Enter at Your Own Risk

by Henry Winkler

  “I love chocolate,” McKelty blurted out as if anyone cared.

  “Nick, this is Chelsea’s turn to talk,” Mr. Rock said.

  McKelty’s interruption rattled Chelsea a little, and as she went to turn the page, she dropped her scrapbook on the floor.

  “Butterfingers,” McKelty said, in a whisper loud enough for everyone to hear.

  Mr. Rock went immediately to the front of the room to help Chelsea pick up her scrapbook and reopen it to the right page. While that was happening, I shot McKelty a dirty look, trying to send him a message that no one appreciated him interrupting Chelsea. He didn’t see me, though, because he was busy slipping something into his jacket pocket. I couldn’t see what it was.

  “Go on, Chelsea,” Mr. Rock said. “You’re doing great.”

  Chelsea picked up her water and took another gulp.

  “When I was three,” she went on, swallowing hard, “I had to go to the hospital to get stitches because I got my finger caught in a door. I was very scared, but a nice doctor took a rubber glove and blew it up like a balloon and gave it to me. This is me at the hospital. The caption says, ‘What an unusual balloon. It has five fingers!’”

  It was a little hard for me to hear Chelsea reading the caption, because McKelty was making noise as usual. I don’t know what he was doing in his pocket, but it sounded like he was crinkling up paper or something. Knowing him, he was probably destroying a spelling test he got a zero on.

  “Excellent, Chelsea,” Mr. Rock said. “‘Unusual’ is a very difficult word to read. Go on!”

  I think Chelsea was starting to relax a little. I could see that her hands weren’t shaking as much as she turned to the next page.

  “This page isn’t a picture,” she said. “It’s a copy of my favorite poem that my mom used to read to me every night. It’s called The Owl and the Pussycat.”

  “Sounds stupid,” McKelty muttered.

  I turned around to tell him to be quiet, but he already had his back to me. He was still fidgeting with something in his pocket.

  “Why don’t you try to read us a little of the poem,” Mr. Rock said.

  “It’s pretty hard,” Chelsea answered.

  “Just give it a try,” Mr. Rock said. “We’re all interested, aren’t we, kids?”

  Everyone nodded.

  Chelsea took some water and a deep breath, and then slowly started to read, pausing a lot between the words to try to figure them out. It sounded like me reading. I knew how nervous she must have been. Every time I have to read out loud, my stomach feels all jimbly and jambly.

  “The owl and the pussycat went to sea in a beau . . . beau . . . beautiful pea-green boat,” Chelsea read.

  She looked up and could see from our faces that we were all rooting for her. She smiled a little. I felt really happy for her and flashed her my best Hank Zipzer grin. As she smiled back, her eyes drifted to the chair next to me. Suddenly, her expression changed. She looked scared or disturbed or something, and cast her eyes back down on her scrapbook really fast. I whipped around to look at McKelty. His cheeks looked very puffy, like there was something in his mouth.

  “You’re not doing the tongue thing again, are you, McKelty?” I whispered to him.

  “Hank, no talking now,” Mr. Rock said. “Chelsea needs our full attention while she’s reading her poem.”

  I pretended to look at Chelsea, but I kept one eye on McKelty while Chelsea went on reading her poem.

  “They took some honey and plenty of money wrapped up in a five-pound note,” she read. “The owl looked up to the stars above and sang to a small guitar . . .”

  With that, Chelsea looked up, pretending to be the singing owl. In that one little glance, there was time for her eyes to catch a glimpse of Nick McKelty. And in that split second, the big lug opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue. It was covered with chocolate goop and chunky chocolate crumbs.

  Oh, no! It was another Ding Dong attack! And once again, no one saw it but me. Me and Chelsea Byrd.

  Chelsea gasped and dropped the scrapbook. On its way down to the ground, it nicked the table and knocked over her bottle of water. The scrapbook she had worked so hard on landed kerplop on the floor. The water gushed out of the bottle and spilled all over everything, dripping onto the floor like pouring rain. I could see the ink on the pages turning into a blue river as the water washed over her handwritten captions.

  Chelsea burst into tears. Mr. Rock was next to her in no time.

  “It’s okay, Chelsea,” he said, picking up her scrapbook and blotting it with his handkerchief. “Accidents happen. That’s why we call them accidents.”

  “That was no accident,” I shouted out.

  Everyone turned to stare at me.

  “McKelty Ding-Donged her!” I said.

  Zoe whipped her head around and gave me an angry stare. “You’re not starting this again, are you, Hank?” she whispered.

  “You didn’t see what happened,” I whispered back. “I did!”

  “What are you talking about, Hank?” Mr. Rock asked.

  “He stuck his chocolaty tongue out at Chelsea,” I said. “I saw him do it. And it threw her off completely.”

  “Is this true, Chelsea?” Mr. Rock said. “Did Nick stick his tongue out at you?”

  Chelsea was so embarrassed that she wouldn’t even lift up her head to answer. She just buried her face in her hands and cried.

  “Nick, did you do such a thing?” Mr. Rock asked him.

