The Cure

by Loren Schechter

  Bunny slapped the steering wheel and glared at Vendetta. “Don’t slough the kids off on me, Giuseppe. This isn’t the old country, and I’m not their mother. Kathy is your responsibility to keep safe, remember?”

  “From you. Not from the world.”

  “I can take care of myself,” said Kathy.

  “Like she did?” Bunny jerked her thumb toward Soo.

  A sharp knock on the back door of the hearse caused all heads to turn to the rear. Three broad-shouldered men in brown coveralls stood waiting to unload the coffin. The extreme pallor of their faces marked them as vampires. Behind them, the double doors gaped open.

  “Come,” said Vendetta. “Take all your things.”

  Grabbing their packs, Bunny and the teens clambered out of the car and followed Frank toward the brown door. Vendetta came last. Kathy looked behind him. Two of the vampires were extracting the coffin from the hearse. The third, blond and more handsome than his graying colleagues, was on his cell phone. Meeting her gaze, he blew her a kiss, then snapped his fangs in a practice bite.

  “Don’t look back,” murmured Vendetta. “Mi scusi.” He put his arm around her shoulder.

  Kathy flinched at his touch but did not pull away as Vendetta hustled her forward. He’s trying to keep these guys off me. A cold shiver raced up her neck.

  As they approached the glossy wooden door, Vendetta withdrew his arm. Kathy quietly exhaled a held breath.

  Frank stood just inside the entrance hall, holding the door open. Without his black-ribboned fedora, the beefy vampire was probably no taller than she was. The hat failed to cover up the edges of his hairless white scalp or the gleam in his dark eyes, the left one underlined by a horizontal scar that stretched to the bridge of his beaky nose. As she passed him, Frank extended his head an inch and sniffed. Her own nostrils burned from the sharp chemical odor he exuded. Moving on, she heard him say “An A-positive choice, Joey.”

  “Mine,” Vendetta warned.

  Is he claiming me for real or for show? Kathy hunched her shoulders and walked faster. The large entrance hall was decorated in muted colors. The beige carpet, gold chair upholstery and draperies incorporated woven designs of ghostly flowers barely illuminated by recessed lighting. A vase of calla lilies stood on a table against one cream-colored wall, and white orchids rose from an urn on a pedestal. The walls were decorated with paintings of bucolic landscapes, and a small sign had arrows pointing the way toward the coatroom, restrooms and two chapels. Mirrors were noticeably absent.

  “Someone baking upstairs?”asked Lionel as her companions followed her in.

  Kathy sniffed. “Smells like the cinnamon apple pie our cook used to make at home.”

  “Nice,” said Soo.

  “Sickening,” said Bunny. “Can you tone it down?” she asked Frank.

  The vampire’s lips slid sideways. “I don’t care for it myself, but that’s the scent the widow chose for tonight’s wake. Her husband loved her apple pie, what can I say? It’ll get diluted once the place gets filled with people.”

  Bunny shouldered Soo and Lionel aside to get to Frank. “I’m chemically sensitive. You must have ozone generators or other ventilation equipment to stop the stink.”

  “Ozone’s bad for the planet. We use newer technology.”

  “Well, tone it down before I tone you down.” Bunny raised her shoulders and leaned forward. “Now!”

  Frank took a step back and thrust out his jaw. “You threatening me? Remember, babe, this is Chicago.”

  “Mi scusi,” With an apologetic smile, Vendetta extended his arm between the potential combatants. “Surely, Frank, your marvel of modern technology has levels of intensity more subtle than my travelling companion.”

  Frank nodded. “Sure. I’ll turn it down. But find a cage for your gorilla before she gets hurt.” His expression turned sour. “I’m done here, Joey. I’ll send my assistant out. He can give you guys a tour or stash you away while you wait. I expect warmbloods here in a couple of hours. My guys with the SUV should be back by then, but if you’re still here, stay out of the public areas and keep your lips zipped.” Frank turned to go.

  “I would consider it a favor to use one of the chapels,” said Vendetta. “My student is a talented violinist and he’s preparing for a concert. It’s been difficult to do on the road.”

  “Use Tranquility Chapel. One hour, no more.” Frank walked away in the direction of the restrooms.

