He would have to wait until morning. She needed to think this through before talking to him again. These hormones had her speaking before she thought and that never ended well.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Kaden
Kaden sat in the Cupcakery, staring across the table at Ali. She looked beautiful, her hair flowing and full. A million things ran through his mind to ask her, to tell her. A thousand things he wanted to know. But all that he could say was, “How are you feeling?”
He was surprised to get a text this morning asking him to meet her. But he would take any chance to make this right.
“Thanks for meeting me, Kaden. I’m doing okay.”
“You sure? You look a little green.”
“It’s called morning sickness.”
“Morning sickness? It’s three in the afternoon.” He knew he shouldn’t have said it the second it came out of his mouth. He knew better than that.
“The name is deceiving.” Her annoyed sigh told him all he needed to know.
“Right, I knew that,” he mumbled while she was looking away, pulling her attention to anything but him. His stomach dropped; this wasn’t going well already.
“What was that?” Her head snapped back.
“Nothing.” In all his reading, he knew not to mess with pregnancy hormones. “What did you want to talk about?”
Ali looked around the Cupcakery. Her glance kept landing on the trays of cupcakes behind the glass.
“Would you like a cupcake, doll? Which flavor?” Kaden stood before she could even answer and was halfway to the counter before he stopped to look at her, waiting for her answer.
“Um…” Her eyes darted back and forth between him and the cupcake trays. She bit her bottom lip and her foot tapped nervously on the floor.
“I know you want one. Just name your flavor and it’s yours.” If it were up to him, he’d buy one of each; if she wasn’t going to eat them, he surely would.
“Vanilla, I guess. With the light chocolate icing and the little fondant heart on top.” She was oddly specific, as if she’d been enjoying that one a lot lately. Well, she did live and work right across the street. If he lived here, he’d be in here daily sampling each and every flavor.
“Coming right up.” Kaden ordered her cupcake and one for himself, along with two hot cocoas. When he placed the cupcakes on the table in front of her, Ali’s eyes lit up.
Then she pushed away the cup. “Oh, I can’t drink coffee.”
“I know. It’s hot cocoa.” Tipping his cup towards her, he continued. “I got one for myself, too. So, what was it you wanted to talk about?” He thought for sure she was going to explain what happened last night. But what she said instead surprised him.
“Well…” She messed with the icing before pulling off the fondant heart and eating it. Carefully peeling off the cupcake liner, she looked up at him only for a second, then back at her sweet treat. “I have an ultrasound scheduled. It’s routine, nothing to worry about. I wondered if you’d want to be there.” Her eyes never left her dessert as she took a bite. She focused all her attention on it.
“Ultrasound, absolutely. Thanks for asking. When is it?” His phone buzzed. Glancing at it, he could see it was his sister. His attention should’ve been on Ali while she was talking to him about the ultrasound, but his mom demanded his attention, too. Picking up his phone, he quickly read the messages. His mom was suffering a few set-backs… Instead of focusing on Ali, his mind went to his mom.
“Kaden? Hello?”
“Yeah?” Putting his phone down on the table, he directed his attention back to Ali.
“Did you hear anything I said?” Her voice was stern.
“Of course I did, doll. You invited me to the ultrasound.”
Her lips pursed and her head tilted. She wasn’t happy. “When is it?”
“Soon.” Kaden searched the table, her phone, anything for a hint of when it was. Maybe she was holding an appointment card, or piece of paper. But there was no hint of a date or time anywhere. He had no choice but to own up to his own ignorance. “Sorry doll, I was distracted by your gorgeous face and the delicious looking cupcake you were biting into.” A small smirk punctuated his sad attempt at a smooth line to distract her from his ignorance. It didn’t work.
A heavy sigh followed. Ali wasn’t amused.
“You want another cupcake? I know you like your sweets…” I shouldn’t have said that—
“Why would I want another cupcake? I haven’t even finished this one. Just because I’m pregnant, you think I sit and indulge in sweets all day?” Her voice was high pitched and flustered.
Open mouth, insert foot. “I didn’t say—”
“Well I don’t.”
“Okay.”
Ali rolled her eyes and handed him a slip of paper. “Here.” It had the date and time of the ultrasound and the address written on it. “Meet me there if you want.”
Alison scooped up her cupcake and stormed towards the door as he looked at the piece of paper. Her appointment happened to be the same day as his mom’s surgery. Kaden figured after he got his mom settled in at home, he could slip away to Ali’s appointment.
