by Terry Towers
There really was no option but the truth. I’d envisioned this day in my mind, feared it in my dreams. In none of the hundreds of scenarios had it gone down this way.
“Yes. Austin is your son.”
His jaw clenched and I could see rage forming in his eyes. While he hadn’t gotten angry with me often when we had been dating, the look of rage in his eyes was all too familiar – and frightening. I’d seen that very rage directed at other people in the past; it never turned out well for those people. “Did you know when you took off on me?”
Slowly I nodded. My body was one big coil of tension, trembling softly. “I’m sorry.” I muttered the apology in a voice so soft that I wasn’t sure if Constantine could even hear it.
He heard.
“You’re sorry,” he growled as he stood. He was so damned tall, his 6’3 towering over me by an entire foot – I hadn’t remembered him being so tall. “You’ve been keeping the fact that I have a child from me and all you can say is you’re sorry.” He took a menacing step toward me and I took a step back.
“Constantine, please –”
“Let’s forget the fact you fucked off on me after prom without so much as a ‘go fuck yourself, Constantine.’ It took me months to accept the fact that I no longer had a girlfriend.” He motioned toward the door of Austin’s bedroom. “You had no right to keep the fact I have a son from me. NO RIGHT!” His voice boomed throughout the small apartment. No doubt neighbors all around me could hear; the walls were as thin as tissue paper. If his rage kept up the cops would be here knocking on the door. They visited this particular building on a regular basis already.
“Hear me out.” What in the hell was I supposed to say to him? Where did I even start? Despite my envisioning this situation in my mind, I’d never actually come up with a way to defend myself.
In the blink of an eye he had closed the remaining distance between us in the matter of a few strides and was standing before me, so close I could get a whiff of the faint smell of his aftershave. “You lied to me. All these years! How could you keep a child from his father? At least given me the option of being his father.”
My eyes widened and I trembled with fright. “There were a lot of factors at play,” I managed to choke out as I backed up a few more steps, but was stopped by the wall at my back.
“God help me, I’m not sure what to do with you right now.” He advanced a step and then stopped. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes a moment. His jaw clenched. “You told him I was dead! Jesus Christ, Robyn, dead!”
No matter how bad his temper had been in the past, I didn’t think I’d ever seen him this angry. Escape, I needed to escape. But I couldn’t. I would never leave without Austin and there was no way I could get past Constantine to get to him. “Please. Calm down. You don’t understand…”
When he reopened his eyes the rage had simmered and there was a calmness in his expression. I released a sigh of relief. He’d always been hot-headed and it was his temper that would constantly get him into trouble – with the school, his foster parents and the law. “Of course I don’t, Robyn. Why would I? I just learned I had a son and that you’d knowingly taken him from me. And here you are telling me that I need to calm down!”
“Please, Constantine.”
He took a step back and motioned toward the sofa, giving his head a shake as if he were disgusted with me. I wouldn’t blame him if he were. “Sit down. Apparently, we have a lot more to talk about then I’d anticipated.”
With hesitation in my step, I slowly made my way to the sofa and sat down on the opposite end from him. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. I really didn’t know where to start.
Constantine waited for me to gather my disorderly thoughts and then finally spoke. “Apparently, this is a story I’m going to have to pry out of you piece by piece.”
I shrugged.
“Let’s start at the beginning. Did you know you were pregnant when you took off?”
Pulling my lower lip between my teeth, I cringed. “I did. I found out the morning before I left.”
“Did it occur to you to tell me before you left?”
It had, it had so many times. I don’t think words could describe the emotions that had gone through me back then – fear, pressure, anxiety. “I wanted to.”
“Then why didn’t you? A simple, ‘hey Constantine, just thought I’d let you know I got knocked up and you’re the dad, guess we should have used condoms after all.’”
“Yeah.” I hung my head. “It’s complicated.”
“I’m not a stupid person, I’m pretty sure I can get the gist of why if you wouldn’t fucking tell me.”
I looked up and ran a hand through my hair as I looked into his eyes. Even in this awkward situation, looking deep into his eyes brought back a flood of emotions – feelings I’d thought were long dead. “You knew I was planning on going to college.”
“Of course I knew that. And?”
“That was one issue, I was scared if you knew that you’d make me stay.”
He didn’t hesitate in his rebuttal. “I would have moved with you! You knew that. I wanted to leave New York with you, we’d discussed it. I was working on getting money to support us.”
Oh god, how do I say this… “It wasn’t a matter of that, that was only a factor.”
“Then…”
“I found out about the armed robbery, Constantine. The day after prom. I knew it was you.”
His face went blank. But I could tell he knew exactly what I was talking about, how could he not?
“When I first met you, the whole bad boy thing you had going on was thrilling and maybe it was a bit of a rebellion. I’d been such a goodie-goodie all my life. It wasn’t love – teenaged rebellion was what it was.”
He looked at me and something appeared in his eyes. I couldn’t place the emotion.
