Sophie's Dilemma

by Lauraine Snelling

  Sophie donned the coat, and while she could pull the two front pieces halfway around her, a belt would take care of that. ‘‘Do you have any scraps I can use for patches?’’ At home her mor always had leftover pieces from garments she’d make or good pieces left from a garment that had been so worn that what was left could only be patches.

  ‘‘Look in that basket over there. I throw all the odds and ends in that.’’ Mrs. Soderstrum tsked and shook her head. ‘‘Won’t be fashionable, but it should help keep you warm.’’

  After spending the afternoon and evening sewing torn seams and patching both elbows, along with sewing a new belt and mending the pockets, Sophie fell into bed and closed her weary eyes. ‘‘Ah, Hamre, maybe I should just stay here and take in sewing or something.’’ But she’d said she’d be at the cannery to work tomorrow. And she would keep her word.

  But you told Hamre you’d stay here. The little voice made her roll her lower lip over her teeth. Too bad. When she showed him her full pouch of money for his boat, he’d not bother to yell at her. And if he did, well, she’d deal with that when the time came.

  16

  ‘‘I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU,’’ Haakan said, his voice breaking.

  Ingeborg left off washing the dishes and came to stand behind him, resting her hands on his shoulders. ‘‘Would it help if you came with us?’’

  ‘‘I don’t know. How can I leave all the work here?’’

  ‘‘Andrew and Lars can handle it. You could visit machinery lots while you were there.’’ Perhaps that extra enticement would sway him. His shoulders felt as tight as hers. The thought of having him along painted her picture of the ordeal in lighter hues. Besides, Elizabeth would have baby Inga, and that baby loved her grandpa. The feeling was mutual. ‘‘And perhaps you could help with Inga.’’

  A smile tickled the edges of his eyes along with his mouth. ‘‘How long?’’

  ‘‘Two weeks if all goes well.’’

  ‘‘There is the rest of the plowing, and we were hoping to get some pasture fenced over to Andrew’s.’’

  ‘‘Ja, and Astrid could stay with either of her brothers or with Kaaren.’’ She could tell from the way his eyes narrowed that he was seriously contemplating the trip. She leaned forward, resting her cheek on the top of his head. ‘‘I would like you to come.’’ Her words fell softly in the evening stillness.

  Two days later the four of them boarded the train for Chicago.

  ‘‘You let us know how it all goes,’’ Thorliff made his wife promise.

  Ingeborg hugged Astrid one last time, both of them sniffing and mopping tears. ‘‘Don’t you go worrying now.’’

  ‘‘I won’t.’’ Astrid stepped back to Thorliff ’s side, her smile wobbling but still there.

  Ingeborg smiled at her son, who held his little daughter as if they were trying to snatch her away. She reached over and took the baby. ‘‘Now you two can say good-bye, and we’ll get us all settled.’’ Haakan helped her up the steps and followed with their two valises. Thorliff set two cases up on the top of the steps and turned back to his wife.

  Ingeborg watched through the window as Thorliff held Elizabeth close and said something to make her smile before handing her up the stairs. Ingeborg waved again to Astrid and blew her a kiss. The conductor’s call echoed, and the train wheels screeched and groaned as the engine drove them forward.

  Please, God, take care of all of them while we are gone, and you know how much I want to come back home here. Ingeborg sniffed and wiped her eyes, grateful that she was not leaving Haakan behind but had him right beside her. She heard him clear his throat. This was no easier on him than on her.

  Every time a worry tried to weasel its way into her mind, she repeated Fear not, for I am with thee, and Whatsoever things are true . . .whatsoever things are lovely . . . think on these things. The verses flowed through her mind and heart, calming both mind and spirit. If only her stomach were as agreeable. At least the bleeding had stopped again. One more thing to be thankful for.

  The train ride passed without fanfare. Inga’s happy grin enchanted a pigtailed little girl, along with a snow-crested dowager and the conductor, who made many more trips past them than seemed necessary. Caring for the baby helped take Ingeborg’s mind off the upcoming surgery, and her laughter poured joy into all of them.

  But the closer to Chicago the train drew, the more Ingeborg repeated her Bible verses—and strangled Haakan’s hand. Trust me. The voice in her heart kept time with the clacking wheels. Trust me. Will you trust me?

