Never Back Down

by Susan Harris

  Erika had covered her face with her hands, causing Loki to grin wider at his woman’s cheeks, flushed from their kiss. And, when had that changed, his claiming of her as his own? Perhaps she had been his from the first moment their eyes had met in Valhalla. It took until now to realize he never wanted to let her go.

  “Because once you love, and love with all your heart, you will not come back from it.”

  The medicine woman’s words clanged around in his head, but he ignored them. He was not sure if he could love, but if what he felt when Frigg kissed his forehead, read him stories, and listened to his tales, was love, then the same feeling punched his heart whenever he laid eyes on Erika.

  “I felt that Erika was hurt and came to find her. I was not expecting to find her in your bed.”

  “It’s not what you think,” Erika whispered, and Loki could feel the progress he’d made with his general slipping from his fingers. It made him angry that she seemed ashamed of her feelings for him, because of her loyalty to Ever.

  “It’s exactly as you think. Erika was hurt, and I brought her here to watch over her. How was your little jaunt? Did you enjoy running away like a coward?”

  Ever sucked in a breath, and Loki despised himself a little for putting the hurt look on his sister’s face. But Erika needed to have someone fight for her, and he wanted to be man enough to do that.

  She put a hand on his arm to stop him. Turning back to Ever, Erika’s warrior mask now firmly in place, she said. “So you’re back then?”

  “I am.”

  Erika glanced at the clock and scrambled from the bed, letting out a slew of swear words as she put weight on her leg, healed thanks to her Valkyrie blood, but still tender. She put her hands on her hips and asked. “Loki, where are my clothes?”

  He held her gaze, his blood heating. “I had to cut you out of them since your leg was crushed and your shoulder was dislocated. Keep the t-shirt. It looks good on you.”

  Her eyeroll should not be sexy, but to him, it was.

  “I need to get back to the arena.”

  Loki jack-knifed off the bed. “You can’t be serious. You almost died.”

  Erika shrugged, infuriating him. “We call that Tuesday in Valkyrie terms.”

  “Erika,” Ever said. “Loki’s right. You can stop with the fights now.”

  Erika snorted. “Oh thank you, your royal highness, for your permission not to fight. Did you ever consider I might like to fight? It makes me feel more useful than babysitting your ass and then having you run off.”

  Loki felt her summoning her ability to flash and said, “Erika.” When she turned to him, he let his intentions show in his eyes. “To be continued.”

  “Dream on, babe.”

  She vanished from his sight, and he turned his attention to Ever, who stood looking at him, her arms folded across her chest. “She’ll get herself killed.”

  “I do not think she would mind at this point in time.”

  “What are you doing with her, Loki?”

  Loki perched on the edge of the bed. “I’m trying to convince her that she can have a life beyond this blinkered idea she has that her life is only designed to shield you. Do you even know her? Or have you spent all of your lives only thinking of what she can do to aid you?”

  Ever blinked, surprised at the venom in his words. Truthfully, he was taken aback also, as he had never spoken to Ever like that before. Realization flashed in Ever’s eyes and she gasped. “Oh wow, you love her, don’t you?”

  He made to deny it, deny the emotions that he’d felt for a millennia. But if he was to pursue Erika and pursue her in truth, he had to be honest with everyone, especially himself.

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Not before,” Ever said with a shake of her head. “Before I thought you wanted her because she said no. But now, now I see it. Your eyes soften when you speak of her.”

  Loki sighed, resigned to his fate. He needed Erika like his next breath. All he had to do was prove that he was worthy of her, and that this blind devotion to Ever was not all that Erika was.

  Piece of cake, right?

  Punching his fist into the wall, the berserker raged at the missed opportunity to slay the Valkyrie, her body broken and ready for the pickings. That interfering bastard, Loki, had appeared and taken his spoils.

  Had he known that Loki, forgotten son of Jötunheimr, had a special interest in the little bitch general, then he would have sated his bloodlust many times over, not waiting for permission to rip her apart.

