The Russian Tapestry

by Banafsheh Serov

  The women nodded their approval and congratulated their hostess for her generosity of spirit.

  ‘They are in Tallinn now,’ the countess finished.

  ‘The general is living here in Tallinn?’

  Around the group, curious eyes turned to look at Marie.

  ‘Yes,’ the countess responded with a questioning edge to her voice. ‘Do you know him?’

  Marie, her heart full of conflicting emotions, found herself unable to speak. Fortunately, they were interrupted by the butler informing them that dinner was about to be served.

  On the way home, the Kulbases talked about the evening, exchanging news. Staring out at the dark street, Marie was lost in thought and barely listened to her parents’ conversation.

  ‘You are very quiet, Marie,’ her father remarked.

  ‘Countess Golytsyn told us of a Major General Serov who recently escaped the Red Army.’

  Despite her best efforts to disguise her feelings, traces of excitement must have betrayed her interest because her mother asked suspiciously, ‘Why this curiosity regarding Major General Serov? How well do you know him?’

  Marie said nothing, twisting a silk handkerchief around her fingers. Her mother took her daughter’s fingers and held them still.

  ‘I’m not sure if I should be telling you this but years ago, when the major general was a lieutenant in Narva, there were rumours … scandalous rumours.’

  ‘That was just idle gossip, Pauline.’ Herman Kulbas turned to Marie. ‘I met Serov when he was stationed in Narva. His family owns a large estate in Uglich, north of Moscow. He comes from a long line of highly regarded professional soldiers.’

  ‘He met his wife when he was a lieutenant,’ Pauline Kulbas recalled. ‘According to Countess Golytsyn, even back then, the general was unfaithful to his wife. One affair even resulted in an illegitimate child.’

  Marie guessed her mother’s acute sense of perception had noted the excitement she had felt at the mention of Alexei, and worried about it.

  ‘That sort of behaviour might be acceptable in Petrograd,’ Pauline Kulbas concluded, ‘but in Narva, it caused quite a scandal.’

  Herman Kulbas lit a pipe and puffed at it for a few seconds. ‘Countess Golytsyn has little talent besides gossiping,’ he said irritably. Turning to Marie, he added, ‘Don’t pay too much heed. In my experience, women’s talk is ninety per cent fiction, ten per cent make-believe.’ He winked.

  Marie gave a forced smile. The mention of the illegitimate child had tightened a knot in her stomach.

  ‘All the same, Countess Golytsyn has told me in confidence that Emily suspects her husband is having another affair.’ Marie’s mother settled back in her seat, resting her head against the soft leather. ‘Some men are simply not capable of remaining faithful to their wives.’

  That night in bed, Marie tossed and turned. Finally, realising that her attempts to sleep were futile, she gave up and stared at the ceiling, allowing her thoughts to roam freely. She thought of her afternoons with Alexei at Tsarskoe and an unexpected smile of pleasure settled on her face. Then she recalled her mother’s words, and her smile faded. Was it true that some men were incapable of remaining faithful? Her mother had mentioned his wife suspected him of another affair.

  Over three years had passed since he had kissed her in the library. And yet the thought of Alexei with another woman caused an invisible hand to squeeze her heart. Her fingers clasped the small cross at her throat. ‘Our Lord in heaven, help me to understand what I’m feeling. I have not seen him in so long and yet the mere mention of his name sends tremors through me. Help me, Lord, for I am lost.’

  51

  Tallinn, March 1919

  Absorbed in his book, Alexei barely noticed Emily enter the room, nor did he look up when she moved past him. She sat down, holding a small volume of Pushkin on her lap, and waited patiently for him to finish reading. Lately it had become their habit to meet in the library after supper, reading for a period before each retired to their respective rooms.

  ‘Anything the matter?’ he enquired politely, sensing an agitation in her.

  Lifting her head, Emily met Alexei’s gaze. He thought her eyes were moist but it could have been merely a reflection of the light. She shook her head, breaking eye contact.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ she said with a forced smile. ‘I just have a lot on my mind. Nothing for you to concern yourself with.’

