Dusk (Young Adult Paranormal Romance)

by Amy Durham

  “And here’s where I need to apologize to you,” Viv said, shocking me.

  “Why would you need to apologize to me?”

  “For the way I acted at school the other day, after that scene with Courtney. I had no right to expect that you’d tell me all the details at all, much less before anyone else. This wasn’t some piece of gossip. It was your life. Your family.”

  “I should’ve told you.”

  “In your own time,” Viv replied. “My reaction was more about still being hurt about your summer with Nikki and Courtney than it was about you not telling me about your parents. For that, I’m sorry.”

  “So can we forgive each other?” I asked, a wave of hope bouncing around in my heart. “And maybe go back to rebuilding our friendship?”

  Viv nodded. “Senior year. Let’s move on and enjoy it.”

  We sealed it with a hug, and I hoped with all my heart that moving on from my own guilt and misery would be as easy as it was to move on in my friendship with Vivian.

  “Brett asked me to go to the homecoming dance with him next month,” she said. “And he held my hand in the parking lot yesterday.”

  “No way!” I hugged her again. “Tell me everything!”

  Chapter 27

  I hadn’t realized I was dreading student government election speeches until I walked into school Monday morning. Public speaking had never been a fear for me, but somehow, in the chaos that had become my life over the past few weeks, I’d failed to consider how I would feel about standing up in front of the entire senior class and giving a speech. Especially now that everyone knew my dirty laundry.

  Even though I was running unopposed for senior class secretary, I still had to give a speech. And really, it wasn’t the winning or losing of the election that bothered me. It was wondering what they were all thinking of me while I was up there in front of them.

  When I started imagining what might go through everyone’s minds, I had to force myself to stop. The possibilities were just too upsetting.

  Adrian joined me in the lobby, along with Vivian and Brett, and their presence alone was enough to calm me, even without Adrian’s extra efforts.

  He slipped his hand into mine, as if we walked hand in hand every day. The sweetness of his gesture overwhelmed me, and my heart swelled with the knowledge that he had let everyone know, very subtly, that he and I belonged to each other.

  And that’s exactly what I felt. A sense of belonging. He’d given me that. He’d given it back to me after my family trauma had obliterated it.

  “Ready?” Vivian asked?

  Responding to her proved difficult, because I realized that just as Adrian had given me a place to belong, Vivian had welcomed me back into a friendship I’d done nothing to deserve. Emotion clogged my throat as the reality of her love and support slammed into me.

  So instead of talking, I simply put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed. Her smile let me know that she understood.

  “You’ll be great, Zoe,” Brett said. His soft-spoken encouragement touched me, not because he was supporting me, but because it meant he cared for Vivian enough that he could look past my faults.

  The senior class used the auditorium for student government speeches, while the other classes were spread out between the cafeteria, gym, and amphitheater. In the hallway outside the auditorium hung all the campaign posters, including the colorful ones Viv had made for me.

  A group of students huddled to one side of the double doors caught my attention when they suddenly stopped their conversation and looked at me as I approached.

  A glance at the poster beside them confirmed my worst fears.

  “Zoe Gray for Class Secretery” was written in the middle, in sloppy black letters. The misspelling of secretary made me certain this was the work of Nikki and Courtney. Well, that and the pictures that surrounding the words.

  Clearly, I’d been unaware that the two of them had snapped photos of me with their cell phones. Either that or I’d given my consent – while I was falling down drunk – for them to take pictures of me with a fifth of vodka turned up as I gulped it down.

  My stomach lurched, and I felt sicker than I’d ever felt after drinking.

  My confidence was already so tenuous. How in the world was I going to be able to stand up in front of everyone after this?

  “Those nasty bitches!” Viv exclaimed. And loudly at that.

  It was rare for her to curse out loud, and for a brief second I enjoyed the fact that she’d leapt to my defense. But it didn’t change what had happened.