  Now he would wait for his chance. Felix told him he could have her after her next fight and do with her as he pleased, as long as he did it in front of a packed house.

  He would rip her limb from limb while that bastard watched, powerless to do anything else.

  And he would avenge his master once and for all.

  Donnie

  Donnie felt it the moment Caitlyn slipped from their bed, listening as his mate softly made her way across the wooden floor, the pad of her feet barely audible in the silence of the day. Caitlyn didn’t even close the door fully, in case the sound would alert him and cause another awkward conversation.

  Ever since Kenzie had taken the head of the monster who made her, Caitlyn fell back into old habits, putting an impenetrable wall between her and any emotion that terrified her. The bond between them, the fragile thread that tied them together through blood and spirit, it made him want to touch her constantly. Hell, he’d wanted to do that before. Yet now, when he reached out to tease a curl between her fingers, he goddamn hesitated.

  Nightmares still tormented her, and they leaked inside his mind through the bond, but the dreams had shifted, bringing Cain back from the ashes and ripping apart Caitlyn’s new family. Even though the bastard was dead, his presence still lingered, at least in her mind.

  Donnie had studied Caitlyn as she observed Kenzie. The girl easily smiled and had injected herself into their lives as if she always had been a part of them. The way the former vampire hunter and Melanie had befriended each other was impressive, but then again, Melanie had a way of making everyone at ease.

  Pillowing his hands behind his head, Donnie let out a frustrated sigh, trying to stop himself from following Caitlyn and blurting out his frustration. He was not such an insensitive ass that he wouldn’t allow the woman he loved her time to adjust, he just wished Cait would let him help her.

  Closing his eyes, he cast his mind back to the night they were meant to leave for their little honeymoon, but she refused to go.

  “What do you mean you don’t want to go?”

  Donnie tried to mask the anger in his voice, but hell, his trigger seemed to be minimal right now, which according to anyone he asked was another symptom of his new bond.

  With an exasperated sigh, Caitlyn schooled her features before replying. “I did not say that I did not want to go, Donald. I simply stated perhaps it would be best to wait until Kenzie is more settled, and the team is more stable.”

  He clenched and unclenched his fists, unable to stop the growl in his throat. “Our team has never been stable. That’s why we work. Goddamn it, Cait. We deserve this. We earned it.”

  He took a step toward her, and she took one back, and white rage enveloped him. “You really think I would hit you? Because you turned me down? You really don’t know me at all, do you?”

  Caitlyn blinked in surprise, seemingly unaware of what she had just done. He closed his eyes and began to count to ten in his mind. He could smell her scent, and it lashed at all of his vampire tendencies. He sensed her coming to stand by him, felt her fingers tentatively touch his chest, and he shuddered.

  “I am sorry.”

  Her other hand came to rest on his bicep, and Donnie’s eyes sprang open, red blurring his vision, his fangs elongating at her proximity. A snarl loosened from his lips, but he clamped his mouth shut mid snarl.

  He couldn’t think when she was near. It was like the resolve he’d built up for the last twenty years had gone up in a puf
f of smoke, and he was a randy new-born vampire again, dry humping her in the dirt.

  “When I asked you to delay, it was not because I did not want to go. I simply did not want to leave Kenzie so soon, when she has just come home. And perhaps leaving Ricky to his own devices is not such a good idea. We will have time together, I promise.”

  Donnie heard the sincerity in her voice, yet that niggling doubt held firm in his gut. Had she only mated with him to have an out with Cain? Would she have done anything to be free of Cain?

  Suddenly, he stepped out of her grasp, and her gunmetal eyes opened wide. Turning away from her, his shoulders hunched while he struggled to remain in control.

  “I need to go,” he all but growled, yet made no move to do so.

  Caitlyn’s hand pressed against his back, and he shuddered. “Don’t,” he croaked out.

  “Pardon?”

  “Please don’t touch me, Cait. I’m barely holding on here. You touch me, and I’m gonna be inside you, and we can’t sort through this. If you are not going to be with me, if you need to break this bond, and me with it, then please don’t touch me. Because when I mated with you, I told you I wanted all of you. I can’t go back to having bits of you. I can’t.”

