To Live and Love

by LM Spangler

  Chapter 8

  “Wake up. I said wake up!”

  Through the fog surrounding her mind, Mel could have sworn someone was shaking her, rather vigorously.

  “For God’s sake, wake up now.”

  Mindy’s frantic voice started to clear the haze in her mind.

  “Mel!”

  “Huh? What? Why are you yelling?”

  “Because you wouldn’t wake up. You scared me half to death.”

  “What time is it?” Mel asked as she hoisted herself into a sitting position and cleared the veil of hair that had fallen over her face.

  “It’s about nine-thirty. Did you take medicine?”

  The memory of the earlier debacle burned in her brain. Yes, she definitely took medication. “Yeah.”

  “Good, you’ll need it.” Worry etched her sister’s words.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Justin,” Mindy answered softly.

  “What about him?” Her brain refused to fire on all cylinders right now.

  “He’s been in an accident.”

  “What?” Mel stood too quickly, and her world tilted on its axis. Mindy’s words hit home, and she had become fully cognizant now. “What accident? Is he all right?”

  “His car got hit when he pulled onto Grant Road. He’s been taken to the hospital.”

  Mel’s heart tumbled in her chest. No, this couldn’t be happening. Not to Justin, the man she loved. She fell back onto the sofa. Adrenaline tangled with fear.

  “Is he all right?” she asked again.

  “I’m not sure. I only know they had an ambulance take him from the accident site. When the emergency vehicles arrived they found him unconscious on the road.”

  Mel realized that Mindy’s husband, Donovan, who was a volunteer fireman, must have been called to the scene. “How much did your husband tell you?”

  “Justin suffered a head injury and was taken across the Columbia River to Wenatchee Hospital. They probably have him in the emergency room due to the head trauma.”

  What should she do? Any normal person would rush to the hospital to be by their loved one’s side. Mel was far from normal. But her heart had a voice of its own and told her what she needed to do.

  “Take me to the hospital, Mindy.”

  “What?” Shock emanated in her sister’s voice.

  “You heard me.” Mel rose from the couch, slightly unsteady on her feet, and walked to the foyer to grab a pair of shoes.

  “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “Absolutely. I love him, and I need to see him.” Especially after tonight, she thought.

  “Okay. Get your coat. It’s chilly out there.”

  Mel took deep breaths. The drugs kept her pulse from racing but did little to tamper the anxiety threatening to engulf her. An attack would be eminent, but the heart wanted what the heart wanted. Right now, hers wanted to be by Justin’s side.

  “I’ll grab your medication in case you need it.” Mindy darted to the kitchen to snag the medicine.

  “Thanks,” Mel said when Mindy handed her the bottle. She snatched her purse from the entry table and dropped the drugs inside.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Mindy asked in a soft, sympathetic voice.

  Mel nodded. Tears again burned the back of her eyes and blurred her vision. She had to be strong for Justin’s sake. Strength had always been a fleeting commodity for her.

  “Are you ready?” Mindy asked.

  Mel nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Mindy opened the door and held out a hand to her sister. Mel stared at the offered hand for a long moment then slid hers into it. Together they stepped onto the front porch and into the night.

  The cool air bit into Mel’s lungs and took her breath away. She gasped, taking in more of the crisp, clean air. After a few deep inhalations, she became used to the invasion.

  “Okay so far?” Mindy asked when they stepped to the edge of the porch.

  Darkness engulfed her in its inky cloak. Her eyes darted from side to side as if awaiting something to jump out of the shadows. She tightened her grip on Mindy’s hand.

  “Easy, Mel,” Mindy said reassuringly.

  “Am I that obvious?”

  “You’re gripping my hand so hard you may break it.”

  “Sorry.” Mel removed her hand from Mindy’s.

  They stopped at Mindy’s SUV. “You’re doing fine.”

