Thug in Me

by Karen Williams

  He laughed loudly. “Yeah? I done did that shit!”

  I chuckled.

  My laughter stopped when he said, “That shit don’t last. And remember the way you get somebody is how you lose them. Shit, when you piss her off she will probably start writing another man in prison.”

  I disregarded his negativity by saying, “Naw. Not Deyja. She is different.”

  “Deyja?”

  I gave a sharp look to his wide eyes.

  “Don’t tell me you know her.” I held my breath.

  He downed his drink and eyed a thick redbone walking down the aisle. “Naw. That shit just sound like a white-girl name.”

  I exhaled and relaxed. “Nigga, you better stop fucking with me.”

  He laughed again.

  “She’s beautiful, sweet, pure.” I rubbed my hands together. “I just hope I don’t manage to fuck things up between us.”

  He flicked his finger at the redbone. She came walking over our way.

  When she got to us, Calhoun said, “My boy fresh out. Give him a lap dance.”

  She walked over to me but I stopped her quickly before she could even get a word out. “I’m straight, baby.”

  “Well fuck it! Give a nigga one,” Calhoun exclaimed.

  I shook my head at him as he tricked off some more money. I just sat there and sipped on my drink. I wondered what Deyja was doing and wished I was spending my time with her instead of Calhoun’s dumb ass.

  When I got to Mateo, I got straight to the point. I wasn’t about to let him butter me up by offering me food and another promise. Today. If he didn’t have any type of lead I wasn’t paying him shit.

  “Last week I had somebody come to my job with a gun and hit me on the head. I think it’s him. Ron—”

  Before I could comment further, the detective placed a cell phone in front of me. “Chance. Is that him?”

  I scanned the picture on his cell phone. It brought back memories of the day he lied on me in court. I gritted my teeth and shoved the phone away. “Yeah, that’s him.”

  He just stared at me. “I’m getting close, Chance, closer than you think. I’m in contact with someone in his circle that is a little . . . let’s just say, upset with him. Trust and believe me, I’m going to find him. But when I give you that call you have to be ready to go. It’s going to happen sooner than you think.”

  I twisted my lip to the side and forked over another hundred dollars.

  “All right, man.” I grabbed the pen and notepad off his desk and jotted down my cell phone. “You can reach me on this number.” It was the number to the cell phone Zalman gave me for after-hours. He was so cheap that he only chirped me to save minutes.

  “Vido mas. Vido mas,” Mateo sang, taking the notepad back from me. He flicked his finger for his pen that I absentmindedly placed in my pocket. I shook my head, slipped it out of my pocket, and handed it to him.

  As I left, I wondered if this was such a good idea to continue with this. I had been feeling that way ever since the guy I felt was Ron Jasper had come to my job and hit me in the head with a gun.

  While I waited to hear word from Mateo, I started spending a lot of time with Deyja. We took trips to the park, mostly walked and talked. Little by little, she was getting closer to me. She started being more affectionate, hugging me and whatnot. We still hadn’t crossed the line to making love again. I wanted to but I didn’t want to force it. I knew it would happen again when the time was right. I was surprised one day when she brought it up to me. About a month had passed since the first time. All we had been doing was kissing and hugging. One day she asked me, “How come you haven’t tried to make love to me again, Isaiah?”

  We were at the farmers’ market again sitting on the benches where they were playing jazz.

  I laughed and said, “Believe me, baby, I want to. Matter a fact, I want to turn you over and flip up your dress right now.”

  She shoved me playfully and looked around to make sure no one else heard me. “Isaiah!”

  “Seriously, the last time I didn’t feel right about doing it so soon. I felt like I dogged you. And I don’t want to feel like that again. And I don’t ever want you to feel like that’s all I want from you, so I’m waiting for the right time to come around again.”

  “How will you know when it’s the right time?”

  I reached over and kissed her earlobe and whispered in her ear, “’Cause you’re going to tell me. You going to come to me when you’re ready.”

  “Oh,” was all she said. Then she shivered.

  I wrapped an arm around her. “You cold, baby?”

  “No, I’m fine. It’s just sometimes the things you say . . .”

  I pulled her closer and kissed her.

  A few days after our visit to the Farmers’ Market, Deyja told me to meet her at her house after she got out of church, which was around twelve. She then had me pulling up the weeds in her yard. Once I was done, I came in her house with just my pants on, sweating like crazy.

  I knew I was buff from being in prison for the last seven years and she was admiring my muscles as she was in the kitchen making us some spaghetti for our lunch.

  She smiled and said, “I’m almost done cooking.”

  “Okay. I’m going to go shower all this dirt and sweat off of me, if that’s okay with you.”

  “Go ahead.”

  I went into her bathroom. Since I knew she was going to have me doing yard work, I had brought an extra set of clothes.

  I turned on her shower and stripped down.

  “Hurry up, Isaiah!”

  “I’m coming,” I yelled.

  I lathered up quickly, washing my whole body and even washing my curly hair. I had just rinsed off when she knocked on the bathroom door.

  “It’s open,” I said, turning the water off.

