Samantha Spinner and the Spectacular Specs

by Russell Ginns

  “Well, Kym can be a boy’s name, too,” he said.

  The lizard tilted its head sideways and stared up at him with one eye. Its tongue flicked twice before it lowered its head and began purring again.

  “Come with me right now,” Dr. Spinner repeated firmly. She walked out of the room and down the stairs.

  Nipper moved the lizard’s head gently to the floor and stood up.

  Samantha followed her mother quickly. She heard Nipper shuffling down the stairs behind her.

  Dr. Spinner went to the kitchen and got to work.

  “Hand me the sifter,” she told Samantha.

  “What are you making, Mom?” Samantha asked.

  “Just help, dear,” she replied.

  Samantha reached into the cabinet beneath the counter, found a metal flour sifter, and handed it up.

  Dr. Spinner set it beside an open bag of cornmeal and a jar of wheat germ. She picked up a handful of Dennis’s dog food and dropped it into a large mixing bowl.

  Dennis sat under the kitchen table, watching her intently as she cracked an egg into the bowl, added the cornmeal and wheat germ, stirred a few times, and poured the mixture onto the waffle iron.

  Nipper walked into the room.

  “Doesn’t anyone remember that I give speeches about nutrition for very large lizards?” she asked. “Remember the Exotic Pet Expo? When we left you two alone and drove to Tacoma? On a Saturday three months ago? When those smelly people dressed in black tried to steal my umbrella?”

  Samantha and her brother looked at each other. Now they remembered!

  After two minutes, Dr. Spinner popped open the waffle iron and used Uncle Paul’s waffle tongs to lift out a steaming round waffle—bright orange with brown spots.

  “Really, Samantha. I thought you took a closer look at things,” she said, and tossed the waffle on the floor.

  Plastic cone tapped on kitchen tiles.

  Dennis crept forward from underneath the table. He pointed his cone at the waffle and sniffed cautiously. He stretched his tongue beyond the edge of the cone and licked twice.

  Like a bolt of lightning, the Komodo dragon zipped into the room and hissed at Dennis. The pug jumped back from the waffle and fled. The lizard bit into the orange disc and devoured it ravenously.

  Dr. Spinner tossed a second waffle on the floor. The Komodo dragon grabbed it and exited the kitchen. Her children stood beside the table, quietly listening to the thump-thump-thump of a very large lizard heading up the stairs, back to Nipper’s bedroom.

  “You know, everyone,” Nipper announced suddenly during dinner that night, “the United States is chock-full of amazing things between Washington and New York.”

  “Very true,” said their father. “In fact, if you were to draw a line between here and any one of the contiguous states, you’d intersect—”

  “That’s not my point, Dad,” Nipper said, cutting him off. “What I’m trying to say is…”

  He cleared his throat.

  “I’ve always wanted to see the most beautiful treasures of North America from a train.”

  “Really,” Samantha said sarcastically. “Since when?”

  “Since always,” he answered loudly, making sure everyone at the table could hear. “It’s the America you can’t see anywhere else.”

  Samantha could tell he was repeating a slogan from one of Uncle Paul’s old Amtrak brochures. She shot him a quick I-know-you’re-up-to-something glance. But it was okay. She had a plan now, and it included letting her brother convince their parents that he was suddenly interested in a scenic train ride. Buffy’s play was set to open on Broadway in ten days. They’d arrive in time to see the show, stop the SUN, and—hopefully—find Uncle Paul.

  “Let’s see the most from coast to coast,” Nipper called out. “There’s something about a train that’s magic.”

  After an hour of listening to Nipper recite slogans for train travel, their parents agreed to exchange their plane tickets for seats on the Empire Builder from Seattle to Chicago, and then to New York City on another train—just as Samantha hoped they would. The three-day ride would get them to Buffy’s play on opening night.

  “Let’s take the train and see what we’re missing!” Nipper declared triumphantly.

  “Stop it, already,” she whispered. “That’s the motto for British Rail International. Uncle Paul got that brochure from England.”

