The End of the World Club

by J; P Voelkel

  Max nodded. “Lola was the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.”

  “A bit less of the was, if you don’t mind, Hoop,” said Lola.

  She was sitting in an armchair in Uncle Ted’s hallway, reading a book.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Waiting for you, of course.”

  “Are you a ghost? I mean, I’m just asking; that’s fine if you are.”

  Lola stood up and held out her arms. “No, I’m not a ghost. And I’m sorry for what I put you through. It must have been awful. But it was the only way, Hoop. The Death Lords were never going to let us all walk out of there. Someone had to stay behind.”

  “But how did you get out?”

  “I’ll tell you everything. But first I need a hug. From all of you.”

  A quick embrace for Lucky Jim and a slow, sad waltz with Hermanjilio.

  “My turn, my turn,” demanded Max impatiently.

  And it wasn’t until he felt her living, breathing warmth that he finally believed she wasn’t dead.

  “Now tell me how you did it—”

  “Ah! Splendid! You’re here!” cried Uncle Ted, strolling down the hall. He looked around at everyone and beamed from ear to ear. “From what Lola tells me, you’ve had quite an adventure.” He ruffled Max’s hair. “I see you’ve ditched the Murphy red, Max! Maybe I’ll dye mine, too! But first things first. Are you hungry?”

  Max nodded.

  “Raul is planning a victory feast on the terrace. Does that sound good?”

  Max nodded. It sounded great.

  A victory feast. It made him feel like a Viking returning home from battle. He was giddy with triumph and relief and exhaustion. Never mind that the Death Lords possessed all five Jaguar Stones. Never mind that in a few months’ time, Ah Pukuh would take over the world. The world could take its chances. All that mattered was that the quest was over and that somehow Lola had escaped from under the Death Lords’ noses. And that was the only victory Max cared about right now.

  Uncle Ted gave a great bear hug to Lucky Jim, his foreman and trusted friend. Then he turned to Hermanjilio. “I’m so pleased to meet you at last, Professor Bol. I’ve heard so much about you from Lola.”

  Hermanjilio stared at him blankly, a fixed grin on his face.

  “I think he’s still in shock,” said Lola.

  “We all are,” said Max. “Are you going to tell us what happened?”

  “So—” began Lola, but Uncle Ted interrupted.

  “Excuse me,” he said, “but I have to ask Max to make a phone call first. I’m under strict instructions from Carla to put him on the line as soon as he walks through the door.”

  “I’ll call her later,” said Max. “I need to talk to Lola.”

  “No,” said Uncle Ted firmly. “Your mother has been worried sick about you. Just let her hear your voice, and then we can all relax.”

  “But—”

  “Call her.”

  She had good news for him. “Really, Mom? Your hair’s grown back? That’s great! And Dad’s botfly’s popped out? Cool! And the rainforest in the hallway is all gone? That’s awesome! It’s really over.…”

  Uncle Ted tapped him on the shoulder and made eating motions.

  “I have to go now, Mom, I’ll see you soon!”

  Max hung up. His arm was aching from holding the receiver and talking on the phone so long. And still he hadn’t told his parents the half of it. But he’d been glad to hear that the curse, or whatever it was, was lifted, and that life in Boston had gone back to normal.

  “Notice any changes since last time you were here?” asked Uncle Ted as he walked with his nephew down the hallway.

  Max looked around. Villa Isabella used to be so cheerless and intimidating, more like a fortress than a house. But now there were cozy touches everywhere: woven rugs on the cold, tiled floor; brightly striped pillows on the chairs; and vases of flowers on every surface.

  It was quite a transformation.

  Just a few short weeks ago, Uncle Ted had been a lonely, bitter, child-hating recluse, who dealt in bananas by day and smuggling by night. Now he was a reformed character, a man who loved life and family and good company. Before they’d flown out to Spain, Lola and the monkeys had been staying with him. Lola had even inspired Uncle Ted, a former art student, to stop smuggling Maya artifacts and take up his paintbrushes again.

  “It looks good,” said Max.

  “It’s all thanks to Lola,” said Uncle Ted.

  Max smiled to himself as he took his seat.

  Lola was safe.

  Lola was safe.

  Lola was safe.