  Adrian grabbed the paper from the wall, a rare expression of anger evident on his face. He crumpled the poster into a wad of paper, just Mr. Austin pushed through the crowd.

  “Go inside and take your seats,” he ordered the crowd that had been gawking at the evidence of my stupidity.

  “Zoe, I’m so sorry,” he said, stepping closer to me. “If I’d come down here sooner I could’ve removed that before anyone saw it.”

  “It’s not your fault, Mr. Austin,” I whispered, the words scratching my throat as I spoke.

  “Don’t let this stop you,” he said. “I believe in you, regardless of whatever mistakes you made over the summer.”

  I nodded, completely unsure if I could take his advice. But his belief in me brought tears to my eyes nonetheless. He took the paper from Adrian and tossed it into the trash as he made his way into the auditorium and urged everyone into the seats.

  “I’ll save you guys seats,” Brett said, quietly slipping into the auditorium.

  Adrian turned to me then, when only he, Viv, and I remained in the hall. Taking my face between his palms, he put his face level with mine, stared directly into my eyes, and spoke.

  “The girl in those pictures was not you. That was the girl who was suffering, searching for something to make her forget. That was the girl who’d lost her direction because of circumstances she didn’t create and could not control. You are the real Zoe Gray. You are smart and kind and funny. You are sensitive and intuitive. And more than that, you have acknowledged your mistakes. You have learned from them. There is no shame in that.”

  “He’s right, Zoe,” Viv said, her voice soft as she laid a hand on my shoulder.

  “You’ve come so far,” Adrian said. “You’ve finally begun to understand what mercy and forgiveness can mean in your life. Don’t let this petty, childish prank put a halt to all that you’ve accomplished.”

  I nodded because I couldn’t speak. All at once, I found myself completely swamped by the goodness that surrounded me. Mr. Austin. Vivian. Adrian.

  No way did I deserve their love or heir belief in me. I’d done nothing to earn any of it. But they gave it to me anyway.

  I slipped my arms around both of them, pulling them to me for a group hug. A few deep breaths later, I stepped back and looked at them.

  “Thank you.” Completely inadequate words, but the only ones I could think of in that instant.

  Reaching into my tote bag, I grabbed the index cards that contained my speech. Though I still felt unsure about myself, I would go through with it, if for no other reason than because of the people who’d just given me the most special gift I’d ever received.

  Grace.

  Chapter 28

  I sat on the front row of the auditorium, sandwiched between Adrian and Vivian, pretending to listen to the speeches that preceded mine. In reality, I alternated between reading my index cards and staring at the maroon carpet that covered the floor.

  “And now, our candidate for Senior Class Secretary, Zoe Gray.” Mr. Austin’s voice echoed throughout the room, boosted by the microphone at the podium on the stage.

  Adrian squeezed my hand and said, “You can do this.”

  Vivian smiled, warm and kind, and whispered, “Show them who you are.”

  With a deep breath and a prayer that I could somehow remain standing and not collapse in front of everyone, I made my way to the podium.

  Avoiding eye contact, I stared at my
index cards and began to read.

  “Fellow seniors. I’m Zoe Gray, and it has been my privilege to serve you in student government the past three years. Today I ask for your support to serve you once again, this time in the capacity of class secretary.”

  The words sounded ridiculous, asinine, even to my own ears. Everyone in the room knew I’d lost my father. Thanks to Courtney, they’d all heard about his affair. And after the poster in the hallway, there was not a doubt left as to how I’d dealt with it all.

  It seemed pointless to continue to ignore it. Why not just acknowledge the truth?

  There is no shame in that.

  Adrian’s words echoed in my mind, and I made a decision.

  I put my cards down and looked out into the auditorium.

  From somewhere deep inside me came a strength I didn’t realize existed. In my heart bubbled a certainty that this was the absolute right thing to do. Whatever happened after this didn’t matter. This was one more step in the process of my healing, and somehow I knew this step was a big one.

