The History of Tom Jones (Penguin Classics)

by Henry Fielding

  In the Conduct of this Matter, I say, Molly so well played her Part, that Jones attributed the Conquest entirely to himself, and considered the young Woman as one who had yielded to the violent Attacks of his Passion. He likewise imputed her yielding to the ungovernable Force of her Love towards him; and this the Reader will allow to have been a very natural and probable Supposition, as we have more than once mentioned the uncommon Comeliness of his Person: And indeed he was one of the handsomest young Fellows in the World.

  As there are some Minds whose Affections, like Master Blifil’s, are solely placed on one single Person, whose Interest and Indulgence alone they consider on every Occasion; regarding the Good and Ill of all others as merely indifferent, any farther than as they contribute to the Pleasure or Advantage of that Person: So there is a different Temper of Mind which borrows a Degree of Virtue even from Self-love. Such can never receive any kind of Satisfaction from another, without loving the Creature to whom that Satisfaction is owing, and without making its Well-being in some sort necessary to their own Ease.

  Of this latter Species was our Heroe. He considered this poor Girl as one whose Happiness or Misery he had caused to be dependent on himself. Her Beauty was still the Object of Desire, though greater Beauty, or a fresher Object, might have been more so; but the little Abatement which Fruition had occasioned to this, was highly overbalanced by the Considerations of the Affection which she visibly bore him, and of the Situation into which he had brought her. The former of these created Gratitude, the latter Compassion; and both together, with his Desire for her Person, raised in him a Passion, which might, without any great Violence to the Word, be called Love; though, perhaps, it was at first not very judiciously placed.

  This then was the true Reason of that Insensibility which he had shewn to the Charms of Sophia, and that Behaviour in her, which might have been reasonably enough interpreted as an Encouragement to his Addresses: For as he could not think of abandoning his Molly, poor and destitute as she was, so no more could he entertain a Notion of betraying such a Creature as Sophia. And surely, had he given the least Encouragement to any Passion for that young Lady, he must have been absolutely guilty of one or other of those Crimes; either of which would, in my Opinion, have very justly subjected him to that Fate, which, at his first Introduction into this History, I mentioned to have been generally predicted as his certain Destiny.

  CHAPTER VII.

  Being the shortest Chapter in this Book.

  Her Mother first perceived the Alteration in the Shape of Molly; and in order to hide it from her Neighbours, she foolishly clothed her in that Sack1 which Sophia had sent her. Though indeed that young Lady had little Apprehension, that the poor Woman would have been weak enough to let any of her Daughters wear it in that Form.

  Molly was charmed with the first Opportunity she ever had of shewing her Beauty to Advantage; for though she could very well bear to contemplate herself in the Glass, even when drest in Rags; and though she had in that Dress conquered the Heart of Jones, and perhaps of some others; yet she thought the Addition of Finery would much improve her Charms, and extend her Conquests.

  Molly, therefore, having dressed herself out in this Sack, with a new laced Cap, and some other Ornaments which Tom had given her, repairs to Church with her Fan in her Hand the very next Sunday. The Great are deceived, if they imagine they have appropriated Ambition and Vanity to themselves. These noble Qualities flourish as notably in a Country Church, and Church-yard, as in the Drawing-Room, or in the Closet. Schemes have indeed been laid in the Vestry, which would hardly disgrace the Conclave. Here is a Ministry, and here is an Opposition. Here are Plots and Circumventions, Parties and Factions, equal to those which are to be found in Courts.

  Nor are the Women here less practised in the highest Feminine Arts than their fair Superiors in Quality and Fortune. Here are Prudes and Coquettes. Here are Dressing and Ogling, Falshood, Envy, Malice, Scandal; in short, every Thing which is common to the most splendid Assembly, or politest Circle. Let those of high Life, therefore, no longer despise the Ignorance of their Inferiors; nor the Vulgar any longer rail at the Vices of their Betters.

  Molly had seated herself some time, before she was known by her Neighbours. And then a Whisper ran through the whole Congregation, ‘Who is she?’ But when she was discovered, such sneering, gigling, tittering, and laughing, ensued among the Women, that Mr. Allworthy was obliged to exert his Authority to preserve any Decency among them.