  “Grazie,” Vendetta called after him. “Come,” he told Lionel.

  “Can’t I call my mother?”

  “After you practice.”

  Lionel’s shoulders sagged, his expression turned sour.

  “Art demands sacrifice,” said Vendetta. “You will call later.”

  “I’ll be back in a minute,” said Kathy, heading for the door marked Ladies. Well ahead of her, at the South end of the entry hall, Frank was stepping into an elevator. How many floors does this place have?

  She came back to find Bunny and Soo with their backs against a wall, their packs at their feet, their eyes tracking the movement of two vampires who were carrying chairs toward Serenity Chapel. From the open door of Tranquility Chapel came Lionel’s spirited rendition of a classical piece he’d been practicing. “Where’s Frank’s assistant?” she asked.

  “Don’t know,” said Bunny. “Even the vibes stink here. I’ve got a bad feeling about this place. We could be cremated right after that cop and Frank wouldn’t even blink.”

  Soo jerked her head slightly in the direction from which Kathy had come. “Look!” she whispered.

  Kathy turned back. The tall, slim man hurrying toward them in a tuxedo had a fangless smile and a head of gray hair bald men like Frank would die for.

  “Widow-catcher,” murmured Bunny.

  He’s human, thought Kathy. Doesn’t he know he’s working for vampires?

  “Welcome to Bon Voyage, ladies. I’m Enos Swillman, Director of Funerary Ceremonies. How can I help you?” Swillman’s voice was deep, his tone as warm as a psychologist counseling a grieving mother on a reality show.

  “You Frank’s assistant?” Bunny’s question sounded like an accusation.

  “Yes, Mr. Capodenti is my boss.”

  “What did he tell you?”

  “That you are our guests for an hour or two. That I should offer you a room in which to rest or a tour of our facilities. And that I should answer your questions honestly, so that there aren’t any misunderstandings.”

  “Did he tell you I was pissed off because of the stink here?” she demanded.

  “He told me to turn the machine down, so of course I did. Our motto is ‘however you arrive, we will help you depart in peace.’ Would you like to see the crematorium?”

  Kathy offered him a polite smile. “No, thank you.”

  “Yes, let’s,” said Bunny. “I’d like to make sure some baggage we brought in is vaporized.”

  The state trooper. Kathy grimaced. They burned the cruiser, now they’ll burn him. “Soo and I can wait here, or maybe in an office.”

  “If you do not mind,” said Soo, “I would like to go. I am more curious about death since I have been condemned to life.”

  “You heard Joe. We stick together. We’re all going.” Bunny’s tone brooked no argument.

  “Take your backpacks and follow me,” said Swillman. He led them past the restrooms and up a flight of carpeted steps to the second floor, where they entered a brightly lit room full of gleaming caskets. “As you can see, we only offer quality. Please come this way.”

  They passed through a second room of spot-lit ceramic and pewter urns and decorative boxes of wood and metal, and into a third room in which the walls were organized into grids of small lockers set between sconces of artificial flowers.

  Swillman raised his hand to halt the procession. “For those individuals not ready to totally depart, Bon Voyage offers custodial niches.”

  “For ashes? Why?” asked Kathy.

  “Some families don’t want the
‘cremains’ of a loved one scattered to the winds,” said Swillman, “nor do they want another urn cluttering their mantelpiece. Our ‘perpetual care’ lease is guaranteed for one hundred years, the best in the industry. Of course, monthly leases are available for a family that is undecided about what to do with Daddy.”

  Kathy didn’t try to hide her skepticism. “How can you guarantee a hundred years?”

  “With total confidence. I show clients our two hundred million dollar insurance policy against breakage, fire and theft. Naturally, it’s with a vampire insurance company that will never need to pay out a dime. This establishment is protected not only by alarms and sprinklers, but by vampires like Mr. Capodiente and his partners.”

  “Aren’t you afraid to work for vampires?” asked Kathy

  Swillman paused as if weighing how to answer. “Well, in any job that involves danger, one does a risk-benefit analysis. The owners here pay their living employees top dollar, and the health and vacation benefits are excellent. Unfortunately, there’s no life insurance — in fact, they’ll kill me if I quit — and my family, if I talk out of turn. But, on the whole, it makes for a good life while it lasts, with immortality pretty much for the asking.” He cleared his throat. “Come along.”

