by Raye Morgan
She clung to him, her arms reaching up under his jacket to get as close to his heat as she could. His tongue rasped against hers in a gesture that made her moan low in her throat. His hands slid down to take control of her hips and pull them in hard against his and she welcomed it, pushing against him and hearing small whispered noises of pleasure coming from her own mouth.
She wanted him. Every part of her wanted him, every part of her was on fire. She was almost drowning in desire. She, who had always been so cool and collected, a reserved observer instead of a committed partner in affairs of the heart and soul, suddenly wanted this man with a sense of pure animal hunger that scared her witless.
Her mind finally fought its way back to the surface and she began to realize what she was doing. She cried out in anguish and pushed away from him, panting as she stared at him, hating him and adoring him at the same time.
“That wasn’t fair,” she managed to mutter at him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “That was pure ambush. I wasn’t ready to defend myself.”
His grin was bittersweet and he tried to hide it. “Sara, my beautiful Sara,” he said, shaking his head. “You’ve got something smoldering inside that’s just waiting to break out into a forest fire. You can’t hold it back forever. Someday, you won’t be able to stop. You won’t even want to. I think you just proved my point for me.”
She glared at him. “You cheated,” she said. “I’m not usually like that. And I won’t be again. I can control myself. It won’t happen again.”
He shook his head. “We’re talking years and years. You’ll meet someone. The spark will light the flame. You’ll want to marry him. And you’ll have my child living with you.” He shrugged. “How would we work that out?”
“No, I swear that will never happen.”
He gazed down at her as though she were a recalcitrant child. “You can swear all you want. Life does things to us that we never expect. Happens all the time.”
She knew he was right, but that didn’t give her a tidy argument for her plans and ideas. She turned away and began walking toward the point as fast as she could go.
Once she’d reached the end of the spit of land, she found a rock and sat on it, looking out at the black ocean. It was dark now, and the mood was somber. Jake came up and sat on the rock next to hers. They stared out to sea, watching a boat in the distance, its lights shimmering over the dark waters.
“Tell me more about Kelly,” she said, looking at him in the moonlight. “Tell me what she was like.”
He frowned, concentrating on it, trying to wake up his memory. “You know, so many things happened to me right after I knew her, I have to admit, she doesn’t stand out like she should. I mean, within a month I was back in the jungle, flirting with daily danger. And then I got caught and spent a lot of time being starved and tortured and trying to figure out how to escape. I wasn’t mulling over my relationship with Kelly, if you know what I mean.”
“Okay. You’ve made it clear that you two weren’t exactly the love story of the century. And that’s too bad, because we need a backstory on all that. We need to remember her better than we do now.”
He frowned, shaking his head. “Why? What’s the point?”
She turned to look at him. “There will come a day, not too far away, when Savannah will come to you—or come to me—and ask about her mother. And we need to be ready for that.”
He stared at her, struck by the thought of it. “Oh, jeez. You’re right.”
She nodded. “So we ought to put together what memories we have right now, before they slip away, and be prepared to give her a bright, loving picture of the woman who is her true biological mother. Someday, she’ll want to know.”
He looked out at the ocean again and thought about it. “You know, I think I can remember a lot more than I was dredging up before. Kelly was fun and full of life. I’ll work on it. I’ll get some anecdotes together and we can go over them.”
Sara stretched, feeling suddenly happier. “Great. I’ll get Jill to help. I know we can come up with a great character sketch. We’ll be ready for her when the time comes.”
She smiled at him, but her smile faded quickly. After all, she was taking a lot for granted. What made her think that she would still be around Savannah when those questions began to pop up? Still, she could do her best to help. Savannah was the one who would benefit, no matter who gave her the picture she needed of her birth mother.
* * *
The trip back to Jill’s house seemed to go by much faster than the trip out to the point had. They arrived in the front yard and Sara turned to face him again, wishing she could think of something to say, some way to cap off this day, that would change his mind and make him see how much better things would be if he left Savannah with her.
“Tomorrow will change everything,” he said, almost as though he was warning her.
“Maybe.” She searched his face, the lines around his mouth, and she remembered the kiss they’d shared. She could feel herself blushing, even though he probably couldn’t see it in the dark.
But he was moving closer, moving with firm deliberation. He wrapped his hand in her hair, winding it slowly, then using it to pull her up close.
“Oh, no,” she whispered, melting against him. “Not again. What are you doing?”
“Kissing you.” His lips touched hers softly, then again. The feeling was completely different than it had been before. There was no fire behind his gestures, no sense of danger. Every move he made, every way he touched her, was filled with gentle affection. She felt as though she was floating on a cloud.
“No,” she said, but there wasn’t much force behind it. She was already under his spell.
“Yes.” He tipped her chin up so that she had to look into his eyes. “I’m kissing you, Sara, because I need to. I need to hold you. I need to let you know how I feel in ways I can’t put in words. Can you understand that?”
She was losing herself in his somber blue eyes. “Maybe,” she admitted.
