Embracing Love

by Delisa Lynn

  “I understand, let’s go grab some coffee and you’ll feel better.” “Okay, let’s go.” “Lila, you want to get dressed first?” “Oh! Good idea!” I was still in my panties and T-shirt.

  We went for coffee, I had a horrible headache. It must’ve been all the wine. I hadn’t drank that much in a while. “Evan, let’s go somewhere.” “Where do you want to go, Lila?”

  “Away, I’m not sure. Where ever you want to go. I have money, you don’t need anything.” “Lila, I don’t want your money. I have money.” “Okay that’s fine too, we can drive or fly or even take a train. I’ve always wanted to ride a train. Evan, I haven’t taken a subway either.”

  “Lila, let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay? You want to stay at the loft tonight?” “Okay, that’s fine and yes I would like to. I’m lonely. It gets so boring in the dorm and lonely. Did I say lonely already?”

  “Yes you did, let’s drink more coffee and you need to eat your food.” We went back to Evan’s and I went and lay in his bed. He came in and laid beside me. I was really tired, I just lay flat on my stomach. I felt him put his arms around me.

  “Lila, you know you are so beautiful, your mind, your heart, and your body. I love you because of who you are. You are kind and sweet and gentle.”

  I turned over and looked at his beautiful face. He had sorrow in his eyes, I could see it. “Evan, I love you very much and I really like your smile, you are so wonderful. I don’t deserve your friendship, I’m a bad person. I ask you to be a stand in for Liam and that isn’t fair.” “Oh Lila, I don’t feel like a stand in. I know you will do what is right. You will have to make your choice when the time comes, until then you are mine.”

  He started kissing me. When he stopped, I pulled him in and kissed him some more. I wanted him right now, God did I need him. “Evan, do you have condoms?” “Yes, I do.” “Great, now make love to me.” We didn’t leave the bedroom at all.

  The next morning I forgot Brody was there and I walked out in just a T-shirt. “Well good morning sleepy head.” “Oh good morning, Brody. I need coffee.” He just laughed and handed me a mug. “Good morning Lila, do you still want to go somewhere?” “Evan I wasn’t that drunk, I remember everything. Yes, let’s go to Paris!” “Paris?” “Yes, you want to go or not?” “Well I will have to check my schedule, when would we go?” “Tomorrow. Stay a week?” “Lila, why don’t we go to another state?” I wanted to go to Paris, but he did have a good point. Maybe we should just go to another city or state. “Okay let’s go to Ohio. We can visit Nikki.” “Okay, that we can do today, Lila.”

  We decided to drive to Ohio, it wasn’t so far. “Evan, I love our little adventures. I’m so excited to spend the next week with you and Nikki of course.” “Lila, I’m glad you’re having a good time.” We stopped in Pittsburgh and stayed in a very fancy hotel for the night.

  I received a text from Nikki saying right now wasn’t a good time for us to visit. I couldn’t understand what the hell was going on with her, I knew it had something to do with that damn Cam guy. “Evan, plans have changed, Nikki isn’t up for company.” “We can stay here, we can just see the city. They have a candy factory, maybe we can find you some chocolate covered bacon.” “Bacon, yum! You know the way to my heart, Evan Martin. Evan, what’s your middle name? You’ve never told me.” “I don’t share that much, Lila.”

  “Come on, you know mine and I’m just not anyone. I’m your girlfriend.” “Oh my girlfriend? I like the sound of that, Lila Rae!” He stepped closer and kissed me, then started kissing my neck. “Wait Mister! What is it? You aren’t getting any of this until I know exactly who you are!” Evan sighed. “My name is Evan Lawrence Martin. Happy?” “Not bad E.L.M. Okay, now make love to me.” “Any time and any place, darlin’.” God I loved when he called me darlin’. His voice was meant to sing country music.

  We had a fantastic week in Pittsburgh. I think we ate at every restaurant possible. Evan found me some chocolate bacon and we went to the zoo. On the way home, he took me to the subway station. This man had stolen my heart.

  The days kept flying by and we still hadn’t heard from Liam. I took Spring Quarter off also. I wasn’t going back to class until September. I had the entire summer to think about what I wanted to do. I missed Liam so much. I checked the database daily, still no recovery.