  Alexei’s eyes lingered on her questioningly for a little longer.

  Emily let out a slow breath. Rising from her seat, she moved to the sideboard where she poured herself a glass of sherry and a vodka for Alexei.

  She offered Alexei the drink.

  ‘Thank you.’ He placed the glass on the table next to him without taking a sip.

  Emily took her own drink and stood close to the fireplace, watching the flames.

  ‘Alexei, we need to talk.’

  He leant back in his chair and looked at her expectantly.

  ‘I want a divorce.’ She blurted the words out hurriedly.

  Stunned, it took a moment for Alexei to regain his speech. Closing his book, he placed it beside his glass. ‘Why this sudden request?’ he asked, even as he suspected the answer.

  ‘Our marriage has been dead for a long time.’ Her voice sounded choked. ‘I loved you once and even though I always knew I was never enough for you, part of me hoped you would learn to love me back.’

  Alexei began to object but she stopped him with a motion of her hand.

  ‘There is no use denying it. I have been a disappointment to you. I … I bore you.’

  ‘Emily,’ he began, but she stopped him again.

  ‘Please, you must let me speak.’ There was a tremor to her voice as if her resolve might break at any moment. ‘I have disappointed you by not giving you an heir. In my heart, I was happy I had daughters. Deep down I wanted to punish you for the shame and hurt you caused me. So I prayed every night that God would deny you the one thing you desperately wanted.’ Pulling out her handkerchief, she pressed it to her nose. ‘Now that I have confessed, you must think me wicked.’

  Rising from his seat, he took her by the shoulders and held her. ‘Your confession changes nothing. You have been a good mother to our daughters and a loyal wife to me. I could not ask for more.’

  ‘And yet it was still not enough to make you love me.’

  He tried to deny it but she knew him better.

  ‘I’m a woman, Alexei.’ She gave him a sad smile. ‘You look at me, you dine and sit quietly with me, but your thoughts are somewhere else, with someone else.’

  He understood what she meant and did not try again to deny it. ‘Where would you go?’

  ‘I wish to join my sister in Paris.’

  He nodded in understanding.

  She hesitated then said, ‘There is something else. I want custody of the girls, including Tonya. Although she’s not my biological daughter, Tonya has only known one mother.’

  ‘It would be too cruel to separate Tonya from her sisters,’ Alexei agreed, his insides tightening.

  ‘Then you consent to let me take the girls?’

  ‘Why Paris?’ He felt the possibility of not seeing his daughters drop through him like a stone. ‘You could still stay here. You could have your own apartment in Tallinn.’

  ‘The girls need a proper education.’ Emily moved out of his arms. ‘In Paris I will be able to find suitable schools for them. Besides,’ she continued in a softer voice, ‘there will be no chance of us constantly running into one another, if I move away.’ Looking up into his face, her eyes pleaded with his. ‘I need your permission to start making the necessary arrangements. I hope to leave as soon as possible.’

  Alexei dragged a hand through his hair. Grief squeezed at his throat like a fist.

  Emily took a last sip of her sherry and placed the empty glass on the mantelpiece. Hesitantly Alexei took a step towards her, intending to take her by the shoulders, to caress her, to make her rethink her decis
ion. She stepped back and in that moment, he saw his reflection in the mirror above the fireplace. His hair, thinning at the temples, was almost grey. The once youthful face had lost the smooth strong lines of its earlier years. He stood, transfixed, wondering why he had failed to notice the changes before now.

  Moving away from him, Emily walked to the door. ‘Please consider my feelings when giving me your answer.’ Before leaving the room, she turned, her hand resting on the brass handle. ‘It’s time for both of us to make a new start, Alexei.’

  Alexei bowed his head. ‘If you really wish to go, I won’t stand in your way.’

  Emily smiled. ‘Thank you, Alyosha. I’m sorry it had to come to this.’

  ‘So am I,’ Alexei murmured, knowing in his heart that it was his fault and that, painful as it was, Emily had made the right decision: they were not meant to be together. Unbidden, an image of Marie came to him. A familiar feeling washed over him and, just as on previous occasions, he allowed himself to sink into the memory.

