Tomorrow's June

by Claudia Caget

  After practice Noah came up to me and gave me a hug, and introduced me as his "friend" to his band mates.

  Uh-oh. I was his "friend." What else would I be? I told myself. The newest blowjob girl in his life?

  We went to get something fast to eat. Noah was not a big spender apparently, and I ended up buying dinner for the both of us. He also wanted beer, and since he didn't have any money on him, I bought a case for the band. He promised me I would be paid back.

  When we got back to the house, there was another party of sorts going on. People were everywhere and I sat down in the living room after losing track of Noah. I got pretty bored after a while and went to look for him upstairs.

  Outside his bedroom door, I could hear him on the phone.

  "I love you. I want to get back together. I made a mistake last night. I was wrong."

  He must be talking to Serena.

  "How can you love him? You don't even know him! We have been going out for so long, we have a good thing going. Don't ruin it."

  It sounded like he was crying. I peered in. He was crying.

  "Come on Serena. Please, please, please." He was sobbing now.

  Oh man. It's not that I don't like guys crying, I don't like the ones I like crying over other girls. My heart sank. I thought he broke up with her. He obviously wanted her back. I knew it was too good to be true.

  "I don't know why you don't love me anymore!" Noah was practically wailing now. I didn't know what to do. Should I wait for him to get off the phone? Should I go home? I was afraid if I went home I would never see him again. Besides, he didn't know my number and what if he wanted to call me? He did know where I worked though. If he really wanted to see me he would come by the Garden. That made me feel better and I decided to leave before I made a bigger fool out of myself. I blew him already. I didn’t want to look desperate.

  I made my way out the door without anyone asking me where I was going. It was like I was invisible to Noah's band mates. They obviously could care less about me. They probably thought I was just some girl Noah was doing to pass the time until Serena came back. They wouldn't be wrong.

  Chapter 9

  I will not fear the creeping dark,

  The one that chews and growls.

  It will not die,

  Growing, it consumes the horizon.

  The dark it comes at last.

  To the place I cannot fill.

  Claws in already,

  Steel does not forgive.

  When the job is through,

  Then it rests.

  Resting.

  I looked up at Andy when I was finished reading it. He was smiling at me, his skinny, earnest face lit up with too many teeth. He looked like he should be wearing glasses and maybe a tie. I smiled back, a reactionary impulse I have when someone was smiling at me and I didn't mean it.

  “That's good.” I moved to give him back the paper, but he put his hands up in the international stop position.

  “I wrote it for you,” he said, his eyes shiny.

  “Okay. Uh, thanks.” That made two poems this guy has written for me. Weird.

  He had been waiting for me outside the coffee shop this particular morning at 6 a.m., poem in hand, handing it to me while we walked in.

  “I have to start brewing the coffee and get the register drawer,” I said, placing the poem on the counter.

  “What time do we open?” Andy stood between the counter and me.

  “6:30 on Sundays, so we have a half hour to get it together. Have you ever opened before?” I slipped by him.

  “No.”

  “We aren't busy. People don't get up early on the weekends. You can ring on the register, right?” I floated from one task to the next.

  “Uh.” Andy had moved to a place behind the counter, near the register and the pathway to the dining area.

  “I know that I showed you during training. Have you had a chance to practice?”

  “Well.” Andy seemed to be sputtering.

  “It's no big deal. The only way you'll learn is by doing and a trial by fire is the quickest way to do it. We shouldn't be too busy.” I sidestepped him again while walking toward the pastry case.

  “Why don't you put the creamer out on the serving table?” I switched the case on and turned toward the register. Andy stood there, mute.

  “It's in the refrigerator,” I said, pointing to the small unit across from him. He turned, reached down, and pulled the creamer jugs out and moved into the lobby. The path clear, I walked along the counter into the kitchen. There was a small office with a safe on the far end of the room. I went in and pulled the register drawer from its safe place and walked back into the coffee prep area. I put the drawer into the register, logged on, and turned to check on the espresso machines.