  CHAPTER VIII.

  A Battle sung by the Muse in the Homerican Stile,

  and which none but the classical Reader can taste.

  Mr. Western had an Estate in this Parish; and as his House stood at little greater Distance from this Church than from his own, he very often came to divine Service here; and both he and the charming Sophia happened to be present at this Time.

  Sophia was much pleased with the Beauty of the Girl, whom she pitied for her Simplicity, in having dressed herself in that Manner, as she saw the Envy which it had occasioned among her Equals. She no sooner came home, than she sent for the Game-keeper, and ordered him to bring his Daughter to her; saying, She would provide for her in the Family, and might possibly place the Girl about her own Person, when her own Maid, who was now going away, had left her.

  Poor Seagrim was thunderstruck at this; for he was no Stranger to the Fault in the Shape of his Daughter. He answered, in a stammering Voice, ‘That he was afraid Molly would be too auk-ward to wait on her Ladyship, as she had never been at Service.’ ‘No matter for that,’ says Sophia, ‘she will soon improve. I am pleased with the Girl, and am resolved to try her.’

  Black George now repaired to his Wife, on whose prudent Counsel he depended to extricate him out of this Dilemma; but when he came thither, he found his House in some Confusion. So great Envy had this Sack occasioned, that when Mr. Allworthy and the other Gentry were gone from Church, the Rage, which had hitherto been confined, burst into an Uproar; and, having vented itself at first in opprobrious Words, Laughs, Hisses, and Gestures, betook itself at last to certain missile Weapons; which though, from their plastic Nature they threatened neither the Loss of Life or of Limb, were however sufficiently dreadful to a well-dressed Lady. Molly had too much Spirit to bear this Treatment tamely. Having therefore—But hold, as we are diffident of our own Abilities, let us here invite a superior Power to our Assistance.

  Ye Muses then, whoever ye are, who love to sing Battles, and principally thou, who whilom didst recount the Slaughter in those Fields where Hudibrass and Trulla fought, if thou wert not starved with thy Friend Butler,1 assist me on this great Occasion. All things are not in the Power of all.2

  As a vast Herd of Cows in a rich Farmer’s Yard, if, while they are milked, they hear their Calves at a Distance, lamenting the Robbery which is then committing, roar and bellow:3 So roared forth the Somersetshire Mob an Hallaloo, made up of almost as many Squawls, Screams, and other different Sounds, as there were Persons, or indeed Passions, among them: Some were inspired by Rage, others alarmed by Fear, and others had nothing in their Heads but the Love of Fun; but chiefly Envy, the Sister of Satan, and his constant Companion, rushed among the Crowd, and blew up the Fury of the Women; who no sooner came up to Molly, than they pelted her with Dirt and Rubbish.

  Molly, having endeavoured in vain to make a handsome Retreat, faced about; and laying hold of ragged Bess, who advanced in the Front of the Enemy, she at one Blow felled her to the Ground. The whole Army of the Enemy (though near a hundred in Number) seeing the Fate of their General, gave back many Paces, and retired behind a new-dug Grave; for the Church-yard was the Field of Battle, where there was to be a Funeral that very Evening. Molly pursued her Victory, and catching up a Skull which lay on the Side of the Grave, discharged it with such Fury, that having hit a Taylor on the Head, the two Skulls sent equally forth a hollow Sound at their Meeting, and the Taylor took presently measure of his Length on the Ground, where the Skulls lay side by side, and it was doubtful which was the
more valuable of the two. Molly then taking a Thighbone in her Hand, fell in among the flying Ranks, and dealing her Blows with great Liberality on either Side, overthrew the Carcass of many a mighty Heroe and Heroine.

