“Still no text from Kaden?” Hailee asked, while she finished putting a bow in a poodle’s hair. “You’ve been looking at your phone all morning.”
“No I haven’t.” Admitting that she was pining after him was a sign of weakness, something she refused to show. If he really was pulling away, she’d just have to learn to deal with it. Baby or no baby. She was raised to be strong, and she was confident she could do this.
“Shut up, I’ve been watching you. Just message him.” Hailee led the poodle back out to her owner in the waiting area. After a couple of minutes, she came back, wiping her hands on her coverall. “Anyway, how are you feeling today? Have you eaten?”
“Yes, I ate. I’m feeling pretty good, I guess. No sickness yet, so that’s a plus. I had my checkup and doc said everything looked good so far. Just one thing though.”
Hailee looked up from where she was washing her hands at the sink. “What’s the problem?”
Alison smiled. “No problem. It’s just that the doctor thinks I’m further along that I thought.”
“What? How far?”
“She’s pretty certain I’m about eight weeks, not six like I was assuming. I mean, the pregnancy information said morning sickness started at six weeks. But now that I think about it, I had been feeling off for a couple of weeks before I finally gave in and threw up.”
“Wow. Eight weeks. How can they be sure, if you don’t know your dates?”
“They’ll be able to measure the baby when I have my scheduled ultrasound, and then I’ll find out for sure. It means I’ll start showing sooner than I thought. But on the plus side, I should be over this morning sickness sooner and be able to start eating better.” Her stomach growled as if to prove a point.
Stressing over Kaden was causing her to eat unhealthier than she should be. She knew she should eat more during pregnancy, but the anxiety made it so much worse. Every time she’d tried to think about Kaden, the sickness had overwhelmed her.
Hailee had encouraged her to avoid stress for a week or so, at least until the morning sickness settled some and she could think straight. She knew her friend probably meant she should be taking it easier at work and making sure she was resting and eating enough. But for Alison, avoiding stress right now meant avoiding Kaden.
So she’d been working on coping with the sickness rather than diving headfirst into trying to figure things out with him. “Are you hungry? I am. How about we order some Chinese?”
Hailee shrugged. “I was thinking Mexican, but whatever you want. You’re the pregnant one.”
“Ooh, Mexican. Yeah, I’ll order online.” Alison picked up her phone to order food, but her screen saver stole her focus. It was a picture of her and Kaden, back when they were at some bar; they always had such good times. Staring at his smiling face, she wasn’t hungry anymore. She missed him. Now she just felt sick.
“Just message him already, will you? I’m glad that you took my advice, but maybe it’s time. You know you want to, Ali.”
Ignoring Hailee’s pleas, Alison quietly thought about her words. We do still need to discuss our situation. He’d wanted to meet, but she’d pushed him off because just thinking about it made her want to throw up. But she couldn’t shut him out completely.
“Hailee, he asked me if I was going to keep it.”
“Okay. So?” Hailee titled her head in question.
“Don’t you get it? I think he wants me to get rid of the baby.”
“No, not Kaden. I’m sure you took that wrong. Ali, call him. Give him a chance to explain himself, and I bet you’ll see. He’s a good man. I’m pretty sure that you know that.”
She thought she knew that, too. But all she’d been doing since she left him that day was questioning that. He was the father of this baby, and he needed a chance to be the man she knew he was. Before she could change her mind, she quickly typed out a message.
Alison: Do you want to get together this afternoon to talk?
As soon as she hit send, she felt sick, not ill sick, but regret about sending the message sick. I shouldn’t have asked him. It was stupid. Maybe he won’t answer, and I can just sit here and feel dumb. Or he will answer and I won’t like what he has to say. When the phone buzzed with a response, she held her breath, not sure she wanted to see what it said.
Kaden: I’m sorry, I can’t. Have plans.
Kaden: How are you feeling?
Alison: I’m doing okay. What about later tonight?