  Samantha went to work preparing for the trip to New York. Between finishing the school year and packing for the big trip, the week was going to pass quickly. She decided that the umbrella needed extra security for their train journey. Nipper handed her a trombone case. Uncle Paul had given him an antique trombone last year, but it went missing immediately.

  “How does somebody lose a trombone?” asked Samantha, pressing the umbrella into the velvet-lined case.

  Nipper shrugged.

  “Trust me, it happens,” he answered.

  Later that evening, Mrs. Spinner saw Samantha lugging the case and gave her a puzzled look.

  “It’s extra security for our trip to the big city,” she said, opening the case to show her mom.

  “You carry that red umbrella everywhere you go, dear,” said Mrs. Spinner. “Why do you want to lock it up now?”

  Samantha closed the trombone case and fiddled with her sunglasses, pretending not to hear her.

  “Did you pack Word Whammy!, Mom?” she asked, changing the subject.

  The Spinners had arranged to leave Dennis with the Bogden-Looples during their trip. Nipper promised to lock the Komodo dragon in his bedroom, along with two hundred nutrient-rich waffles.

  On Saturday, they drove to King Street Station to board the train to Chicago. Mr. Spinner carried the large suitcase that he shared with Mrs. Spinner.

  “I threw in an extra flashlight,” he told everyone. “Just in case of a lightbulb emergency.”

  “And I’ve got three days’ worth of snacks and card games for the trip,” Mrs. Spinner added, holding up a tote bag.

  Samantha saw the letters E-P-E on the side of the tote and tried to place what they meant.

  “This is from the Exotic Pet Expo,” said Mrs. Spinner. “Remember? Your father and I went to Tacoma a while ago? We left you and Nipper alone and—”

  “I remember it now, Mom,” she answered quickly.

  Samantha brought her own small bag, her purse with her glasses, and the trombone case. Nipper dragged an enormous duffel bag. Samantha didn’t say anything as she watched him struggle to stuff the oversized bag in the rack above his seat.

  “I decided to plan all of my outfits for the trip this time,” he told her.

  Samantha didn’t respond. She just looked at him—and his ridiculously huge bag.

  “Well, maybe I’m starting to sound like Buffy,” Nipper said.

  “I smell a lot of dishwasher detergent,” said Samantha.

  “There weren’t any more spices left in the house for clown seasoning,” he answered. “That’s all I had.”

  “How much did you bring?” she asked.

  Nipper held up a half-gallon plastic bag of sparkling blue powder.

  “Okay,” she said. “That might actually be helpful.”

  The train started moving and they took their seats.

  The Empire Builder set out through the Cascade Mountains, passed Spokane, Washington, and rolled through northern Idaho into Montana. Everyone agreed that Glacier National Park was one of the most beautiful places in the country.

  After western Montana, the land outside their windows flattened. Passing from Havre, Montana, to Fargo, North Dakota, they crossed the Great Plains and miles of wide-open prairies. As they approached Minneapolis–St. Paul, Minnesota, the views became more rugged, and more urban, too. By the time the Empire Builder moved through Wisconsin, cities, farms, and factories rolled by.
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  “Pay attention,” Samantha whispered to Nipper when they stopped at Wisconsin Dells. Suddenly, the train seemed crowded.

  “This ride is getting very odd,” said Mrs. Spinner. “I keep thinking I hear ducks quacking.”

  Nipper glanced at Samantha nervously.

  “I agree one hundred percent,” said Mr. Spinner. “On my way back from the dining car, I heard a man shouting, ‘A granola bar is not a super weapon,’ over and over again.”

  Samantha shot Nipper a look, too.

  “Then the angry man took off his top hat and pointed it at his friend,” their dad continued. “I think I saw a boxing glove come out of the hat and punch his friend in the face.”

  “How odd,” Mrs. Spinner repeated.

  “Everything gets odd when you add clowns,” Samantha whispered to Nipper.

  “Okay, Sam,” Nipper replied. “That is exactly something Uncle Paul would say.”

  Samantha smiled. She liked that she was learning from Uncle Paul. Then her smile faded a little. She didn’t like the idea of wearing flip-flops or rubber boots all day, every day.