  Mel would be doing much better if someone opened the vise squeezing her heart right now. Fear for Justin mixed with fear of the outside world crushed her under its waves. She remembered Dr. Stamko’s words when dealing with anxiety and panic. Deep breaths in through the nose and then out of the mouth. The cool, night air sawed in and out of her lungs, making her chest tight, but Mel repeated the process as she climbed into Mindy’s vehicle.

  So far the sky hadn’t fallen. Mel could do this. She would do this for Justin’s sake. They’d parted under bad circumstances this evening. His leaving sliced through her heart and made it ache in more ways than one.

  “Close the door, hon,” her sister advised.

  “Oh. Okay.” Mel pulled the door closed with a solid thud. “Sorry.” For the love of Pete, she couldn’t even close a car door right.

  Mindy put the key in the ignition and turned it. The engine roared to life. She backed out of the driveway and stopped for a moment.

  “Last chance. Are you sure you want to do this?” Mindy asked.

  Mel’s mind screamed no, but her heart yelled yes. She heard the saying follow your heart, so she did just that. “Yes,” she replied with a vigorous nod of her head.

  Mindy put the SUV in drive and began their short journey to the hospital.

  Mel watched houses blur by as they drove. The lights flashing by made her nauseous, and she fought to keep bile from rising into her throat. She hadn’t counted on motion sickness, but it had been at least twenty-six years since she’d been in a moving vehicle.

  “I don’t feel so good. I think you need to pull over.”

  “Okay.” Mindy did as Mel asked.

  Mel opened the door, leaned out of the SUV, and became violently ill on the roadside. She heaved so hard her ribs hurt, but she could do nothing more than wait a few moments until she knew the waves of nausea had passed.

  “Thank you,” she stated when Mindy handed her a bottled water. Mel filled her mouth with the cool liquid, swished it around, and then spit it out on the ground. She then took a few small sips to wet her sore throat. “I’m so embarrassed.”

  Mindy laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “No need to apologize. I’m not surprised. It’s been eons since you were in a car. Want to try again?”

  “Yes, please.” She closed the door, sure the nausea had passed.

  Mindy squeezed her shoulder before pulling the SUV back onto the road. “You’re doing great considering this is your first trip out of the house in years.”

  Mel, still feeling uneasy, knew Mindy was chatting in order to keep her mind off of the trip and on something else. She took a few cleansing breaths and shut her eyes. Doing so kept the nausea at bay. Every bump in the road had been emphasized by the rise and fall of the vehicle. Mel found it easier to breathe as warm air from the heater filled her lungs—a stark contrast to the cool night air. Being out in the world wasn’t as bad an experience as Mel thought. The medication, which she had taken earlier, lessened the panic.

  “Almost there.” Mindy’s voice had become calm and soft.

  “Okay.” Mel peeked through her slitted eyelids and watched homes and businesses whiz by. She knew from many years ago they were close to the hospital. A blue sign with a white, capitalized H and an arrow pointing to the right meant they were about to turn onto the road leading to the hospital.

  I made it, she thought as they pulled into the parking lot.

  Large lampposts washed the parking lot in harsh light. It was nearly ten o’clock in the evening. Visiting hours had long passed, and there were only
a handful of cars present.

  “Are you ready?” Mindy inquired.

  Was she? No turning back now. “Yes. Ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Mel opened the door, while she still had the nerve, stepped out of the SUV, and glanced around the parking lot as fear leeched its way into her system. Though lit by the overhead lamps, the openness of the space filled her with a sense of dread. She needed a focal point and the hospital fit the bill.

  A large, peach-colored wall, with four squares cut out, stood above a metal awning indicating the main entrance of the hospital. To her left she could see a six-floored, white structure; Mel knew from reading that this was the new patients’ tower.

  “We’ll stop at the information desk to see where Justin is,” Mindy commented.

  “Let’s do this.” Mel mentally repeated those words as she placed one foot in front of the other and stared down at the fading gray of the asphalt parking lot.

