Falling Into the Black

by Lauren Runow

“How? I don’t have any money. You know my parents don’t either. You have a scholarship with living expenses included. I couldn’t find a job that quickly to pay for a down payment and rent. Remember, a studio apartment out there was ridiculous.”

  “I can find a part-time job to help you pay your rent.”

  “No, Carter. I won’t let you do that. I don’t want anything to come between you and your dreams, especially me.”

  “But you are my dreams.”

  “And you’re mine. So go get your awesome doctor degree and then we’ll never have to worry about money so we can live our dreams. Till then, I’ll work, save up as much as I can and hopefully, one day, I can come join you.”

  “But what about you till then?”

  “What about me? I’ll be fine. Come on, really? Where am I gonna go?” She pauses like she just had the best idea ever then starts to jump up and down. “Let’s do something crazy tonight. Just you and me.”

  “What kind of crazy are you thinking about?” I eye her up and down sexually.

  “Well, yes, that kind,” she says, but I interrupt her when I lean down, breaking up her words to steal a kiss. “We’ll definitely do that, but I had something else in mind.”

  “Okay, like what?” I say, and her smile turns so bright it almost brings me to my knees. That’s what I love about her. She’s always thinking up unique ideas, and I want like hell to bring her with me. If only I could.

  “Let’s get tattoos. Something small. Something stupid…that only we know the meaning of.”

  I grin. “Didn’t think this would go that route, but fuck it. What you got in mind?”

  She pushes her lips together in thought. “Let’s see, something to do with drawing the line. Not saying goodbye just—”

  “So we get a line,” I interrupt her.

  “Huh?” She squints her eyes, confused by my suggestion.

  “Yeah, we get a straight line, um…” I grab her hand and turn it over. “Right here across the inside of our wrists.”

  “Really?”

  I can tell she’s on the fence, but I’m starting to really dig the idea. “Yeah, that way it won’t be noticeable to everyone else, but to me and you, it will mean the world. Constantly reminding us if we’re patient we’ll be able to cross the line someday.”

  Her arms wrap around my neck. “Exactly! That’s the exact meaning I was hoping for.”

  “I told you. I get you. You’re my kind of crazy.” I kiss her lips before smacking her ass. “Let’s go, the closest tattoo shop has to be an hour away.”

  And it was. An hour and twenty minutes to be exact, but the time flew by. We were all in, and with this being our last night together, nothing was going to stop us. The tattoo artist laughed at our idea, but we didn’t explain the meaning. No one needs to know but us.

  I leave tomorrow, and I know both of our parents are going to flip their lids, but we don’t care. Instead of going home when we pulled back into town, we found a spot by the lake, laid out a blanket, and spent the night lost in each other.

  For one last night, one last kiss, one last love, I gave her my all. My everything. I pray that the love we shared tonight will be enough. Enough for her to wait for me because I know there’s no way I could ever live without her. I just need to make it through what’s ahead of me. My scholarship only pays for me to be in the dorms. So until then, I’ll study my ass off so I can get my degree to one day be able to afford for her to come to Los Angeles with me.

  Every day away from her has been hard, but I’m trying to see the bigger picture and my end goal through all of this. I tend to stare at my tattoo for probably longer than I should, but right now, it’s the only thing getting me through the day.

  It’s been a month since I left. We spoke daily at first, multiple times a day actually, but it was killing us both. Anytime I heard her voice it would take every ounce of my control not to quit school and fly back home just to be with her.

  I made the mistake of telling her one lonely night, and ever since then, she cut me off, saying we needed to cut the cord, really draw the line and separate from each other completely. I fought it, but deep down I knew it was what needed to happen. Doesn’t mean it makes it any easier, though.

  Chris, my dorm roommate, is finally dragging my ass out for the night. He knows all about Evangeline and keeps reminding me it’s time to live again. I’m afraid I don’t know how.

  He’s a sophomore, so he’s already a member of a fraternity and brings me along to hang out at their frat house. When we walk in, wall-to-wall bodies bounce in the air as loud music thumps through my ears, bringing my senses to life. Every corner I turn there are ten more girls dancing provocatively with each other and putting on a show for every guy to enjoy.

  “What’s up, bro?” A guy walks up to Chris, slapping his hand in the air and looking in my direction. “Who’s this guy?”

  “What up, Sean? This is Carter, my roommate.”

  “Hey.” I nod.

  “Any friend of Chris’ is welcome in this house. Let me get you a beer.”

  Two seconds later, I’m handed a red solo cup as Sean is pulled onto the makeshift dance floor in the middle of what I assume to be their dining room.

  Someone calls Chris from the kitchen and before he leaves he looks over at me, asking, “You good?”

  I nod just as a pretty blonde with short shorts and an even shorter top walks up and answers for me, “Yeah, he’s good.”

  I smirk, still not sure if I want this attention or not. I look her up and down with a slight tilt pulling on my lips the farther down my eyes travel. When they meet with her eyes again, I bring my beer to my lips, swallowing the pain I feel inside and trying to move on one step at a time.