  Nikki and Addison were flying in. We were going to have a girls’ week. One of our favorite songs was “God Gave Me You” by Blake Shelton. We were going to the concert. I’d gotten a cute pair of cowgirl boots and a denim skirt. I didn’t normally wear hats but Nikki found some great cowboy hats. It was going to be a blast.

  We all needed this night. I wished they both lived here. I missed hanging out with them. We decided to get tattoos before going. Nikki had been upset because we went the first time without her. “Are we really doing this, bitches?” asked Addison. “Yes!” I squealed. “But I need a drink first.” We ended up getting matching tattoos again. We all got a star on our left wrist. They were small enough a watch would cover it. We all got yellow but each got different shades, mine was pink of course. Ads purple and Nikki’s teal.

  When I got home there was a message from my mom. I called her and she was just checking on me. She forgot the girls were going to be there. I also had a text from Evan, he wanted to spend the night. I didn’t think that was a good idea with Addie being there.

  I hoped he understood. They were leaving in a few days, he could stay then. We had a great time. We shopped so much. I bought clothes I probably wouldn’t even wear. But they were on sale and looked good on me.

  It was summer break and I decided to go with Evan and Brody to Utah. He needed to see his father. His aunt Frances was going to be there, she was his mother’s sister. She seemed really nice. I could see how much she was still missing her sister. I went shopping and got pedicures with the elderly lady. I figured the guys needed some alone time. I met Brody’s family, they were so nice and funny. I could see where Brody got his sense of humor from. After leaving Utah, we decided to go to Cali to see my parents before their vacation.

  My parents loved Evan. I can’t say that my brother, Eric, did. But that was because he was good friends with Liam.

  Ashton was getting married in the fall to some girl he had met while visiting friends last year. Addie and I had a bet going that she was pregnant. His parents weren’t too fond of her. She was a little older than all of us and had been married before. She seemed to really like Ashton.

  I just hope that he treated her right and didn’t cheat on her. Addison was kind of rude to her and that isn’t normal for Ads, I think it is because Christabella knew that The Ellis’ had money and maybe that’s why she was with Ashton.

  Evan and I just kept growing closer. He’s still so understanding about me wanting to find Liam.

  I had come to realize it had been a year and I would never see Liam again. I still loved him with everything I had. I also loved Evan. I couldn’t imagine life without him.

  Evan was offered an internship for a huge law firm and accepted it. I didn’t mind, it gave me more time to study. I thought we had been spending too much time together anyway. The days just kept flying by and I still thought about my Liam daily. I missed my family and friends. Addie decided to come visit. It was great having her there again. I tried talking her into switching schools, but it didn’t work.

  Eric and Addison were so in love, I couldn’t ask for a better love for my brother. She was my best friend.

  It had already been a week since Addie arrived and now it was time for her to go back. I hated that she had to go but we had our own lives in separate states.

  Evan asked me to move in with him, but I wasn’t ready. “I love you, Evan. I just don’t want to rush things.” “I understand,” Evan replied.

  It was almost Thanksgiving and I was going home. Evan was going with me. I wasn’t ready to go back knowing it had been a year and half that Liam had been missing. I hadn’t really announced that Evan and I were a
couple. I’m sure everyone knew anyway. It wasn’t a secret, I just didn’t tell everyone. My father sure did have a lot of questions for him.

  Dinner is always great at my parents’ house. Eric, Addie, Ashton, and his pregnant wife were all there.

  We had invited Addison’s parents but they declined. Addison and I were going to do our normal mall trip the day after Thanksgiving. The guys were all watching football, I wasn’t sure if I should leave Evan with them. “He’ll be fine,” my mom said.

  “Lila, I need to run to the store.” “We’re going to the mall, doll,” I said to Ads. “No L, I need a pregnancy test.” “Oh my God, no way!” “Yes L, I haven’t had my monthly for two months now.” “Let’s go, Ads.” We went to Walgreens and got some tests and sure enough after six tests, Ads was pregnant.

  “Lila, do you think Eric will be okay with this?” “Hell yes Addison, you’re his life. He couldn’t breathe without you.” She was crying. “I’ll plan a dinner when we get home and surprise him.” “I’m so happy I’m going to be an auntie. Now you should move to New York.” She hugged me. “Lila, we aren’t moving to New York, doll.”