  Of course I trust you. And, Lord, you know I’m ready for heaven any time, but no offense, I would like a lot more time with my family here on earth.

  The views outside the window failed to hold her attention—or Haakan’s.

  She nearly gagged on the smells that assailed them when they dismounted from the train. Smoke and fuel, garbage and unwashed humanity. The noises made her want to clap her hands over her ears, setting her longing for the sigh of the breeze and the birdsongs of home. She stared at Elizabeth, who was waving at a man striding through the crowd, his top hat riding high above the shifting mass of humanity.

  Two days later Ingeborg floated up from the sea she’d been drifting in to find Haakan sleeping beside her bed, his chin on his chest, his right hand clasping hers even in slumber. So I am still alive on earth, not in heaven. The thought made her smile, at least inside. She squeezed his hand, her eyelids already fluttering closed.

  ‘‘Inge?’’ His voice brought her back.

  She nodded, or she hoped she did.

  ‘‘Oh, thank God. Thank you, Father.’’

  She could hear the tears in his voice. Had there been worry that she would go on to her heavenly home rather than return to this one? The thought slipped away before she could respond to it, and she drifted back down.

  ‘‘Ingeborg.’’

  She heard the voice. Ah yes, Elizabeth. ‘‘Ja.’’ Had she responded or not? She tried again, putting all her energy into it. ‘‘Ja.’’

  ‘‘Good. Haakan said you had been awake, but he didn’t want to wake me.’’

  ‘‘Ja.’’

  ‘‘You are doing well, very well. The surgery went so smoothly we can rejoice.’’

  Ingeborg nodded.

  ‘‘How do you feel?’’

  ‘‘Thirsty. . . . Tired. . . . Hurt.’’ The spaces between the words gave her time to think of the next.

  ‘‘That’s normal. You need to drink, but you’ll have to rise up so you don’t choke. It will hurt.’’

  Ingeborg braced herself as Elizabeth slid an arm behind her shoulders. But even she wasn’t prepared for the pain that sliced across her abdomen. She quit breathing and her eyes clamped shut, her fists strangling the sheets.

  ‘‘I know. It will get better,’’ Elizabeth promised, holding the cup to her mother-in-law’s lips. ‘‘Just sip for now. Good. Good.’’ She lowered Ingeborg down to the pillow and held her hand until she was breathing normally again. ‘‘When Haakan wakes up, I’ll tell him how well you are doing. He’s concerned that you’ve been sleeping so much.’’

  ‘‘How long?’’

  ‘‘Since the surgery?’’

  ‘‘Ja.’’

  ‘‘Thirty-six hours. I’ve kept you sedated so the pain would not be so severe.’’

  Dr. Morganstein joined Elizabeth at the bedside. She checked Ingeborg’s pulse with two fingers across the inside of her wrist. ‘‘You, my dear, are one strong woman.’’

  Ingeborg shook her head. ‘‘Not right now.’’ There. Her voice worked better.

  Both doctors chuckled, exchanging knowing looks.

  ‘‘We’ll have you sitting up by evening.’’ Dr. Morganstein smiled again and patted Ingeborg’s hand. ‘‘Most hospitals would have you lying flat for a week, but we have realized that the sooner one gets on her feet, the stronger she will be. There will be pain yet, but we will ease that as much as possible. If you have any questions, please don’t be afraid
to ask.’’

  Ingeborg glanced at Elizabeth. ‘‘Does she realize what she is offering?’’

  Elizabeth laughed. ‘‘Remember, she taught me. And I have told her all about the wonderful things you have done with such limited resources.’’

  ‘‘I want to know more about the herbs and things that you have used so remarkably,’’ Dr. Morganstein said.

  Really? Ingeborg looked from one to the other and started to say something, but a wave of such exhaustion swamped her that she blinked and drifted off.

  ‘‘You look beautiful,’’ Haakan said the next day, his smile deepening the creases around his eyes.

  ‘‘What day is it?’’ Ingeborg yawned and blinked herself fully awake. She shook her head at her husband. ‘‘Haakan, are you so tired you are not seeing straight?’’

  ‘‘Day four. And you have roses back on your cheeks. They’ve been gone for a long time.’’