  The door opened and she stepped in the bathroom.

  “Everything okay?” I asked, shaking my wet hair in the shower.

  She was silent.

  I could only see her silhouette through the sliding glass door. I was curious as to why she was quiet and immediately thought something was wrong.

  When I slid my face out. I was surprised to find her buck-naked and facing me. She said simply, “I think I want you to make love to me again, Isaiah.”

  That’s all she had to say.

  I tossed the shower door back and stepped out.

  She turned her back to me and walked from the bathroom to her bedroom.

  I stood for a moment and admired her as she walked. Deyja was bad. Her skin was flawless, waist was so small, her rump firm—and man, her thighs and calves. Instantly my dick was hard watching her walk her normal walk. The shit was sexy as hell to me.

  She paused near her bed and turned to face me. I was still in the same spot, watching her from the bathroom door. Now I was hit with a view of her perky breasts and dark-colored nipples.

  I licked my now dry lips.

  She looked a little nervous and slipped under the covers of her bed.

  I followed after her and got into the bed, spooning her.

  I rubbed my hands alongside her bottom and her waist.

  “Come here, baby.”

  She scooted closer to me.

  “Can I see you?”

  She nodded.

  I peeled the covers back from her body. And this time I took my time looking at her. I stared everywhere, from her sexy lips to her perfect C-cup breast to her chocolate nipples. My eyes were then on her thighs and the span of her hips. I admired her pussy and her pink clit. I placed kisses on her stomach, taking the time to dip my tongue in her navel.

  She moaned softly and her hands started playing in my still wet hair.

  I grabbed a hand, one at a time, and sucked on each one of her fingers. Her eyes were half closed as she watched me. I eased myself down further until I was between her legs.

  “Can I taste you, Deyja?”

  “Yes.”

  So I did. I took her completely in my mouth and the taste
was so sweet. I eased my tongue out of her and sucked on her clit.

  She started moaning and thrashing her head from side to side. Her cries were making me crazy. I was already hard beyond means. I was sticking my fingers, first one, then two, inside of her hole all while I continued sucking on her clit. A free hand reached up and massaged her nipples that were as hard as rocks.

  She was still so tight.

  “Isaiah!”

  “I know, baby.”

  I wanted to take my time and really enjoy her. And let her enjoy the things I was doing to her body.

  But she was pleading with me.

  I placed more kisses between her thighs, down to her knees, then back up again toward her pussy, and licked the juices that leaked there.

  For a second I thought about going in her without protection and getting her pregnant so I could always have her in my life despite whatever happened between us. I had never had the desire to get a woman pregnant so soon. And I was about to take a gamble and do it because I loved Deyja. But before I could, she pointed at the nightstand.

  So I edged my way toward it, pulled it opened and pulled out a condom she had resting on the top of bras and underwear. I ripped it open and put it on. Then I got back on the bed and pulled her body on top of mine so that she could ride me.

  First she took her time and rode me slowly. But I started slapping her on the ass and pressuring her to speed up.

  “Come on. Get that dick, baby.”

  That’s when she got wild with it, thrusting up and down on me and twisting her body in a circular motion.

  I reached up and grasped her breasts and started playing with her nipples, squeezing them between my fingers. Then I rubbed my palms across them.

  I then gripped her and propelled her up and down on my dick so she could move at a faster pace.

  Her moaning continued and I flipped her over so that I could hit it from the back.

  But before I stuck it back in, I began eating her from behind while gripping her ass in my hands.

  She pleaded with me. “Isaiah, please finish making love to me!” She was reaching behind her, grabbing my knees.

  I reinserted my dick back into her.

  “Get it,” I told her, breathing hard.

  She started bumping against me, making me groan as her pussy splashed against me.

  I then started meeting her pace, ramming into her harder and harder.

  I held onto my nut so she could get hers, but once she started convulsing and her pussy twitching on my dick, I let loose all up in her. Well, I wish into her, but into the condom.

  The next thing I knew we were all sweaty in the bed. Despite the sweat and how hot we felt, we were still all on each other.

  I played with her by saying, “You got wild with it, D,” giving her a nickname.

  She buried her head in my chest. “Oh god. I’m sorry!”

  I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her on her head.

  “Naw, it’s cool. I liked it, baby.”

  She sat up in the bed. “Isaiah, all of this feels so foreign to me.”

  “What?”

  “This. Do you know how long it has been since I have even dated, let alone had sex with a man?”

  It couldn’t have been as long as I had been waiting, I wanted to say, but I didn’t.

  “I honestly feel like I’m starting all over again, because for so long, I have been scared to see another man. But you, I don’t know . . . there is something different about you, Isaiah. I feel safe on so many levels. It doesn’t feel like I’ve known you a couple of months. And you have been in my head ever since out first date. And I think I want to explore where this can go.”

  It sounded so good to hear her say that.

  But I was curious. “Why has it been so long since you have dated someone else?”

  That’s when she inhaled as if she was about to speak, then she stopped herself.

  “I’m going to go and get the spaghetti served up for us.”

  Chapter 35

  We made love four times that day.