  “I’m Lucy,” she says close to my ear so I can hear her over the music, but I know by the way she pushes her chest out, it was to show off her body more than anything else.

  “Carter,” is all I respond before I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. When I glance down, I see an eight-hundred number, so I silence it, having no idea why an eight-hundred number would be calling me right now. I wouldn’t be able to hear the person anyway with the music blasting, so I slide it back into my pocket.

  “You’re new here, aren’t you?” Lucy asks.

  “Yup, how about you?”

  “I’m a Junior. Psyche major, halfway there, thank God,” she over embellishes.

  “Well, I’m on the first leg of med school, so I won’t be saying that for a long time.”

  “Oh.” She comes up close, leaving no room in between my body and hers. “You want to be a doctor, huh?”

  “That’s the goal,” I say, trying to pull away a little from her by bringing my beer up to my lips. I know I need to move on but not like this. Not this fast.

  Her friend walks up right as my phone rings again. I pull it out of my pocket right as she pulls it from my hands, noticing the eight-hundred number as well.

  She answers, “Sorry, there’s nothing you can sell this hottie tonight. He’s already got his hands full with Lucy and me.” She laughs, hanging up the phone and handing it back to me. “I thought sales calls aren’t allowed to call your cell phone?” she questions, and I agree with her statement.

  They both stay and talk to me for a while, but I try to make sure they know I’m not interested, at least not right now. More friends come and join in on our conversation, and instantly my nerves relax. The group atmosphere gives me some relief so I can get my feet wet before jumping in completely.

  The beers flow more easily as the night progresses, and I get to know a few different guys and even more girls. Every single one of them shows a little more interest when they realize I’m pre-med, which instantly puts up even more red flags. People warned me, but it’s shocking to see there really are gold diggers who just want to bag a doctor.

  At two in the morning, Chris and I stumble back to our dorm; him with a female on his arm and me knowing it’s going to be a long night. I could have had my pi
ck of a few girls, but there was no way I was going to have a one-night fling when my heart was still back home.

  Instead, I head to the student lounge where I crash on the couch, waiting for the all-clear to be allowed back in my room. I don’t hold out hope, though.

  I wake up with the worst kink in my neck and an even bigger pounding in my head. I can’t believe he left me to sleep on this couch all night. We need to set up some parameters for what’s cool and what’s not for having the room to ourselves. This was definitely not cool.

  I grab my phone to check the time and see I have a voicemail from the eight-hundred number last night. Leaning my head back against the headrest of the couch, I let out a long sigh as I bring the phone up to my ear.

  “Carter…Fuck, Carter, where are you?”

  It’s Evangeline, and suddenly my heart is beating like a bass drum with the night’s pain forgotten as I sit up, listening more intently.

  “There’s been an accident. My parents...” she trails off, and I can hear her sobbing through the phone. “I left home without my phone. I’m calling from a payphone in the hospital. I didn’t know who else to call. God…” She pauses. “Where are you?”

  She hangs up, and when I look down at my phone, I see I have eleven missed calls starting from around the time we entered the party. Only one message, though, left the first time she called. Memories of the girl last night answering my phone makes the left-over alcohol creep up a little too high in my stomach, and I have to fight the urge to hurl.

  How could I have let that happen? She needed me, and I ignored the call. I wasn’t there for her.

  I click her name as quickly as I can and wait, but it goes straight to voicemail. After leaving a message, I call my parents.

  “Mom, what happened? I got a call from Evan—”

  Before I can finish my mom cries into the phone. “Oh, honey, there’s been an accident. I don’t know what happened.”

  “Is everyone okay?”

  She cries into the phone, “No, baby. Sandy and Dave, they, oh my God—”

  She can’t even say it.

  She doesn’t need to.

  Evangeline’s parents were killed last night in an accident, and I ignored her call.

  Chapter Eleven

  Present Day

  Evangeline

  There was no way I could hide the smile on my face from my first night at the club. I wish Kamii was at work when I walked in, but the reality of why she wasn’t there being all too real of a reminder to bring me back to my life. The good and the bad.

  The morning goes on when my cell rings, and I notice Kamii’s face appearing on my screen. “What’s up, girl? How’s motherhood treating you?”

  “I’m so in love. I haven’t slept much, but I try to rest when she’s napping,” she responds with happiness lacing her tone right before she yawns.

  “Why did you call my cell instead of the office line?”

  “Hello…?” she squeals into the phone. “I know it’s almost ten-thirty and time for you to take a break, so get your little bootie up, step outside, and tell me about last night!” she demands.

  I let out a loud laugh before clicking a few things on my computer and pushing my chair away from my desk. “Oh, now you want to know all about my sex life?” I tease her. I’ve always told her everything even though I knew it made her uncomfortable. But of course, she’s never actually asked for the low-down, dirty details.

  “Stop, you know this is different.”

  “Yeah, because it has nothing to do with love and everything to do with fucking.” I stop when I hear her gasp. “You surprise me at every turn. I only wish I knew this side of you sooner.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah, just tell me. How did it go?”

  “Nothing like I expected but everything I dreamed of.”

  “What exactly did you expect?”

  “Remember I wanted to hook up with the two guys?”

