by Terry Towers
Damn, he wasn’t holding back any punches.
“I hate to say it, but let’s be honest for a moment. You’re a grown man, I think you can handle the truth from me.”
I nodded. Damn, I hated that I was feeling like a child right now. But maybe this lecture was long overdue.
“It’s time you step up and protect what’s yours. Gabriel is trouble, so my advice is to protect that woman and her child. If you decide you want to play the role of daddy then so be it, but your life needs to ` take a serious turn in another direction.” He leaned over the desk, lowering his voice. “I know how you make your money, Constantine. I’ve pretended for years that I didn’t, but I do. I hear things I’m not naive enough to not believe and I don’t blame Robyn for taking off when she found out she was pregnant. If you want this woman and this child, turn your life around. You’re a death dealer, Constantine, and it’s going to eventually end with you in a coffin. And that would be a damned shame.”
A death dealer… The words that my foster father spoke ran loops in my mind. I bowed my head, neither confirming nor denying his accusation. I’d been kidding myself into thinking he wouldn’t find out.
“Thanks for the talk, Vince. Give Tonya my love.” I stood and without giving Vince another look and left the office. The air in there was becoming thick, making it hard to breathe. What in the hell was I supposed to do if I didn’t kill for a living? I really didn’t need the extra money, I’d made .more than my fair share over the years and had a nice big bank account.
But it was who I was.
He was right, though. I couldn’t force myself into Austin’s life unless I was willing to make serious changes in my own life first. But how did I change? If I did change, what then? I was never a 9-5 kinda guy, working “for the man.” My skillset was death and destruction, not exactly something you could put on a job application.
Chapter 6
Six years ago – one day before prom
Constantine
“Man up, Constantine. We’re broke and this is the best way.”
From the passenger seat of the car I looked up from the gun that was resting in my hands to meet the gaze of a friend of mine – Corey – though I use the term “friend” loosely. I’d done a lot of unscrupulous crap in my years, but this would be the worst to date. This was definitely a bridge I didn’t want to cross.
“And what if they don’t hand over the cash?”
“They will.” He nodded toward the gun. “Hold that in their fucking face. Trust me, they will.”
“How do you know? Have you had to shoot someone before?”
“No, never had to shoot anyone, yet, but I would if I had to… You gotta do what you gotta do to survive. This isn’t my first rodeo, man. Adam and I hit a number of stores before he got caught and sent away. He didn’t squeal though, that’s the main thing.”
I cocked a brow up at Corey. Him not squealing was the main thing? Not some innocent person getting shot dead? Admittedly, my moral compass was a bit skewed, but it wasn’t completely shot.
Looking down at the gun again, I thought of Robyn. She wanted to go to college in Boston and we were planning on getting a place together now that we were graduating. We needed a lot of money quick and the part-time jobs we were holding down wouldn’t cut it, not starting out. This could give us the boost we needed. I’ve never been a good person, I know this, but this was taking things to an entirely different level.
“Oh man, just come on. No one is going to get hurt. Just some quick cash. These places are insured; it’s not like they’re going to actually be out anything.”
I looked back up at Corey. Was that true? I didn’t know.
“So what’s the plan exactly?” He shook a ski mask at me. “You put this on. You follow me a couple of blocks to the store. We hold it up. Get the cash and high-tail our asses back to the car, which will be running. We get away and that’ll be the end of it. We’ll have money in our pockets and life goes on. No one gets shot, no one gets hurt and no one has to die.”
“I’ve never even shot one of these before.”
“It’s easy, point and pull the trigger. We turn off the safety before we enter the store, just in case.”
“Just in case what?”
He shrugged, his dark eyes staring into mine. His eyes were haunting, cold and empty. “Just in case.”
I had a really bad feeling about this. But at the same time, this could be the start Robyn and I needed. Sure, it was dishonest money, but it would be just this once. Just to give us a boost. Like Corey said, these places were insured. Insurance companies were the biggest crooks. Robyn’s parents said they wouldn’t help her with college as long as she was with me. It was a fucking punk move on their part if you ask me, but if I were to be completely honest with myself I could understand why, especially now as I prepared myself to rob a store. If I ever had a daughter, I’d be the last person I’d want her to end up with.
But I loved her.
Nodding, I replied, “Fine,” making my decision. It was the only way.
“Good.” Corey switched off the safety. “Just be careful with that thing, all right?”
“Yeah.” I really didn’t want the gun, but I’d go along with him. The faster this got done the better and I’m sure Corey was right, the gun would spur them into action and we’d be in and out no problem, then I could put this behind me.
This would be the last punk-assed thing I’d do, I promised myself.
“’kay, let’s go.” He got out of the car and I followed. The car was left running, but he activated the power lock from a second key. Wouldn’t want someone to steal the car of the person who’s in the process of robbing someone else. “Just follow my lead.”
I ran behind him. We waited until we were about to round the corner to the entrance of the store before pulling our ski caps over our faces. Corey peeked around the corner.
“Coast is clear,” he said, waving for me to follow him.
