Sophie's Dilemma

by Lauraine Snelling

  ‘‘Let this be a lesson to you, you know?’’ His hands clasped warm on her upper arms. ‘‘Waiting to ask for forgiveness just increases the fear and the pain.’’ His face sobered. ‘‘I should have come to you like our Father does. I’m sorry too.’’

  Sophie locked her arm through his. ‘‘I have so much to talk over with you. Could you and Mor come to supper at the boardinghouse so we can talk? I really need your advice.’’

  ‘‘Ja, we will. How about tomorrow night? We’ll be done shearing by then.’’

  ‘‘I’ll be waiting.’’ She reached up and kissed his cheek. ‘‘Whew, you sure do smell like sheep.’’

  Garth had been right. Waiting was not a pleasant situation. But now that Pa had forgiven her, she had one less wait to do. Why couldn’t she have gone sooner to him?

  She had nearly two months to wait until the baby came, and she needed some new clothes soon. Her others couldn’t be let out any more. It seemed like she went to sleep one night, and the next day all of her skirts were six inches too small. Her aprons no longer could disguise her expansion either, so she took to wearing one of Mrs. Sam’s.

  ‘‘What da matter with you, child?’’ Mrs. Sam asked her several days later.

  ‘‘Everything is too tight. I’ve let out all the seams, and I have no time to sew. Not that I’m very good at it anyway.’’

  ‘‘Ask Grace. She help you.’’

  ‘‘I don’t think so. She’s busy getting ready for graduation. Mor is too.’’ And besides clothes for me, I need things for the baby. She thought of the check she had tucked away in her top drawer. She knew she should put that in the bank, but somehow if she did, it seemed she was severing her last tie with Hamre.

  Silly, the baby will always be part of him, she chided herself. But if she spent some of the money, it would feel like stealing. Hamre had worked so hard for the money, and now his dreams were gone. And yet when she had told Far and Mor how she felt, they both said that the money truly was hers, and in honor of Hamre she should use it wisely. Far also reminded her that she could use money from the boardinghouse for her own needs. She’d told them that felt like stealing too, but they’d convinced her she’d earned her money at the boardinghouse. However, there was one more problem she hadn’t mentioned. Well, two actually. Would that be dilemmas with an s? Or would it be two dilemma, like sheep? One sheep, two sheep. Somehow today she couldn’t see the humor in playing with words.

  She sniffed and made her way back to her room. Lying down on the bed, she allowed the tears to flow. Some days were just like that, and it didn’t help that it was raining outside too.

  And on top of everything she’d not heard a word from Garth since he’d gone to Minneapolis. She missed their nightly chats. That’s all she could think about. What if he didn’t come back?What if he met someone there?

  She tried to roll over, but her belly got in the way. Maybe someone slender and lovely and wanting to be the mother to his two children? That thought sat her straight up. What difference did it make to her? Having a wife again would be a good thing for him. After all, he was just her friend. Someone she liked to talk with and share memories with, someone who understood what it was like to lose the one he loved.

  She wiped her eyes and nose and made her way to her chair. But looking out at raindrops pelting the street made her feel like crying even more. Waiting. I never have cared for waiting.

  34

  MAY GREW HOTTER.

  Sophie grew wider.

  ‘‘All women don’t get this big so soon, do they?’’ Sophie let Elizabeth help her sit upright again after an examination in the doctor’s office. ‘‘I don’t walk; I waddle.’’

  ‘‘I see that. Let me listen again.’’ She put her stethoscope to Sophie’s mound, moving it around, listening carefully. ‘‘I can’t be sure, but I have a feeling there might be two in there. If so, the hearts are beating so closely, I just can’t be sure.’’

  ‘‘Twins? Two babies?’’ Sophie laid both hands over her belly and stared down where one foot nudged against her hand.

  ‘‘Well, it seems to run in the family.’’

  ‘‘Do all twins have twins?’’

  ‘‘No, but the odds are higher, and you are getting pretty big. I’ll check you again in a week or so. Maybe we’ll know more then.’’ She helped Sophie to step down from the table and stand upright.

  ‘‘Two babies. I-I . . .’’ How would I take care of two babies and run the boardinghouse? Maybe I should sell it after all. ‘‘How am I going to manage?’’

