his neck roughly. “I take all the blame, you know. My father was right. All these years he was fucking right about me being a pain in the ass. Maybe I’m not worthy of love. Maybe I’m unlovable,” he chuckles bitterly.
“No, Aiden. That’s not true! You are worthy of love and I…I just think we need a break for a while,” I say finally.
He looks at me acutely, his eyes bloodshot and intense. Is he trying to read me? I try to mask my face from his intense stare. If he knows that I love him, he won’t walk away from me. I need him to for his son. I won’t make him choose between us. I know that I’m one of the reasons that Jessica is making things difficult for him.
“That look is you giving up, isn’t it? You don’t need me,” he spit out. “Well, I’ll tell you something, Emma. I’m still not giving up on us. You may think that I’ve completely lost it and I probably have. Everyone in my life has left or rejected me in some way but I won’t let that happen with you. You’re worth the fight, just remember that. You might not see me around for a while but just know that I will never stop loving you. Never think that I’ll hurt you again, because I vow to show you how much I believe in us,” he says, looking away from me.
“Just please tell me if you find out your pregnant, Emma. After all that’s happened to me, I need to know if I have a child on the way,” he says, closing his eyes.
“I can still picture you and Lucas together. His lips were where only mine are supposed to be. Please don’t let him touch you, in any way. I can’t bear the thought of you like that with him again. We can get through this baby, please just fight with me,” he says with anguish.
He comes over to me, kissing me gently on the cheek. My skin instantly warms as his lips brush against me, the flesh tingling.
“Goodbye, Aiden,” I whisper, needing him to leave before I break down.
“Emma…,” he whispers.
“Just go,” I say, my voice slightly breaking.
He hesitantly turns away from me, walking down the alley of the bar, his shoulders slumped in utter defeat. I don’t know what hurts more? Him leaving or the entirely broken expression on his face, the expression I put there.
I shiver, his disappearing figure rounding the corner of the building. Emotions rise up within me, all overwhelming and unbearable.
I sag back against the bricks, sliding my body down the coarse wall. Tears start to descend, pouring down the cheek where his lips just were. I try to wipe them away to no avail, as I gently move my other hand down to my flat stomach.
Could there be a tiny life growing inside me already? A part of me wishes there was. Anything to keep a piece of Aiden with m
e…forever.
My eyes widen, a revelation brewing within me.
I finally believe him. I truly believe that he loves me. Maybe even as much as I love him. How could what I feel only be one sided? What I feel is an all-consuming love. It’s brutal and knocks you right on your ass, literally. When I look into his eyes, I see myself looking back. I realize now how we fell for each other so fast. We are both broken, with nothing left to lose. How can you lose what you never had? Neither of us believed that we were capable of love, so we didn’t guard our hearts closely enough. We snuck through each other’s walls, I think.
I start crying loudly, sobs wracking my body. I wish Aiden was here to hold me and whisper to me that everything will be okay. I cry for the things I know but also for the unknown. What if he spends enough time away from me and decides he doesn’t need me? What if he finds out that he doesn’t really love me? I know I’m being emotional and irrational but I can’t turn off my wandering thoughts. They are full of what-if scenarios and never-ending doubts.
The back door to the bar opens and I try to get myself together. I sniffle and look up to see that somebody has graced me with his unexpected and embarrassing appearance. I notice two piercing blue eyes that sear me with concern.
“What the hell, Em? What the fuck did he do to you?” Lucas says kneeling down towards me, wiping away tears.
I try to steady my breathing, thinking of a way to explain the situation to Lucas. I cringe, knowing how bad this is going to sound.
“No, Lucas. I’m fine, really. Well, not really but not in the way you’re thinking. Aiden and I just had a long talk about stuff. Everything that I thought was going on was way off…well, kind of,” I say, my voice quivering from crying.