She hadn’t been following the schedule enough to know if he had a practice in the morning or if he had a game. It was easier not to focus on where he was and what he might be doing. His short responses mirrored her previous ones. She thought she knew Kaden better than this, but he was proving her wrong. It took too long for him to respond, and her nerves got the better of her. Until her phone buzzed.
Kaden: Sorry. I’m busy. Got a lot going on. But I’ll call you.
What she hoped would be a message relieving her fears, actually made her heart sink. He can’t. He has plans. Turning her phone off, she shoved it in her purse. Even though he was just doing the same thing she did to him, she was still hurt, but she didn’t do hurt. So she just got angry.
“Everything okay?” Hailee asked, her eyebrow arched in curiosity as she glanced towards Alison’s purse.
“Yep. Fine. Just fine. All good.” The anger and jealousy in her gut made her words short and precise.
“So, are we still ordering Mexican food?” Hailee rolled her eyes and her voice was laced with annoyance.
Alison’s body burned with hurt. Maybe he really didn’t want this baby. It was an accident. As much as she wanted it to be okay, her gut told her otherwise.
Heat filled her cheeks and the room spun around her. Nausea churned her stomach and crept up her throat, and she grabbed for something to hold on to. Hailee’s muffled voice filled her ears with calls of concern. But Alison was unable to answer. Everything around her was now blurry, fading out, and soon she stumbled and fell to the floor.
Hailee dropped down beside her. “Ali!” Taking Alison’s face in her hands, she called out again, her words now louder and clearer. “Ali are you okay? What’s wrong?”
Alison rubbed her eyes until her vision cleared, trying to shake off the weird haze that surrounded her. Holding her hand out to her friend, she forced a smile. “I’m okay. I don’t… I don’t know what happened.” Could it have been the stress? Maybe her blood pressure? “I don’t think I ate breakfast. Maybe I just need to eat?”
“Then we’re getting you food. Come here and sit down.” Hailee grasped her hand, helped her up off the ground and led her to a chair. Pointing a finger at Alison, she commanded, “Don’t move.”
Alison watched as Hailee approached one of the employees and spoke softly, probably explaining the situation, before returning to Alison. “Okay, the girls are going to be fine without you this afternoon. You and I are going to your apartment, getting you fed, and taking the rest of the day off.”
Being told what to do was not one of Alison’s favorite things. “But who will run the shop?”
“Ali, who runs it when you’re not here?” Hailee asked, annoyance mounting in her words.
Alison wasn’t trying to be difficult, but it was her shop. “Tori, the manager. But she’s off today—”
“Exactly. Tori does.” Hailee went behind the counter and moved some papers around, then typed a text on her phone. “And I’m texting her right now to come in for the day. It’s called delegating. Bosses do it all the time. Plus, the girls can handle things until she gets here, and it’s not like we won’t just be right upstairs. So no more excuses. Get your stuff, and let’s go.”
Hailee grabbed their purses and steadied Alison as she stood up. Opening the salon door, Hailee called back to the employees. “We’re going now, ladies. Remember, we’ll be upstairs if you need anything.”
Once in her apartment and on her comfy couch, even if she didn’t like it, Alison knew that Hailee was right. Whatever
the reason for her getting so dizzy that she collapsed to the floor, she needed to take care of herself.
She rested her hand on her belly. Maybe she needed this reminder that it wasn’t just about her anymore. Repeating the convincing words made her feel a bit better. The salon would be fine. I’m just upstairs if the girls need anything.
Hailee sat across from her on her cell phone. After a few long minutes, she put her phone away. “Lunch is on its way. Tacos and burritos will be at your door in under twenty minutes.” Eyeing her friend suspiciously, she added, “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need to call the doctor? I think we should call the doctor.”
Alison shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I think baby was just reminding me that I need to take better care of us.” And worry less about other people. Or one specific person.
“I think we should call Kaden.”