  “There’s no sense denying what all of you already know,” I began, scanning my eyes across the students in the seats, making a point to linger on Nikki and Courtney. I wanted everyone in the room to know that I’d owned up to my mistakes and that I was through being ashamed because of them. “My father died in April, in a horrible car accident. It was the worst day of my life. After that, I withdrew from everyone and everything, including my best friend and my mother. I wanted nothing more than to forget how much I hurt. Over the course of the last week, I’m sure all of you have heard rumors about my parents. I won’t dignify any of that gossip with a response, other than to say that my family’s business is just that, my family’s business. But I will acknowledge that I made mistakes in the wake of the tragedy that struck my family. I did things that I knew were wrong. Dangerous even. I made choices that were completely unbecoming of a student leader. I allowed grief and anger and guilt to take over. I let good judgment go out the window. I almost screwed up my life beyond repair. But I’m standing here before you a different person than the one who behaved so recklessly over the summer. A different person than the one you knew before the death of my father. I stand here today as a person who has made horrible mistakes. A person who has made terrible choices. But also as a person who has learned from those mistakes. A person who can own up to what she’s done. A person who can say I’m sorry. And I am sorry. Sorry for disappointing the people who loved me and believed in me. Sorry for being such a lousy example. Sorry for dragging the people I love through such misery. So today, I’m not asking for your vote. I’m asking for your forgiveness.”

  My voice cracked on the last word, and, completely spent, I left the podium and returned to my seat, eternally grateful for Adrian’s arm around my shoulder and Viv’s hand gripping mine.

  Let the chips fall where they would, but I was finished hiding from the truth.

  I was scared to death. And exhilarated at the same time.

  Chapter 29

  “So proud of you,” Viv said, squeezing my hand as the rest of the seniors filed out of the auditorium. I was still glued to my seat after the emotional waterfall of coming clean in front of everyone.

  Adrian’s embrace had not faltered, and his arm still rested securely around my shoulders.

  “Thanks, Viv,” I whispered. “I’m so glad things are right between us again.”

  Mr. Austin approached, reaching out a hand. I stood up, forcing my legs to work, and shook his hand. The look of pride on his face filled my heart with happiness.

  “Proud doesn’t cover it,” he said.

  Tears welled in my eyes and I nodded, unable to respond for fear of erupting into a crying fit right there.

  Vivian and Mr. Austin walked toward the double doors, leaving me alone with Adrian. We only had a moment before we’d be expected in our classrooms, but I needed to thank him.

  “I couldn’t have done this without you,” I said, turning to face him. I grasped both his hands in mine, overcome all over again at the perfect rightness that enveloped me when we touched.

  “You were brilliant.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Absolutely brilliant.”

  “I just told the truth.”

  “Sometimes that’s the most brilliant, and most difficult, thing to do.” His hand found my face and moved softly against my cheek. “I think my work here is almost done.”

  “Don’t say that.” Dread blasted through me and fear clogged my throat. I wasn’t ready for him to go. “I still need you.”

  He smiled and brought his other hand to my face. “You need me less than you think you do. There’s strength in you that you haven’t even tapped into yet. You proved that today.”

  I shook my head. Regardless of how much I might be able to move forward on my own, the fact of the matter was that I just didn’t want to be without Adrian.

  I loved him.

  “I wish I could tell him that I forgive him,” I whispered, knowing he would realize I meant my father. “And that I could ask him to forgive me.”

  Adrian’s head lowered, his intense gaze searching my eyes. “I think you’re ready for that.”

  Ready? Ready for what? There was no way for me to talk to my father again. It was totally impossible.

  Except that this was Adrian, the Messenger. Adrian who had taken me back to see things about my father that I’d needed to know. Adrian who could teleport. Adrian who could bring a calming breeze.

  “You can do that?” My voice was almost non-existent, but I knew he heard me.