  The wide-open feeling of being outside unnerved her, but she feared the closed-in feeling of being inside an unfamiliar structure. Her breaths came in short gasps, and she paused for a moment. She’d come this far and survived, and Justin was somewhere in the concrete and steel building.

  “We can turn back if it’ll make you feel better,” Mindy said.

  “No,” Mel said with a spirited shake of her head. “I’ve come this far. I can do this. I have to do this.”

  “Let’s do it then.” Mindy led the way.

  Mel followed, quickly at first then slowing as they approached the structure. The building suddenly became large and imposing. A feeling of foreboding swept over her and left her shivering.

  As if she could read Mel’s mind, Mindy spoke. “Nothing in the hospital will hurt you, sweetie. I’ll be with you every step of the way. You can do this. I know you can.”

  Mel nodded her head. A bubble of laughter passed her lips. “I suddenly thought of The Little Engine that Could. I think I can, I think I can.”

  Mindy laughed as they walked to the entrance of the building. “Whatever works for you.”

  Little did her sister know, Mel kept the chant going in her head as they approached the door, which opened with a swoosh as they stepped into the hospital. Gray tiled walls with artwork done by locals and photographs of days gone by graced the walls. Blue and gray flooring was underfoot. She imagined the hospital tried to evoke a sense of ease in their patients and visitors but found it did little to calm her.

  “How can I help you?” a redheaded woman asked.

  “I’d like to have the location of a patient,” Mindy stated.

  “What’s the patient’s name, please?” the receptionist inquired.

  “Justin Eberley,” Mindy replied.

  Mel vaguely listened while she suspiciously watched a couple of nurses walk down one of the hospital’s hallways. The two women whispered among themselves, and Mel wondered if they were talking about her. They had glanced at her, and Mel imagined she looked petrified, perhaps a little green from fear and apprehension. When they continued on their way, she recognized paranoia. Why would the nurses be speaking about her when they probably saw people on their worst days? With a sad shake of her head, she turned her attention back to Mindy and the redhead.

  “Come on,” Mindy instructed after obtaining Justin’s location. “He’s on the fourth floor in a private room. He just got moved there. The elevators are this way.” She put a hand on Mel’s elbow and led her.

  Mel’s stomach lurched when the elevator car started upward toward the fourth floor. The walls closed in around her. She never remembered being claustrophobic but figured she could add that to her list of ailments.

  “Breathe in and out. Through your nose and out of your mouth,” Mindy advised. “Try to stay calm. I told them you’re Justin’s girlfriend. That’s the only reason they’re letting us see him this late at night.”

  Mel inhaled deeply, feeling the air enter her nostrils and flow into her lungs. Each exhalation passed over her lips with a little whoosh as she repeated the process until the elevator lurched to a stop and the doors opened. Mel nearly tripped over her own feet as she scrambled off the confounded contraption.

  “Take it easy, hon. Justin’s room is right down the hall,” Mindy said.

  Mel followed Mindy until they stopped outside of a partially opened door. The soft voice of a female reached her ears followed by Justin’s muffled reply.

  “Go ahead,” Mindy stated. “I’ll just be in the small seating area if you need me.”

  Mel nodded. She rapped softly on the door.

  “Are you expecting anyone?” the female asked.

  “No, not that I know of,” Justin replied. “Come in.”

  She walked into the room and toward the bed.

  “Mel,” Justin stated then bolted upright. Shock emanated in his voice. “What are you doing here?” he asked as he settled back onto the bed.

  “I came to see you.”

  Her heart somersaulted in her chest.

  Justin lay with the back of the bed raised. White gauze wrapped the top of his head. A tube ran from the inside of his elbow to an IV drip that hung on a pole. He appeared as white as the sheets.

  Even with his appearance, she’d been drawn to Justin’s side. Mel stood a foot away from the bed, unsure of what to do next.

  “If you need anything, Mr. Eberley, let me know.”

  “Thank you, Nurse Tasha,” he replied.

  Mel watched the tall, raven-haired nurse leave the room. Then she turned her attention back to where it belonged—to Justin.