“I’m kissing you because I’m going to break your heart and the way I feel about you now, I can hardly stand the thought of it.”
“Then don’t do it,” she murmured.
“I have no choice. And it’s going to kill me.” He groaned, rocking her in his arms. “Sara, I like you. You’re adorable. You’ve been so good for Savannah. And I’m going to hurt you so badly. I hate doing it. But there is no other way.”
She sighed. She was already hurt beyond tears. “I should go in,” she said.
“Yes.” He released her and watched as she went to the door. “Good night,” he whispered.
Turning, she wanted to kiss him again. Soaking in everything she was beginning to love about him, his thick, tousled hair, his handsome face, his strong, solid body, she took a step in his direction. Then she stopped, trying to read the look on his face, wondering...
No. Disappointment flooded her heart, and then chagrin. His eyes were hooded, his face could have been chiseled from stone. She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t let herself run back into his arms. Enough.
“Good night,” she said, and she went inside and closed the door.
* * *
Jake awoke with a start. He glanced at the clock. It wasn’t six yet. There was someone in his house.
He rolled out of bed silently, picked up a knife and made his way toward the living room. A shadowy figure was coming through from the kitchen. He pressed himself against the wall and waited.
He could see that it was a woman. He half wanted it to be Sara, but he didn’t think it was. He waited. As she came closer, he tensed, and as she came even with where he was standing, he lunged forward and grabbed her, holding the knife to her throat.
She screamed.
“Who are you?” he rasped with his mouth against her ear.
“Jake! It’s Jill. Cut it out.”
He knew right away she was telling the truth, and he relaxed, letting her go and putting down the knife. Then he stared at
her, shaking his head.
“What the hell are you doing?” he demanded. “I could have hurt you badly. You can’t come in like that. Don’t you know how to knock?”
She laughed, coming into full focus as he turned on a light. “Sorry. I’m really good friends with the people who own this house and I know where the extra key is hidden. I had to come in before this crazy day gets started and talk to you for a minute.”
He shook his head. “You want me to make some coffee?” he growled.
“No. Thanks anyway.”
He folded his arms across his chest and nodded. “Okay. Talk.”
“I’m not going to make a long speech out of this,” she began.
“Good,” he muttered, making a face.
She hesitated, then added, “And I’m not very good at talking people into things.”
“Good again,” he said softly.
“But I need to say my piece. I need you to know how this looks to me. Jake, you know that you will probably be declared Savannah’s father today. That means you have a completely new responsibility to that adorable child. It’s going to be up to you to make sure she gets the launch into life she deserves. You need the best advice and the best help you can find. And I know how you can get it.”
He looked at her coolly and waited for her to finish. He had a feeling he already knew where this was going. And sure enough, it went right where he thought it would. After all, Jill had tipped her hand before and she seemed to be like a bulldog with a very tasty bone.
“You and Sara need to get married,” she declared, making it sound like a judgment from on high.
He groaned. “Sara and I barely know each other.”
“So what? You’ll grow together. Some of the best marriages in history started out that way. That means nothing in the long run. Lots of people who think they are madly in love then find out differently once they get married. I think you know that.”
“I know it, and I don’t care. I don’t want to get married. I never wanted that. And I never will.”
“Your baby needs a mother.”
He groaned again. “Jill...”
“You know it’s true. And if you won’t provide one for her, you’re going to regret it someday.”
He shrugged. “So be it.”
Her shoulders drooped. “Jake, don’t be that way. Think about it. You can both help each other and in the process, you’ll be making life a lot better for your child. That is the best recipe for a good marriage. Mutual benefit. One of those marriage of convenience things.”
He was shaking his head. “What makes you think that growing to love each other thing will work?”
“I know you both. You’re good people, with good hearts. You both love someone better than you love yourselves.” She was close to tears now. She was obviously completely invested in this emotionally. “It’ll work. Believe me. You’re fated to join together. It’s written in the stars.”
He stared at her for a long moment, then shook his head. “Okay, Jill. You said your piece. I understand your point of view. You can go now.”
She nodded with a sigh. “I’m done. But I had to do it.” She started for the door, then looked back. “Are you coming over for the call?”
“Yes.”
“Good. See you then.”
He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, waiting to hear her car leave. Had her diatribe done any good in clearing up the way for him to do what he had to do? Not at all. He felt horrible about ripping Savannah away from Sara, but he didn’t see any way around it. It had to be done.
Good. She was gone. He turned back toward his bedroom, but something stopped him. Had she come back? He looked out onto the driveway and saw one of his friends pulling up. He sighed.
“Doesn’t anybody respect morning sleep anymore?” he muttered, and got ready for company. This one would want coffee. He was sure of it.
* * *
Sara heard the sound of knuckles knocking softly on the front door. She glanced at the clock. It wasn’t even eight yet. He was early.