  He had forced his feet to move, shuffling from the bedroom. He bypassed his own room, knowing that she would not go back to sleeping in her own bedroom, waiting until their new home was complete. Donnie went into one of the spare rooms, furthest away from anyone. He’d made it two steps into the room before his fist punched the wall, cracking the skin on his knuckles, blood seeping from the wound.

  Time seemed to stand still as he took his frustration out on the bedroom, smashing furniture and ripping shit apart. He tossed the bed against the wall, heard the wood splinter. Pictures were dislodged from the walls, glass shattered. When he stopped his rage, he peered around at the destruction and groaned.

  Sliding down the wall, he sat staring at the blood staining his hands. Heartbeats seemed to pass before a small rap came at the door, and his little sister popped her head in the door.

  “You done hulking out?”

  Donnie scowled and shrugged his shoulders. Melanie came inside and closed the door behind her, before coming to sit down beside him, resting her head against his shoulder. They remained silent for a good while before he felt her tense.

  “I shouldn’t be sitting with you like this, should I?”

  “Why not?” Donnie asked.

  “Don’t newly mated vampires get territorial over their mates?”

  He let loose a snort. “Cait wouldn’t care. Besides, it’s only you.”

  Melanie nudged his shoulder. “Gee, thanks. You really know how to make a girl feel special.”

  “Yeah, I’m a pro at that these days.”

  “Will you guys be okay?” He heard the quiver in her voice, and he wanted so much to reassure her, to tell her that they would be fine, but any words he spoke now would be a lie. Because right now, he wasn’t sure.

  She heard the answer in his silence; however, she chose not to press him. “When I first started working with you guys, when I was terribly human, I was totally in awe of you two. No one told me just how tragic Caitlyn’s story was, but you stood by her, like a pillar of strength. You remember that case where young supes were being trafficked into Cork?”

  Donnie nodded as Melanie went on. “I had never seen Caitlyn lose her shit like that; she ripped that guys arm off without batting an eye. I watched the whole video, and do you know what I saw? Nobody could calm her down. Not Sarge, not Ricky, not even Derek, but you, the instant you said her name, she stilled. She was blinded by rage because of what was done to her, what she had gone through, and you said her name and that was it.”

  He could sense Caitlyn listening by the door, but Melanie continued. “I knew then that you guys would make it happen. For a brief second on that video, Caitlyn heard your voice and she got this look. It’s the way Derek looks at Ever, the way Sarge looks at Anna.”

  “The way Ricky looks at you… I still wanna break his legs for that.”

  “Anyways… moving on. It’s an adjustment. Things have changed dramatically in such a small amount of time. Hulk out all you want, but remember how far you’ve come. This–whatever it is–will pass.”

  He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug. “When did you get so wise, little sister?”

  “I was always wise; you guys just listen to me more now that I’m dead.”

  Donnie had laughed at Melanie’s joke and felt Caitlyn stride away from the door. She’d barely touched him since that night, so sleeping beside her was agony. But he supposed that he had asked that of her, and she had only complied. She still responded to his touch when he could not fight the desire to graze her cheek with his knuckles or twirl a curl in his fingers. They slept beside each other every night, but they might as well be sleeping alone.

  Throwing off the covers, Donnie pulled on some pyjama pants in case any of the girls happened to wander through the halls. Walking barefooted, he followed the pull of the bond that led him to Caitlyn. He felt her sadness when he paused in the doorway leading into the living room. His mate stood by the patio door looking out at the sunset.

  Wanting to stride over, wrap his arms around her waist from behind, and press his lips to the side of her throat, Donnie folded his arms across his chest to hold off the compulsion. The sun was a deep shade of orange as it finalized its decent, the glow shimmering across the darkened sky as night began to take hold. The light caught the fairness of Caitlyn’s complexion, her grey eyes almost ethereal in the reflection.