  ‘‘Ah.’’ She tried to wet her lips, but her mouth failed to produce the needed moisture. ‘‘Could you help me sit up so I can drink?’’

  ‘‘Ja, that I could, but should you do that?’’

  ‘‘Ja, I should. I am to drink plenty. The doctor said so. Besides, I was sitting up yesterday for a short while.’’

  ‘‘Which doctor?’’

  ‘‘Both doctors.’’ She lifted her head and started to push with her arms, grateful when he slid his arm behind her and used the other to stuff a pillow against her back.

  ‘‘Another?’’

  ‘‘No, this is fine.’’ She hoped he’d not noticed her intake of breath at the shot of pain when she moved her hips. Besides, it had already abated. He held the cup for her, and she drank, more than a sip this time, the cool water soothing her throat and puddling in her belly. She could feel it all the way down.

  ‘‘You will have broth today and all the water you can drink so that you do not get any more dehydrated,’’ Elizabeth said as she joined Haakan at the bedside. ‘‘Let’s get you sitting even straighter, and after a while, you can dangle your feet over the edge of the bed.’’

  Ingeborg drank some more water and pushed against the mattress to sit up straighter. Easy words for those who didn’t have to do it.

  Dr. Morganstein and Elizabeth walked in together the next morning and stood on either side of Ingeborg, who was sitting on the edge of her bed with her feet hanging down. ‘‘All right, Ingeborg, the time has come.’’

  ‘‘Take our arms and we’ll put the other around you just in case you need more assistance.’’

  Ingeborg swallowed once and then again. Here she’d been thinking it was time to lie down again. Haakan was supposed to be bringing her knitting, but she might not get a lot done. ‘‘All right.’’ She locked her hand over Elizabeth’s forearm and then did the same with Dr. Morgan-stein. As they lifted, she slid forward, slightly hampered by the bandages around her lower abdomen. The pain accelerated no matter how carefully she moved. When her feet finally met with the floor, she closed her eyes to stop the walls from swirling.

  ‘‘Lightheaded?’’

  She nodded, but that wasn’t an especially good idea either. Clamping her jaw, she sucked in a deep breath, held it, and let it out slowly. She could feel the sweat trickling down her back under the bandages. Oh, for a bath, or at least a good wash.

  ‘‘Better or worse?’’

  ‘‘Not good.’’

  ‘‘You want to sit down again?’’

  ‘‘No. Then I’d have to get up.’’

  Elizabeth made a slight snort of agreement. ‘‘We can do this later.’’

  ‘‘No. Let’s get it over with.’’

  ‘‘Then put that right foot out and walk forward. We’re not doing any races here. Just to the chair for today. Then you can rest while the nurse changes your bed.’’

  Four steps and they helped her turn and sit down.

  ‘‘Mange takk. I feel like I walked to Blessing and back home five times, carrying a full wheel of my cheese.’’

  ‘‘So what did you do with my wife?’’ Haakan asked from the doorway.

  ‘‘I’m here.’’ Ingeborg peered around Elizabeth.

  Two nurses entered the room, greeted the doctors, and smiled at the others.

  ‘‘Beginning to feel like a convention in here,’’ one said.

  ‘‘Dr. Morganstein, there is a woman waiting for you in your office,’’ said the other.

  ‘‘Excuse me. You did well, Mrs. Bjorklund.’’ Dr. Morganstein squeezed Ingeborg’s hand and turned to leave.

  After the doctor left, Ingeborg leaned into Haakan’s hand that now clasped her shoulder. I want to go home. Surely I would get well more quickly there. When the nurses finished making up her bed, Haakan helped her stand and half carried her back to it. Once she was lying down again, she let out a sigh of relief. Tomorrow she would go twice as far.

  ‘‘See, all your worrying was for naught.’’ She laid her cheek on the back of Haakan’s hand.

  ‘‘No, it wasn’t. It made me pray all the more.’’ He dragged the chair over to her bedside and sat down, immediately picking up her hand again.

  Such wisdom this man had.

  ‘‘I have something for you,’’ he said, laying a package in her hands.

  ‘‘What?’’

  ‘‘Open it.’’

  Ingeborg untied the string and opened the box, often glancing at Haakan trying to decipher him.

