Riptide (A Renegades Novel)

by Skye Jordan

  “That’s not what I heard. I’ve been completely honest with you. I told you the truth when I could have lied. I stayed when I could have left. I fostered a relationship between you and Sophia when I could have built a wall. I’ve given you my very best—all my patience. All my experience. All my trust, my hope, my belief.” And all my love. “All while you were getting advice from your friends and consulting a lawyer.”

  The hurt of his betrayal throbbed beneath a hard, numb shell. “How do you think it makes me feel knowing everyone at dinner tonight knew what was happening? And knew I didn’t have the first clue? None of them were sincere. This was all just…an act. God, I’m such an idiot. Of course it was an act. You all live in Hollywood, what else would it be? Everything that’s happened between us—it was manipulation to get what you wanted in the end. All your friends—they pretended to be genuine.”

  “No.” His adamant bark didn’t faze her. But when he caught up with her and wrapped his warm hands around her biceps, tears burned her eyes. “Tessa, I care about you. I want you and Sophia. But you have to admit, you haven’t been exactly eager to find middle ground.”

  “Middle ground doesn’t happen overnight. Middle ground is finding something that works best for Sophia, not for you or me. And it may have to come when she’s older, when she has the emotional ability to handle things. You find middle ground by working things out together, looking at options, searching for alternatives, communicating. What the hell do you think we’ve been doing?”

  He rubbed his eyes with both hands, paced in a circle. “You’re leaving in a couple of days. I was…” He faced her. “I’m scared. I don’t want to lose you.”

  No. Tessa was just a means to an end. That was all she was to anyone. For Corinne, she was a substitute mother. To her clients, she was a path to creating law out of ideas. And to Zach, she was a convenient lay while he manipulated Sophia away from her.

  “You don’t want to lose Sophia.” She pulled her lips between her teeth, biting down hard to stem the tears before she met his eyes again. “And you won’t. We’ll set up reasonable visitation. If I need to take time off work to bring her here while you’re filming, I’ll find a way to do that at least once during the season so you won’t have to go months without seeing her. You’re welcome to Skype and call her whenever you want.”

  “I want more than that, Tessa.” He closed in and gripped her biceps. “I want you.”

  She sputtered a disheartened laugh. “No, you don’t. The only reason you’re saying that is because you know Sophia and I come as a package deal. You want all or nothing. That lawyer of yours isn’t stupid. She read you, she read the situation, and she positioned you for the kill.” She poked his chest with one rigid finger. “Next time you talk to her, ask her if she’s got kids of her own. I’ll bet you your first paycheck as a television star that she doesn’t. Because when it comes to kids, there is no all-or-nothing. Everything is a fucking negotiation. A goddamned moment-by-moment battle over minutiae. A day-by-day, hour-by-hour, moment-by-moment work of art—all in infinite shades of gray. There is no sanity or stability in trading a child between parents on opposite sides of the continent every few months. And there sure as hell is no pulling a child from one parent to live with the other just because she’s starting kindergarten, and expecting everyone’s life to be all ribbons and flowers.”

  “Those were her words,” Zach said. “Not mine. I just want to be her father, Tessa. And I want to do it with you.”

  “You will be a father to her. A damn fine one, I have no doubt.” Tessa’s throat tightened with emotion. She’d experienced enough deception. “But not with me.”

  Pulling out of his grasp felt like a rip in her heart. She turned away from him and moved to the door. Once she’d forced herself to open it, she stood back, inviting him to leave. “I’ll call you before we leave so you can say good-bye to Sophia. That will give you a few days to figure out your schedule and tell her when you’ll see her again.”

  20

  Zach peered through the back window of the Uber. “Wow, she has way better taste in places to live than me.”

  “It has nothing to do with taste,” his driver said. “It has everything to do with affordability.” He put the car in Park and looked over his shoulder at Zach. An Ethiopian immigrant, he had dark, dark skin, a long, thin face, and a warm smile. “And if she lives in this neighborhood, you might want to put a ring on her finger.”