  ‘‘I’d talk with your mother and ask her how they managed. And we’ll have to find you some help, that’s all. Often twins come early. You will need to rest more. Lie down every afternoon at a minimum. Grace and Astrid will both be out of school. I’m sure they will help you.’’

  ‘‘Twins.’’ Sophie kneaded her back with her fists. And Garth wasn’t even here so she could tell him.

  ‘‘If you notice your ankles swelling in the heat, get off your feet. You can lie on the bed and put your feet up on pillows.’’

  Sophie stared at her. ‘‘You mean all this, don’t you?’’

  Elizabeth assumed her most serious doctor face. ‘‘Yes, I do. If I need to, I will put you to bed here where we can help you.’’ She rolled her lips in a fought-off smile. ‘‘I know what I’ll do. I’ll tell your mother, Ingeborg, and Mrs. Sam.’’ At Sophie’s moan, she turned serious again. ‘‘The choice is yours, Sophie. Do you want the babies to live or not?’’

  Sophie sucked in a deep breath. ‘‘You mean my baby or babies could die if I don’t rest?’’ Elizabeth nodded.

  Sophie cupped her big belly with both hands. ‘‘Whoever you are in there, I will do everything I can to make sure you live.’’ She shuddered. ‘‘Even go to bed if I have to.’’

  When she dragged herself back into the boardinghouse, she headed to the kitchen.

  ‘‘So what de doctor say?’’ Mrs. Sam asked.

  Sophie sank down on a chair. How could walking those two blocks make her feel as if she’d run clear out to her mother’s house and back? She and Grace used to run home from school, and while they’d be panting when they reached the house, in a minute and after a drink of water they would be fine.

  ‘‘Could you please bring me a glass of water?’’

  ‘‘O’ course. It weren’t bad news?’’ Mrs. Sam’s dark face wrinkled in concern.

  Sophie drained the glass and fanned her face. ‘‘No, but interesting news.’’ She sighed again. ‘‘I might be carrying twins.’’

  ‘‘Yes.’’

  Sophie stared up at her friend. ‘‘You mean you knew?’’

  ‘‘Well, not for sure, but you got de look. Stick out your foot, child.’’

  Sophie lifted her skirt and held out her foot.

  Mrs. Sam knelt down and pressed gentle fingers around the anklebones and up the leg. ‘‘Gotta watch dis.’’

  ‘‘I don’t understand. Watch what?’’

  ‘‘Swells up, it be poison in you. Hurt dem babies.’’

  Lily Mae and Lemuel came in from working in the garden after washing up at the outside bench. ‘‘Carrots and peas is up, lettuce too.’’

  ‘‘How are de potatoes?’’ Mrs. Sam pushed herself to her feet. ‘‘Any bugs?’’

  ‘‘A few. We doused ’em in the kerosene can,’’ Lemuel said.

  ‘‘And de corn?’’

  ‘‘We need a new rabbit fence,’’ Lily Mae said. ‘‘They got some of it and some lettuce.’’

  ‘‘Lemuel, bring some chicken fence tonight when you get back from the smithy. We fix dem rabbits.’’

  ‘‘Put out snares,’’ Sophie said as she pushed herself to her feet. ‘‘We can always serve fried fresh rabbit. I need to ask Samuel if he’s running snares this year.’’ She knew Trygve had given the job over to his younger brother, but now that Samuel was getting big, who did he have to pass the job on to?

  That night Sophie collapsed on he
r bed rather than sitting down on the edge and brushing her hair the required hundred strokes. Her fringe had grown out, and she pinned it back—anything to let the cool air reach her skin.

  The next afternoon her mother came by. ‘‘Come, let’s sit out on the back porch,’’ Kaaren said. ‘‘That’s where Bridget used to sit to catch a bit of breeze. You look done in.’’

  Sophie sank into the rocking chair. ‘‘Thank you. This is nicer than lying down on my bed. Dr. Elizabeth said I have to lie down every afternoon.’’ She told her mother that she might be carrying twins.

  ‘‘I’m not surprised,’’ she told her daughter.

  Nobody is but me, it seems.

  ‘‘I remember feeling as big as a house when I was carrying you and Grace. But at least you weren’t born until the fall, so my summer wasn’t as bad.’’