She went to let him in, opening the door and making a face as she saw him. It had been a long, sleepless night and she knew she looked terrible. She was pretty sure the startled expression on his face as he saw her gave evidence to that fact.
“Come on in,” she said. “I do look like death warmed over and I know it.”
He gave her a strange smile and said, “You look beautiful to me.”
Something cloudy was swirling in his gaze and she couldn’t get a read on what it was. Was he feeling awkward because of what happened the night before? No, she couldn’t believe that.
She didn’t feel awkward. She’d gone over it and over it in her mind, all night long, and she’d decided that she knew what had happened and why. She’d fallen in love with Jake.
The trouble was, he didn’t love her. And that made all the difference.
“Would you like some Bundt cake?” she asked. “We’ve got plenty.”
“I’d love some,” he answered. “Give me a giant piece. I need sustenance for a day like this.”
“For the phone call?”
“That,” he agreed, “and so much more.”
She squinted at him curiously, but his smile was enigmatic, and she turned to get him coffee and a slice of Chocolate Decadence instead of pushing the issue. She put his delicious breakfast in front of him, handed him a fork and stood back leaning on the opposite chair, watching him.
He was so beautiful; the most handsome man she’d ever known. Just looking at his square-jawed face and his gorgeously muscular body made her want to go ahead and swoon. Did he know how she felt about him? He had to know she was smitten, but he didn’t have a clue about how deep the feelings went. She hadn’t known until last night, but now she was sure of it.
Or was she just kidding herself? She’d only known him for a few days. Was that enough for falling in love? Of course not. It was just silly to think she knew enough about him to fall all the way.
Still, it had been a pretty intense few days they’d known each other. They’d done a lot of living, faced a lot of heartbreak, found a sort of comfort with each other that she’d never known before, all in that short time. And time was short. She probably wasn’t going to be seeing him for much longer. She might as well live for love while she could.
Should she tell him how she felt? No. He would just pull back if she did. She couldn’t risk that. But she did have one last play she was going to make, one last idea of how they could both keep Savannah in their lives. She wasn’t hopeful, but she was determined.
“Have you got something new and interesting on your mind?” she asked, because it occurred to her that he appeared as though he did. There was definitely an idea brewing inside him. But he just smiled and said, “Let me eat first.”
She slipped down into the chair and leaned forward, watching him. “So there is something new.”
He swallowed a bite of cake and made a face indicating ecstasy. “Your sister is a fantastic baker lady,” he mentioned in passing.
“That’s not news,” she said crisply.
“I realize that.” He smiled at her. “Give me a few more minutes, okay? I do have something to talk to you about. I’ve had a couple of visitors this morning and I’ve done a lot of thinking. As a result, I’ve got a new perspective on some things. Tell you about it in a minute.”
“Okay,” she said, squirming impatiently in her chair. “And then I have something I want to tell you.”
“What is it?”
“It’s one last idea I’ve got for a solution to our problem. I’ve had some new thinking as well. I just want to run it past you and then let you think about it, too.”
He shrugged. “Go for it.”
She shook her head. “I want to hear your news first.”
He smiled and reached out to take her hand in his. “Okay, I guess it’s time to tell you.”
“I’m ready,” she said, smiling back and marveling at this new a
ffectionate look in his eyes when he spoke to her. She loved it.
Bringing her hand to his lips, he dropped a kiss in her palm, then released her so he could push away his empty plate. Sitting back in his chair, he grew serious.
“Okay, I’m going to tell you about my childhood and what I learned by growing up in some pretty tough circumstances.” He looked at her. “I want you to know about it and how it makes me what I am today.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
He looked into the distance. “Sara, I was raised by a single father. My mother died when I was very young. I didn’t have the advantage of a woman to nurture me. All I had was a mean, grouchy father who expected me to be a man at twelve. I know how much I lost because of that.”
He drew back to look into her face again.
“I grew up in a house where a grunt meant ‘good morning’ and a glare meant, ‘isn’t it time you got the hell out of here and left me alone?’ That was pretty much the extent of our communications when I was young. When it came to family, all I knew was what I saw at the movies.”
“Oh, Jake!” She reached out to take his hand in hers and he leaned closer to her.
“I’ve always thought that my inability to fall in love, to really feel close to women I spent time with, was because my emotions were stunted by the way I was raised. I didn’t know how to love. I didn’t have that imprinting growing up. I was more like a wolf cub, just managing to survive in the woods. I thought I’d never get married, never have children.”
Her fingers tightened on his hand. Her heart ached for that young boy, growing up wild.
“And then, a miracle happened. And there was Savannah.” He shook his head, looking bemused, as though he still couldn’t believe it. “My whole world changed. My first reaction was—this is ridiculous. I can’t take care of a baby. I’ve never been around one before. I would have to give up my whole way of life.”
He smiled at her.
“But then I looked at the pictures Kelly had sent me, and I began to fall in love. And I began to realize having that baby would connect me to humanity in a way I’d never been connected before. She would be my lifeline. She would be my life.”