Force of Nature

by Kim Baldwin

He shrugged. “Maybe not. It’s just a feeling. We chatted last night a good long while and I got to know her. She obviously thinks the world of you. She talked about you practically nonstop.”

  “We’re close.”

  “But you’d like to be closer.”

  Gable sighed. “She’s straight, Carl.”

  “Yeah, I know. So maybe you can’t have the kind of relationship you’d like to have with her. But I think you’d be happier if you at least told her you were gay.”

  Gable shook her head. “I don’t think so. I don’t know.”

  “Will you at least think about it?”

  “Yeah. I can do that. Would you do me a favor?”

  “Sure.”

  “Ask a nurse for some aspirin, will you?”

  “You bet.”

  “And get them to take me off this heart monitor before Erin comes back!” she hollered after him.

  *

  Erin stuck her head around the door a few minutes later as the doctor was finishing up his visit. Politely, she hovered a few feet into the corridor as he removed the oxygen tube from Gable's nose.

  “Okay, I’ll sign you out,” he said. “I want you to take a couple days off work and rest. Take the antibiotics and call me if there are any complications.”

  “I will, Doc. Thanks.”

  “You have someone to drive you home?”

  “Yes, she does.” Erin stepped into the room.

  “Good.” He scribbled on his prescription pad and gave the paper to Gable. “Get that filled at the hospital pharmacy before you leave. Lots of fluids, lots of rest. Bland food for a while. Nothing spicy.”

  “All right.”

  The doctor departed and Erin hurried to the bed, smiling at Gable, wearing the same clothes she’d had on for two nights running with the exception of a brand new navy sweatshirt that had Michigan embroidered on it in gold. Her hair was slightly mussed. Gable thought she looked adorable.

  “I thought you got your bachelor’s at Western and your master’s at Michigan State. When did you go to U of M?”

  Erin glanced down at her sweatshirt and shrugged. “All they had in the hospital gift shop. I was getting chilly.”

  “Why didn’t you go home?”

  Erin shrugged. “Thought you might like to have a friendly face nearby when you woke up. I know you weren’t keen on coming here.”

  “I hate hospitals.”

  “I figured. And I hate confined, dark spaces and you helped me with that, so here I am.”

  “You know, you’re probably going to run into a lot of confined, dark spaces when you start going out on callouts and get trained to go into buildings,” Gable said. “Have you thought about that?”

  “Yes, I have,” Erin said. “I’m optimistic I can deal with it when there’s a job to do, and I’m focused on that. Whenever there are distractions in a situation like that—like when you talked to me the night of the tornado—that really makes it easier.”

  “You know if you run into a touchy situation and I can help, don’t hesitate to ask.”

  Erin grinned at her. “I know that. And I want you to know the same goes for me.”

  An attractive nurse with short hair the color of copper came into the room with a clipboard in one hand. “Hi, hero,” she greeted Gable as she approached the bedside. “Just got done signing out the boy you saved. You’re next.”

  She handed the clipboard to Gable and raised the head of the bed until Gable was sitting up, then she leaned forward until she was close enough to point at the paperwork. “I need you to sign here,” she turned a page, “and here.”

  The nurse didn’t move away while Gable signed; her proximity seemed somehow familiar, enough so that Gable looked directly at her when she handed the clipboard back.

  The nurse gave her a big smile, and held her eyes a little too long as she took the clipboard. “My name is Sheri,” she said. She was not in a hurry to leave. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do for you, won’t you? If you need a ride home, I get off in a couple of hours.”

  What the hell? Oh my God, this woman is hitting on me! Gable couldn’t find her tongue for a moment. She blushed, which only made the nurse smile more.

  “I’m fine, really.” She shot a glance at Erin, who was watching the exchange with an unreadable expression. “I have a ride.”

  “All righty. Well, if you change your mind, I’ll be at the nurses’ station.” The nurse headed for the door. “Hit your buzzer when you’re ready to leave, and I’ll wheel you out.”