  I was proven a liar at 6:30 because there was a small line of people waiting to get in. Since Andy and I were the only people working until 10 a.m., I made him ring on the register while I made all the drinks. We had a steady stream of customers for about an hour and our conversation was limited to him giving me orders and me helping him with the cash register.

  At the first lull, I ordered him into the dining room to bus tables while I restocked the cups and silverware.

  He was very easy to work with and did what he was told without arguing.

  I decided to be nicer to him, after all he did write me a poem. I had my claws out because of the mistreatment I had received at the hands of Noah and Kurt and I was ready for someone, anyone, to be nice to me.

  "So where are you from?" I asked Andy after he was finished in the lobby.

  "The Cleveland area."

  "Oh." I nodded my head. I was in Cleveland once with friends, got really drunk, and don't remember anything about the city. That was the extent of my Cleveland experience.

  "Are you here for school?" A majority of the students at the University of Toledo are from eastern Ohio. Apparently, there aren't any schools in Cleveland.

  "Yeah. I live here with my sister, who is here for school too."

  "What classes are you taking?"

  "Well as an English major, there are a core group of classes that must be taken before you can take your upper level classes: Shakespeare, linguistics, literal thinking. I'm taking Shakespeare, math, geology, a lab, and a gym class.” Andy made a face. "It's total bullshit. They make you take math and gym because they know no one in their right mind would take these classes if they weren't requirements."

  "Exactly! I majored in art history and romance languages and had to take psychology! What the hell is the point of that?"

  "They want their money. Tuition keeps going up and the level of education is either staying the same or declining."

  At least we agreed on the state of affairs at UT. Too bad he wasn't better looking. I immediately regretted my shallow thoughts. Who the hell was I to think that? Looks generally didn’t mean that much to me I liked to tell myself although Ian, Noah, and Kurt were all extremely hot. The truth was, Andy wasn’t bad looking. He seemed to like me, even though it was a possessive, scary kind of like. I seemed to bring that out in people.

  "So tell me about your boyfriend. What does he do?" Andy was a curious mixture of arrogance and shyness and it was my fault for encouraging him.

  "It's really none of your business." After the events of last night, I did not feel comfortable talking about Kurt or Noah like either one was my boyfriend. I was boyfriend-less at the moment.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so nosy." Andy didn't look like he was sorry as he whistled under his breath while wiping the counter down.

  "Yeah." I was in no mood. Last night, I went home to an empty apartment. I had to check to see if Amy still lived there. Her stuff was still there, but she was nowhere to be found. I was hoping she wasn't in jail for shoplifting. For the second time in the span of a week, I went to bed early on a Saturday night. It was kind of nice to not be hung-over when I had to work early on Sunday I told myself when the alarm clock went off.


  "What is the deal with that Kurt guy? He is a total dick." Andy switched gears.

  "Oh, he's okay."

  "Yeah, you and him are pretty close."

  "Yeah, we are. I'm pretty close with Hannah, too." I avoided Andy’s penetrative gaze.

  "Is that his girlfriend?"

  "Yes."

  "How the hell does she stand him?" He was nothing if not persistent.

  "He is not that bad,” I composed myself enough to look directly at him.

  "He's a total asshole. I want to kick his ass!"

  'Yea, that's what he wants to do to you, too,' I thought, turning toward the espresso machine. He was right, though, Kurt could be a total asshole and at the moment, I was pissed at him. He was being selfish and unfair, but still I wasn't going to talk bad about him. It would have made for an unpleasant work experience.

  At 10, Hannah and two of her trainees, as well as Charles and Sarah arrived as the rest of the Garden opened later on Sundays.

  “Since we are here first, we get first pick on where we work,” I said to Andy as everyone walked in. “I don't like working in the used clothes, so Jeff schedules me for the coffee area only.”