  Except she wasn’t there.

  Max looked around in panic. “Where is she? Where’s Lola?”

  “It’s okay, Max,” Uncle Ted reassured him. “The doctor came to see Hermanjilio. She’s sitting with him. They won’t be long. And Lucky’s gone to visit his own family. So it’s just you and me for the moment.” He pulled out a chair. “Come, talk to me.”

  Still anxiously looking around for Lola, Max took a seat.

  There was a jug of fresh limeade on the table, and Uncle Ted poured out two glasses. “And how are things in Boston?” he asked.

  “Mom said she woke up this morning and the rain had stopped and she had a feeling that I was okay. She was very happy to hear from me, though.”

  “I’ll bet she was.”

  “Yeah. And just before I called, they’d had a call from Zia. Apparently, she’s in Portugal with the monkeys. She thought it was wise to get out of Spain, but Lord 6-Dog wasn’t well enough to get on an airplane. So she drove over the border to give him some time to recover; she’s bringing them home in a day or two.”

  Uncle Ted pricked up his ears. “What’s that? That madwoman who lives with you in Boston? She’s coming here?” He sounded appalled.

  “I thought you liked having company these days, Uncle Ted.”

  “It’s true that you and Lola changed my mind on that score, but I draw the line at—what do you call her?—Zia.”

  “Well, I’m looking forward to seeing her again,” said Max. “I still have so many questions for her.”

  Lola guided Hermanjilio out onto the terrace.

  He walked with a painful shuffle and he looked like a broken man.

  Lola helped him into a chair and placed a blanket around his shoulders. He was still clutching his gourd, and Lola watched sadly as he took a napkin from the table and made it into a little blanket for his beloved vegetable.

  “He calls it Lola,” she said, looking away and trying not to cry.

  “What did the doctor say?” asked Uncle Ted.

  “He gave him a vitamin shot to perk him up a bit, but he said Hermanjilio has been physically and mentally tortured. At this stage, it’s impossible to tell if the damage is permanent. He said to give it time.”

  “Well, you must both stay here for as long as it takes,” said Uncle Ted.

  Raul, Uncle Ted’s butler, burst through the terrace doors with a loaded tray. “I am sorry it took me so long, everyone, but I got used to Lady Coco helping me. I miss my little sous-chef so much.”

  Max remembered when Raul had first met the talking howler monkeys and how Lady Coco had won him over with her cashew-and-mango muffins.

  “She’ll be home soon, Raul,” he said, his stomach rumbling in delight as the butler set out platters of grilled fish, rice, avocados, tomatoes, corn, fried plantains, scrambled eggs, home-baked bread, honey cakes, and a huge bowl of fresh fruit salad.

  “So talk,” Max begged Lola when they’d filled their plates. “Tell me how you escaped from Xibalba.”

  “I was never in Xibalba, Hoop.”

  “But I saw you. We were together. We rode on the shark.”

  “That was someone who looked like me. A Maya girl in a black dress.”

  “Who … Who was she?”

  “Think, Hoop. Think hard.”

  “Tell me.”

  “You know her.”

  Ma
x’s eyes bugged out. “Not … Not … Princess Inez?”

  Lola nodded.

  “But how …? Why?” asked Max.

  “She wanted to help you. She guessed that the Death Lords would want a human sacrifice, so she came up with a way to trick them.”

  “But when did you two cook all this up?”

  “On the beach. She was there. You remember how I could see and hear the spirits of the dead, and you couldn’t? Well, it was Princess Inez who found the old rowboat for us. When we launched ourselves into the sea, she was in the boat with us. She helped us push Tzelek into the water. When the boat sank, I gave her the Yellow Jaguar and we swapped places. Then I swam back to the coast guard boat. They were still searching for Tzelek.”

  “Did they find him?”

  “No.”

  “How did you get back to San Xavier?”

  “Zia was waiting on the beach. She drove me to the airport and bought me a ticket, and here I am.”

  “It was terrible down there,” said Max, feeling slightly betrayed.

  “I’m sorry, Hoop, but Princess Inez knew what she was doing. It was the only way to get you all out alive.”

  “She said she loved me.”

  “She was probably talking to Rodrigo. She said you look just like him. Wait—you didn’t think that was me talking to you?”

