Thug in Me

by Karen Williams

  “Mom said you called. What’s so important, baby?” I walked out of the kitchen, ignoring Calhoun as he continued to beg me.

  “I’m busy. Never mind.” She hung up in my face.

  I chuckled again. She was with that bullshit again. I went upstairs to get some much-needed rest. I wouldn’t mine getting some from Toi but I didn’t have time for all her games and drama. She had so much that it was to the point that now I simply laughed it off instead of getting annoyed. I loved her and wasn’t going nowhere so I’d have to put up with it until I put a ring on her finger.

  Chapter 4

  I replayed that night in my head every five minutes as I sat in my cell at Twin Towers Correctional Facility. That was the last thing that I had done. It had been total of two weeks since my arraignment, where they threw that life sentence at me. I was scared out of my mind and didn’t know what to do or what to say. I felt like any wrong move could cost me everything.

  When the guard came to my cell he told me that I had a visit.

  I took a deep breath and stood as my cell slid open. I was sure it was my mother. The thing I was surprised about was the fact that I hadn’t heard from Toi in two weeks, but I had spoken to my mom almost every night since I had been there. Now was not the time for Toi to avoid me. I needed her now more than ever to get me through this shit. Even though I hadn’t heard from Toi I was hoping she showed up today.

  I smiled despite myself, despite the situation, and could see the worry on my mama’s face when I made it to the booth where she was already seated and staring at me through the glass. No Toi. It made me feel defeated. I prayed she wasn’t taking steps back from me because of my predicament. I wondered where she was and what she was doing. I hoped this didn’t have her down. I hoped she wasn’t with another man. But I had never ever caught Toi cheating on me. I knew she was loyal as any good woman could be. It had to be fear of losing her man to a prison term. Still, she should be here with my mother today.

  The moment I sat down, her lips started trembling and tears slipped from her eyes down her face.

  I tried to be strong and keep a calm face. “Aye. Don’t do that, Ma.” I wished I could come from behind this glass wall and give her a hug, but I knew I couldn’t.

  “I can’t help it, Chance. They got you in here like you’re some type of animal.”

  My mom had done everything she could to get me out of there. When she came back from Pechanga and got my collect call she rushed to the police station and told them I had nothing to do with this. The thing was, her words held no weight because she wasn’t with me the night I supposedly murdered this officer. Her words held no real power as far as the powers that be were concerned. There was also no bail for me so she couldn’t post. I was stuck there. But she was able to get me an attorney that I had met with a few days ago. I told him everything I knew about this case. And just that meeting cost me six hundred dollars. Crazy. That was my mother’s savings. But one thing he did tell me was that the case sounded like bullshit and it would be thrown out.

  “Did the attorney ask for any more money?”

  “Another thousand to represent you on your court date. I’ll get it to him.”

  “I’ll give it back to you, Mama. I got it in my account but I just can’t get to that sum of money. They don’t let me get that much out the ATM and they won’t let you withdraw money out of my account unless you are on my account.”

  “No worries, baby.”

  I looked away.

  “I still don’t understand how this could have happened.”

  I didn’t either.

  “And you go back to court tomorrow.” She took a deep breath. “Seems so fast.”

  I nodded.

  “Something is going to have to give, Chance. They can’t lock an innocent man up. This gotta be some mistake.”

  “It’s a mistake, Mama. But in reality you and I both know that they lock innocent men up all the time.”

  She closed her eyes briefly.

  Instantly I regretted saying that. I was supposed to be making her feel better, not worse.

  “Who knows, Mama, maybe they will see that this is a mistake and believe me when I say that night that man was murdered, I was in bed asleep and nowhere near him. Let’s hope.”

  I leaned forward and covered my face with both my hands as the thought of spending the rest of my life behind bars hit me. My life would be over and I would lose everything that I had worked hard for. Why did this have to happen to me?

  “Hey. Listen to me.”

  I took my hand off my face that was now watery with my tears.

  “No matter how this plays out, we will get through it. You know that, right?”

  I nodded.

  “And no matter where this goes you gotta know that I’m gonna be in your corner, Chance.”

  I offered her the best smile that I could, which looked more like I was clinching my teeth than anything.

  “I love you, Ma.”

  Just then Calhoun walked up and sat down next to my mother.

  “Well, I’ll let you talk to your friend.”

  “What’s up, man?” he asked me, looking as worried as my mother.

  “Can’t call this shit, man.” So far Calhoun had visited me about three times since I had been locked up. Every time he came he would tell me how this was some bullshit and that they had to let me out. It was crazy that he had come to a place he hated for me and Toi had not bothered to come once.

  “Yo. I keep telling you that this is bullshit, man, and they’re going to let you up out of here.”

  “Then why you look so worried?”

  “Because it kills me to see you up in this muthafucka, Chance. If anybody don’t deserve to be here, it’s you.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  “I wish I can put some money on your books but a nigga short right now. But I’m trying to get a barbeque together so we can raise money for that lawyer of yours.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  Truth was, I wasn’t concerned about money. I had money in my savings and my money market account, not an enormous amount but some. But I knew the thing that I needed was an alibi and not enough money in the world could give me that. Yes, I was home but who could testify to that? If only I had went out with Calhoun that night when he asked me to. I wouldn’t be in this. I’d have someone to testify that I was with them.