  Recount, O Muse, the Names of those who fell on this fatal Day. First Jemmy Tweedle felt on his hinder Head the direful Bone. Him the pleasant Banks of sweetly winding Stour had nourished, where he first learnt the vocal Art, with which, wandring up and down at Wakes and Fairs he cheered the rural Nymphs and Swains, when upon the Green they interweav’d the sprightly Dance; while he himself stood fiddling and jumping to his own Music. How little now avails his Fiddle? He thumps the verdant Floor with his Carcass. Next old Echepole, the Sowgelder, received a Blow in his Forehead from our Amazonian Heroine, and immediately fell to the Ground. He was a swinging fat Fellow, and fell with almost as much Noise as a House. His Tobacco-box dropt at the same Time from his Pocket, which Molly took up as lawful Spoils. Then Kate of the Mill tumbled unfortunately over a Tombstone, which catching hold of her ungartered Stocking, inverted the Order of Nature, and gave her Heels the Superiority to her Head. Betty Pippin, with young Roger her Lover, fell both to the Ground; where, O perverse Fate! she salutes the Earth, and he the Sky. Tom Freckle, the Smith’s Son, was the next Victim to her Rage. He was an ingenious Workman, and made excellent Pattins;4 nay the very Pattin with which he was knocked down, was his own Workmanship. Had he been at the Time singing Psalms in the Church, he would have avoided a broken Head. Miss Crow, the Daughter of a Farmer; John Giddish, himself a Farmer; Nan Slouch, Esther Codling, Will Spray, Tom Bennet; the three Misses Potter, whose Father keeps the Sign of the Red Lion, Betty Chambermaid, Jack Ostler, and many others of inferior Note, lay rolling among the Graves.

  Not that the strenuous Arm of Molly reached all these; for many of them in their Flight overthrew each other.

  But now Fortune, fearing she had acted out of Character, and had inclined too long to the same Side, especially as it was the right Side, hastily turned about: For now Goody Brown,—whom Zekiel Brown caressed in his Arms; nor he alone, but half the Parish besides; so famous was she in the Fields of Venus, nor indeed less in those of Mars. The Trophies of both these, her Husband always bore about on his Head and Face; for if ever human Head did by its Horns display the amorous Glories of a Wife, Zekiel’s did; nor did his well-scratched Face less denote her Talents (or rather Talons) of a different Kind.

  No longer bore this Amazon the shameful Flight of her Party. She stopt short, and calling aloud to all who fled, spoke as follows: ‘Ye Somersetshire Men, or rather ye Somersetshire Women, are ye not ashamed, thus to fly from a single Woman; but if no other will oppose her, I myself and Joan Top here will have the Honour of the Victory.’ Having thus said, she flew at Molly Seagrim, and easily wrenched the Thigh-bone from her Hand, at the same Time clawing off her Cap from her Head. Then laying hold of the Hair of Molly, with her Left Hand, she attacked her so furiously in the Face with the Right, that the Blood soon began to trickle from her Nose. Molly was not idle this while. She soon removed the Clout from the Head of Goody Brown, and then fastening on her Hair with one Hand, with the other she caused another bloody Stream to issue forth from the Nostrils of the Enemy.

  When each of the Combatants had borne off sufficient Spoils of Hair from the Head of her Antagonist, the next Rage was against the Garments. In this Attack they exerted so much Violence, that in a very few Minutes, they were both naked to the middle.

  It is lucky for the Women, that the Seat of Fistycuff-War is not the same with them as among Men; but tho’ they may seem a little to deviate from their Sex, when they go forth to Battle, yet I have observed they never so far forget, as to assail the Bosoms of each other; where a few Blows would be fatal to most of them. This, I know, some derive from their being of a more bloody Inclination than the Males. On which Account they apply to the Nose, as to the Part whence Blood may most easily be drawn; but this seems a far-fetched, as well as ill-natured Supposition.

  Goody Brown had great Advantage of Molly in this Particular; for the former had indeed no Breasts, her Bosom (if it may be so called) as well in Colour as in many other Properties, exactly resembling an antient Piece of Parchment, upon which any one might have drummed a considerable while, without doing her any great Damage.

  Molly, beside her present unhappy Condition, was differently formed in those Parts, and might, perhaps, have tempted the Envy of Brown to give her a fatal Blow, had not the lucky Arrival of Tom Jones at this Instant put an immediate End to the bloody Scene.

  This Accident was luckily owing to Mr. Square; for he, Master Blifil, and Jones, had mounted their Horses, after Church, to take the Air, and had ridden about a Quarter of a Mile, when Square, changing his Mind, (not idly, but for a Reason which we shall unfold as soon as we have Leisure) desired the young Gentlemen to ride with him another Way than they had at first purposed. This Motion being complied with, brought them of Necessity back again to the Church-yard.