  ‘‘Did we come early?’’

  ‘‘I’m not sure. We didn’t know as much about due dates and things back then. Medicine has changed a lot in eighteen years. Not that having babies was considered part of medicine back then.’’ She lifted a basket up to her lap. ‘‘We have some things sewn for you, but if you are indeed carrying twins, we need to crank up the sewing machines.’’ She laid three little gowns in Sophie’s lap, along with a knitted sweater and hat, and two soakers.

  ‘‘Oh, Mother, they are so beautiful.’’ Sophie fingered the narrow lace at the neck and the embroidered lamb on the chest.

  ‘‘We made them light for summer. There are hemmed diapers in the basket too. We will need a lot of diapers for two.’’

  Sophie gazed at her mother’s face. She had used the word we. Such a good word, since she so often felt alone.

  ‘‘Grace has some things made too, and I heard her and Astrid talking about a surprise.’’

  ‘‘Which you won’t tell me about.’’ Sophie’s smile lingered.

  Kaaren looked up with a smile that matched her daughter’s. ‘‘Why of course not. Then it would not be a surprise.’’

  ‘‘Dr. Elizabeth said I might need to spend time in bed if my ankles swell. They were fine until it got so hot.’’

  ‘‘It has been unseasonably hot for May. Grace will come help you as soon as graduation is over.’’

  ‘‘Really?’’ Her heart immediately felt ten pounds lighter.

  ‘‘You thought she wouldn’t?’’

  ‘‘I hated to ask.’’

  ‘‘Oh, Sophie, ‘All will be well. All will be well. All manner of things will be well.’ I read that in a book of devotions. A famous woman, Saint Juliana of Norwich, wrote it hundreds of years ago, and I think it such a reassurance.’’

  ‘‘Say it again, please.’’

  ‘‘ ‘All will be well. All will be well. All manner of things will be well.’ ’’ ‘‘Right now things don’t feel so well.’’

  ‘‘I know. But the ‘all will be well’ part depends on God’s promises, not our feelings.’’ Kaaren leaned her head back against the chair and set it to rocking. The gentle squeak and the soft breeze teasing the wisps of curls that framed her face lulled Sophie to sleep.

  When she awoke some time later, her mother had left and Mrs. Sam kept the rocker singing, an old fan adding to the fitful breeze.

  ‘‘De mail came.’’

  ‘‘Good. Anything interesting?’’

  ‘‘Might be. A letter here from Minneapolis.’’ She held the stamp closer to her eyes. ‘‘Yessum, that be where it come from.’’

  ‘‘For me?’’

  ‘‘Looks to be.’’ Mrs. Sam chuckled and handed the envelope across the small space. ‘‘How ’bout I bring you some lemonade?’’

  ‘‘You are so good to me.’’

  ‘‘You easy to be good to. And it goes both ways.’’ She headed back to the kitchen, humming as she went.

  Sophie watched a pair of robins carrying grasses and twigs up into the cottonwood tree that Bridget had planted off the back porch, adding to the shade and breeze duets with the leaves.

  She studied the envelope, prolonging the pleasure. Definitely from Garth. His block handwriting was distinctive. She slit the wax seal with a fingernail and removed two folded pages. Not just a note but a real letter.

  Dear Sophie,

  I’ve been writing this letter for a week and thought I’d better mail it before you think I fell through the cracks somewhere. Read the back page first if you want the news in chronological order.

  She flipped to the second sheet, where the date showed two weeks earlier.

  I am having to fix some things in my house, so I shall be here longer than I anticipated. But first I must tell you about my family. Linnie loves to laugh, and with her lower teeth sparkling, she makes us all laugh along with her. My son is a more serious child. He watches after his baby sister like she belongs to him. He has grown so much I hardly recognized him.

  My mother is not happy that I will be taking her grandchildren away. While my brothers and sisters live in the area, they are not as close to her as these two are.

  I realize now what a terrible mistake I made in leaving them behind. I lost precious time with them, but I still don’t know how I could have done anything else, other than stay here, and that I couldn’t bear.

  I have a buyer who may be interested in my house, but first I need to finish repairing some water damage in the upstairs ceilings. Houses need to be lived in, that is for sure.