  “There’s nothing in my mouth, Mr. Rock,” Nick said. “See?”

  He opened his mouth, and just like at the Tae Kwon Do match, it was empty.

  “Look in his pocket,” I said. “I saw him take the Ding Dong from his backpack and slip it into his pocket. I’ll bet there’s a wrapper in there.”

  “Nick, can I see what’s in your pocket?” Mr. Rock asked.

  Nick put his hand in his pocket and turned it inside out. There was nothing in there.

  “The other pocket,” I said. “He took it from the other pocket.”

  Mr. Rock came over and stood next to Nick. He gave him a look like I have never seen Mr. Rock give anyone else before. It was strict. It was tough. It was disappointed.

  “I’d like to see what’s in the other pocket,” Mr. Rock said.

  “Zipperbutt just makes stuff up,” McKelty said.

  “NOW!” Mr. Rock said.

  McKelty reached into his pocket and turned it inside out.

  A short, stubby pencil fell out.

  Then a little blue NERF ball.

  Then a ChapStick.

  The last thing to fall out was a crumpled up Ding Dong wrapper.

  “I don’t know where that came from,” Nick McKelty said.

  But I knew. And Frankie knew. And Mr. Rock knew. And Chelsea knew.

  And now, finally, Zoe knew, too.

  CHAPTER 28

  Mr. Rock bent down and picked the Ding Dong wrapper up off the floor. He pulled at his collar and loosened his tie, just like my dad does when he’s really mad.

  “Nick, I can’t believe you would do something like this,” he said.

  “I was hungry,” Nick said, “so I had a little snack. Can I help it if I’m a messy eater?”

  “You intentionally tried to distract Chelsea,” Mr. Rock said. “That was wrong, Nick. Do you understand that?”

  McKelty gave a “So what’s the big deal?” kind of shrug. Even if he was feeling bad, he sure wasn’t going to let Mr. Rock see it.

  “There will be consequences for this,” Mr. Rock said. “Severe consequences. For starters, I’m going to call your father right after class, even if he is hanging out with the president of the United States, which by the way, I doubt very much. And tomorrow, you’re going to have a nice long visit with Principal Love. I think you’d better get used to the detention room, because you’re going to be seeing a lot of it.”

  Chelsea was on her hands and knees, picking up the pages from her scrapbook and trying to shake the water off them
.

  “I don’t think I can finish the presentation,” she said to Mr. Rock.

  “Another time, Chelsea,” Mr. Rock said. “You’ve done a fine job, and I’m very happy to see how much your reading skills are improving.”

  Everyone gave Chelsea high fives as she took her seat in the front row.

  “So, Hank, you’re next,” Mr. Rock said as he perched on top of the desk McKelty was sitting in. I could tell he was going to keep a close eye on him. “Think you’re okay to go on?”

  I was more than okay. I was pumped up. I wanted to get up there and do the best presentation I’d ever done. I wanted McKelty to know that his bully tactics didn’t work in the Reading Gym. I wanted to get even with him not just for me, but for Chelsea and everyone else who was too shy to stand up to him.

  “You bet,” I told Mr. Rock.

  “Teach that guy a thing or two,” Ashley whispered as I went up to the front of the class.

  “Yeah,” Frankie agreed with Ashley. “You’re the dude to do it.”

  I placed my scrapbook on the table and looked out over the class. Zoe was smack in the middle of the front row, and I could feel her eyes on me. Her turquoise eyes.

  “The presentation I had planned for today was to show all of you my life story scrapbook,” I said. “Here it is. It’s filled with lots of wonderful memories from my past. I’ve worked really hard on putting it together. But because of what just happened, I’ve changed my mind. I’d like to talk about another part of my life, one that it’s not so easy to talk about.”

  Mr. Rock stood up from his seat on the desk. He looked surprised and curious.

  “For most of my life, I had learning differences and didn’t even know it,” I began. “I always knew that most subjects in school were hard for me. Spelling, math, reading, handwriting. My best friends, Ashley and Frankie, sailed right through them with no problems. Me, I always had problems.”

  “Last year, after Dr. Berger tested me, I found out that my problems were because I have real actual learning differences that make it hard for me to learn in the regular way. Finding this out was the biggest relief of my life. It was incredible to know that I wasn’t stupid, I just learn differently.”

  Mr. Rock was smiling at me. So were Ashley and Frankie. I didn’t have the nerve to look at Zoe, because I didn’t know how she was reacting. I just knew that I had to go on, to try to say what Chelsea Byrd couldn’t say.

  “Even though it’s a relief to have a name for it, I think we all know that having learning differences isn’t easy,” I said. “I’m always aware that school is hard for me, that reading is hard for me, and that I’m not like everyone else. One of the most difficult things I can ever do is to stand in front of people and read out loud. The words jump around on the page. Any little sound or sight distracts me. I lose my place and can’t find it. And then I feel so embarrassed I just want to find a cave and hide in it like a big grizzly bear.”

  “That’s what just happened to me,” Chelsea said.

  “I know it is, Chelsea,” I answered. “I bet it’s happened to all of us in Reading Gym. We all know what it feels like.”