  “You seen Toi?”

  “Naw, man, why?”

  “I’m worried, that’s why. She has not come to visit me and I’m unable to call her crib.”

  “Shit, man.” Calhoun looked behind him and then back at me. “A woman is the least of your problems right now, man. Forget about her. If she can’t show you any type of support then fuck her ass!”

  I didn’t respond and wondered where all the anger came from. But then I figured he was just mad that Toi had not come to see me.

  Before I could respond, the guards came back, announcing visiting was over and flashing their lights. I quickly stood and got into the line the other inmates had formed.

  I wished that I had taken the time to ask my mother or Calhoun to call Toi. Even though I tried to convince myself that it was fear that was keeping her away, it was still making me angry and hurt that she didn’t make any type of effort to contact me. I mean, if I was the man who she loved why wasn’t she being here for me like I was always there for her? We had been together far too long for her to just ignore me.

  Chapter Five

  My stomach was in knots as the attorney my mom had hired, Richard Brown, questioned me about where I was the night of the murder. I thought I had done okay. I mean, I told the truth as I knew it. But something about the district attorney made me feel like some shit was coming my way that I wouldn’t be able to handle.

  He clapped his hands while approaching me. “Wow. You are pretty impressive, Mr. Wallace.”

  The smile on his face was so tight I knew it was fake.

  I licked my lips nervously and took a deep breath. I
wanted to be prepared for whatever he threw at me. I didn’t want my voice to crack, I didn’t want to pause or to stutter on the stand.

  “But I’m here to prove today that you are a murderer. Mr. Wallace, I’m not going to take up too much of your time. I am here simply to enter something into evidence: Two things that tie this man to the murder, cut and dry. Two things.” He held two fingers up to the jurors.

  He sat a big poster card on a wooden stand that looked like an easel for all in the court room to view. It was a photograph of my truck.

  “Sir, is this vehicle registered to you?”

  My eyes scanned the license plate. “Yes.”

  “Your Honor, I would like to enter into evidence a copy of the registration for this car, which shows Chance Isaiah Wallace owns it. I would also like to enter the forensic report.”

  I wondered what was in the forensic report.

  He approached the judge and passed his file to him. The judge reviewed it and nodded.

  The DA spoke to the jury like he was giving a lecture at a university.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, what the report states and it states it clearly is that the vehicle on that poster board that is in fact registered to the defendant had blood on the passenger seat. That was later tested and it was confirmed that the blood was that of Devin Johnson.”

  My heart sunk when he said that. I looked at my lawyer, lost. He looked lost too and remained silent. How in the fuck was blood in my car? That was some bizarre shit. The last place I had gone was to the gym. No one else had been in my car. The DA had to be lying about that shit.

  I looked at my mother, who I knew wanted to break down but it seemed she tried to keep a straight face for me even though her lips trembled. I did not know what to say.

  It turns out I didn’t have to say anything.

  “No further questions, your Honor.”

  I was told to step down from the witness stand. I stood and walked back to the chair next to my attorney and sat down.

  They then questioned my mother. I scanned the faces in the courtroom. Calhoun was sitting with his face in his hands. I had suggested to my lawyer that Calhoun testify to being with me that night but he had two things working against him. One, the murder occurred at 2:00 A.M. That was way after Calhoun had left my house. And two, Calhoun was a felon so my lawyer didn’t think any testimony from him would be credible.

  No Toi.

  My lawyer questioned my mother. “So tell me about your son, Ms. Wallace.”

  My mom smiled and looked at me. “He is the best son a mother could ever want. He has never been in trouble with the law. He finished college, has a good job, and is buying his own house now. He has always been a respectful kid.” She added, “And he is trying to open up his own business.”

  “And where do you currently live?”

  “I live with my son.”

  “Ms. Wallace, did your son commit this murder?”

  “No and I put my life on it! My son wouldn’t do anything like that. He has his whole life to look forward to. You see, he has no rap sheet. It is not in him to kill anybody. That night my son was in bed, asleep. You got the wrong man! It is not Chance. The murderer is out there and you’re wasting time now trying to blame my son for the murder. Please let my son go!”

  “No further questions, Your Honor.”

  That’s when the DA went in on my mother.

  “Ms. Wallace. You appear to be a loving mother. But in all my years as an attorney, the one thing I always learned is that no one is always as they appear to be. When you sit in that chair you give a representation of who you are and it is my job to become well acquainted with who you really are.”

  He slapped a manila folder in his hand. “And as I became more acquainted with you, I discovered, Ms. Wallace, that you are not as wholesome as you appear.” His voice was stern like he was her fucking parent.

  I narrowed my eyes at the DA, wondering what he was talking about.

  “I have a couple questions for you, madam. You can confirm them by simply saying yes or no.”

  He cleared his throat and opened up the file.

  “In 1980 were you not arrested for prostitution ten times?”

  My eyes got wide.