  “You’re shaking,” he observed.

  A small laugh escaped her. “This is all kinds of scary. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. A moderate concussion, and a gash on my head needed a couple of stitches. I’m staying overnight purely for observation. I can’t believe you’re here.”

  Mel reached for his hand and slid it into hers. “I had to come.”

  “Why? You haven’t left your house in years.” His warm, brown eyes gazed into hers.

  “I care about you, Justin. I messed up tonight. I drove you away when all I wanted was to have you closer. Then I heard about your accident, and my heart broke.”

  “Sit down before you end up in one of these beds.” Justin pointed to the empty chair beside him.

  “Okay.” Mel released his hand and slumped into the chair. Utter exhaustion was about to overtake her. This trek into the real world took a toll and wiped her out physically and emotionally.

  “I’m glad you came. It took a shitload of courage for you to come here.”

  A grin spread across her face. “You’re worth it.”

  * * * *

  Justin had to be imagining this. Here he lay in his hospital room and the woman he loved was sitting next to his bed.

  She’d left the security of her home to see him. Could he mean that much to her?

  He knew he loved her more than ever now. There was no doubt in his mind. Justin didn’t pretend to completely understand what it cost her to leave the sanctuary of her house. But he had a good idea.

  Though she’d always be the most beautiful woman in the world to him, right now Mel was pale and she was shaking. Black circled the underside of her eyes. Her cheeks lacked their normal glow. The physical berating her body must be taking had to be substantial.

  Justin rubbed his thumb on the inside of her wrist over her pulse point. Mel’s heart beat a frantic pace.

  Yet, here she was. Beside him.

  “Mel, look at me,” he requested.

  She lifted her head, and her emerald green gaze locked with his.

  “I should have told you this tonight instead of being insensitive.” He smiled and waited for her to return the smile. “I love you, Mel. I have for some time now.”

  His smile broadened when she gasped in surprise.

  “You love me? I’m an agoraphobic who finally left her house after more years than I care to count. How can you love that?”

  “You showed me
tonight how big a heart you have, coming to the hospital and leaving the safety of your house. It proves you care about me more than your own health. How can I not love you?”

  “Oh, Justin. I love you too.”

  Justin’s own pulse began to thunder through his system. Emotions swamped him, and his heart could have burst from the elation filling him.

  “A relationship between us would be a lot of work. I’m not going to fool myself and think otherwise. I’m more than willing to give us a shot. Are you?” he asked.

  She stood and lowered her head toward his. Her buttery soft lips brushed his then became more insistent.

  Justin poured all the emotion he felt into the kiss. After a moment, he broke the contact and tried to catch his breath. “Was that a yes?”

  “Oh, yes.”

  He knew they would have a long road ahead of them, but her being there in his hospital room proved she would try her hardest to work through her issues. Justin Eberley loved a challenge.

  Chapter 9

  March slid into the first week of April. Mel and Justin had been together since the dreadful night of his accident. She’d tackled her fears and stepped out into the world. And she survived.

  Mel stood at her back door, staring out into her garden. Fresh, green, spring grass replaced the brown of winter. Buds graced the branches of her azaleas. Crocuses and daffodils were blooming in yellow, white, and varying hues of purple.

  Her yard had become alive, and so had she. Love filled Mel with a feeling of contentment and strength. A strength she didn’t feel until Justin told her he loved her, despite everything she’d become.

  As she sipped her coffee she watched robins land on her lilac trees. Through the window she could hear their songs. Life was good.

  She had a life that didn’t revolve around her home. Though she hadn’t left her house since seeing Justin in the hospital, she knew she could leave if necessary. Justin’s accident had been a necessity. It drew her out of a shell she once thought had been impenetrable.

  Mel heard love made people do things they never would have done otherwise. In February she would have laughed. By March she knew the truth. It resonated in her so deeply. She could conquer any fear. Leaving the house, though medicated, had now become reality.