  “I can't imagine that he makes a lot of money off of vintage clothes,” Andy said.

  “Yeah, me either. He will probably close the clothing part of the store eventually. I have always thought he should turn that second room into a performance space or something.” I had come up with the idea one boring Tuesday afternoon, pleased with my cleverness but had not yet mentioned it to Jeff. “What I really like about working on this side is the smaller area you work in,” I said, wiping down the espresso machine for the umpteenth time that morning. “Sure you have to clean, but it's all in this enclosed space.” I was thinking about how I fell in love with Kurt by working so closely with him.

  “I have worked at fast food restaurants and the pace is much faster there,” Andy said, leaning up against the counter.

  I was lost in thought and didn't answer.

  Business had slowed down and Andy was the last person I wanted to talk to, so I sent him to the lobby to check on the situation.

  Early in the afternoon Kurt came in, not to work, but for coffee of all things.

  "Hey. How was your evening?" He looked worried as he came behind the counter. Andy was busy restocking the sugar and creamer in the lobby and couldn't hear us.

  "Fine. I went home early. Nothing happened." I was surprisingly relieved to see him, my anger at him melting away.

  Kurt looked relieved, too. “Are we okay?”

  I smiled at him. “Yea, of course we are.” I couldn't be mad at him for any length of time.

  "What's going on with him?" He jerked his head towards Andy.

  "Nothing. He wrote me another poem."

  Kurt looked horrified. "You're kidding. Let me read it."

  "No way." I moved to leave and Kurt grabbed my arm.

  "Come over after work. I want to apologize in that way I do."

  "Okay." All was forgiven as far as Kurt was concerned. “You better go say hello to Hannah.”

  Kurt made a face as he turned around and left. I laughed, watching him leave. Obviously Hannah was not on his list of must see’s.

  An afternoon haze settled in over the Garden. The sun was shining brightly through the door and windows as I stood behind the counter, lost in my thoughts. I didn't even see Noah come in until he was right in front of me.

  "Hi Mia." He startled me.

  "Oh hi Noah." I looked around. Of course Andy was nowhere in sight to see my "boyfriend."

  "I'm sorry about last night. I was really upset. Serena wanted to get back together with me but I said no. It got ugly," Noah said. What a lying liar.

  "Oh." I looked normal on the surface, but inside I was screaming. He was the one who was crying, trying to get back together with her. I know that I wasn't hearing things. Maybe things changed after I left. Maybe he didn't want to look like an idiot in front of me. I really could rationalize anything.

  "Let me make it up to you. What time do you get off work?" Noah smiled at me and my knees nearly buckled. I smiled back. I could scarcely believe what I was hearing. Maybe I had a chance with this guy.

  "Uh, 3ish. But, uh, I have to go over to my mom's house. You know, it's Sunday and all," I stuttered through my lies. I could feel my face heating up and my heart started beating really fast.

  "Well come over afterwards then." Noah was insistent.

  "Okay, I don't know what time. It will be in the evening."

  "Fine. I'll see you then."

  "Okay. See you later."

  He threw a smile over his shoulder as he walked out without buying anything, and, if by cue, Andy appeared from wherever he was.

  "Hey. Did you get busy?"

  "No, but you just missed my boyfriend." It was a lie but who cares? I was able to finally move my feet after being stuck to the floor by Noah's sheer presence.

  "Where?" Andy moved toward the windows.

  "He's gone. Forget it." I looked at the clock, only one hour left until I was free. I had tomorrow off and was looking forward to sleeping late since I had to get up so early today.

  Near 3, Andy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him later that night. I was so stunned that I said yes without thinking and then couldn't take it back without looking like a total bitch.

  "OK. What time?"

  "6." Andy looked so happy when I said yes that I immediately regretted it. This was a complete and utter mistake.

  "My boyfriend's band is having practice so I am free and then later, I have to go to my mom's tonight about 8:30, so yeah, okay.” I had to say something to get him to stop smirking. Dumb. Why did I say yes?

