The Decision

by Patricia Roberts

  “This is great” he told Cody. “I have to agree with him. I am not much of a pizza lover but I liked the pizza” Samantha told him. “Thanks I try to make it healthy” he told them. “So how did you get into cooking?” Ryan asked him. “Our mother died four years ago.”

  “I am so sorry” Samantha told them. “It’s alright I think it’s brought us closer together” Shelby told them smiling. “Do you mind if I ask what she died of?” Samantha asked her.

  “No of course not she had ovarian cancer. By the time they found it there wasn’t anything that they could do for her. For a while people brought over enough food to last us months and then it seemed to run out. None of us were what you would call good cooks. Dad almost burnt the kitchen down one morning and don’t get me started on Shelby. She made burgers one night that were so blood red in the middle I refused to eat them” Cody said laughing. “I seriously pray for the man that marries you.”

  “Oh hush” she told him blushing. Stephen looked at her and smiled. He imagined her being married and it angered him. “So I started to go to the library and picked up cookbooks. It looked easy enough to me but I did make a few mistakes. Did I mention that I am a perfectionist? If they told me it was okay I would throw it out” he said laughing. “I think we just learned to tell you we loved it every time” Shelby said laughing at him.

  “So over time I got better and felt like I actually enjoyed getting to do it. So when dad asked if I wanted to come work at the diner I couldn’t say no” he told them. They enjoyed the rest of the evening and after they left Samantha drove Stephen to his house and got out to say goodbye. “Alright you’re my brother and I know when something is bothering you. What was up with you tonight?”

  “It was Shelby” he told her sighing. “Was it something she said?” Samantha asked confused. “Not at all, she seems like a lovely person.” “Then what was the problem?”

  “The problem is that she is beautiful and I had feelings for her and don’t know how to deal with that. Plus the fact that even if I was normal I would be eighteen years older than her, and her dad would kill me.” Samantha couldn’t help it and started to laugh. “You think this is funny?” he asked frowning.

  “Of course not I just haven’t seen you this flustered since you were with Lily. I know you don’t like talking about her or what happened but I know that she would not have wanted you to be alone for the rest of your life. It’s perfectly normal for you to have feelings for someone. Who cares how old you are? I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Also what are you talking about not being normal?” she asked him.

  “Let’s face the facts I am not the happy go lucky kid I was before I joined the army. The littlest things tick me off anymore.”

  “Well of course you’re not the same as you were. You went in the army over twenty years ago. People change in that period of time. As for people ticking you off do you know that the man I sleep next to every night and love snores so loud sometimes that I want to hit him over the head.” Stephen couldn’t help it and laughed.

  “See that right there is what you need to do more” of Samantha said giving him a hug. “What is that?” he asked her. “Smile” she told him. “I have to go but I will see you in the morning. I love you Stephen.” “I love you to Samantha, thanks for all that you do.”

  “That is what I am here for.”

  Over across town Haley was playing a game of cards against John while Cody and Shelby were cleaning the kitchen. “So what did you think of them?” Cody asked her. “They seemed like nice people” she told him. “Uh huh” he said. “What?” she asked him. “I think there was more going on between you and Stephen.”

  “What are you talking about? The man barely spoke to me the whole night.”

  “He might not have been speaking to you but he was looking at you.”

  “Are you kidding me? I am so not in his league. He could probably bench press me and have you forgot that he is dad’s age.”

  “Age is just a number” John said walking in and getting a slice of pie. “Dad were you spying on us” Cody asked smirking. “Of course not you know I can hear anything in this house” he said smirking. Cody snorted and looked over at his dad.

  “Some things never change in this house. You always were able to figure out when I was going to sneak out of the house. How did you manage that?” he asked him. “It had nothing to do with spying. You reminded me of myself” he said laughing. “Where is my wife?” Cody asked. “She fell asleep playing cards.”

  “I better get her home. She had to wake up early this morning to take her mom to the doctor. I will see you guys tomorrow.”

  “Goodnight” Shelby told him as he left. When she turned around she seen her dad staring at her. “What?” she asked him. “You’re attracted to him.”

  “I don’t know dad. I felt something when I saw him but he barely spoke to me so I don’t know what that means.”

  “I told you that he didn’t have a good past and something tells me that he isn’t over what happened. There seemed to be a sadness to him today.”

  “I know I saw it to” Shelby said. “As for him being my age I don’t think I would have a problem with it.”

  “Dad, he is over eighteen years older than I am.”

  “I know that but sometimes love doesn’t account for that. The simple truth is I could come down with something and die tomorrow.” “Dad” she said sadly. “One thing I learned from your mother having cancer is that we can’t stay young forever. We all have to go sometime and it does no one any good to sit around waiting on someone when they are right in front of them.”

  “I guess your right it is a lot to think about.”

  Shelby went home that night and had dreams of the mysterious man from dinner. She woke up the next morning and didn’t know how to feel about him. Over the next few months Shelby noticed the strangest things. If she seen Stephen in town anywhere he would go in the opposite direction. If he came in to visit with her dad as soon as he seen her he would leave. She was beginning to wonder if she was the problem. Had she done something to offend him the night they had dinner? She had come inside to work at the diner when she seen him leaving when he spotted her. She spotted one of the waitresses and asked her to cover for a few minutes and she ran outside. She seen Stephen hurrying for his car and she ran after him.