“No!” Alison shouted before Hailee could hit the call button on her phone. Her eyes shut and she tried hard to control her breathing that was speeding up again. “No. Thank you for ordering lunch. Let’s just sit and eat. I’m sure I will feel better.”
“I don’t know why you won’t let me call Kaden,” Hailee said with a huff. After rolling her eyes, she went to the kitchen and got them each a water. “Here, drink.”
Not knowing what Kaden was thinking made Alison’s fears worse. She was jumping to worse case scenarios. If he really was pushing her away, and it felt like he was, then she had to prepare. She was still having his baby, no matter what he thought.
If it has to be just baby and me, then I’ll handle it and we will be just fine. Her mom had taught her to be strong; it ran in her blood.
“What’s going on in that brain of yours?” Hailee asked. “I can see the wheels turning.”
“The usual.” Kaden. It’s always Kaden.
“You want to talk about it?”
Not really. “Hailee, I thought I could handle things, no matter the outcome. It’s not like I have a choice. Sure, he gave me that weird vibe when I told him about the baby, and yeah, I was pissed. But I kind of thought he’d get past it. For the baby. Or maybe for me. Or both.”
“Ali, I know Kaden, and I’m sure you’re misreading him.” Hailee’s eyes looked tired, probably tired of saying the same thing time and time again. “Why don’t you reach out to him again? Get him to agree to a time to meet and talk things over more?”
Alison wasn’t impressed with Hailee’s quick defense of Kaden. But she was right. “Hailee, he just blew me off. He says he’s busy all day. But if he really cared, he’d make time to talk. I know all this might put you in a tough spot, with Kaden being Dom’s friend and all, but—”
The door buzzed, interrupting her. Alison was partly relieved; saying the words was harder than she thought. The delivery boy cutting in was surely a sign that she shouldn’t say them. Even if in her mind, she and Kaden were over, for good.
Hailee set the food on the coffee table by where they sat. The aroma took over her thoughts and brightened her mood. Before her stomach could growl in response, she dug in and began to devour the delicious food.
Hailee eyed her as she shoveled food into her face, then took a plate of her own. “Continue what you were saying.”
She couldn’t bring herself to say what she was really thinking. “I was just saying that the stress over Kaden isn’t good for me. Or the baby. You saw what happened back there. Of course I want him at my side, but he’s not acting like that’s where he wants to be. I can’t force him to…”
“To what?”
To love me. “I can’t force him to be with us. I can’t keep hoping… Hailee, look at me. I had to be picked up off the floor. You said I should be avoiding stress!” So much stress couldn’t be good for her or the baby.
“Yes and no. I think you need to find out what he’s really thinking. Then you’ll know for sure where you stand. He’s part of this, whether you want him to be or not. Look, maybe he is busy today. So push him to make a definite time tomorrow or the next day.” The uneasy look on Hailee’s face mirrored the uncertainty Alison felt about her decision.
There was only one way to get past this. “I think you’re right.” Picking up her cell phone, she typed a message.
Alison: Can we meet tomorrow? Late morning, or lunch?
Kaden: I can meet you after practice tomorrow. At your place?
Alison: Let’s make it at the coffee shop.
He didn’t reply immediately. Alison kept watching the screen until a minute later his reply came through.
Kaden: Ok. No worries.
Alison: Sounds good. Message me when you’re on your way there.
“And you are sure this is going to lessen my stress?” Alison asked, her face crooked as she stared at Hailee, not believing a word of this.
“Yes. Now, do we have any chocolate around here?” Her words did nothing to convince Alison that this was the correct decision.
With any luck, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s just scared and he’ll come around. Until then, I need to prepare to take care of myself. At the moment, chocolate seemed like a good place to start.
* * * *
Alison nervously bit at her nails as she waited for Kaden. He texted her about five minutes ago, saying he was on his way. She mindlessly tore at a paper napkin. A decaf latte sat in front of her beside the pile of shredded napkin. Steam poured from the cup. She’d cut out caffeine since finding out she was pregnant, and avoiding espresso was harder than she thought.