  Aunt Penny waited for them outside the train station in New York City. She sat behind the wheel of a six-door stretch limo—bright purple, of course.

  “How on earth did you find this vehicle, Penelope?” Mrs. Spinner asked.

  “It was easy,” she answered. “You’ve just got to practice taking a closer look at things.”

  “Did you hear what she just said?” Samantha whispered to Nipper in the way, way back of the long car.

  Samantha looked way, way forward. Was Aunt Penny staring at Nipper in the rearview mirror? She had a worried expression.

  “Don’t trust N T,” Nipper said to Samantha.

  “Shhh,” she replied.

  Samantha had so many things on her mind. Worrying about Nipper worrying about their worried aunt couldn’t be one of them.

  When they arrived at Buffy’s sky castle, Aunt Penny offered to help Samantha carry her trombone case. Nipper handed her Samantha’s suitcase instead.

  “Don’t trust N T,” he whispered to Samantha.

  Nathaniel waved for Mr. and Mrs. Spinner to take the main elevator. Samantha could see he was working very hard to force a smile. When she and Nipper tried to follow, he held up a hand and stopped them. As soon as the elevator doors had closed, he scowled and led them down the hall to the loading dock.

  Nipper followed him into the freight elevator, dragging his enormous duffel bag behind him. It trapped Nathaniel in the elevator with him, leaving no more room for Samantha.

  “Yo…I mean, you…can take the main elevator,” Nathaniel called grouchily to Samantha. “Just this once.”

  As soon as she entered the apartment, Samantha rushed to the June shoe room. The vault door stood wide open. She leaned in and saw at least a thousand pairs of shoes. Other racks were piled high with handbags, hats, and scarves. She saw a tie-dye paint station and a motorized spin art wheel. But there was no sign of Uncle Paul.

  “It’s nice to see you’re finally getting interested in fashion,” said Buffy, walking up behind her.

  Buffy wore a shiny gold headdress. Samantha thought her sister looked like an Egyptian queen—in a kindergarten Halloween parade.

  “But these things are all mine,” said Buffy, pulling Samantha back into the hallway.

  She slammed the door and led Samantha out to the living room, where everyone was waiting.

  “I’m glad you’ve all demanded that I let you come to my play,” said Buffy.

  Samantha started to sigh heavily, but her sister snapped her fingers loudly.

  “Yes,” said Buffy. “It has been quite an adventure, but that licensed theater critic is wrong. Scarlett Hydrangea’s Secret of the Nile has survived for nine days of previews, and tomorrow is opening night.”

  “That’s wonderful, dear,” said Mrs. Spinner.

  “For the first night, I sent free tickets and private limos to all the fashion editors and boutique owners within one hundred and six miles of New York City,” explained Buffy. “They all got gift bags with glow-in-the-dark lipstick, electric Egyptian earrings, and fluorescent rainbow unicorn necklaces. It was a huge, shiny, sparkly, lit-up success!”

  “Interesting,” said Mr. Spinner.

  “Before the next night, I hosted a thirteen-course banquet, including steak-stuffed turkey, lobster pot pie, flan, a chocolate waterfall, designer burritos, and a make-your-own deep-fried ice cream sundae bar. Everyone was so stuffed after that enormous meal that they fell asleep during the performance—and they stayed for the whole show!”

  “Okay, not bad,” said Nipper.

  “Then I lined Broadway and Forty-Sixth Street with bouncy houses,” Buffy continued. “Everyone who came to play tumbled into theater seats without realizing it. It took six days until the authorities figured it out and hauled away all the inflatables.”

  Samantha had to admit that was kind of hilarious, but she didn’t say anything.

  “I made tonight free surfboard night,” said Buffy. “The theater will be packed, even though most of the audience is going to be wearing hideous wet suits.”

  “It will be a seaworthy night,” Nathaniel said, and nodded in agreement.

  “Tomorrow, show number ten, is my big opening night,” Buffy announced. “And it’s going to be sold out!”

  “How did you manage that?” asked Samantha.