  She flipped back to the front page.

  So now you know all the news. My sister is still agreeing to come with me now that her husband, Dan, is willing to move to Blessing also. He doesn’t want to work in the flour mill after all, but he is a good carpenter, so I will have him work on my house. As Andrew warned me, the house did not ship on time, but they promise it will arrive there before I do. I pray you are well and recovered from your shock.

  What shock? She thought a moment. Oh, he means the arrival of the check. He doesn’t know the real shock that I may be carrying twins. She smiled her thanks to Mrs. Sam for the glass of lemonade. ‘‘Where’s yours?’’

  ‘‘I need to work on de supper.’’

  ‘‘Not until after we drink our lemonade and perhaps have a cookie or two. I can’t believe how I’m hungry all the time.’’

  ‘‘That cuz you eatin’ for three.’’

  ‘‘Or how often I’m rushing to the necessary.’’ She heaved herself from the chair and charged back into the building. She never ceased to be thankful that Bridget had installed indoor toilets. No more privy for her.

  Two days later Sophie heard the whistle of the westbound train but went on making out her order for supplies. With strawberries coming on soon, she’d need extra sugar for making jam. She glanced over the inventory Mrs. Sam had completed just that morning and started another list. Talk to Samuel about supplying the snares to trap the rabbits so they could serve fried rabbit, and at the same time get rid of the destructive furry varmints. Even with the new fencing up, a rabbit had dug underneath one night and took out a good portion of a lettuce row—the new fresh lettuce, not the rows they’d already harvested a couple of times. Thanks to Mrs. Sam, who put in two new seeds for every plant she pulled, they had lettuce for sandwiches and salads, and for making the serving platters look pretty. She’d seen a picture of fried chicken served on a platter decorated with lettuce leaves and had trained her help in using the new look. Parsley was good for the same, so she’d had them plant extra parsley too.

  ‘‘All dem folks care about is good food,’’ she’d heard Mrs. Sam mutter, but when Miss Christopherson commented on how nice the meal looked, she knew she was on the right track. Just because they lived halfway to nowhere was no reason she couldn’t make changes that might attract more discerning customers. She’d seen that line in an ad in a magazine. While Bridget had instigated high rules for cleanliness and Sophie kept that going, she knew she was adding class in another way. She never had forgotten eating in the dining car on the train going west with Hamre.

  She looked up at the jangl
e of the bell. Garth Wiste stopped just inside, his smile bright enough to light a room. She felt her whole self respond in kind and, had her belly not gotten in the way, would have leaped to her feet and rushed across the vestibule to throw herself into his arms. Wherever had such thoughts and almost actions come from? One did not greet one’s friends that way. Instead, she schooled her face into a more dignified manner. ‘‘Welcome home, stranger.’’ Her voice cracked. Why did her eyes burn and nose heat up just because he walked back into her life? They were just friends, after all.

  ‘‘Ah, and it is good to be home.’’ He removed his hat and added it to others on the rack in the corner, glancing around the room as if to memorize it. When he allowed his gaze to lock on Sophie’s, she immediately wished for her fan to cool off her neck and face. ‘‘And I hope I’m not really a stranger.’’ His voice lowered, setting her heart to beat a singing cadence.

  I was afraid you were never coming back. ‘‘You could have kept in better contact. I nearly rented out your room.’’

  ‘‘Didn’t I pay my bill?’’

  At the shocked look on his face, she leaned back and laughed, a light sound that had no relation to the pounding of her heart. It’s not fair to tease him, you know. Though it wasn’t fair for him not to write sooner either. But you didn’t answer his letter. It just came two days ago. The thoughts zipped by like a honeybee carrying pollen back to the hive. I missed you so. Don’t tell him that; you have no right.

  Love gives me all the rights I need, so hush. Sophie nearly choked on that thought. Love? Who said she was in love with this man? He was just a friend. Wasn’t he? Since when has your heart danced like this when a friend walked in? Not since Hamre, that’s for sure.

  ‘‘Sophie, you look so beautiful sitting there.’’ Garth was staring at her, the corners of his mouth lifting slowly, the smile meandering up to his eyes and lighting his entire face. ‘‘I’ve missed you more than I can say.’’