  “I can take care of it,” Erin said coolly. “If you’ll bring a wheelchair by.”

  “I can walk out,” Gable said.

  “Hospital policy,” Sheri informed her. “Your friend can take you out. I’ll get the chair.”

  “Need help getting dressed?” Erin asked Gable after the nurse had gone.

  “No!” Gable said, a bit too quickly. “Uh…I can manage. Where are my things?”

  “Carl took your turnout gear with him. Said he’d get it to you later. The rest of your things should be here.” Erin went to a tiny closet and opened it. “Whew!” She grimaced as she brought Gable’s jeans, shirt, bra, socks, panties and shoes to the bed.

  Gable could smell it too, from several feet away. Her clothes absolutely stank of smoke. But she didn’t have many options if she wanted to get out of there. She eased her legs off one side of the bed and slipped to the floor. One hand held her clothes tight to her chest. The other held the hospital gown closed over her bare bottom. She padded slowly to the room’s tiny bathroom and went inside to change.

  Would you still offer to help me get dressed if you knew I was gay? she wondered as she pulled up her jeans. Her thoughts strayed to the nurse. Maybe you just need to get laid. Maybe that will put out this fire that’s been burning inside you since you first set eyes on Erin. Maybe.

  *

  They didn’t talk much on the ride home in the Jeep. Erin insisted on driving, and Gable was happy to let her. She was preoccupied thinking about what Carl had said. You’d be a lot happier if you at least told her you were gay.

  Would she? Attempting to be rational, she weighed the pros and cons of coming out to Erin.

  If you tell her, it could change things. That was her greatest fear—that telling Erin would irreparably harm their friendship. No matter how cool she appears to be, you just never know how someone’s going to react. She might treat you very differently once she knows you’re gay. Gable didn’t think it was likely that Erin would completely turn her back on their friendship, though she’d heard of that happening to others. But she might stop confiding in you. Start keeping you at arm’s length. Do you want to chance that? Risk the closest, dearest friendship you might ever have?

  She stole a glance at Erin, who was singing along with the radio, tuned to a station that played familiar classic pop tunes. It was easy to tell she was musically inclined—she always sang harmony to the theme, usually a perfect fifth below or above the melody.

  If you tell her, you’re going to have to work even harder not to let on how you feel about her. You’ll have to be on guard all the time. Gable stared out the window. But not forever, she amended. Just until you get over wanting to rip her clothes off.

  She glanced at Erin again. Erin felt eyes on her, and turned to smile.

  The longer you keep this from her, the harder it will be to tell her. And you will have to tell her someday. You know you will. You can’t dance around it forever. Your evasions will trip you up, or she’ll find out some other way—maybe by accident. Gable’s mind flashed again to the flirtatious nurse.

  If you wait to tell her, or if she finds out on her own…she’ll be really hurt. She’ll think you didn’t trust her. Gable sighed. The bottom line is, you just hate lying to her. Carl was right about that, wasn’t he? You won’t feel right until you’re honest with her.

  They pulled into her driveway.

  Okay, so you’re going to tell her. Now you just have to decide when. A
nd how.

  *

  “I appreciate your staying with me,” Gable said as they stopped in front of the house next to Erin’s pickup. “And your driving.”

  “Don’t mention it.” Erin cut off the engine and handed the keys to Gable. “And you’re not dismissing me. I’m coming in to fix you something to eat, and then I’m going to tuck you in bed.”

  Gable got out and shut the door of the Jeep but didn’t go inside. “That’s not necessary. You can go home now. I know one kitty who’s going to be pretty pissed at his mommy.”

  “Earl Grey will be fine. He has plenty of dry food, and I’ll give him extra Fancy Feast when I see him.” Erin started walking toward the house. “You’re supposed to be resting, not arguing with me,” she called over her shoulder.

  Gable really didn’t have the heart to protest further. She wanted one more night of Erin not knowing. One more night where she didn’t have to worry about whether Erin would pick up on her feelings. One more night of the way things were. Because even though it wasn’t all that she wanted, it was so much more than she’d ever had before.