I did, my heart rate accelerating with each step. Adrenaline was shooting through my veins as I followed him into the store. My footsteps were loud, louder than sneakers should be on the tiled floor.
“Hands in the air and give me the cash in the safe!” Corey yelled, waving his gun in the face of the middle-aged male attendant.
“Now!” I yelled, my gun pointing at him as well.
“Crowd control,” Corey yelled at me.
Giving him a nod, I turned and just as I turned I noticed a glint of silver as a twenty-something African-American man pulled his hand out from under his denim jacket as he came down an aisle in front of me. My mind blanked out. It was as though time stood still and I left my body. I wasn’t in control of anything and it wasn’t until I pulled the trigger and the man began to fall backwards, his gun also discharging up into the ceiling that I’d realised what I’d done.
“Fuck man!”
I froze as I watched the man hit the floor, blood beginning to saturate his white t-shirt. There were screams; they came from all around me. I could hear the thumping of my blood rushing through my veins in my ears.
My gaze was glued to him as he took his final breath. I looked down his body and noticed the logo for Satan’s Children gang. Several black stars ran up the side of his right hand – the hand still grasping the gun. The stars represented each of his kills. There were over half a dozen. But the fact that he was a killer didn’t ease the turmoil beginning to brew within me.
“Now! Let’s go!”
I looked down at Corey’s hand on my arm, pulling at the sleeve of my hoodie.
“Come on!” He pushed me and I stumbled.
Suddenly the frozen state broke and everything began to speed up at a reckless pace, so fast I don’t remember leaving the store or the run two blocks to the car. My next conscious thought was sitting in the passenger seat of the Pontiac sedan as Corey sped off down the street.
“For fucks sake, get that off your head.” He grabbed the top of the ski mask and pulled it off my he
ad. “What the fuck? You weren’t supposed to kill anyone!”
“I don’t know. I…” I ran my hand through my dishevelled hair and attempted to catch my breath. “He had a gun. I didn’t think, I reacted.”
“That’s murder, man. If we get caught, that’s first-degree murder in addition to armed robbery!”
I looked over and into Corey’s eyes. I saw fear.
“You gave me the gun. You switched off the safety. I didn’t want it,” I growled through clenched teeth.
The fear dissipated and Corey nodded, heaving a loud sigh. “If you hadn’t killed him he would have killed us.”
Unless we ran away, I thought, but didn’t say it. “What’s done is done. Dude was a gang member. We did the city a favor.” I wasn’t sure who I was attempting to convince more, me or him.
“I got the money, though. You shooting that dude really got them moving. Made them realize we meant business, dude.” Corey threw a black cotton pillowcase at me. Opening it, I looked down and saw maybe a few thousand dollars – a thousand or so each once we split it. That would be the damage deposit on an apartment for me and Robyn – combined with the money I’d already squirreled away, maybe even enough that I could buy her an engagement ring. It wouldn’t be new, more like a second-hand pawn shop ring, but she wouldn’t care.
Still, a slight part of me felt regret.
But what was done was done, I told myself a second time. He shouldn’t have come charging down the aisle. If he’s stayed put and let us go he’d still be alive.
One thing was for certain though… Robyn could never know of this. If she did that would be the end of us together. She was such a good, kind person. She endured the way I was because she loved me and because I hadn’t crossed the line from being enticingly dangerous to terrifying and unstable. If she found out that I’d crossed that very shaky line I knew there was no way I’d be able to keep her in my life.
For whatever reason she felt I was worth saving – worthy of her love. God help me, I had no idea why, but she did. From here on in I vowed to myself I’d be on the straight and narrow.
But as it turned out, vows to myself are worth shit.
~*~ TT ~*~
Six years ago – one day after prom
Robyn
“How was it?” I looked over at my friend Kelly, who was sitting cross-legged opposite from me on my bed, and smiled at her question. How could I explain that it was the most incredible, exciting, exhilarating and passionate night of my life? Every good emotion that I could have been feeling, I was currently experiencing. I doubted there could be anything that could bring me down from this high.
“I, well…” I nibbled on my lower lip, wondering how much I should tell her. She was my best friend and we shared everything and I supposed I could share some of the previous evening’s events. Not the nitty-gritty details, but some stuff wouldn’t hurt. But, heavens, where would I start?
“Come on, spill! You’ve been holding onto your V-card for way too long. I can’t believe it took you guys almost two years to finally get in the sack!”
I cringed. She made it sound so dirty. “We waited for so long because it was so special. I wasn’t his first, but he was mine.” The love I had for him reflected in my smile. I didn’t even have to look into a mirror to know I had a goofy love-struck look on my face.
She smiled, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder. “I have to say, I’m shocked he waited so long, he’s such…” She crinkled her nose up at me.
“Just what?” I didn’t like it when people said bad things about Constantine. They didn’t know him like I did. They only saw his bad-assed hard exterior. They all saw a kid whose parents were murdered and who was thrown from foster home to foster home and was always getting into trouble. But there was a kindness about him. Deep down he was a good person, he just needed a chance to be that good person I knew he was. And he treated me like a queen.