  “Stephen” she called out. He turned around to her and they heard a pop as a car misfired. All of a sudden he was on top of her with a weird look in his eye.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Stephen?” she asked cautiously. “What happened?” he asked confused. “There was a loud pop from a car backfiring and you drug me to the ground.”

  “I am sorry” he said getting up. “Does that happen a lot?” she asked him. “No” he said glaring at her. “I think that we need to talk.”

  “I have nothing to say to you.”

  “Did I do something wrong? I thought that we all got along at my dad’s but ever since then you haven’t come near me. Whenever I walk in a room you leave. If you see me on the street you walk the other way.”

  “I can’t talk about it” he said getting angry. “I am sorry if I did anything” she said looking down. “This is precisely why I tried to stay away from you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “If you know what is best you will stay away from me. I am not a kind man and I don’t want anything to do with a little girl like you. If I wanted someone I would go with a real woman. Stay out of my life” he screamed at her and ran to his car. Shelby stared at him as he drove away with tears on his face. She had never been more hurt by anyone in her life. That was when a thought occurred to her. She knew then that he wasn’t attracted to her but he had felt so right with his arms around her when they fell to the ground. How stupid could she be? She walked back inside and Haley seen her.

  “What’s going on?” Haley asked her. “I don’t know if I can work this afternoon.”

  “Come upstairs to the office and le
t’s talk” she told her. They arrived in the office and sat down on the couch. “Now what is going on? I have never seen you this upset.” She told her what had happened and Haley had never been so mad at anyone before. “That little rat” she began. It made Shelby cry to hear her talk like that. “Don’t be upset with him. I don’t blame him it’s just I don’t know what I did.”

  “Sweetheart you didn’t do anything wrong. If he can’t see what is right in front of him then that is his mistake.”

  “I guess” she told her. Haley felt horrible for how she was feeling and then she came up with an idea. “I have the perfect idea. You’re going to be starting your teaching job in a month and then you will be real busy. Your grandma Paige has been asking us to come and see her in Oklahoma. I think it would be good for you to go visit her. I know she would love to see you and that would get you out of town and a chance to get a clear head.”

  “I don’t know wouldn’t you guys be short staffed here?”

  “If we are we will deal with it. You’re always helping other people I want you to do something for yourself.”

  “Alright it would be good to see my grandmother.” Later that day Shelby called Paige and she was excited to see her. Shelby made her flight arrangements and would be leaving in the morning. Her dad had been happy to hear she was going to visit and had told her not to worry about anything. He had noticed how sad she looked and hoped it would do her good to get away. The next morning Shelby got on the flight and found her grandmother waiting for her at the Tulsa airport.

  “Oh Shelby it’s so good to see you” Paige told her. “Grandma you look great” she told her. Her grandmother was sixty-five but looked like she was in her fifties. She had long red hair and was as skinny as a rail. She still looked the same to Shelby. When they got to the house they sat at the table to drink some tea. Her grandparents had moved out here when Shelby turned eight. Her mother had needed help because she was sick and they lived on the farm.

  “I can’t get over how beautiful it is out here” Shelby told her. “I know it still shocks me sometimes. Enough about me how are you doing?” she asked her. “I am good I start my teaching job next month and I still help dad out at the diner.”

  “That is great” Paige said eyeing her. “What?” she asked her. Paige looked at her granddaughter and frowned. She had always been close to Shelby. They would write each other when they were young and she would come spend the summer out here. She could sense a sadness in Shelby that she didn’t like.

  “Sweetheart I know you and I know something is wrong. What is going on?” she asked her. “I don’t know where to start” she sighed. “How about the beginning?”

  “Alright do you remember a guy dad went to school with Stephen Matthews? He was in ninth grade when dad graduated.” “I think I do. They were on the football team together.”

  “Yes dad said he went to the army after school.”

  “That is right I remember him now. Your dad had called a few years after we left and told me how he had lost his wife and son. It was very tragic.”

  “Yes I can’t imagine what that must have been like. So dad got a phone call a few months ago saying how he was moving to town. Dad was so excited and had invited them over for dinner. I thought that the dinner went well but I felt an attraction to him. Then all of a sudden every time I seen him he would avoid me. If he was chatting with dad at the diner and seen me come in he would rush out. If I see him in town he would turn the opposite way. I finally had enough a few days ago and decided to ask him what I had done to offend him. When I went out to talk to him I called out his name and when I did a vehicle backfired. He pulled me down to the ground like it was a gunshot. When I asked him why he had been avoiding me he told me he didn’t want to be around me. He got angry and said I was a little girl and if he wanted someone he could find a real woman. It hurts because I feel an attraction to someone who is a few years younger than my dad and he wasn’t even interested in me” Shelby said looking down.