  She headed up the walk after Erin. Better enjoy it while you can. Nothing will be the same after you tell her.

  Erin got her comfortably settled on the couch, feet up and pillows behind her back, then warmed up some chicken soup and made a pot of tea.

  “Don’t forget to take your pills with your food,” she said as Gable sampled the soup.

  “Erin, I’m a pharmacist.”

  “Oh, right. Brilliant, Erin.” A slight flush infused her cheeks, and Gable thought it quite endearing. But she could see that Erin also had circles under her eyes from having stayed awake half the night in the hospital. It was time to send her home.

  “You really don’t have to fuss after me anymore, you know. I can manage to put these in the sink and get into bed by myself.”

  “You sure?”

  “Positive. Go! And thanks again for everything.”

  “Any time.” Erin got up but detoured to the back of the couch before she left to hug Gable around the neck. “Get some sleep. Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  “I’ll check on you tomorrow. What do you want for dinner?”

  “I’ve got stuff here I can cook,” Gable said.

  “The doctor told you to take it easy for a couple of days, and I’m going to make sure you stick to that. I’m going to Cadillac tomorrow, so I can bring back any kind of takeout you like. What sounds good to you?”

  Gable smiled. “Whatever. I’m easy.”

  “I’ll surprise you, then.”

  No, Gable thought. I’ll be the one surprising you.

  Chapter Ten

  “Erin, there’s something I should tell you. Not that it’s any big deal, but we’re good friends and getting to be better friends all the time, and I just think it’s something you should know about me that you probably don’t. I’m gay.”

  Erin didn’t say anything right away, but her eyes got big and Gable heard the sharp intake of breath at the news. It was clear the announcement was a total surprise. Her stomach was tied up in knots.

  “You’re gay?” Erin repeated after a full minute had passed.

  “Yes.”

  “I see.” Erin got up and walked to the window and looked out. She didn’t say anything more for the longest time, and she didn’t look at Gable.

  “I…I had no idea. None.” Erin still wouldn’t look at her, and there was something about the tone in her voice that Gable didn’t like.

  “Gable, I…I don’t know what to say to you. It’s just…wrong. I can’t condone it. I can’t be your friend anymore.” She shook her head. “I have to go.” She was out the door and in her truck almost before Gable could blink.

  Gable hurried after her and caught up with her as she started to pull out of the driveway. “Erin, wait!” She ran alongside the pickup, tapping desperately on the window, but even though she was certain Erin heard her, the truck only picked up speed.

  “Erin! Come back!” she screamed. “Please come back!”

  Gable sat bolt upright, coming awake in an instant, her heart thumping loudly in her chest. She looked at the bedside clock. It read 4:12 a.m.

  She prayed the dream was only her anxieties working themselves out in her subconscious, and not a premonition of things to come. There would be no more sleeping until she talked to Erin.

  *

  Gable paced back and forth, glancing out the front window every now and then, listening for the sound of Erin’s truck. She was wound up tight.

  The woods outside her home were alive with birds—bright yellow goldfinches and indigo buntings, rose-breasted grosbeaks and her favorite of all—ruby-throated hummingbirds, mesmerizing in their aerial acrobatics. But today Gable was oblivious to all of it.

  When she finally she heard the familiar rattle of the red pickup as it bounced up the rutted two-track driveway, a rush of anticipation skittered through her, a mixture of fear and excitement.

  “Hi there! How you feeling?” Erin said when Gable opened the door.

  “Better. But bored. Come on in.”

  “I brought you something for that.” Erin stepped through the doorway and held up a DVD. “I rented us The Terminal since we both like Tom Hanks. Have you seen it yet?”

  Gable shook her head.

  “And I know the doctor told you to keep to bland food, so I got us macaroni and cheese for dinner. Some rolls, and cottage cheese and fruit. Hope that’s all right.” She held up a paper bag.