The bell above the door jingled, and Kaden entered the coffee shop, his flowing blond hair tucked away in a gray knit toque. A nervous grin slid across his lips and he waved in her direction. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he waited in line at the register.
Alison continued to tear at the napkin in between sips of her latte. She should’ve bought a pastry, something to nibble on.
“Hey.” Kaden’s deep voice grabbed her attention. He set his coffee on the table, along with two bagels. “I bought you a bagel, thought you might like a snack. I know you like them. But if you don’t want it…”
It was like he’d read her mind. Dammit. Was I stupid for second guessing his intentions? “Thanks. It’s like you knew.” She pulled the bagel closer and Kaden took the seat across from her.
“Yeah, I know you better than you think. So, how’re you feeling lately? Everything been okay?” Kaden took a sip of his coffee.
Alison took a deep breath. This was harder than she thought. She just wanted everything to go back the way it was. “I’m getting along okay. I miss my Espresso drinks and I enjoy a few more cupcakes than I should, but I’m okay.”
“Look, Ali, I feel like I need to explain about the last time we talked.”
“Yeah, I wanted to ask you about that.”
“I didn’t handle things too well. I mean, I wasn’t expecting… and I’m sure you weren’t expecting it either… and I just…” His expression was one of someone who’d been going over and over something important in his mind. Kaden was never at a loss for words, but he seemed to be now.
“Yeah. I know. Why did you ask me if I was going to keep the baby?”
“Oh, that.” He tore at the bagel and took a bite.
“Do you not want me to have the baby?”
Kaden choked at her question. After clearing his throat, his eyes were intent on her. “Doll, how could you think that? I very much do want you to have the baby. That’s not what I meant at all. I asked because I was hoping to hell that you were planning on having the baby. I very much want to be part of your and the baby’s life.”
His words made her dizzy. Now he wanted to be part of their lives? After his silent disregard for her pregnancy announcement? “What?”
“Ali, I want us to be a family.” His eyes were soft and caring. His words were sweet. But she didn’t believe him completely. It was too sudden of a change. How could she trust that?
Alison knew that some guys felt a sense of responsibility when their girl got pregnant unexpected
ly. It’d been drilled into their brains for ages: if she got pregnant, he needed to marry her.
She knew this, because she was a product of that thinking. She was the only reason her parents had gotten married. A surprise pregnancy, then a shotgun wedding. The memories she had of her father were few and brief. He’d rarely been around. Later on in life, she found out it was because her parents couldn’t stand one another. Her father complained of feeling tied down to a family he never asked for, never really wanted.
Her parents were high school sweethearts, and got married right out of high school because her mom fell pregnant with her. The day of Alison’s sixth birthday party, her father left for good. She hadn’t spoken to him since.
Alison knew how bad she had been hurt when her family had split, and she also knew she would never put a child through that pain. Not if she could help it. Marrying out of responsibility never worked out. If Kaden now thought he was going to be all-in, simply because there was a baby in the mix, he was dead wrong.
Alison’s mom had continued as a single mother, raising Alison the best she could, and had taught her to be strong. Her mom had been a great role model, and Alison had no doubts that she also had the ability to do this on her own if she needed to.
“What do you say, Ali? I know we hadn’t planned on things happening this way, but we can make this work. I think it’s the right thing to do. I’ve been—”
Oh hell no. The words struck her fiercely. And no thought went into her actions that followed. “Not like this.” She tossed her bagel into the trash and stormed out of the coffee shop with her latte in hand.
Kaden called from behind her, but she just kept moving until she was behind the locked security door of her apartment. She knew better than to get into that discussion while feeling so hormonal. He was a man and didn’t understand the repercussions of marrying just for the sake of a baby.
Her phone buzzed; she knew it was Kaden before she even looked at it.
SHOOTOUT SAVE (The Renegades Series Book 6) Page 9