  Paige was trying really hard not to get upset at a man she barely remembered. “Shelby look at me” Paige said sternly. “First of all if he isn’t interested in you then that is his loss but I don’t think that is what is going on.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked her. “A lot of times people can be mean to a person because there feeling things they don’t want to feel. You may have made him feel something for you and he doesn’t want to right now. Secondly I think that he might have PTSD.”

  “What do you mean?” Shelby asked her. “We had a worker here a few years back. I knew him before he went over to Iraq. He was one of the sweetest boys. When he came back he came to work for us and he would get agitated at the smallest things. So I started to do some research. People who have been in war area’s like him sometimes come home with PTSD. That stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It can bring back flashbacks, agitation, avoidance, makes them tense, or having outburst. It sounds to me like he had an episode and then took out some of his aggression on you.”

  “What can they get for help?” Shelby asked concerned. “He can go to the doctor and they can put them on medications but a lot of times it just eases the symptoms. Thirdly you’re a beautiful young woman. If he can’t see what is standing right in front of him then that is his problem not yours.”

  “Thanks grandma” she told her giving her a hug. “Whatever happened to the worker?”

  “He still works for me and I knew his grandfather so I went to speak to him about my research and they got him the help he needed” she said glaring. “What is it grandma?”

  “Oh I am just not a fan of his grandfather. He has been a thorn in my side for years. We actually dated a few times a few years ago but he is more worried about the price of beans then to date me” she said angrily. Shelby couldn’t help it and smiled. She could imagine her grandmother dating.

  “As for your age did you know your grandfather was ten years older than me?”

  “What?” Shelby asked shocked. Pete Ryan had died of a heart attack eight years ago. She knew her grandmother had been very sad when it happened. “I know Stephen is a lot older than you but age is just a number. If you love him and he loves you then that is all that anyone needs to worry about.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Stephen was officially in a bad mood. It had been four days since he had yelled at Shelby and it was like she disappeared. He felt like before she was all he was seeing, and now he couldn’t find her anywhere. It made his heart hurt over the things he had said to her and how he had acted towards her. He hadn’t meant a word of it and he watched her as he drove away with tears down her face. Haley seen Stephen come in the diner and frowned at him.

  “Hey what is up with that frown?” Cody asked her. “Nothing I am fine” she told him. “If you say so” he said shaking his head. “Hey” Samantha said coming over to their table at the diner. “Hey” he said sullenly. “What can I get you?” they heard and looked up to see Haley standing there glaring at him. “Hey Haley where is Shelby at? I haven’t seen her in a few days” Samantha asked her confused. “She left town” she said staring at Stephen. “What?” he yelled out. “What did you expect to happen?” she asked him. “How long will she be gone?” Samantha asked her.

  “She will be back next week. No offense to you Samantha you seem like a nice person but if you know what is best for you then I would stay away from her Stephen. I will have someone else come over” she said stomping away. “What in the world was that about?” she asked him. “I had a fight with Shelby the other day.”

  “What about?” she asked worried. “It was all my fault” he sighed and put his face in his hands. “Talk to me” Samantha said. “It was like after we went to dinner she was everywhere I turned around. I would leave if she was here or go the opposite way if I see her on the street.” “Why?” Samantha asked him. “I am eighteen years older than her Samantha.”

  “So?” she asked him. “I feel like it’s wrong of me to think the things I am abou
t her. Not only because I am older than her but because of Lily.”

  “Sweetheart I would understand if she was under eighteen but she is not. She is twenty-two and you are forty. Yes the age is quite a bit but if you love someone the age should not matter to them. Do you love her?” she asked hesitant. “I don’t know if I do. Every time that I think about her I feel guilty because of Lily.”

  “Stephen I am so sorry that you lost Lily. I know that you loved her and would have loved Timothy also but I also know that she wouldn’t have wanted for you to be sad and lonely after she left.”

  “I have went on dates” he mumbled. “With people you knew it wouldn’t possibly work out with. I think that Shelby is different. I think that you could see a future with her and that thought terrifies you.” “What do I do?” he asked her. “I think the first thing you need to do is let go of Lily” she said sadly. “How do I do that? There are some days she is all I can think about. I know people think she has been gone for ten years and that I should be over it but I can’t.”

  “I know that it’s hard. Lily was a dear friend to me. I think you take it one day at a time but I also think there is something that you could do to start the healing process.”

  “What is that?” he asked her. “I know you haven’t been to the cemetery since we buried them. I think you should go and say goodbye” she told him. “I don’t know if I can” he started. “Until you let her go nothing is ever going to change Stephen.”

  “Alright” he said and looked sad. That afternoon after he got off from work Stephen pulled up to the cemetery and got out. He found his wife and son’s grave and sat down. “I don’t know how to do this Lily” he said with tears in her eyes. “I think about you both every day. I think about the fact that Timothy would be ten years old. Would he want to play sports or have his head in a book? I can’t keep on living this way and I don’t think that you would want me to. I have met someone. She reminds me a lot of you. She doesn’t know that I watch her sometimes. She has such a soft heart and she is a nice person to everyone that she meets. I said some horrible things to her and I don’t know how to make it up to her. It sure would be nice if you could give me a sign and let me know that you’re okay” with that he said. He heard nothing and stood up.