“But then when I got pregnant and I was accepted to a good school, I realized it was time to grow up and think of a future. You were a wild card, Constantine, destined to be either locked up or dead before we were twenty.”
“Robyn, that’s not fair.”
“Why isn’t it? All your life you’ve been bucking the system. If it was illegal and a way to fast cash you’d jump at it.”
Shaking his head, he replied, “You don’t know the whole story. There was so much you didn’t know about the life I was leading.”
“Exactly!” I sat up a little straighter. “There were too many X factors with you. When I found out I was pregnant my first thought was to tell you, but then I chickened out. I gave it serious thought that day and realized that you were who you were and I wasn’t going to let my child be wrapped up in a life where his father was well on his way to becoming a professional criminal, locked up or dead. You shot someone, killed them in cold blood.”
Anger filled his expression again. “So, your decision was to leave me for one of the biggest crime bosses on the East Coast and have him raise MY child?” His voice rose to the point he was yelling again.
“I didn’t leave you for him.”
“That’s not what I meant. You left then got with him, whatever amount of time later.”
My recent bout of confidence deflated and I sank back onto the sofa. He was right. I’d made a huge, huge mistake and now I was paying the price. Austin and I both were. “I made a mistake. I didn’t know the truth about Gabriel until it was too late.”
A calmness filled his expression and eyes again. “Yes. It appears that’s the point that it’s come to. Problem is, it’s our child who is going to be paying the biggest price for your mistakes, honey.”
We stared at each other a moment. “I’m not going back to him, Constantine.”
“No,” he agreed. “No, you’re not.” He stood suddenly and without another word, turned and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him. He slammed the door so hard it shook the wall where a picture of Austin and myself was hanging, leaving it slightly askew.
I sat t
here stunned for a few minutes, just staring blankly at the closed apartment door. Was Constantine coming back? What would happen when he relayed the message that I wasn’t going to go back to Gabriel? I needed things to move along with the feds and get the fuck out of this city. They’d promised me a new life as long as I gave them the information they needed and I prayed I’d get it before it was to late.
Chapter 5
Constantine
As I left Robyn’s apartment my head was spinning. I had no idea what I was going to do now and I honestly didn’t think I’d ever been so confused in my lifetime. One thing I did know was that there was no way I could fulfill the contract now. Kill the mother of my child, nope, never going to happen. My past, present and future feelings for my child’s mother aside, she was his mother and he needed her. No one was going to hurt her. I’d kill Gabriel and everyone under his employ first. Sadly, that just might be what it would come down to. Was there any other way?
I stopped at the top of the subway station and stared off into thin air. I was going to be a father. Wait, scratch that, I was a father. Me being a father wasn’t something I’d expected to ever be. It’s not like I’d ruled out the idea, but it just hadn’t been on my radar – I took lives, not made them. I suppose it could be argued that somewhere along the line I’d subconsciously dismissed the idea of marriage and children.
That being said, it had been a consideration – once upon a time.
How would this affect my life from here on in? I continued on my way down the stairs to the subway station. Swiping my metro pass through the reader, I pushed my way through and to the proper car. What I needed was a drink and maybe someone to talk to. Try to get my head sorted out.
There was only one place I could go and only one person in my life I could discuss something like this with. Entering the train, I held onto the overhead handrail as the train jolted forward. Fifteen minutes later, I was exiting the train and surfacing in front of O’Leary’s Tavern. Entering the tavern, I made my way to the end of the bar – my usual spot. It was slow tonight.
It took a moment, but eventually the bartender got to me. “Hey, Constantine. What can I get for you?”
“Rum and coke, and tell Vince I need to talk to him.” Vince O’Leary was the owner of the bar. He was also the man who attempted to raise me after I jumped from one foster home to another. I wasn’t exactly the poster child for good behavior – the exact opposite. But Vince had never given up on me. He was the closest thing to a father and family that I had.
“You got it.” Tony turned from me and prepared my drink. Before he delivered it, he picked up the phone behind the bar, which was a direct line to Vince’s office, and spoke to the person on the other end. After a moment he nodded and hung up the phone. Turning back to me he delivered me my drink. “Go on back. It’s been a fairly quiet night and he doesn’t have any appointments tonight.”
“Thanks, man.” Accepting the drink, I flashed him a smile of appreciation and stood. “Appreciate it.”
“Anytime.”
Walking across the bar, I looked around. At one point in time this was a happening place; now it had died off considerably. Too much competition, unfortunately, and Vince refused to change with the times despite my advice that he needed to do a serious update. He kept stating it would be unfair to his regulars who had been frequenting the place for over two decades and there was no changing his mind on that regardless of how many times I’d offered him money to make it happen.
I knocked on the door marked Manager, waited for Vince to call out “come in” and entered.
“Constantine.” He looked up from the pile of paperwork he was going through and graced me with a smile. “It’s been a while.”