  The crematorium occupied the small leg of the L on the second floor. “This is the viewing room,” said Swillman, ushering them into what looked like a tiny theater with five rows of free-standing cushioned chairs, six in a row. “The ceremonial room is through the glass.”

  Kathy’s gaze flashed to the crematory oven on the other side of the picture window. It looked like an eight foot tall, front-loading, stainless steel washer with a rectangular door large enough to permit a casket. A control panel with a view screen and rows of red, green and yellow buttons was visible on one side of the oven. “Is it on?” she asked.

  Swillman smiled. “The cremator? Yes, certainly. The motor and blowers are shielded, so there’s no disturbing noise. Right now it’s set at two thousand degrees for ninety minutes, so your baggage in there will come out a lot lighter. Once we use a magnet to extract metal implants and grind up what’s left of the bones, you won’t have to carry more than six pounds out of here. Would you like to see the preparation room in the basement?”

  “No,” said Bunny. “The stink of formaldehyde gets me crazy.”

  “Then I’ll leave you to sit here for a bit of meditation or reflection until your car is ready. Shall I close the drapes?”

  “Leave them open,” said Bunny. “Thanks for the tour.”

  Swillman raised his hand. “Peace be with you.” He headed for the door. “Bon voyage.”

  Breathing a sigh of relief, Kathy put her hand on the back of the nearest chair.

  “I’ll take the end chair,” said Bunny. “You two take aisle chairs right in front of me.”

  Does she need to watch us that closely? Following Soo’s lead, Kathy stepped down to the fourth row from the viewing window, took off her backpack and sank onto a chair. No, Bunny wants us to be able to get out fast. Bad vibes, she said. That’s why she wants us in aisle seats, the drapes open. Smart woman!

  Kathy sat back and looked around. Separated by the thick glass window, the two rooms had been designed as a serene whole. A brown and green tree of life seemed gathered into the folds of the beige drapes that could be closed over the window. Beside the drape on the left was a door to the ceremonial room.

  Kathy looked over her shoulder. “I’ve been thinking about tomorrow.”

  “Certainly the place to do it.” Bunny’s tone was sarcastic. “What about it?”

  “Rose Blood doesn’t have her picture on social media, so we don’t know what she looks like. If I just show up on campus and don’t know that or where anything is, I might be spotted right away as a gate-crasher.”

  “You have a suggestion?” asked Bunny.

  “I think we – you – should call for an appointment. Tell them that we’re travelling around, looking at schools for me, and Leet and Lucre was suggested by Rose’s father, Dr. Quintz. You do know him, don’t you?”

  “Better than I know you. But why would they see us on the spur of the moment?”

  “Well, maybe you can imply that we’re extremely wealthy. Say we only have one day left in Massachusetts – maybe we’ve had our private plane fly us back from looking at schools in Europe, but we’d like to see this school because Dr. Quintz said it was great. If it turns out I like it, we’d set up an interview date and get my records sent.”

  “Not bad,” said Bunny. “But who am I supposed to be in this?”

  “My mother.”

  Bunny jerked back in her chair. “I can’t be your mother, you twit. You tried to kill me.” She flashed a vicious grin. “How am I going to drink your blood later?”

  “My mother drank mine,” Soo murmured.

  “It’s just as hard for me to pretend to like you,” said Kathy. “I suppose Mr. Vendetta would have to be my father.”

  “I don’t think I will pass as your sister,” said Soo. “Or Lionel as your brother.”

  “You guys can wait for us in a library or a motel,” Kathy told her.

  Bunny wiped her lips as if to rid her mouth of a bad taste. “I don’t know how to act as a mother.” She sniffed and looked over her shoulder.

  “You can be your nasty self,” said Kathy. “Just act polite in company.”

  Bunny snarled, sprang up and lifted her chair overhead. Kathy recoiled, but Bunny flung the chair in the opposite direction, at vampires in red coveralls coming through the door behind them. Kathy jumped up, not knowing what to do. Her muscles snapped tight, rooting her in place. Soo stepped in front of her, boots off, fangs bared, in a protective taikwando stance.