  “Were they not there?”

  “Oh no, they were there. But one of them was very cryptic. He wouldn’t talk, and I never got his name.”

  “That’s Maverick and—”

  “No. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. That’s what made it so hot. He never even touched me. He watched the entire time, giving us his permission it almost seemed and then he up and left before it was over.”

  “Are you serious? I’ve never seen him turn down a good time.”

  “That’s the thing. It still was an amazing time, and he was getting off as much as we were by just watching. It was such an unreal feeling to feel Maverick’s cock—”

  “Okay, that’s enough,” she interrupts, making me grin. “I may be more open about sex, but I still can’t talk about it like that.”

  “Well, you asked.” I chuckle. “Just know it was hot. I hope he continues this little game of his.”

  “I’m glad you had fun. Enjoy yourself there.” She pauses. “What am I talking about? Of course you’ll enjoy yourself.”

  “You know it, girl,” I snap back.

  “So any other issues? Everything seems pretty calm and like a good crowd was there?”

  “Yeah, I noticed a few people I didn’t see my first time, but I’m paying attention, trying to recognize who’s around.”

  “I know we don’t really need you to do anything. It’s just nice to know we have someone kind of undercover while we’re gone.”

  “I feel so James Bondish with my assignment. Give that beautiful baby girl a kiss for me. I’ve got to get back up there before my bitch of a boss hunts me down. I swear she’s the worst.”

  “Ha. Ha. Ha,” she slowly jokes through the line. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

  “You too.”

  It’s a good thing I have class tonight. I’m more than tempted to make an appearance at the club, but then I remember it’s BDSM night, so that helps squash the burning itch deep in my stomach. I can wait until tomorrow.

  I think.

  Thankfully, Kamii was able to find someone to help on Friday nights, so I don’t have to worry about not being there for them either.

  Instead, I head out for my class. With Kamii gone, I was able to get off early, so I went home to change into my black leggings and Ugg boots along with an oversized shirt that hangs slightly off my shoulder when it’s not evenly distributed on my body. Add with my hair pulled back into a ponytail, I’m definitely going for the super comfy look tonight.

  Everyone has chosen to sit in the same seats each class, so no matter how early or late I am, I still get my chair up front. Not only am I eager to learn, but I’m not going to lie, I like staring at my teacher’s ass when he writes on the board.

  As I walk up to my desk, Professor Spence’s glare doesn’t hide a thing when he eyes me up and down. The small smile that pulls on his lips tells me he doesn’t mind my casual attire one bit. In fact, he almost looks appreciative of it.

  “Nice to see you, Miss Smith,” Professor Spence basically slurs the words with his eyes not meeting mine until I stop walking.

  “Professor Spence,” is all I reply before I wink and sit.

  His head tilts down, shaking slightly as he hides the laughter coming from his lips before standing up to greet the class. “Can someone give me the definition of morals?”

  After a brief moment of silence, a voice speaks up, obviously reading from their phone, “A lesson, especially one concerning what is right or prudent, that can be derived from a story, a piece of information, or an experience.”

  He squints his eye and pinches his lips to the side, showing that wasn’t exactly the answer he wanted.

  The same person keeps going, “Or, a person’s standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do.”

  “Yes.” He snaps his fingers, pointing to the student. “Behavior or beliefs of what is not acceptable. What exactly does that mean?”

  Someone else pipes in, “It’s what’s right or wrong.”

  “Ah, but who is to decide wh
at’s right or wrong?” he asks.

  “The law,” Alex yells from a few rows back.

  “Well, yes and no. Angie, can I use you as my model?” He holds out his hand to me like he’s going to help me stand up. I take it but drop it quickly after I stand next to him before he continues. “I just held her hand, be it for a quick second, but could that be considered morally wrong?”

  “I guess it depends on where you are or what the context of said hand-holding was?”

  “Exactly.” He pauses and comes closer, placing his arm around my shoulder, giving me a side hug like a friend would. “And what about this?”

  “It depends on who you are to each other,” Charlie shouts out.

  “True. If we were friends, this would be totally normal. But say, as her teacher, or her boss, what would it be?”

  “That depends on your relationship. It could be okay, and it could be wrong.”

  “Yes, this would be considered the gray area. But think about that word again. Morals. To some, this would be considered wrong where to others it would be acceptable. It depends on what your morals are when it comes to this exact topic. So what if I did this?” He comes up behind me, putting his hands on my hips.

  To the class, it looks somewhat innocent, but the way his groin pushes into me while pulling me back into him proves to me it’s anything but.

  “That would be crossing the line, legally and morally,” Charlie shouts and by his tone, I think he noticed what was really going on.

  Professor Spence leans in to my ear and whispers, “Busted,” before stepping back and acting like nothing happened, addressing the class as he walked back to the board. “And there it is. Today we’re going to discuss the difference between legal duty versus moral duty.”

  As I walk back to my desk, my head is stuck high in a cloud but not because of what he just did but the way his voice tickled my neck as he whispered only to me, from behind, reminding me of—

  No fucking way.

  Chapter Twelve

  Evangeline