“Yes.” It had been too long and I felt guilty. I’d been a little hell raiser back then, but he stood by me. Though most would argue that I was hardly on the road to redemption now – if anything the exact opposite – but that’s another story.
Vince stared hard at me, his eyes narrowing. “Okay, what’s going on?”
I pasted a fake smile onto my lips as I entered the office, closing the door behind me and taking a seat across from him at his desk. “What do you mean?”
“As much as you try to deny it, I know you better than you know yourself. And what I do know is when you’ve got something on your mind. Or are you in trouble again?”
You don’t know everything, I silently mused. He didn’t know I killed people for a living. But then again, he never asked. Maybe subconsciously he knew and just didn’t want to stir the pot. No one got the kind of money I did and not have an unscrupulous way of getting it. But Vince never asked and neither did his wife and I certainly didn’t volunteer the information.
“Yes, well…” I heaved a heavy sigh, deciding to just get it out in the open; beating around the bush wasn’t my style. “I just found out I’m a father.”
The smile faded from Vince’s lips and he stared blankly at me, the room becoming deathly silent. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. So we sat staring at each other for what felt like an eternity.
“Are you going to keep it?”
My brow creased as I stared at him. “What are you talking about?”
“This girl you got knocked up… Is she keeping it? Not to be negative here, but you’re not exactly father material.”
I couldn’t help but laugh although I suppose I should have felt insulted. “No, no. I don’t mean that I have a girl carrying my child. I mean, I just found out I already have a child. He’s five.”
Vince leaned back in his chair and sighed. “Oh… I see.”
“Yeah.” I wasn’t sure what to expect from Vince, but his expression was dire. “So what’s this child’s name? Who’s the mother? Why now? Is she coming after you for money… or…?”
“His name is Austin. His mother is Robyn Vaughn.”
“Robyn Vaughn.” Vince smiled briefly. He and Tonya had really liked her – at least until she took off on me. “I never saw that one coming. I guess we now know why she left without a word. How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I’m angry – extremely angry over her leaving without saying anything, but then again do I have the right to be angry, all things considered?”
Vince shrugged. “You’ve never been an easy person Constantine, both to get close to and to live with. You’ve always been in trouble with the law and you have this ice wall around your heart. Somehow that girl was able to work her way to your heart back then, but that didn’t keep you from getting into trouble. We honestly hoped you’d change…” His expression took on a look of sadness that I’d never seen from him before.
I’d tried hard to keep my dealings to myself, but maybe he knew? New York was a huge place, but then again once you began working in smaller circles of not-so-savory people – people who frequented this very bar – it would only be a matter of time before word of what I was doing for a living would get back to him. The knowledge that Vince and Tonya – the only people in the world who ever stood by me through thick and thin – may be disappointed in me hurt.
“Fuck,” I muttered, leaning back into my chair. I wouldn’t even think about bullshitting Vince by denying the truth.
“So what are you thinking about doing?” Vince asked.
“I’m not sure. She’s got herself in over her head right now.”
Vince’s brow creased as he leaned forward. “That right?”
“Yeah, she married Gabriel Salvatore and left him a couple of months ago. He’s not accepting that she left.”
He released a low whistle. “The girl got herself into a pickle. So Gabriel has been raising your child?”
I nodded. “I’m going to assume so, I didn’t really get into specifics like that. But she’s trying to make an escape. He’s just not willing to let her.”
“I see. How did you ever get involved with her again after all this time? How did that come about? She looking for money?”
I was sent to kil
l her, I answered silently. I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him that. “I was sent to take her back.”
Vince gave me a look of disapproval. “So you’re working for him now, huh?”
“No, it’s a one-time-only job.”
“Then why you? Why not just send one of his men?”
Fuck, it hadn’t been my intention to come here and be drilled about my deal with Gabriel. “I don’t know the reasoning behind it. I was offered a job and I took it. I really didn’t come here to talk about Gabriel, I’m more concerned about my child.”
“Uh-huh. Being a father is a big responsibility. Does the kid know who you are? Have you met him?”
“I’ve met him, but he doesn’t know who I am yet.”
“And Robyn? What does she want to do?”
“I don’t know.” I was beginning to feel like a scolded child. Jesus! I was a killer for hire and here I was cringing as I sat in my chair across from the closest as I’ve had to a parent figure. “I’m still trying to figure out what I think of the entire situation.”
“If you’re here wanting me to tell you what to do then you’ve come to the wrong place. I will give you some wisdom, though.”
“I’ll take it.”
“First off, you have to consider if you entering this child’s life is of benefit to the kid or hindrance. He’s blissfully ignorant currently from what I understand. If you’re going to shatter that ignorance then you need to do it for the right reasons, not because you think you have a right. If you feel that you can offer the child something of use then by all means enter his life, but don’t you dare shake up the life of Robyn and her child without being prepared to commit to it. I’m going to assume that she has enough on her plate dealing with Gabriel.”