Thug in Me

by Karen Williams

  She rolled her eyes.

  “I mean, what you expect after the way you did him?”

  Her eyes locked with his and the both stared each other down. When Calhoun wouldn’t back down, Toi put her head down.

  “Like I said, dude. You had some pussy yet?”

  “Chance know how to take care of Chance,” I said, even though I hadn’t been with another woman. Yes, I was on full. But I wasn’t fucking with Toi again and I wasn’t about to get a prostitute. So I would have to wait on that and keep doing what I been doing: jacking off.

  “Well, look, nigga call me tonight. I’ll borrow my baby mama’s car and we can go to the strip club over on El Segundo called the Boom Boom Room.”

  I took his number down and slid the paper in my pocket.

  “Calhoun. Go outside,” Toi ordered.

  “I’m catching up with my nigga.”

  “Go or you going to be on the bus.”

  “Man.” He sucked his teeth and said, “Call me tonight, Chance.”

  I chuckled.

  Once he left she said, “Chance, can we talk?”

  I looked at the clock. It was ten minutes until I had to close the store.

  I shut down the computer and pulled the bars on the two front doors and the walls adjacent to them. Then I stood in front of her. I didn’t know what the fuck she wanted to talk about, but I asked, “Are you following me, Toi?”

  She looked embarrassed.

  “I saw you in that little car and it had a sign on it with the address and phone number to this place. If you call that following, then I guess that’s what I did.”

  “Well, it is a little difficult to believe anything that comes out of your mouth,” I said dryly.

  “Why are you being so cold to me?”

  “Bitch. Did you forget what the fuck you did?”

  Her eyes got wide. I guess she really thought I was going to look at her and get all softy like I used to be. No. Times were different now. Much different. Now I saw no need to be kind and gentle to her. She used to be my baby. My sweetie. My boo. But she wasn’t none of that no more. She betrayed me. She broke my heart.

  “I know I deserve that. I did you wrong, baby. I’m sorry for that.” Her eyes got watery. “But I still love you, Chance. And whatever I gotta do to get you back and to get our life back to the way it used to be, baby, I will!”

  “My life back to the way it used to be.” I smirked. “Toi. I was an innocent man locked up. I needed you. I needed your love and your support just like I always gave you my love and support. And you didn’t just turn your back on me. You stole from me, left my mama without a home. And if that wasn’t enough. you killed my baby and brought another man to see me! That’s enough for a man to kill you.”

  She nodded her head and pulled her bottom lip in.

  It had no effect on me.

  “I know, baby, and I’m so sorry. That’s why I want to make this right. We can put the pieces back together. Buy another house. I know it won’t be the same with your mother—”

  “No.”

  She started crying. “I know you hate me, Chance. I’m so sorry. But I was just so scared. I didn’t want to have to move back to the Springdales. I wanted to have the life you gave me. And with you in prison I didn’t think I could maintain that on my own. I was just scared.”

  I shook my head at her selfish ass.

  I took in her trembling lips and watery eyes.

  “We can try again.”

  “Toi, I understand your fears about thinking that the man you love was going to be locked inside of a cage for good. It’s not about that. It’s the way you did it. You did me and my mama dirty. And I can’t forget that. I loved you for years, Toi. But I don’t love you anymore. I can’t love a person who did what you did. I just can’t. And the fact that you were able to move on so quickly makes me doubt that you were ever faithful to me. It takes a woman far longer to move on from a man. I’m a man and I couldn’t have moved on from you that fast. Not when I loved you.”

  “But—”

  The office phone rang. I snatched it up quickly. “Speedy Computer Repair,” I said in a brisk voice.

  “Hi, this is Deyja. Deyja Sims.”

  I stared at Toi.

  Before I could respond, she said, “Listen, I know that you guys are going to be closing soon. But the same issue that happened to my computer happened to my secretary’s computer. And I never got around to getting that stuff. And although it seems simple, I’m so scared I will end up making her computer worse. Is there any way you can stop by? I’ll pay extra if I need to.”

  “Sure, no problem.” I knew Zalman didn’t care if I did it after-hours because it was more money for him.

  “I will be there in about ten minutes.”

  “Wait. Don’t you want the address?”

  I had already known it from when I came there before and got discouraged and left. But I played it off like I didn’t.

  “Right. What’s your address?”

  She gave it to me quickly.

  “I’ll be there shortly,” I said before hanging up.

  “Who is that?”

  I looked at Toi like she was crazy for even thinking that she had the nerve to question me on who the fuck I talk to.

  “Why?”

  “No reason. It’s just that your face sparked all up the moment you found out who the caller was.” She lowered her gaze and said, “The way it used to spark up for me. Whoever she is, she must be somebody special.”

  I didn’t reply.

  “Well, I’ll let you go.”

  With that, she walked out.

  I locked up and went to the beat-up car Zalman let me use to do service calls. He never let me take it home so I always dropped it right back off and hopped on the bus to go home.

  As I walked to the car, Calhoun yelled, “Where you staying at?”

  “I’m at the Grace Hotel on Redondo in room seven.” I thought it would be good to catch up with him. He might be a lot of bad things but he was still my friend and he had my back when I was locked down.