  “It’s tricky,” he said. “And it’s a skill we use sparingly. But for you, I believe it’s exactly what you need.”

  “How?” I asked, my mind racing with questions and possibilities.

  “Come on you two,” Mr. Austin called, sticking his head back into the auditorium. “Time to get moving to your classes.”

  “Tonight,” he said, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. “At the clearing. I’ll show you.”

  * * *

  I emailed Lea as soon as I got home. I’d put it off long enough, and I was finally in a place where I felt like I could be honest about what had happened without sounding like a whiny child. Without going into the gritty details, I told her pretty much everything.

  Dear Lea. I’m sorry I’ve been so out of touch. My family has been through a terrible crisis, and I just couldn’t bring myself to talk (or type) about it. It’s a long story, that began back in April, but I’ll spare you the worst of it. Basically, my dad was unfaithful to my mom. He admitted it, and apparently it only happened once. He moved out, but he and Mom had decided to go to counseling and try to work things out. I was just angry. Livid, actually, and I refused to speak to him unless it was to tell him how much I hated him. Before our family counseling could even get started, Dad died in a car accident. Needless to say, it’s been a long, difficult summer. But I’m finally recovering from the hurt I felt toward Dad and the guilt I felt because of my actions before he died. I’ve met a guy, a really wonderful guy, named Adrian. He’s helped me through this in so many ways. I don’t know what would’ve become of me if he hadn’t stepped into my life. I know it was no accident that he came along when he did. I hope you’ll forgive me for being so bad at writing. I will be better at it now. And let me know how Ruby is doing. I’ve been thinking about her. Love, Zoe.

  I hit send and immediately felt a weight lift from me, as if by finally putting into words what I’d been through had given the events less power over me. Thinking back over the last few weeks, I had to admit that each time I’d opened up about things, the knot inside my chest had loosened.

  Within minutes a new message from Lea appeared in my inbox. Given that Kenya was eight hours ahead of Kentucky, I was surprised.

  Hello Zoe. We have a new computer at our home and I am up late surfing the internet because our connection is working well tonight. I am so very sorry to hear of all you have been through. I cannot imagine
how much you have been hurt, and I completely understand why you have kept to yourself these last months. I will be praying for you, friend, and I’m very glad that you have found someone to share your burden. Angels are everywhere, Zoe, and it sounds as if you have found one. Please keep me posted on how you are. Even though we are separated by an ocean, I treasure our friendship. By the way, Ruby is doing much better! Much love, Lea.

  Lea seemed to put everything in perspective. And though Adrian might not be an angel, he was pretty darn close.

  * * *

  I relayed the events of the day to my mom during dinner. My heart felt lighter than it had in months, and I found it surprisingly easy to share things with Mom, the way I had before everything fell apart.

  “That must’ve been difficult,” Mom said, stabbing a bite of chicken with her fork. “But I’m very proud of you.”

  “It was difficult at first, but the more I talked the easier it seemed. And when I finished, I was so relieved.”

  Tearing off a bite of buttery garlic bread, I thought of Adrian and our plans for later in the evening. Anticipation simmered inside me at both the thought of seeing him and the thrilling possibility of seeing my dad once more.

  But I reminded myself that moments like this one between Mom and me had been so few and far between that I should enjoy it.

  “I’ve been thinking about these,” Mom said, reaching into her pocket and sliding my keys across the table toward me. “I thought you might like to have them back so you can drive to meet Adrian later.”

  I knew this was a major milestone. Mom had taken my keys after the first time she discovered I’d been out drinking with Nikki and Courtney. Cringing, I remembered how I’d acted when she confronted me, telling her I didn’t give a shit what she said. I was so bound and determined to do whatever I wanted, no matter the repercussions. Looking back, I had no idea how she’d stayed so calm. Some super-secret Mom trick, I figured. She just looked at me, told me how much she loved me, and that she would do whatever she had to do to keep me safe.