  My mother closed her eyes with shame. “Yes. I made some mistakes in my life—”

  “In 1981, weren’t you arrested for stealing?”

  “They were diapers for my son!”

  “Answer the question, Ms. Wallace!”

  “Yes.”

  “And when your son was two years old, was he not taken out of your custody because you were arrested yet again for having drugs in your house?”

  “But the charges were dropped for a plea bargain.”

  “Your Honor, can you please tell the witness to simply answer yes or no.”

  “Yes or no, Ms. Wallace?” the judge snapped.

  “Yes.”

  “Ms. Wallace, do you even know who the father of your son is?” the DA asked.

  Her head dropped. “No.”

  I gasped before I could catch myself.

  The judge’s eyes passed over me.

  My mother turned to me and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

  I looked away quickly. I wanted to know why she lied to me about who my father was. I wanted to know who my father was! But I had to put that in the back of my mind and revisit it at a later time because my freedom was on the line.

  “So Ms. Wallace, I guess what I’m trying to determine is what makes you a credible witness.” He leaned all up in my mother’s face.

  “Where were you on March fifth, 2003?”

  “I—I.” She took a deep breath. “I was in Temecula at the Pechanga Casino.”

  The DA chuckled. “Then you are wasting taxpayers’ time and money. You are not even a reliable witness. You’re a criminal! An ex-prostitute and drug dealer. Nor can you verify an alibi for Mr. Wallace. No further questions, Your Honor.”

  Chapter 6

  I could not stand to look at my mother as he ripped her apart. Truth be told, despite what he said about my mother and regardless if it was true or not, I wanted to beat his ass for upsetting her.

  The judge instructed the courtroom to break for lunch and said we would resume in an hour.

  It was the longest hour of my life.

  Once the hour passed and we were back in the courtroom, I wondered what else the DA had up his sleeve.

  “Your Honor, the state calls Ron Jasper to take the stand,” the DA said.

  I watched a man I had never seen before walk to the stand. Still, I scanned his face for any type of recognition from his neatly braided cornrows to his tall stature. Still, I didn’t know this man and I wondered what he could have to say about me, why he was called to the stand and trial, and why he was really here.

  He had to put his hand up the way my mother and I had to and promise to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Then the punk-ass DA got started.

  “Sir, state your name for the courts.”

  “Ronald Jasper.”

  “Do you know that man in front of you?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  I narrowed my eyes at his lying ass. I had never seen him before this day!

  “How are you acquainted with him?”

  “We do licks together.”

  I bit my bottom lip to keep from shouting out.

  “Sir. Could you explain to the people in the courtroom what a lick is?”

  “In other words, we rob people.”

  “You lying muthafucka.” I hissed. My eyes bored into his.

  He was unaffected.

  “Counsel, control your client,” the judge fired at my lawyer.

  “You’s a lying muthafucka!” Calhoun yelled, raising up from his seat.

  The judge slammed down his gavel. “Settle down!” I ignored my lawyer, who told me to be quiet. It was now making sense. The bullshit about the blood wasn’t bullshit. I was being set up.

  “I see.” The DA had a hand under hi
s chin.

  “Can you tell me what happened March fifth, 2003?”

  “Me and Chance needed something to get into. We was casing the Liquor Bank in LA ’cause it was Friday night. We saw this dude step out of an X5 BMW, it had rims and shit. We figured he had to have some ends on him and he had a nice Rolex. So we figured his crib gotta be just as nice.”

  “I got a nice truck and a nice crib. Why would I need to rob someone else?” I demanded, my hands in the air.

  The judge hit his gavel again. “Mr. Wallace, I suggest you keep your mouth shut,” he warned, locking eyes with mine.

  I gritted my teeth and shook my head angrily. This man was lying on me.

  “So we followed him to his house. We bust in with the burner. We asked him for his dough. At first the dude acted like he was going to give it up. But as he pulled out his wallet, he tried to be slick and instead of handing it to me the dude dropped it to the floor. I made a move to snatch it. That’s when Chance yelled for the dude to get out of his pants pocket. He saw the dude reach in his pocket for something else. Chance thought he was going for a gun so he blasted away.”

  The DA stood with his arms crossed behind his back and nodded. “I see. Now, sir, what did he do with the gun?”

  “I don’t know. He never told me.”

  “You lying muthafucka. I didn’t kill nobody and I have never seen you before!” I jumped to my feet and tried to rush after him but I was easily caught by two guards. I struggled against them both. “Get off of me.”

  Their hold on me tightened.

  Ron winked at me.

  Why the fuck didn’t they all see that?

  I tried to get to him but couldn’t. “You fucking with my freedom. I’m gonna kill you. Lying-ass nigga!”

  “Remove him from the courtroom!” the judge yelled.

  “We the jury find the defendant, Chance Isaiah Wallace, guilty of second-degree murder of Devin Johnson.”

  After I heard the word guilty, I think I stopped listening.

  I turned a deaf ear on the judge as he gave me the time I was about to serve. I grew numb inside. I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking, I couldn’t look at my mother, even though hearing her shrill scream brought my ears back alive.