  Deyja pretty much had to push me out of her house. I didn’t want to leave.

  “If I don’t get you out of here I’m not going to be able to get any work done!” she said as she pulled up to my hotel. I wasn’t ashamed to show her where I lived, because she said my financial status and living situation didn’t matter to her I wondered what would matter to her. What would be a deal breaker for us? And there were still things I wanted to confess to her, but fear of losing her wouldn’t let me.

  “Bye, Isaiah.”

  “Bye, baby.” I kissed her sweet lips again and got out of her car.

  I waved to her one last time before going into the building.

  Once I got to my room I unlocked my door, walked in, and laid back on my bed, reliving the past couple days.

  I had never fell for somebody so hard and so bad as this girl in my life.

  “Man.” I chuckled, thinking about her.

  Then there was a knock on my door.

  I figured it was Deyja. Maybe she changed her mind about work and wanted to play some more.

  But when I opened the door, I saw Toi standing there.

  I paused and stared at her.

  She placed two hands up as if in surrender. “Before you think I’m stalking, let me come in.” No response from me.

  “Can I come in?”

  “No.”

  “Chance, you ain’t gotta act like this, baby. Come home to me. And it can be like old times.” She gestured toward my room. “You aint’ gotta stay in no shit hole like this! Yeah, I’m back in the Springdales, but my crib is decked out. We can be like old times. Like no time has passed between us.”

  She reached out to hug me.

  I took a step back, causing her hands to fall to her sides.

  Her face turned to an ugly scowl. “Is it cause of that bitch who just dropped you off?”

  “You need to stay out my business,” I warned.

  “Humph. I guess that fucking bitch got your nose wide open. With her stuck-up ass.”

  “Yeah? And what do you know about her?”

  “That she is the bitch you chasing after. Keep on chasing after her. That’s all you’ll ever be able to do, ’cause I’m pretty sure she don’t do convicts!”

  Her head rolled around on her neck and she now had her hands on her hips. “I bet you ain’t bothered to tell her you did seven years in jail for murdering a cop.”

  “You need to get the fuck on, Toi.” I made a move to close the door in her face but her words stopped me.

  “Maybe I’ll just pay her a visit and tell her my damn self.”

  That’s when I snatched her in the room and had her hemmed up against the wall.

  I studied her face. First she seemed scared, then hurt, then angry. “Muthafu—”

  But I was tired of her and her bullshit.

  I placed a hand over her mouth. “Shut up.” I stepped even closer to her and stared in her eyes intently. “Listen and listen well. What we had—is gone. I don’t love you. I don’t even like you. I don’t want no parts of you. Get that shit through your fucking head! Leave Deyja the fuck alone, keep my name out your fucking mouth, and stop coming around here!”

  Tears spilled from her eyelids onto my fingers.

  When I released her, she slid to the ground, looking pitiful.

  I turned my back on her and shook my head.

  Then in a flash, before I could catch her, she ran to my kitchen area.

  “Get the fuck out!”

  Next thing I knew, she was rushing toward me with a knife in her hand, yelling, “Muthafucka!”

  She aimed it toward my chest.

  I moved over to the side and she blindly plunged it into the wall, putting a hole there. She spun back around, facing me. She paused as if she was deciding whether or not to go after me again.

  Before she could make another move, I lunged for her, knocking her on the floor.

  I used my strength
to twist her body up like a pretzel with one hand and snatched the knife out of her hands with my other hand.

  She started sobbing uncontrollably.

  I didn’t want to hurt her. But at the same time, like I said, I didn’t want any parts of her.

  “Chance, please! It’s ’cause I love you so much, that I’m acting this way. I’m sorry I turned my back on you! Please give me another chance!”

  I tossed the knife toward the kitchen and went to the door. I opened it and held it open for her.

  “Get out.”

  She dragged her miserable ass out my door, sobbing all the way.

  Once she was gone, I slammed the door shut and locked it behind her.

  Chapter 36

  The next day, Deyja ended up popping up at my job during my lunch break.

  “Hi, baby.”

  “Hi,” she said.

  I studied her. Something didn’t look right.

  I came from around the counter and hugged her. “Everything okay?”

  She pulled away. “Isaiah. I need you to go somewhere with me.”

  I closed the shop and called Zalman to let him know I would be gone a couple hours. He said it was going to cost me. I didn’t care.

  I was surprised when she brought me to an actual cemetery called Forest Lawn. I wondered what her purpose was bringing me there.

  “Remember when you asked me why I hadn’t been with another man in a long time?”

  “Yeah.”

  We got out of her car and continued to walk past the cars down a path of tombstones.

  “Well, I am going to show you why, today. Now.”

  We continued to walk down the path.

  I glanced a few feet away from where we were, a huge group of people were gathered by a grave, looking utterly depressed.

  Being there made me think of my mother.

  I looked away but continued to follow her until she said, “Okay. Isaiah, here it is.”

  We stopped in front of a huge tombstone. I read the words engraved on them and froze in disbelief. Devin Johnson, 1/1/1980–3/6/2003. Gone Far Too soon And Never To Be Forgotten.