  A week later, he watched from the upstairs window as the luggage was carried from the house in a long procession of chests and suitcases. His interview with the priest regarding the divorce had not gone well. After reprimanding Alexei for breaking a bond ordained by God, the priest mentioned several repairs needed by the church, which could be fixed by a large donation. Alexei offered to pay for them and in return secured from the church permission to divorce his wife.

  ‘Are you just going to stand there?’

  Irena stood inside the doorway, her arms folded across her chest, her voice laced with reproach. ‘Aren’t you going to at least try to stop her?’

  When told of her parents’ decision, Irena had taken the news badly, locking herself away in her room.

  He walked over to her. ‘I know this is very difficult for you, but your mother and I have grown apart.’

  ‘I don’t understand.’ Irena’s eyes pooled with tears.

  He reached for her but she shrugged his hand away.

  ‘You are still too young,’ he said with a long sigh. ‘In time, I hope you will learn to understand and forgive me.’

  With a sob, she buried her face in his chest and he wrapped his arms around her.

  ‘I need you to remain strong for your mother and sisters.’

  The corners of Irena’s lips began to lift in a brave smile but, failing, fell again.

  ‘Go now.’ Alexei kissed her wet cheek. ‘Go, my darling girl. And promise you will write often.’

  ‘I promise,’ she said hoarsely.

  He walked Irena to the front door and watched her descend the stairs to join the others, waiting in the car. Pausing, she turned and gave a small wave.

  As the car vanished up the street, Alexei, his heart sinking, walked back into the empty house and locked himself away in the library, where he remained for the rest of the day, refusing food or visitors.

  Tallinn, June

  The wheels of the car crunched loudly over the gravel and came to an abrupt stop. A footman hurried out and opened the door for the passenger. A strong gust of wind greeted Alexei as he stepped out of the car and walked quickly up the stairs. The front door already stood open to receive him, spilling a triangle of light across the landing.

  ‘Good evening, Your Excellency.’ The butler helped Alexei out of his heavy coat and took his hat, handing them to a waiting servant. He then stood back and waited as Alexei checked his reflection in the mirror, smoothing a hand over his hair.

  Nodding to the butler that he was ready, Alexei followed him through the marble foyer. ‘The countess is receiving her guests in the parlour.’

  The butler opened the large double doors and, with a discreet cough, announced Alexei to the small crowd.

  ‘At last!’ Countess Golytsyn stood to receive him with outstretched arms.

  Clicking his heels, Alexei bowed and kissed the tips of her silk glove. ‘Please forgive me for my lateness.’ Straightening, he offered her his arm and she placed her hand on the crook of his elbow.

  She smiled sweetly at him. ‘Everyone is dying to meet you. I hope you will forgive me for telling them all about your daring escape.’

  ‘Madame, you flatter me unnecessarily.’

  ‘Nonsense, you are being too modest.’

  They stopped by a waiter carrying a tray and each took a glass of champagne.

  ‘To your health,’ he said, raising his glass to her.

  She inclined her head coquettishly. ‘How are Emily and the girls? Are they enjoying Paris?’

  ‘Emily has been very busy interviewing French tutors for the two younger girls. They have left her sister’s place and have moved to their own apartment in Saint-Germain.’

  Countess Golytsyn turned her head slightly to study Alexei’s profile. ‘And your eldest, Irena, has she joined Parisian society?’

  ‘Her aunt gave a ball for her. From all reports she was a great success.’

  ‘I have no doubt she will receive many invitations. May I be perfectly frank, Alexei? Your daughter is – how shall I put it? – a free spirit. Emily would do well to keep a close eye on her.’

  ‘You are very kind,’ Alexei murmured, even as he felt irritated by the countess’s opinion.

  They had drifted towards a group of men gathered by the fire.

  ‘Gentlemen, this is the general I have been telling you about.’ The countess did a quick round of introductions and the men shook hands. Turning to Alexei, she added, ‘You have a reputation as a hero among our circle.’