  Zach laughed. He’d figured out the ring part about forty-eight hours after she’d left Hawaii. As far as money went, she certainly had way more money than Zach did. So he was happy to discover that questionable rentals and nice rentals could be found so close together in DC, because he now lived only about two miles away. Hell of a lot better than almost five thousand miles. Though, he had to admit, his job and surfing prospects sucked. Majorly.

  “One step at a time,” he murmured to himself, then told the driver, “Thanks, man.”

  He stood on the sidewalk and looked up at the brownstone, a clean, sandy-colored stone building with arched windows and ornate decorative detail. It was…impressive. And he was feeling pretty puny at the moment. Especially when his brother worked as a big shot in the Capitol building at his back.

  But, damn, it was fucking cold here. “DC in winter is not going to be a fun experience.”

  Unless he could take Sophia sledding and teach her to throw snowballs. She was plenty old enough to get on a snowboard, and judging by her surfing ability, she’d probably be a killer snowboarder.

  He had to stay positive.

  The wrought iron gate barely reached his knees, and he opened it with a chuckle. “Must not have grown them tall back in the nineteenth century.”

  As soon as he stood at the front door, Zach’s humor died and nerves took its place. He pulled in a deep breath and prepared to get hammered. It had only been a few weeks, but he hadn’t spoken with her since he’d said good-bye in Maui. She’d texted him only once—with her attorney’s information. She didn’t answer his calls during the day, and she wasn’t returning his voice mails. Either Abby or Sophia answered Tessa’s phone in the evening. Even when he asked Sophia if he could talk to Tessa, their daughter had recited the “she’s busy” script. When he emailed Tessa, he got polite responses that contained information only about Sophia’s activities, school schedule, and possible dates he could see his daughter. Something he had no doubt she’d have Abby facilitate if he didn’t take steps to change that.

  So here he was, ready to get gut punched. Not altogether undeserved, but he still wasn’t looking forward to it. He was fully prepared to wait on her doorstep if she wasn’t home, but her firm said she wasn’t at work when he called, so he hoped… Well, he hoped she wasn’t having the receptionist lie to him too. If that was the case, Zach’s ass would go numb waiting on these concrete steps.

  The front door was glass framed in wood. Beyond the glass, Zach saw a hallway on the right and a staircase on the left, leading up, but that was it.

  “Here goes nothin’.” He lifted his hand to knock, but paused when he saw three mailboxes to his right—for units A, B, and C. Oh, shit. It was a brownstone housing three different apartments.

  He’d memorized her address, but had forgotten about a unit number, and there were no names on the boxes. Crap. Now what? He pulled out his phone to check his phone for the email with that information when a man came down the set of interior stairs to exit.

  Zach stood aside, said hello to the man, then asked, “I’m here for Tessa Drake?”

  “And you are?” he asked, protective.

  “I’m Sophia’s dad.”

  His brows went up. “Really.” He stuck out his hand. “Well, put ’er here, man. She’s a great kid.”

  They shook. “Yeah, well, that’s got more to do with Tessa than me.”

  “Yeah. Haven’t seen you around before.”

  He nodded. “That’s going to change. I just moved to DC.”

  “Welcome, man. I
’m Jeff. Top apartment C. Tessa’s in unit A, at the end of the hall.”

  “Thanks.”

  His mouth quirked in a confused grin, and he looked at Zach a little funny.

  “What?” he asked.

  He shook his head. “Just trying to figure out why in the hell you let such a good thing go.” Then he shrugged and put up his hands before trotting down the rest of the steps. “Not my business. Good luck.”

  As Jeff walked down the street of fancy brownstones, Zach muttered, “Yeah. Still trying to figure that out myself.”

  He took a deep breath, rubbed his hands down the thighs of his jeans, and started down the hall. “Okay, Zach,” he muttered to himself, “don’t fuck this up, man.”

  At her door, he paused. He closed his eyes and flexed and clenched his hands as he tried to remember what the hell he was going to say to her. He’d planned it all out a dozen times, but suddenly, with his heart jumping and his stomach squeezing, he couldn’t remember a damn—

  The door opened, surprising Zach. Tessa held a black garbage bag and took a step toward the hall, stopping suddenly with a squeak of surprise before falling back. Her hand flew to her chest, and her eyes were wide and round.