  We had a blast, and we even invited Christabella along. She wasn’t that bad, Addie just didn’t like her.

  We shopped and shopped as we always did. I loved spending time with Addie. I wasn’t ready to go back but it was time. Evan and I headed to the airport.

  When we arrived in New York, there was a limo waiting for us. “Evan, a limo?” “I have a surprise for you.” He took me to the limo where he had roses everywhere and “Marry Me” by Train was playing over the radio.

  “Lila Rae, I love you so much. I’ve wanted to spend the rest of my life with you since the day I saw you at the pizza joint. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. I promise I will spend every day that I breathe making you the happiest woman on earth. Will you marry me, darlin’?” I didn’t know what to say. I loved Evan, just not the way I loved Liam. But Liam was never coming back.

  “Yes, Yes, I will!” He seemed so happy I couldn’t believe I had said yes. The ring was huge! A little too flashy for me but I loved it. It was a pink princess cut diamond. “I know your favorite color is pink and you are my princess.” “Oh Evan, I love it and I love you. I can’t wait to share this with everyone.”

  I thought about calling everyone but I wanted to have this night just the two of us. We started making love in the limo. It was amazing. Evan was so sweet and knew exactly what spots made me scream. He had reservations at a five star hotel. We spent the night making love, each time was better than the last. This man made me have chills in places I didn’t know existed. After our sex-a-thon, we had wine, chocolate covered strawberries, and chocolate covered bacon. He had ordered the bacon from the candy factory we stopped at on our last road trip.

  I woke up in his arms smiling from ear to ear. “Good morning, handsome,” I said as I kissed his forehead. “Good morning soon to be Mrs. Martin.” “Oh Evan, I love the sound of that.” He kissed me. “Me too, my love.” We made love again before ordering room service. How after losing Liam was I able to find such a great man? I decided to call Nikki first. She was so excited and said Brody had already told her. They must be talking again. I was nervous about calling Ads, I know she wanted me with Liam. But she wanted me happy, that’s all that matters.

  I called everyone else to give them the news and no one answered. I never heard from anyone the rest of the day. Evan and I went shopping and back to his loft. The next day I received a call from my mother she said I should fly home. It was an emergency.

  I didn’t tell her about the engagement. I didn’t know if I should take Evan with me. We had just left two days ago, what could be wrong? I hoped it wasn’t my father. He had a dangerous job, I always worried about him and his safety.

  All the way home, I wondered if it was Liam, had they finally found him? Is he dead or hurt? Oh God please let him be alive, I thought. I pulled into my parents’ driveway and I saw all kinds of cars there.

  Ashton and Eric came to the car I could tell that they both had been crying and upset. “Is it Liam? Did they find him? Where is he? Is he alive?” I had all these questions.

  “Lila, calm down, it’s not Liam,” said Eric as he had huge tears rolling down his face. “It’s Addison. She’s in the hospital, she was shot yesterday,” said Eric. “What?!” I cried. “We were on our way home yesterday and stopped at a gas station. Some guy was robbing it and shot Addison. I saw him and tried to stop him, but as I did he shot Addison and took off running. They still haven’t found him, Lila.”

  My poor brother watched his girlfriend get shot right in front of him. “Take me to her now!” I screamed. On the way to the hospital, all I could do was think about Liam and him not being here.

  Addie was on life support. She had lost so much blood and wasn’t breathing on her own. I sat next to Addie crying and talking to her. I could feel her squeeze my hand or I was just squeezing hers too tightly and thought she was.

  “Addie, you can’t leave us, we need you. I need my best friend. Evan asked me to marry him, Ads. I need you to tell me what to do. Please Addison don’t leave me too.” I could see the numbers on the machine declining. “Addison! Open your eyes. Please, Please don’t leave me too, I can’t lose you too, Ads.” No, No, No, I need her! Please God don’t take my best friend. “No, Addison Marie, wake up! You hear me, Addison? Get up! We are going to find that stupid mother fucking bastard that did this to you.” I dropped to my knees. “Dear God, I know I haven’t been on my best behavior lately but please don’t take my best friend, I need her and my brother needs her.”

  Ashton came in and pulled me out, he just held me in his arms as tight as he could. “Ashton, I need her, she can’t leave us. Ashton help her please. What about her baby?” “Lila, we will all miss her. What baby, L?” Oh no she hadn’t told anyone yet.