  “It was easy,” said Buffy. “I bought all the tickets to every other play in town. I also reserved seats to every concert, dance recital, museum lecture, and poetry reading. If anyone wants to see a show in New York tomorrow, they have no choice: the only available tickets will be for Scarlett Hydrangea’s Secret of the Nile!”

  “That’s wonderful, dear,” said Mrs. Spinner. “Now let’s get some rest.”

  Beaming with pride, Buffy led them to their rooms.

  It turned out there was a fabulous guest suite on the second level of the apartment. Mr. and Mrs. Spinner moved into the suite, which had a double-triple king-sized bed, a private movie theater, a kitchen, a pool table, ten pinball machines, a swimming pool, a sauna, a steam room, exercise equipment, a robot massage chair, and an old-fashioned movie theater popcorn popper.

  “How come we didn’t see this amazing room before?” asked Samantha.

  “Sorry,” said Buffy. “The door was blocked by the Micronesian flag.”

  “Where did that giant blue thing go?” asked Nipper.

  “I ordered Nate to take it to the theater,” Buffy answered. “It clashed with several of the $167,000 rugs.”

  “I…I…,” said Nathaniel, “couldn’t fit it in a cab. I had to go a-carryin’ it for twenty blocks.”

  He made a slightly pained expression and rubbed his lower back.

  “A hoist…would have been useful,” he muttered.

  He reached down to touch his knee. Then he noticed Samantha and Nipper watching him and shot them an extremely pained expression. Both kids tried to look around, pretending not to notice.

  “Walk this way,” said Nathaniel, and stumbled to the escalator.

  Samantha and Nipper followed him to the stables on the apartment’s first level, but they were empty. The beds were gone.

  “Your sister used the mattresses to make a mermaid cave for the play,” Nathaniel said dryly.

  “What are we supposed to sleep on?” asked Nipper.

  Nathaniel pushed a stack of old newspapers into the room and began to tear them into strips. He made two huge piles of shredded paper.

  “This is a lot more comfortable than it looks,” said Nipper, sinking into one of the piles.

  Samantha stood watching as her brother shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep. She decided she might as well give it a try, too. She adjusted her pile of newspaper strips and hopped on top.

&nbs
p; Deep in the shredded paper, they both slept soundly through the night.

  In the morning, Mr. and Mrs. Spinner met them by the stables, ready to leave with them for Yankee Stadium. Even though Nipper wasn’t officially the owner of the team anymore, they seemed excited for him. After hearing him talk about it for months, they were all going to see the Yankees play baseball.

  “Aren’t you going to wear your team shirt and hat, dear?” Mrs. Spinner asked Nipper.

  “I forgot to pack them, Mom,” he answered.

  Samantha looked over at her brother’s giant duffel bag. He smiled at her and shrugged.

  “What about your matching pants and shoes, son?” Mr. Spinner asked.

  “I guess I should have planned my outfits for the trip more carefully,” said Nipper. “Whoopsy, look at the time.”

  He led them all down the hall and into the elevator.

  Before the elevator doors could close, Buffy reached in and held them open.

  “You’ll all be at the show tonight, won’t you?” she asked.

  The elevator doors beeped, trying to close.

  “It’s my big night, and you won’t want to miss it,” she said.

  “That’s why we’re all here, dear,” said Mrs. Spinner.

  Samantha didn’t say anything. She definitely was not there to see her sister sing, dance, or do whatever secret Nile things she was planning to do.

  “Fine,” said Buffy. “Don’t be late.”

  She let go of the doors and they slid shut.

  The Spinners headed uptown. Samantha kept her sunglasses in her purse and carried the umbrella without the trombone case. Before they entered the subway, she raised the umbrella over her head, opening and closing it several times.

  “I’m sure there’s a point to what you’re doing, dear,” said her mother.

  They rode the subway uptown. As soon as they exited the station, Samantha raised the umbrella over her head and opened it again.

  “Come on, Sam,” said Nipper. “My Yankees need me.”

  She closed the umbrella, looked around, and followed the family to their seats in the stadium to watch the Yankees face the Boston Red Sox.