  “Oh my God,” she breathed, dropping the hand at her chest. She focused on him, and a handful of emotions flashed across her face, ending in confusion. “Zach? What… Why… How… Is something wrong?”

  Her hair was up in a messy bun, her face naked without a stitch of makeup. She wore a hoodie sweatshirt and torn jeans, and, God, she’d never looked more beautiful. Zach had an overwhelming urge to step forward and scoop her up in his arms, but she’d made herself perfectly clear when she’d left, so he stayed put.

  “Not anymore.”

  “What does that mean?”

  He sighed. “Can I, um, come in?”

  “Oh.” She looked down and stepped aside, holding the door open. “Of course.”

  He stepped through the door and right into the living room. It was small, but the ceilings were high and the windows let in a lot of light. One wall had been dedicated to Sophia with bookshelves and toy bins. But when he turned his head to look around, all he saw were big brown boxes stacked everywhere.

  “What…?” He frowned at her. “You’re moving?”

  She tucked her hair behind one ear and crossed her arms. “Yeah.”

  Jesus Christ. He’d scoured every rental in the area to get as close to her as he could afford. But he swallowed his frustration. “Guess that means you got your promotion, huh?”

  She hesitated. “I did.”

  He smiled. “Congratulations. You deserve it. So, um, closer to work, huh? Is that like a few blocks? A few miles?”

  Her jaw shifted to the side. “Zach, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” She unfolded her arms, lifting them before she let them drop again. “I could have pulled Sophia from school to see you.”

  “Because I came to see you too. And I wanted to talk to you first. Alone.”

  Her lips pressed into a firm line, and her gaze drifted away. “I want to talk to you too. I wasn’t quite ready, but since you’re here…” She gestured to the sofa and started that way. “Take off your coat.”

  When she curled into the far corner, her stocking feet tucked under her, Zach slid out of his jacket and sat on the edge of the cushions. “Wow, it’s so good to see you. I’ve been watching the news on your veterans bill. It’s getting a lot of great press. Congratulations.”

  “Thank you.” Her smile was weak, her voice soft.

  He needed to clear the air between them. Needed to get the crap weighing on his heart out and find solid ground. So he heaved a sigh and dove in. “I need to apologize, Tessa. I handled the whole custody thing wrong. You’ve been amazing. Truly above reproach. You were right to put Sophia first. Her happiness and security should be our highest priority, and I realize stability is the best thing for her right now. I should have trusted you, and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to my gut on that. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the lawyer.”

  A little grin tipped her lips. “How long did you practice that?”

  He huffed a laugh and rubbed his face with both hands, groaning, “Since the day you left.” He dropped his hands and gave her a smirk. “It’s come a long way, but I still forgot half of what I wanted to say.”

  She laughed softly. “It’s really good to see you too.”

  Hope sparked. That was good, right? “I’m sort of anxious to know where you’re moving. Is it another apartment like this? Or a building? It would be nice for Sophia to have a yard, but in a building, she’d have a pool, and, hell, they run everywhere anyway, right? They don’t need grass to do that.”

  She was smiling. Better yet, she was giving him that look. The soft one. The one that told him she still cared. But he wasn’t sure how to span the distance between here and there. And he had to remind himself it would take time—if it happened at all. He hadn’t exactly given her a lot of reason to make that jump.

  “That’s a little bit of a long story.” She rested her elbow on the back of the sofa and leaned her head into her hand. “Why don’t you tell me about your stay first. How long will you be here?”

  “Yeah…that.” He exhaled. Nodded. “This last few weeks has been… Screw it, I’m just going to say it. I’m here as long as you and Sophia are here. I can’t stand being without you. I keep finding myself turning to tell you something, and you’re not there. I look for your face in the crowd. Every time I hear a little kid laugh, my heart skips.” Her smile vanished. Her lips parted in surprise. Not the response he’d been dreaming of, but he pushed forward. “I don’t want to be without either of you, and I understand why you have to be here, so I’m here.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean as long as I’m here?”