  “Ashton, she had just found out she was pregnant, only a month or so. Oh God, Eric doesn’t know, does he?” “Lila, I’m not sure anyone knew. Are you sure, babe?” “Yes, I was with her when she took the test.”

  I saw Eric sitting next to Ads, rubbing her hair. She had beautiful hair, she was beautiful. How could someone shoot her, why didn’t she run? That was the way she was, no one messed with her or her loved ones. We all just sat there in silence and stared at Addison, hoping she would start breathing. Nothing changed. It had been almost three days.

  “Eric, did Ads tell you about the test?” I asked. “No what test, L?” “Oh dear God Eric, I’m so sorry. She was pregnant. She just found out on Thanksgiving. She was planning to surprise you.” Eric fell to the ground. My dad came to him. He and Ashton took Eric to another room. Apparently no one knew but me. But she wasn’t far enough along to save the baby.

  “Evan, I am going to need you to come here as soon as you can. I need you, babe, it’s not looking good. Ads isn’t going to pull through.” “Lila, I’m packing now and I’m on my way. Do you need anything?” “Yes, please call Nikki for me. You have her number?” “Yes, I’ll call her.” “Lila, I love you and I’ll be there soon.” “I love you too.”

  As I sat there staring at the white walls, I wondered where Liam was. I know how much he loved Addison, she was like a sister to him. I wished he would just come walking in the door. I would love for him to hold me in his arms and tell me everything would be okay. I sat there, not talking to anyone. I’m not sure how long I was a sleep, but I felt a man putting his arms around me. I jumped up. “Liam!” I yelled. “It’s okay, sweetie, I’m here, wake up.

  Lila, it’s me, baby. I’m here for you.” “Oh I’m so sorry, Evan.” “Lila, it’s okay! I understand.”

  The doctor came in and said it wasn’t good. He thought it was time to let her go. That it wasn’t even her there anymore. She was an organ donor and they needed to prep her to take any organs that they could. They found out she was nine weeks pregnant. There was nothing they could do for Ads or the baby. That bastard took my best friend and my ni
ece or nephew. He was going to pay.

  We were all there and they decided to turn the ventilator off. I couldn’t believe this—my best friend was dead. I could see the hurt in Eric’s eyes as he was approaching me.

  He just fell into my arms almost knocking me over, Evan had to hold me up. “Lila, I loved her so much. I was going to propose to her, I have the ring. I was waiting until next month. Why didn’t he shoot me? Why did he take my Addison and our unborn baby?”

  “Oh Eric, I’m so sorry. She loved you more than anything.” I just held my brother as we cried together. Evan was standing behind me crying also. I knew exactly how Eric felt, I lost my love. I was lucky enough to have Evan. But he wasn’t my Liam.

  The next couple days were some of the hardest days of my life. Nikki and Brody flew in. I was confused about their relationship. But I didn’t ask questions. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I had lost my very best friend and my brother had lost his love.

  At the memorial, I tried to keep it together as I read a poem I had written for my best friend. I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks as I choked on my words. I felt the lump in my throat. I felt like I had stopped breathing. I just stood there looking at everyone. I wanted Addie back, why did they kill her? As I struggled to speak and breathe, the one person I didn’t think would came and wrapped his big tattooed arms around me and whispered, “You got this, babe. Addison loved you more than anyone. Lila, you can do this. We will get through this together, she was your sister too and she would want you to be strong and do this.” He wiped my tears away with his thumbs. We stood there, hugging and crying as we watched the pictures of Addison’s life roll across the big monitor. The song that came on first was “I Will Remember You” by Sarah McLachlan. Most of the pictures were her with Nikki and I or her and Ashton through the years. Then there were the ones with Liam and the ones with the love of her life, my poor baby brother, Eric. My heart hurt for him so bad. I felt my knees shaking even more. The music kept ringing through my ears. One of Ads favorite songs was “You’re The Inspiration” by Chicago. We would listen to that song over and over in her room when we were younger. I asked her mom to add it to the video, I wish I hadn’t. I had never held Ashton’s hand so tight. I didn’t hate him. He was a really good friend before we started dating. We went to sit back in our seats and I’m so glad Evan was there. I think I would have fainted if I hadn’t felt his arms around me through the rest of the service.