  “What kind of food do you like?” The broad smile on Andy’s face signaled triumph.

  “Uh, anything is fine.”

  Andy mentioned a few local restaurants. We settled on one without too much trouble. If Toledo has anything, its places to eat.

  “It's going to be so much fun!” Andy's smile was so wide that I decided he must have been mocking me. I wasn't sure what to say, so I just smiled to be nice and watched the clock, eager to get the hell out of there.

  At 3, I practically ran out of the door and drove straight to Kurt and Hannah's apartment. Kurt was waiting at the door for me, and soon as I was inside, we started pulling each other's clothes off. I usually liked to take a shower after work but Kurt couldn’t care less. Soon, I was naked on his living room floor, his body hovering over mine, his arms holding him up. He leaned down and kissed my mouth and neck and breasts like he was starving. I pulled his shirt over his head and unbuckled his belt and undid his zipper, using my foot to peel his pants and underwear from him. I went to cup him but he was ready. He slipped on a condom and lowered himself, pushing into me hard, his hunger pouring over me as he settled into a rhythm of thrusting. I couldn’t catch my breath.

  When we had satisfied ourselves and lay spent on the floor, Kurt asked me if I wanted a glass of water. He was quite the host.

  "No thanks." I leaned over to grab my shirt, slipping it over my head. There was something about sitting around naked in someone else’s living room that I didn't like. I put my underwear on.

  He stood up and walked into the kitchen. Being naked wasn't a problem for him, but it was his house.

  "What are you doing tonight? We don't work tomorrow." His voice called from the other room.

  "Oh, I'm going out to dinner with Andy, then I am going to Noah's house." Why couldn't I just lie to him? I had no problem with lying it seemed.

  Kurt walked back into the living room with two glasses of water. Me not wanting one made no difference to him.

  "What are you hanging out with those assholes for?" The look on his face was dark as he held out the glass.

  "You don't own me!" I remembered again why I was pissed at Kurt as I took the water from him.

  "I don't want you with anyone else." Kurt was pouting now, looking down at
me in all of his nudeness, as I sat on the floor.

  "I'm not going to sleep with them, I'm just going to enjoy their company." What a silly thing to say. I averted my eyes from him. He was either going to have to sit down or I was going to have to stand up.

  "I think that you should stay here with me." He finally sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I pulled away.

  "So I can leave when Hannah's shift is over? I don't think so. You are really fucking selfish." I was still holding the glass of water. It was if I was forced to drink from it by him just giving it to me. I took a sip.

  "I can't help it." He smiled at me.

  "Leave her." I looked away from him, wanting to be mad at him, but it was hard to stay mad at someone naked.

  "If I were to do that, you would have to give up all of those boys you like to have around you all the time. You would be mine only."

  "I don't have a problem with that. You do. Figure it out." I looked at him over the rim of the hated water glass.

  Kurt leaned over and kissed me. I think he thought it would make it all better. It didn't but I didn't leave. He took the glass from my hand and set it on the coffee table and I fucked him three more times, all the while wondering why I was doing it.

  I left his house at 4:30 and headed home.

  I walked in to my now always seemingly empty apartment and headed straight for the shower, undressing along the way. There was a layer of the day on me and I really needed both a symbolic and literal cleansing. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water fall over me and I closed my eyes and tried not to think.

  It didn’t work. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I sleeping with Kurt? It was going to end so badly.

  I lathered up my hair with shampoo.

  I did it because I was lonely and after it all, I was still lonely.

  I rinsed the soap out and applied conditioner. My hair stuck to my back and I pulled it in front to make sure the ends were covered.

  Kurt had always been such a jerk, even when I first met him at the Garden. He constantly pontificated on everything from politics to 13th century porcelains. I should have run far away from him but I didn't. Evidently, I liked pedantic, bad boy assholes.