  Master Blifil, who rode first, seeing such a Mob assembled, and two Women in the Posture in which we left the Combatants, stopt his Horse to enquire what was the Matter. A Country Fellow, scratching his Head, answered him; ‘I don’t know Measter un’t I; an’t please your Honour, here hath been a Vight, I think, between Goody Brown and Mol Seagrim.’ ‘Who, who?’ cries Tom; but without waiting for an Answer, having discovered the Features of his Molly through all the Discomposure in which they now were, he hastily alighted, turned his Horse loose, and leaping over the Wall, ran to her. She now first bursting into Tears, told him how barbarously she had been treated. Upon which, forgetting the Sex of Goody Brown, or perhaps not knowing it, in his Rage; for, in reality, she had no feminine Appearance, but a Petticoat, which he might not observe, he gave her a Lash or two with his Horsewhip; and then flying at the Mob, who were all accused by Moll, he dealt his Blows so profusely on all Sides, that unless I would again invoke the Muse, (which the good-natured Reader may think a little too hard upon her, as she hath so lately been violently sweated) it would be impossible for me to recount the Horsewhipping of that Day.

  Having scoured the whole Coast of the Enemy, as well as any of Homer’s Heroes ever did, or as Don Quixote, or any Knight-Errant in the World could have done, he returned to Molly, whom he found in a Condition, which must give both me and my Reader Pain, was it to be described here. Tom raved like a Madman, beat his Breast, tore his Hair, stamped on the Ground, and vowed the utmost Vengeance on all who had been concerned. He then pulled off his Coat, and buttoned it round her, put his Hat upon her Head, wiped the Blood from her Face as well as he could with his Handkerchief, and called out to the Servant to ride as fast as possible for a Sidesaddle, or a Pillion, that he might carry her safe home.

  Master Blifil objected to the sending away the Servant, as they had only one with them; but as Square seconded the Order of Jones, he was obliged to comply.

  The Servant returned in a very short Time with the Pillion, and Molly, having collected her Rags as well as she could, was placed behind him. In which Manner she was carried home, Square, Blifil, and Jones attending.

  Here Jones, having received his Coat, given her a sly Kiss, and whispered her, that he would return in the Evening, quitted his Molly, and rode on after his Companions.

  CHAPTER IX.

  Containing Matter of no very peaceable Colour.

  Molly had no sooner apparelled herself in her accustomed Rags, than her Sisters began to fall violently upon her; particularly her eldest Sister, who told her she was well-enough served. ‘How had she the Assurance to wear a Gown which young Madam Western had given to Mother! If one of us was to wear it, I think,’ says she, ‘I myself have the best Right; but I warrant you think it belongs to your Beauty. I suppose you think yourself more handsomer than any of us.’ ‘Hand her down the Bit of Glass from over the Cupboard,’ cries another; ‘I’d wash the Blood from my Face before I tauked of my Beauty.’ ‘You’d better have minded what the Parson says,’ cries the eldest, �
��and not a harkened after Men Voke.’ ‘Indeed, Child, and so she had,’ says the Mother sobbing, ‘she hath brought a Disgrace upon us all. She’s the vurst of the Vamily that ever was a Whore.’ ‘You need not upbraid me with that, Mother,’ cries Molly; ‘you yourself was brought-to-bed of Sister there, within a Week after you was married.’ ‘Yes, Hussy,’ answered the enraged Mother, ‘so I was, and what was the mighty Matter of that? I was made an honest Woman then; and if you was to be made an honest Woman, I should not be angry; but you must have to doing with a Gentleman, you nasty Slut; you will have a Bastard, Hussy, you will; and that I defy anyone to say of me.’

  In this Situation Black George found his Family, when he came home for the Purpose before mentioned. As his Wife and three Daughters were all of them talking together, and most of them crying, it was some Time before he could get an Opportunity of being heard; but as soon as such an Interval occurred, he acquainted the Company with what Sophia had said to him.

  Goody Seagrim then began to revile her Daughter afresh. ‘Here,’ says she, ‘you have brought us into a fine Quandary indeed. What will Madam say to that big Belly? Oh that ever I should live to see this Day!’