  When I remembered that Toi was out there, I wished that I hadn’t yelled out where I was staying. I knew she was ear hustling.

  When I got to Deyja’s office, the same nerves that had kicked in the last time I had come there had managed to come right back. But I swallowed hard and opened the door.

  The secretary, an older woman, was seated behind the desk.

  “How are you doing, ma’am. I’m Isaiah from Speedy Computer Repair and I’m here to repair your computer.”

  “Oh, it’s not mine that needs to be fixed. It’s Deyja’s.”

  I was confused. Deyja said her secretary’s computer needed to be fixed.

  She rose from behind her desk.“I’ll show you to her office.”

  We walked down a long corridor where there were men and women behind several cubicles.

  Once we got to the end, the secretary stopped behind a closed door.

  “Just knock and she will let you in.” With that she walked away.

  I knocked on the door.

  “Come in.”

  I took a deep breath and walked into her office.

  She was seated behind a desk.

  “Hi.” She gave me a bright smile. “I’m sorry. What was your name again?”

  “Isaiah.”

  She stood from behind her desk and said in a perky voice that sounded so sweet, “Well, Isaiah. This is the problem. See, I fibbed a little on the phone. My laptop didn’t overheat. See, I bought a new one. And let’s just say that I’m not very savvy on the computer. So I have no software installed and I needed my other documents on the new computer.” She bit her bottom lip. “And I was hoping you could fix it.”

  “That’s not a problem. Why didn’t you just ask me?”

  “I was embarrassed that I couldn’t figure it out on my own.”

  I smiled. “Naw. That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m sure you’re good at a lot of other things.”
>
  She looked at her high-heeled feet and blushed.

  She was too adorable.

  “Okay. I’ll let you get to work on it.”

  She walked past me and her scent filled my nostrils. This time she smelled like strawberries. I wished she would stay in the room. But I played it off and got to work. By the time I was done I had two more other women come to her door and say something was wrong with their computers.

  So I walked over to the cubicles to see what the problem is. Then I had a crowd of women standing around me.

  That’s when Deyja came over. “Well, it looks like you’re very popular here, Isaiah. I hope they’re not working you too hard.” She eyed her staff as she said this.

  But honestly, there was nothing wrong with their computers. They were checking me out. Because once I was in Deyja’s office I had taken off my T-shirt and had on a wife beater. Prison had made me bigger than I already was so I figured they were checking out my physique.

  “Everything seems to be fine,” I told the older woman from the group of women that claimed their computers needed repairs.

  “Just making sure,” she said, giving Deyja a guilty smile.

  The rest of the women scurried back to their cubicles, while the men watched and shook their heads at them.

  “I’ll meet you up front. Just let me go to my office and get my checkbook.” She walked away. I watched her as she walked. She had a sexy walk. Not one of them where a woman was doing too much by poking her butt out or excessively switching hips. She just moved in a naturally sexy way.

  When she disappeared around the corner, I grabbed all my equipment and went up front.

  Once there, I stood near the secretary. She looked at me and gestured for me to come closer with one of her hands.

  “Isn’t Deyja pretty?” she whispered, looking around to make sure no one was near to hear what she was asking me.

  I smiled. “She’s beautiful.”

  “And single,” she added. “Why don’t you ask her out?”

  “I—”

  Deyja walked toward us with the check.

  “Thank you so much,” she said, handing it to me.

  I nodded and slipped the check into my back pocket.

  I made a step to walk away but stopped and faced her. By the secretary suggesting what she did, it gave me a little more confidence to do something.

  “I hope you don’t take offense to what I’m about to say.” I cleared my throat. “Would you consider letting me take you out sometime?”

  She was taken aback by what I said and looked surprised.

  “She’ll go!” the secretary blurted out before Deyja could respond.

  Deyja pierced her with a look. Her face softened when she turned back to me and she took a deep breath before she spoke. “You seem like you are a really nice man, Isaiah.”

  My hope sunk at that point. I knew she was just buttering me up to tell me no.

  “Deyja, you haven’t been out in—”

  “Tia. Stop it.”

  The secretary put her hands up, as if in surrender.

  Deyja continued. “Right now I don’t have any interest in going out.” She placed a hand on my sleeve. “But I do appreciate you offering.”

  I nodded, wanting to beg her to change her mind. But I didn’t. “Have a nice day,” I said gruffly.

  Deyja simply nodded.

  “Bye,” the secretary yelled.

  I tossed her a smile over my shoulder and exited the place. Maybe it was better that way, anyway. I mean, I was playing with fire by trying to date her. Eventually I would have to tell her who I really was.

  I walked out of the office and toward Zalman’s car. I was opening the door when I heard heels on the pavement behind me.

  I turned around and spied Deyja coming my way.

  I though maybe I had left some of my equipment in there.

  Once she closed the space between us, she said in a low voice, “One more time.”

  “One more time what?” I asked, confused.

  She took a deep breath and said, “Ask me out again.”

  I started to ask her what changed her mind but thought different. I gave her a slow smile and took a deep breath. “Can I take you out some time?”