  “Sounds great. Can I at least pay you back for all this?”

  “Yeah, right. I’ll put it on your tab.” Erin rolled her eyes. She was wearing a low-cut V-neck blouse that hugged her breasts much too provocatively for Gable to keep her mind entirely on the task at hand.

  Why do you do this to me? She groaned inwardly, and for a brief moment considered delaying her revelation for a day when Erin didn’t look quite so delectable. Yeah, right. Like that’s gonna happen any time soon.

  “Are you hungry?” Erin asked. “Or do you want to wait a while?”

  “Let’s wait, if you don’t mind. How about I make us some tea?” Gable couldn’t eat until she got this over with.

  “I’d love some, but let me make it. I know where everything is. You go sit and relax.”

  “Erin, I can boil water.”

  “Indulge me for another day. I want to play Florence Nightingale.” Erin headed for the kitchen and Gable took a seat on the couch.

  They made small talk as they sipped their tea, sitting a few feet apart on the couch. Chief Thornton and Carl both had called to check on Gable. Erin had run errands in Cadillac, picking up more essentials for the house. Gable waited for the right opening, gathering her nerve, but it was a good half hour before she steeled herself for her leap of faith pronouncement.

  “Erin, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” She was forced to take a sip of tea; her mouth was parched.

  Erin sensed something was up. She set her tea down and gave Gable her full attention.

  “I don’t want to make a big thing out of it,” Gable continued as offhandedly as she could. She took a deep breath and let it out. “And I hope it won’t in any way hurt our friendship, which means an awful lot to me.” She heard a slight tremor in her voice and took another sip of tea. Damn, this is hard.

  Erin stiffened.

  “Look, I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should. It’s just that you never know how someone is going to react.”

  “Gable, what is it?” Erin was looking at her curiously, her body rigid, tense.

  “I just thought you should know that I’m gay.” There it is. You’ve done it. You can’t take it back now. Gable held her breath. She couldn’t look directly at Erin. She felt too vulnerable. She watched Erin out of the corner of her eye.

  Erin didn’t immediately respond, but her posture relaxed slightly as the news sank in. Gable took that as a favorable sign.
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  “I know it’s got to be difficult to share that information with someone you haven’t known very long,” Erin said. “So thank you for trusting me with it.” She sipped her tea. “And I want you to know…and I only say this because I'm sure you’ve had some bad experiences…it makes no difference to me whether you’re gay or not.”

  Gable let out a long breath as relief washed over her. “Good. Glad to hear it.” I hope that’s the truth, Erin.

  There was a short awkward silence.

  “Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?” Erin said.

  “Sure.” As long as you don’t ask me how I feel about you.

  “Have you always known you were gay?”

  “Pretty much. I tried to ignore it when I was younger. I dated boys the first year or two of high school, trying to fit it in and be like everybody else. But I knew something was wrong…missing.”

  Erin tilted her head in thought. “I haven’t really known anyone who was gay. Or if I did, I didn’t know they were gay.” She poured them both more tea. “But I guess I’m pretty dumb in that regard. I had no idea you were.”

  “It’s not something I volunteer right off the bat. I’m pretty private, by nature, and I’ve always found it hard to talk about real personal stuff unless I know somebody well.” Gable felt as though a huge weight had been lifted. Erin seemed more curious than disturbed by her revelation.

  “Gable, was that nurse at the hospital hitting on you?”

  Gable could feel herself blushing. “Yeah, I guess she was.”

  “I wondered. I thought so…but then I didn’t think you were gay, so it really seemed kind of odd to me.” She looked at Gable and cocked her head in confusion. “How did she know you were, if I didn’t? She’d barely met you.”

  Gable shrugged. “Beats me. Some lesbians have a kind of ‘gaydar’ and can pick out another gay woman a mile away. But that’s sure not the case with me. I’m usually pretty clueless.”

  “That’s got to be rough. I mean, not knowing whether someone you’re attracted to…whether they…”