“He’s so wild. All the fights and crap he’s been into and the people he hangs out with. Holding back from having sex didn’t seem his style.” She shrugged. “Even his name… So sexy.”
“Constantine loves me and he wanted to make sure I felt safe and secure. Besides, we did other stuff. It’s not like we hadn’t seen each other naked. We just hadn’t made love yet.”
Kelly’s grin widened. “He certainly cleans up nice. All the girls at the prom were oogling him like crazy. You guys were a beautiful couple.”
I felt my cheeks redden, as I lowered my gaze. “Thanks.”
“So come on.” She patted my knee. “Please, just a few details.”
She wasn’t going to give up. “Okay, so after the prom Constantine took me to a motel and he had wine and roses waiting for me.” Excitement filled me as my mind flashed back to the sight of the little room he’d prepared for our big night. “And he had candles and had a CD made of all my favourite love songs that he had playing.”
Kelly’s face lit up as she listened so intently that I could have sworn she was trying to memorize every word in order to transcribe it into a book. “So what about the sex?”
I blushed again. How could I describe the most incredible experience of my life? I gave myself to him, every single piece of me and he consumed me, while giving me everything he was and would be in return. “I’ve never felt so alive. It was painful at first – a little bit anyhow – but he was gentle and patient.” Heat ignited between my legs as I closed my eyes, reliving the moment in my mind.
“Okay. Okay. I don’t need to know anymore.” She rolled her eyes at me, but the grin on her face told me she was happy for me.
I opened my eyes again, longing to see Constantine. He was going to be busy helping his foster dad at the bar, so I had to wait until tomorrow to see him. Bummer. Call me a tramp if you like, but I wanted to make love to him again and again. We’d done it several times the previous night and I couldn’t get enough.
“Okay, well, I gotta go.” She leaned forward and drew me into her embrace. “I’m so happy for you. Kinda jealous to be honest. But happy.”
I hoped one day she’d find a love like mine. There wasn’t a thing in this world that could take me down from this high and I doubted I’d ever find a love like I had with Constantine. We were like Romeo and Juliet. At least that’s what I thought…
Chapter 7
Constantine – present
Hesitating at Robyn’s apartment door before knocking, I wondered if I should give myself a little more time to digest the information I’d obtained the previous day. I still hadn’t sorted things out in my mind on how I was going to approach the situation with her. Maybe my kid was better off without me in his life. I had a very short shelf life living my life the way I currently was. There wasn’t an abundance of retired hitmen living out their final years in a Florida retirement home.
If Robyn hadn’t gotten herself into the mess she was currently in and had found herself a man who would give her a stable home and marriage, this decision would be a whole lot easier. I’d just stay gone.
But she hadn’t. Instead she got herself involved with a man who wanted her dead. I’d spent the entire night pondering the part I played in getting her to where she was now. Was I the one who pushed her down this path? Everything had been so good. Then I made one stupid mistake. Granted it was one huge stupid mistake. Why hadn’t she talked to me about what she thought she knew back then?
Juggling the two Frappuccino’s and little bag with three bagels in it, I knocked, a loud and impatient knock, and waited. The need for answers overruled every hesitation I had about getting involved in her life again. The extent of my involvement was still up for discussion.
Footsteps sounded on the other side of the door as I was about to knock a second time. It seemed like an eternity, seconds feeling like hours, before she finally opened the door. She was wearing a light blue satin pajama set, the front of the camisole dipping low into her cleavage. There was a gentle stirring in my groin as my dick came to life.
Goddamnit!
A hard-on wasn’t something I needed right now.
“Constantine? What do you want? It’s like 5 a.m.” Balling her hands into fists, she rubbed at her eyes and then blinked as she looked back up at me, lowering her hands back to her sides. Despite appearing to have just gotten out of bed, she looked hot. But that was just the initial glance. When I looked deeper into her eyes I saw the worry and strain in her expression. I wanted to hold her and tell her it was all going to be fine and that I was going to take care of things from here.
But I didn’t. I still had another part of me that was angry over what she’d done, regardless of her reasoning behind it. And I was scared that she’d reject my attempt to console her. If she could leave me back when we were teenagers without so much as an explanation, then who says she wanted anything to do with me now?
“We need to talk.”
She groaned out loud. “I’m tired. I didn’t get to sleep until past three.”
“Sleep can wait.” I pushed past her and into her apartment. “We have things to discuss that are much more pressing. Besides, I brought breakfast.”
“Austin is sleeping. Be quiet if you’re insisting on staying.” She sighed as she closed the door behind me. “I’m not hungry.”
“If it’s any consolation I never slept much last night either.” Rubbing my chin I felt the emergence of stubble. Almost time for a shave. Making my way over to the sofa, I flopped onto it, the force of my weight making the coils creak. Damn, this was one shoddy sofa. Once settled I placed the drinks and bagels onto the little wooden coffee table in front of me. “What do you have to worry about?” She shot me a nasty glare as she sat down beside me. “Gabriel not paying you enough to harass me?”
“Ummm. Wrong. Guess again, Robyn.” Anger began to rage within me again. Of course she knew why I was having difficulty sleeping.