  “Yes.”

  Chapter 30

  I didn’t know where to take her. I didn’t know how I was going to take her anywhere. But when I called her, she told me she wanted me to meet her at the Farmers’ Market so I didn’t need to worry about any of this. My only worry now was her seeing me get off of the city bus.

  The Farmers’ Market was located in downtown Long Beach. It was a nice place to go and buy fresh fruit, clothes, jewelry, accessories, and even paintings. They even played jazz out by the waterfalls. Before I went to prison, on paydays, I would take my mother and she would go crazy buying stuff.

  I spied Deyja standing near a vendor who was selling different pieces of African jewelry.

  I paused and allowed my eyes to scan her.

  She was dressed in a spring dress that had an array of colors: hues of orange, brown, amber, and red. It was tied around her neck and crisscrossed down her back. The bottom of her dress hung in little sheaths down to the thighs. She had her hair pulled back from her pretty face. She wore a pair of gold earrings that were interlocking rings. They hung delicately from her ears. I snuck away and went to the vendor that sold roses. I bought one for five dollars and made my way over to her.

  She was still studying the jewelry.

  “Hi, Deyja.”

  She spun around quickly and spied me. She gave me another one of her smiles. “Hi, Isaiah.”

  I handed the flower to her.

  “Thank you.” She broke off the stem of the flower and placed it in her hair. All it did was make her look prettier than she already looked.

  I inhaled her scent. This time she smelled like some sweet spices like pumpkin pie, no bullshit. Her hands were painted a peach color. So were her toes that were in a simple pair of opened toes with a low heel.

  She turned back to the jewelry. “What do you think of these pieces?” she asked me.

  I stepped closer to her, hoping she would not object to how close I was. I inhaled her scent again and looked at the softness of her shoulders bared in the dress.

  Damn.

  “I think this one would look good on you.”

  It was a necklace made from ivory pieces that were in different shapes, a turquoise rock in the center.

  “You think so?” she tossed over her shoulder.

  I nodded.

  “Can I see that one, please?” she asked politely.

  The lady handed it to her and Deyja placed it against her chest.

  “It goes with your complexion.” There was a mirror in front of her. She eyed me in it.

  I looked back.

  She dropped her eyes.

  It was crazy that all she had on her face was a little lip gloss and she still looked pretty. Her beauty was natural.

  “I’ll take this one.”

  She handed it back to the lady, who wrapped it up in tissue paper for her.

  The necklace came to thirty-two dollars and although I didn’t have money to spare, I pulled out the money to pay for it.

  “Let me buy it for you.”

  She lowered her eyes as the cashier took the money out of my hand.

  “Thank you,” she told me.

  “No problem.”

  Once the lady handed it to her, we walked away.

  “What else would you like to see?” I asked her.

  She was much shorter than me, so to stop me from walking she tugged on one of the sleeves of my shirt. “Let’s look at those.”

  We walked over to some scarves. She fingered a deep purple one.

  “Let me buy that for you,” I said.

  “Listen, Isaiah. I appreciate you offering to buy that for me and buying the necklace. But understand that I didn’t have you come here to spend your money on me. So don’t think you have to impres
s me by buying up the market.”

  I had never had a woman tell me that.

  I nodded. “I just wanna do something to make you happy.”

  She blushed at my words.

  “I like when you do that.”

  She looked away, ignoring the comment. “Let’s go over there.” It was a table where a man was selling cologne.

  Once at the table, she lifted one and placed it to my nostrils. “Tell me when you like a scent.”

  She picked a cologne off of the table and got close enough to me to lift it to my nostrils. Although it smelled good I wanted her to stay close to me. She would stand on her tippy toes and her body would brush against mine. When she lifted a third scent to my nose, I said, “I like that one.”

  “Cool Water,” she told me.

  I had worn it before. But I acted like it was a new scent to me.

  And before I could say anything, she bought it for me. It didn’t feel right and I tried to stop her by pulling the money out of my pocket and even thought it was my last, I would have spent my last dime and ate rice and top ramen for the next month just to be in her presence. But Deyja pushed one of my hands away.

  “Thanks,” I said after she handed me the bag with the cologne.

  She smiled. “You need a special treat too because something tells me that you do for everybody else before you do for yourself.”

  I chuckled.

  We walked over to the fruit section. “You know, it’s been so long since I have been on a date. A long time, Isaiah. My employees say too long. My life consists of work and church.”

  “Oh yeah?” I followed behind her, admiring her soft thighs and calves as the edges of the sheaths of her dress swayed with the wind.

  “Yep.” She bit her bottom lip as if she was hesitating to tell me something. “Sometimes moving on can be—” She shook her head and turned back to the fruit. “Hey, let’s get one of those and share it, so you don’t have to worry about going in your pocket.” She shoved me toward a bench and said, “You sit down over there and I will bring it to you.”

  I did as she instructed.

  A few moments later, I watched her come back with a small plastic bowl. It had various types of fruit: cutup mango, cantaloupe, strawberries, pineapple, and slivers of coconut.

  She handed me a fork and said, “Get in there.”