  “Did I wake you?”

  Caitlyn’s words were a low murmur, the first words she had spoken to him directly in a few days. Donnie needed to be blunt and find out how to fix this broken link between them.

  “I’ve never slept well when you’re not beside me, even before we mated.”

  Turning her face in his direction, she gave him a small smile. “You always had a way with words, Donnie.”

  Donnie shook his head, taking a step into the room. “Nah, never been good with words, but the truth, I’m good at that.”

  He crossed the room and plonked down on the sofa, resting his arms on the back, feeling a smug sense of satisfaction as her eyes lingered on his bare chest. His fingers gripped the ends of the sofa hard. Thoughts of Caitlyn being very naked crept into his mind, and he cleared his throat, trying to remember that he had things to say.

  “Hey, can we talk?”

  She instantly stiffened, but came to perch on the end of the sofa beside him. Slipping an arm around her waist, he yanked her into his lap. She let loose a squeal of surprise. He rested a hand on her hip, another on the small of her back. Instantly, her hands went to his chest and he shivered. Her fingers danced over the plains of his chest, a small grin playing with her full lips.

  He opened his mouth to speak, but Caitlyn silenced him by pressing her lips against his. She nipped on his bottom lip, and Donnie’s hand snaked around her neck as they lost themselves in the kiss, a frenzied clash of teeth and tongue. The objectives fogged from his mind as she slid her delicate little fingers inside the waistband of his pyjama pants and wrapped her hand around him.

  He jerked at the sensation of it, and his mouth latched onto Caitlyn’s shoulder, his fangs pressing softly against her flesh. At the sound of her gasp, he knew he needed to intervene. If she continued to stroke him like she was, then another day would go by and they would slip back into a tension-filled relationship.

  “Cait, stop, we need to talk. I can’t think with your fingers on my cock.”

  She instantly halted her movements, but the devil woman left her hand where it was. He kissed the side of her throat and then said, “I’ve been doing some research. There’s this agency in America that deals with supernatural couples who can’t have kids. I think we should go talk to them.”

  Caitlyn jerked back in surprise. She removed her hand from his pants and tried to shift
off his lap. Subtle as a sledgehammer, he was.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I see how you are with Zach. I watched pure joy light up your features as you played with him. I supposed it’s not something we talked about before… kids. Things are different than they were years ago. We could adopt a child who grew up like me and give him or her a good home. What do you think?”

  Caitlyn was up and out of his lap in breakneck speed. “Are you fucking insane? What makes you think I want to adopt a child? You think I can replace the ones I lost that easily? How dare you! How fucking dare you?

  She rarely swore, and he couldn’t figure out what he had done to make her so mad. “I wasn’t suggesting you replace anyone, Caitlyn. Those are your words. I’m trying to figure out what will make you happy. I’m drowning here and looking for a lifeline. Seeing how happy you were with Zach, I wanted to make you that happy again, because you certainly aren’t happy with me.”

  Caitlyn’s features turned vicious, but before she could speak, a blood-curdling scream ripped through the house from Melanie’s room.

  Donnie was on his feet and down the hall between one second and the next, Caitlyn hot on his heels. He nearly ripped the door off the hinges as he stormed into Melanie’s room ready to make someone bloody.

  His eyes fell on Melanie, standing on her bed, clutching at her stomach, her clothing ripped from her, leaving her in nothing but her briefs. Clawing at her stomach, she screamed again. Donnie made to reach for her, but Caitlyn’s hand on his arm halted him.

  “She is lost in her nightmare, unaware what is real and what is not. Grabbing her may only make it worse,” Caitlyn whispered, a haunted look in her own eyes.

  Donnie inched closer as Melanie began to beg. “Please, please don’t kill me. You don’t have to do this. Please, Stephen. Please.”

  Melanie screamed again and sank to her knees, tears streaming down her face. Donnie looked at Caitlyn, helpless to assist his sister. Caitlyn crouched on the bed, her eyes bleeding to red, and spoke in a tone that nearly brought him to his knees also.