  He shrugged. “As long as you keep writing law and can’t live anywhere else. Hey, I don’t know if you hired movers yet, but I can totally save you some money and get you into your new place. I haven’t started looking for a job yet. Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m qualified to do around here, but my apartment is cheap, so I can float on savings for a few months.”

  Her head tilted. “Your apartment?”

  “Yeah, you know, an apartment. A place with four walls and a bed?”

  “You rented an apartment?”

  He shrugged. “Need a place to sleep. Seemed like a logical thing to do.”

  “Don’t you have some cop school to go to? Don’t you have to learn to hold a gun and flash your badge and all that other cop stuff you do on the show?”

  “Uh, nope.” He scratched at his temple with a huff of dry laughter. “I, um, didn’t take the part.”

  Her eyes flew wide. “What? Why not?”

  He shrugged, ignoring the sickening feeling he got every time he thought of this awkward new phase of his life—no job, no surfing. At least he had purpose. “I don’t want to be that far away from you. And I don’t want to miss any more of Sophia’s life than I absolutely have to. I didn’t absolutely have to take the part…so…here I am.”

  “Are you saying you moved here?” she asked, her voice rose with panic. “Without telling me?”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa.” He sat back with alarms ringing in his head. “I’m not stalking you or anything. I mean, I’d really like to spend time with you, but I’m not going to force anything. And it would have been a little hard to tell you when you wouldn’t talk to me.”

  Tears filled her eyes, and she lowered her head.

  What in the fuck just happened? Jesus, he was screwing this up big-time. His hopes vanished, and his heart felt heavy again. “Look, we can have Abby run interference if you really don’t want to see me.” He pressed his hands to his thighs and stood, feeling like the biggest loser on the planet. “I’ll give you some space. Just call me when you’re ready to—”

  “No, no.” She reached for his hand. “Don’t go.”

  When he looked at her again, tears streaked her cheeks,
and Zach’s heart broke. He pulled away. “I don’t want to hurt you or stress you out or scare you. You’ve dealt with enough already.” He started for the door. “Maybe, with time, we can find a way to be friends again. I’m not going anywhere—”

  Her hand slapped against the door at his shoulder, keeping him from opening it. “Stop, Zach.”

  She pressed her face against his bicep and closed her eyes. Then the front of her body leaned against the back of his—and stole his breath. The hunger that washed through him nearly buckled his knees. To keep from reaching for her, he pressed his eyes closed and tightened his hand around the doorknob.

  “Zach…” Her voice was soft and a little breathless. “I’m not moving closer to work.”

  “What?” Fear zinged over his ribs. He released the door and turned toward her. “Where are you going?”

  She didn’t answer right away. Her pretty eyes scanned his face for long moments before she leaned into him. The feel of her warm, slim form pushed the air from his lungs, and Zach groaned.

  “Don’t do that, baby,” he whispered. “I feel like I haven’t touched you in a fucking year.”

  “I know.” Instead of moving away, she pushed up on her toes, slid her body along his, and kissed him.

  Another sound ebbed from his throat—surprise, relief, hunger. He wrapped his arms around her so tight, he lifted her off the floor and kissed her back. Her mouth was soft and warm, but the current humming through him was created by the feel of her wanting him—with more than her body. He cradled her head and slanted his mouth over hers, hungry for the taste of her. She whimpered and opened, meeting his tongue with a passion equal to his own.

  Leaning against the door, he set her on her feet and brushed her hair back with both hands. “I’ve fucking missed you. So bad.”

  She offered a teary-eyed nod and pulled his head down to kiss him again. In less than a minute, Zach was hard. His whole body ached for her. His heart pounded, thrilled at reconnecting. Then her hands slipped under his shirt and moved over his back.

  Zach clenched his teeth. “Oh God, Tessa.” He mirrored her movement, pushing her sweatshirt out of the way to feel her skin, and it was everything he remembered—soft and smooth and warm. Intoxicating. He barely kept himself from pulling her clothes off. “How long do we have? Where’s Sophia?”