  Alexei blushed, embarrassed.

  ‘Don’t be shy, General.’ Countess Golytsyn patted Alexei on the arm. ‘They have heard me retell your story but I’m sure they would enjoy it much better told in the first person.’ She excused herself to receive more late-arriving guests.

  ‘Is it true that you fought alongside the Reds?’ a stout man with a thick bushy moustache asked.

  ‘I was forced to join,’ Alexei responded, offended. ‘They threatened my wife and children.’

  ‘Come now, gentlemen,’ said a portly man who had been introduced to Alexei as the mayor. ‘Countess Golytsyn has already explained the unfortunate circumstances by which the general found himself fighting for the enemy.’ Pulling out a silver case, he offered cigarettes around the circle. A servant standing in the corner stepped forward to light them, and a haze of smoke began to curl above their heads.

  ‘Maybe you can help settle this argument for us.’ The mayor blew smoke into the air. ‘Having fought alongside them, what is your opinion of the Red Army? Do you think they have any chance against the White forces?’

  Alexei considered his response. ‘Trotsky lacks experience and knowledge in military matters.’

  Around him, the men nodded, as if this confirmed their own views.

  ‘With the British, French and now Americans all fighting with the White Army, the Reds’ days are numbered,’ the mayor declared.

  ‘That’s not what I said.’

  ‘But you just admitted their war commissar has inadequate experience.’

  ‘True, but they have recruited many officers from the imperial army who do possess the necessary expertise.’

  ‘Surely these officers would use any opportunity to sabotage the efforts of the Reds.’

  ‘It’s not that simple, Monsieur Mayor. Some of the officers joined the Reds because their lives were threatened. Trotsky has imposed a strict regime of punishment for those judged to be disloyal.’ Alexei paused to draw on his cigarette. ‘The peasants and workers join voluntarily, lured by the promise of better food and supplies. I’ve seen Trotsky visit the front in his armoured train, reinforcing the warning that a loss for the Red Army will mean a return to serfdom.’

  ‘I heard that General Brusilov has joined them,’ offered the mayor.

  ‘I heard the same rumour,’ said another.

  ‘That traitor!’

  ‘Brusilov joined after his son was executed by the White Army,’ said a man with a handlebar moustache. Turnin
g to Alexei, he asked, ‘Do you suppose the Bolsheviks will try crossing into Estonia again?’

  ‘Bolshevik propaganda has already found its way across the border. They need men to fight and there is already widespread support for their movement among the peasants. There is every chance Estonia could fall into the hands of the Reds.’ Alexei waited for the gravity of his words to sink in.

  A butler’s bell announcing the serving of dinner cut short conversations around the room. Men offered their arms to women and followed Countess Golytsyn and her husband to the dining room.

  Standing at the back, Alexei exchanged a few words with a Finnish merchant who was visiting Tallinn. Having avoided society since arriving in the city, Alexei found he was enjoying himself.

  He had just turned to say something further to the merchant when he saw her, and his heartbeat raced as if shot with adrenalin. She was thinner than he remembered, and paler, but still her beauty hit him like a gust of wind, rendering him speechless. Her shining eyes, framed by thick dark lashes, were gazing at him with a look of surprise he felt sure must be mirrored on his own face.

  For the longest moment, they stared at each other without speaking.

  Alexei’s heart skipped a beat. ‘Marie,’ he whispered.

  ‘You are surprised,’ she replied, the sentence sounding like a statement rather than a question.

  ‘I … I was not expecting to see you.’ He could not take his eyes off her. ‘You look beautiful.’

  Her lips curved into a smile. ‘Thank you.’ She offered her hand to him.

  He kissed her fingers, holding her hand a little longer than necessary.

  She blushed and dropped her head. Then, as if sensing she was being watched, she turned to look over her shoulder.

  Alexei saw an older woman in a dark silk dress with large feathers in her hair. She returned his gaze, her grey eyes regarding him with a warning look. Guessing she was Marie’s mother, he let go of Marie’s hand and stepped away.