  Max changed the subject. “Don’t you think it’s weird that I look like him and you look like her?”

  “That’s why the Death Lords brought us together. It was the only way they were ever going to get their hands on the Yellow Jaguar.”

  “Their plan worked.”

  “Maybe and maybe not. I mean, Princess Inez defended the Yellow Jaguar from the Landa family for five hundred years. Maybe she can fight off the Death Lords, too. At the very least, she’ll delay Ah Pukuh’s plans to destroy the world.”

  “But it’s just a matter of time,” said Max miserably.

  “Yeah,” said Lola.

  “Cheer up,” Uncle Ted told them. “You’re both here; you’re both safe; you’re freed from that ridiculous quest—that sounds like good news to me.”

  “But sooner or later, the Death Lords are going to take down Middleworld just for the fun of it.”

  “They have all five Jaguar Stones. There’s nothing we can do to stop them,” added Lola.

  Hermanjilio made a funny little snorting noise.

  “Are you all right?” Lola asked him solicitously. “Would you like some more limeade?”

  “What I’d like,” said Hermanjilio, “is for you two to stop whining.”

  Max and Lola looked at him in surprise.

  “I think the vitamin shot’s kicking in,” muttered Uncle Ted.

  “I know I’ve been a little out of things,” continued Hermanjilio, “but I haven’t lost all my faculties yet. And from where I’m sitting, you two sound like quitters. Are you telling me that you’re just going to sit back and let the Death Lords call the shots?”

  “There’s nothing we can do,” said Lola, sounding annoyed.

  “They have all five Jaguar Stones, remember?” said Max.

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” said Hermanjilio.

  “What—?” began Lola.

  “But—” began Max.

  “Why—?” began Uncle Ted.

  They all stopped talking, mouths gaping, eyes wide open, as Hermanjilio gently laid down his gourd, unwrapped its little blanket, unscrewed its little gourd lid, and extracted a Jaguar Stone of pure white alabaster.

  “The White Jaguar of Ixchel,” whispered Uncle Ted.

  “Hermanjilio,” said Lola, “what have you done?”

  “I stole it,” he said.

  Her face relaxed into a smile. “How?”

  “You’ll remember that when I landed in Xibalba, my brain was being occupied by Tzelek. When he left, I was pretty messed up. The Death Lords threw me in with the rest of the lunatics, and I took a therapy class in gourd carving. Turned out I had a knack for it. I’d had some time to study the White Jaguar when your parents brought it to Ixchel, so I carved a replica from memory. Just before you came down to Xibalba, I was able to swap it for the real thing. As far as I know, they haven’t noticed yet.”

  “Woo-hoo!” yelled Lola. “I’ve always said you’re a genius!”

  “This calls for a celebration!” cheered Uncle Ted. “Ice-cream sundaes all around!”

  Max said nothing.

  He was thinking.

  “Hoop?” said Lola. “Are you okay?”

  He stared at her, wild-eyed. “This changes everything.”

  “What are you thinking?”

  “It’s like a video game. You solve one quest and you go on to the next level. The quest to find the Yellow Jaguar may be over, but the game isn’t finished. 6-Death was a day of new beginnings, remember? There’s still everything to play for.”

  “The Death Lords will be angry when they discover that the White Jaguar is missing,” Uncle Ted pointed out.

  “And that Princess Inez is not me,” added Lola.

  “They’re going to come looking for us,” said Max, “and this time, we can make our own rules.”

  “Here we go again.” Lola groaned. “How much time do we have?”

  “Not long,” said Hermanjilio. “From what I overheard in Xibalba, they’re expecting Ah Pukuh to make his move pretty soon.”

  “So,” mused Max, “the End of the World Club will be happy.”

  “They’ll be the only ones,” said Lola.

  “Let’s just hope they’re not right,” said Uncle Ted glumly.

  “No chance!” yelled Max and Lola together.

  They looked at one another and burst out laughing.

  “We’re a good team, Monkey Girl,” said Max, as Raul brought out a tray of massive ice-cream sundaes, loaded with cherries, nuts, and chocolate chips.

  “Yes,” said Lola, “we are.”