  The first vampire through the door blocked the chair’s full impact with his arm, but it distracted him enough that he wasn’t prepared for Bunny’s charge. He gasped as her lowered shoulder drove him back against his companions, then yelped as she plunged Kathy’s wooden knife between his ribs. As he fell, a bearded vampire whipped a police baton toward Bunny’s head. She ducked under his arm and shoved him back through the doorway into a third vampire. Before the bearded one could raise the baton, she kicked up between his legs. He screamed and doubled over. Racing forward, Soo dove for the knife still lodged in the first vampire’s chest.

  They move so fast! Kathy stood wide-eyed and frozen.

  “Give me that knife,” said Bunny. “There’s at least four more out there.”

  Soo handed it to her. “I’ll help you fight. Who are they?”

  “Satanic Legion. If this is Bart’s doing, I’m their target. Take Kathy to Vendetta.” She leveled the knife at a stocky vampire who appeared in the doorway. The bearded one lay writhing on the floor. “I’ll slow them down,” said Bunny. “Get my phone! Backpack pocket. Then get out through the oven room.”

  “Is there a way out from there?”

  “If not, block the door and text Vendetta. He’s V on my phone.” She thrust the knife forward. Her opponent swiped his baton downward but her arm was no longer there. “You’re slow,” she taunted him. “Move your ass, Kathy!”

  Jarred into motion, Kathy grabbed Bunny’s backpack and pulled the phone from an outside pocket. She heard Bunny grunt as the baton landed a blow, looked up to see a vampire rushing forward, his hand outstretched to seize the phone. In the blink of an eye, Soo grabbed his wrist, twisted it and flung him to the floor.

  “Go!” said Soo.

  Kathy raced to the door near the curtains. Please don’t be locked. The handle turned, the door swung open. A vampire screamed. Kathy looked back. Soo was covering her retreat. Across the room, two vampires were on the floor, another was sprawled over an upturned chair. Knife in hand, Bunny was dodging baton blows from two others while a female vampire was wielding a wooden spike.

  “Go!” Soo pushed Kathy into the oven room, followed her in and wheeled about, slamming the door shut.

  “Lock it,” said Kathy.

 
“No, Bunny must come this way.”

  “Or they will. Where’s another door?” She saw two large stainless steel machines, a double sink and compactor, wall cabinets, a closet, an empty gurney. “I don’t see a door! Do you?” She pressed the phone buttons to call Vendetta.

  “There must be,” said Soo. “They would not wheel this wagon through the viewing room.” She walked around the perimeter, her fingers lightly brushing the surface of the walls.

  “Vendetta’s not answering.” Kathy’s voice was shrill. A triumphant shout came from the viewing room. She looked through the window. Oh, no! Bunny was down and being beaten with batons by two males. The female wielding a wooden spike was trying to push between them to deliver a heart-stopping blow.

  Bunny’s going to die! Without her, we won’t get out alive. Jamming the phone into her pocket, Kathy opened the door. “Hey, you idiots!” she yelled. She slammed the door and locked it an instant before a body crashed against it. She winced as the door shook in its frame. The vampire on the other side threw himself against the door again. Find a weapon! She flung open the closet door. Mop, bucket, cleaning supplies – oh shit! Frantically, she scanned the room. On the wall near the cremator was a rack of hand tools. Kathy ran to it and grabbed a hammer and a hand rake with ash-coated prongs. Not much help against vampires.

  “Here!” called Soo. Kathy turned to see Soo hit her palm against a square metal plate in the wall. Slowly, a panel slid aside revealing the corridor. The girls ran through the opening.

  “There’s the elevator!” Hope surged through Kathy’s chest.

  Soo raced ahead to press the button.

  She’s barefoot! “Your boots?” Kathy gasped as she reached the elevator.

  “In the viewing room. We had no time. I can kick better without them.”

  The sound of wood splintering filled Kathy with dread. “Are there stairs here?”

  “Not this way.” Soo took a deep breath. Letting it out, she faced the elevator, bounced slightly on the balls of her feet and brought her clenched fists up to belt level.