  Then I looked right at Nick McKelty.

  “One thing I know for sure is that if you really and truly know what it feels like to be embarrassed about yourself, you’d never make someone else feel like that.”

  “You’re the man, Hank,” Brandon Clarke piped up, raising his fist in the air.

  “The thing about us kids with learning differences is, we’re just like everyone else in most ways,” I said, walking over to Nick so I was standing right in front of him. “We’re smart. We’re funny. We’re nice. We have lots of talents. And we don’t want to feel bad about ourselves just because we need some extra help in school.”

  “You tell that dude!” Felipe Aguilar called out.

  “Making fun of us is not okay,” I said right to McKelty’s face.

  “Go, Hank!” Sloane Wilson called out.

  “And making us feel bad about ourselves is not okay!”

  “It sure isn’t!” called out her sister Kacey.

  “And being rude is not okay.”

  “You know it,” shouted Luke Whitman, with both nostrils finger-free.

  “And most of all, Nick McKelty, being a bully and picking on people who you think are weak is definitely not okay. Not ever! Am I right, guys?”

  Everyone in class jumped up on their feet and started to scream and yell and whistle and applaud.

  But I only saw one person, the one who was applauding the loudest. And that was Zoe McKelty.

  CHAPTER 29

  Maybe I only saw Zoe McKelty, but there was another person who saw me. Someone I hadn’t counted on. Someone who showed up by surprise. And that someone was Stanley Zipzer. I don’t know how long he had been standing in the doorway, but when I finished my presentation, he motioned for me to come to the door to speak with him.

  “Dad,” I said. “What are you doing here?”

  He took my arm and guided me out into the hall.

  “I ran into Frankie’s mom in the elevator, and she said she got a call from someone at school that Tae Kwon Do was canceled,” he said. “So I volunteered to pick all of you up. But you weren’t in that class, were you? From what I just heard, I gather you haven’t been there for some time.”

  “I’m so sorry, Dad. I wanted to tell you that I had switched to the Reading Gym. But I know it upsets you that I have learning differences and need to be in special classes, and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”

  “So you lied,” he said.

  I nodded.

  “Lying is never the right thing to do. I hope you understand that, Hank. And I hope you’ll never forget that.”

  I couldn’t even look at him. I felt like a total jerk.

  “That being said, I want you to know that I listened carefully to what you had to say in there. And I was proud of you. I understand how you feel now—how I’ve made you feel about having learning challenges. I’ll try to do better. I promise.”

  “And I’ll try not to lie to you, Dad,” I said. “I promise.”

  He reached out and gave me a hug. It was a Stanley Zipzer hug, meaning it was quick and kind of embarrassing. But it was a hug, and I’ll take it.

  “Now go back inside to that girl with the hat who can’t take her eyes off you,” he said.

  And I did. Happily.

  CHAPTER 30

  TEN GREAT THINGS THAT HAPPENED THE VERY NEXT DAY

  1. Nick McKelty got kicked out of Tae Kwon Do class for cheating and got two weeks of after-school detention.

  2. Nick McKelty had to personally apologize to Chelsea Byrd.

  3. Chelsea Byrd got an A on her Reading Gym presentation.

  4. Hank Zipzer got an A-plus on his Reading Gym presentation (the first ever in his whole entire life).

  5. Stanley Zipzer went to the bookstore and bought a book on how to raise kids with learning challenges.

  6. Zoe McKelty asked Hank Zipzer to go get a root beer.

  7. Hank Zipzer sang Zoe McKelty his own special super-duper version of “The Wheels on the Bus,” and she laughed for five minutes straight.

  8. Frankie Townsend was made junior sensei of the Tae Kwon Do class and was asked to demonstrate the moves that Principal Love’s sore rump prevented him from doing.

  9. Ashley Wong presented Principal Love with a scarf where all the snowmen had blue rhinestone eyes, and he made her the official rhinestoner of PS 87.

  10. Nick McKelty lost his Ding Dong privileges indefinitely.

  11. Zoe McKelty gave Hank Zipzer an envelope that said, “Do Not Open Until Valentine’s Day.”

  Hank’s Note: Okay, so I listed eleven great things that happened, not ten. Cut me a break, will you? It’s me, Hank, and I have learning challenges, you know!

  CHAPTER 31

  I bet you’re dying to know what was in Zoe’s envelope.

  Well, what do you think was in it? A valentine, of course.
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  I bet you’re dying to know what the valentine said.

  Well, sorry, friends. That’s going to have to stay my little secret.

  Hey, a guy is entitled to some privacy, you know.

  What’s that? You don’t think that’s fair?

  Okay, I’ll cut you a break.

  If you’re truly busting with curiosity about what Zoe’s valentine said, it’s in the scrapbook that’s included in this book. (Since I never got to present my scrapbook for the Reading Gym, I put it in this book so you can check it out.) You don’t have to thank me. I’m glad to do it.

  Hey, I wouldn’t let you close this book if you’re truly busting with curiosity. After all, I’m your pal, Hank. And I’m on your side.

  You can count on it.

  THE END