  GLOSSARY

  AH PUKUH (awe pooh coo): God of violent and unnatural death, depicted in Maya art as a bloated, decomposing corpse or a cigar-smoking skeleton. His constant companions are dogs and owls, both considered omens of death. Ah Pukuh wears bells to warn people of his approach (possibly an unnecessary precaution, since one of his nicknames is Kisin, or “the flatulent one,” so you’d probably smell him coming, anyway).

  CHAHK (chalk): God of storms and warfare, Chahk was one of the oldest and most revered of the ancient Maya deities. He has two tusklike breath scrolls emitting from his mouth to convey his humid nature, bulging eyes, and a long, turned-up nose. Frogs were thought to be his heralds, because they croak before it rains. Just as the Norse god Thor carries Mjolnir, his enchanted hammer, so Chahk wields the god K’AWIIL as his fiery lightning ax.

  CHOCOLATE: Chemical analysis of drinking vessels has revealed that the Maya were drinking hot chocolate as far back as 500 BCE. Their version was a thick, rich, foamy drink flavored with honey, maize, or chili. They called it chokol ha, meaning “hot water.” The word cacao is also from the Maya word kakaw, and cacao beans were used as currency throughout Mesoamerica.

  CODEX (plural CODICES): Strictly speaking, any book with pages (as opposed to a scroll) is a codex, but the term is most closely associated with the books of the ancient Maya. Written and illustrated on long strips of bark paper or leather, folded accordion-style, these books painstakingly recorded Maya history, religion, mythology, astronomy, and agricultural cycles. All but three were destroyed during the SPANISH CONQUEST. (See DIEGO DE LANDA.)

  COSMIC CROCODILE: The two-headed Cosmic Crocodile, or Celestial Monster as it is also called, is a Maya representation of the MILKY WAY. Its two heads represent the duality of life and death, as the sun moves through the northern sky in the life-giving rainy season and through the southern sky in the dry season.

  GLYPHS: Short for hieroglyphs, this is the name given to more than eight hundred different signs used by the Maya to write their books and stone inscriptions. The Maya writing system incorporates signs for s
ounds and signs for whole words. It is considered to be the most sophisticated system ever developed in MESOAMERICA and did not begin to be decoded until the 1950s. It was the teenage son of an archaeologist who cracked the last piece of the puzzle in 1987. About 80 percent of the most common glyphs have now been deciphered.

  HERO TWINS: The twin brothers Xbalanke (shh ball on kay) and Hunahpu (who gnaw poo) are the main characters in the Maya creation story. Like their father and uncle before them, the twins are challenged to a ballgame in XIBALBA by the LORDS OF DEATH. But where their father and uncle died in the attempt, the twins outwit the Death Lords and take their places in the heavens as the sun and the moon. Their father is resurrected as Huun Ixim, the Maize God. The story of the Hero Twins is part of the Maya creation story, as told in the POPOL VUH.

  HOWLER MONKEYS: With an extra-large voice box that makes them the loudest land animals on the planet, howlers can hear each other up to three miles away. Only the blue whale, whose whistle carries for hundreds of miles underwater, is louder.

  ITZAMNA (eats um gnaw): Ruler of the heavens, lord of knowledge, lord of day and night, and all-around good guy. Itzamna gave his people the gifts of culture, writing, art, books, chronology, and the use of calendars. As a patron of healing and science, he can bring the dead back to life. With IXCHEL, he fathered the Bakabs. Itzamna is usually depicted as a toothless but sprightly old man.

  IXCHEL (each shell): Like most Maya deities, Lady Rainbow had multiple personalities. As the goddess of the old moon, she is depicted as an angry old woman with a coiled snake on her head, fingernails like claws, and a skirt decorated with human bones. In this guise, she vents her anger on mortals with floods and rainstorms. But as the goddess of the new moon, she is a beautiful young woman who reclines inside the crescent moon, holding her rabbit in her arms. Ixchel was the patroness of childbirth, medicine, and weaving.

  JAGUAR: Called bahlam by the ancient Maya who revered it for its hunting skills, the jaguar is the largest and most ferocious big cat in the Americas. Today, due to the fur trade and the destruction of its natural habitat, the jaguar is in danger of extinction.