  ‘‘Oh Haakan, how lovely.’’ She lifted a clear glass cream pitcher, along with a matching sugar bowl, from a paper nest. A line of etched leaves circled the throat of each. She grasped his hand pulled him close for a kiss. ‘‘Thank you.’’

  Two days later Dr. Morganstein brought a pad of paper and pen along. ‘‘Do you feel like talking about some of the herbal compounds you have made and how they were used?’’

  ‘‘I will gladly do that, but do you really want to know of my simples?’’ Ingeborg laid her knitting in her lap. ‘‘I mean, you know all this.’’ She made an encompassing gesture with her hand.

  ‘‘They didn’t teach herbal remedies in medical school, and many of them are quite effective. Elizabeth has been bragging on you, you know.’’

  An hour later Dr. Morganstein was still writing and Ingeborg was describing the tinctures she made from sage, cinnamon, and willow bark that seemed to help both a cough and shortness of breath.

  ‘‘But that helps when the shortness of breath comes from the lungs, not from a weak heart.’’

  ‘‘Did you try adding cayenne to that?’’

  ‘‘No. What does that do?’’

  Elizabeth stopped in the doorway. ‘‘See? What did I tell you?’’

  ‘‘I see those notes you sent me were only the tip of this woman’s knowledge.’’ Dr. Morganstein turned back to Ingeborg. ‘‘When you get home, if you remember other things, would you write them all down and send them to me?’’

  ‘‘Of course, but I-I hesitate.’’

  ‘‘Why?’’

  ‘‘Where will you find some of the ingredients? Not here in the city.’’

  ‘‘No. I might have to have you pick them and send them to me.’’

  Five days later the good doctor released Ingeborg from the hospital, telling her to take it easy and follow Dr. Elizabeth’s orders, and when she was well enough, to continue her lists and explanations. ‘‘We are all going to miss little Inga,’’ she said with a smile. ‘‘She’s been entertaining everyone.’’

  Ingeborg smiled back. ‘‘She does us too. Thank you for all your help.’’ She watched Dr. Morganstein leave the room and turned to her husband. ‘‘We’re going home, Haakan, just think. I can’t wait to see Astrid and home.’’

  ‘‘I know. Get out of this city smell. Lars will be pleased with the parts I found.’’

  She’d been glad when Haakan finally felt she was doing well enough that he dared to go looking for machinery. Lord, let me never take the sight of his dear face for granted again.

  17 />
  December

  ‘‘THANK YOU FOR THE INVITATION. I will follow you home, then.’’

  Garth Wiste nodded as he spoke.

  Ingeborg and Kaaren both smiled back at him.

  ‘‘It’s not hard to find.’’ Kaaren turned and pointed across the field.

  ‘‘See that huge house? We added on to our home to make my school for the deaf. Sunday dinners are pretty hectic, but one more just adds to the general hubbub. Usually we have Sunday dinner at Ingeborg’s, the white house to the right, but she is still recuperating.’’

  ‘‘I heard of your trip to Chicago.’’ How these two women managed to make him feel like he was a long-lost member of their family just come home, he would never understand. Both of their husbands had been inviting him to church since he arrived in October, and finally he had acquiesced. The first day of December wind bit through his heavy wool coat and into his shoulder blades.

  ‘‘Do you have a horse or buggy?’’ Kaaren asked.

  ‘‘No. It is not far to walk.’’

  ‘‘True, but you can ride with us.’’ Ingeborg waved her arm toward the buggy.

  ‘‘Thank you, again.’’ Garth touched the brim of his hat.

  ‘‘Come, let’s get out of this wind. The horse is ready to head home without us if we don’t hurry.’’ Haakan took his wife’s arm and helped her up to the seat and nodded to Garth. ‘‘Glad you are coming.’’

  With everyone loaded, the laughter and teasing caught Garth with a slug to the midsection. No matter how busy he kept, the loneliness gnawed like a rat at the grain bin. Sometimes he felt as if he could hear the teeth gnashing at night when he lay in an empty bed. No matter that he would be going home to see his children at Christmas. He tightened his jaw and looked out across the prairie so no one would see the tears blurring his vision. It would have been easier going back to work rather than coming to church with all these fine people.