* * * *
Kaden paced the waiting room of the hospital. It had been about a week since he met with Ali, and now he had to turn his focus back to his mother. He’d been lucky to arrange a surgery for his mom so soon after she came into town.
She had been in the operating room for three hours now. Was everything going okay? It’s a simple procedure. They would’ve notified us if something had gone wrong. Wouldn’t they?
His mind raced. His heart was all over his chest. He had been going to ask Ali to be here with him, but after she had stormed out on him the other day, she’d been avoiding him—again. It would’ve been nice to have her here.
He was nervous and scared, and didn’t know how to deal with all of this. The word, cancer, was scary. It terrified him. That word carried all sorts of anxiety with it. His brain knew this one was treatable, and the survival rate was good. But this was his mom. He wouldn’t feel better until he knew for certain that she was okay.
He prayed to whatever higher power might be listening. Just let her be okay. Please.
Kassie tugged at his shirt. “Kaden, sit down. You’re making me nervous with all your pacing.”
“I can’t sit. I need to be doing something.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “I can’t do anything here.” He pulled away from her and went to the window. Staring out over downtown, he tried to focus on anything out there, anything at all.
“Kaden.” Kassie’s voice was calm. She was more like their mom than he ever realized.
Focusing on the people walking below, he picked out backpacks, hats, anything that had bright colors to catch his eye. If he couldn’t stay physically busy, he needed to keep his mind busy, at least.
Mom should be out by now. What was taking so long?
He now watched cars; working hard to focus on something, he tried to pick out red ones. It was silly, but that was all he could think of to do.
And yet thoughts of Alison filled his mind as he searched the streets below. He had no idea why things had gone wrong again the other day. What had he said to piss her off this time? He was running out of ideas how to fix things with her, but he still believed they were meant to be together.
I need to tell Mom about Alison. I should’ve told her before she went in. What if—
“Kaden. Sit down. Please!” Kassie begged. “I’m just as nervous as you are, but I need my big brother right now.” Her voice was now softer, with a slight tremble in it.
Concentrating on her, Kaden now noticed that her eyes were red and puffy. She’s right, she’s scared too, and I’m being selfish. Kaden took a seat beside his little sister and put his arm around her. “She’s going to be okay.”
“She has to be.” Kassie sniffed.
“That’s why she will be.”
His sister was right. Their mom had to be okay. There
was so much more that he needed to tell her about Ali.
“Kassie, I’m scared.” He didn’t often admit his feelings so bluntly. But he didn’t feel much like himself lately either. She rested her cheek on his shoulder. He knew how she felt and shared her pain and anxiety.
She sobbed quietly into his chest. “I know, Kaden. I am too.”
A single tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. This brought back memories of their dad’s illness and funeral. Kaden had been there taking care of everyone else, being the shoulder to cry on, the man of the house. He hadn’t taken time to grieve himself until it was all over and he was alone. This time, he didn’t need to be the strong one, at least not with his sister. “Kass, I’m glad you’re here.”
She squeezed him tighter. “Me, too. I certainly couldn’t do this alone. It’s one thing to watch your superstar brother on television, but it’s another to get to see him face to face. I’m starting to think the idea of getting Mom a place here doesn’t sound so bad. I might need an extra helping hand with Mom. And Kaden, I know something isn’t right with you either, and I need to be your shoulder when you need one. That’s a little sister’s job.”
She has no idea how right she is. Looking around the hospital waiting room, it dawned on him. They were all each other really had.
“Speaking of that,”—he couldn’t stop the words from coming. He needed to tell someone—“you’re right, Kass. I am going through something right now. It’s big. I just didn’t want to bring it up to Mom; she has bigger things to concern herself with right now.”
“Are you okay?” Fear passed over her face.
“Yeah, no, it’s not me. I’m fine. Sorry, I didn’t mean for you to think that. It’s more exciting news than bad, and yet scary all at the same time. But you can’t tell Mom. Not yet. Promise?” His emotions were all over the place, and without thinking, he felt the need to confide in her.
“Cross my heart.”
“Ali is pregnant.” The words made his heart skip a beat. He loved hearing them and he loved saying them. Yet an ache filled his chest, knowing how they left things last time he and Ali talked.
“Oh my god, I’m going to be an aunt! And you’re going to be a daddy! It is yours, isn’t it?” Happiness filled her face as she hugged him.
“Yes, goofball, it’s mine. But I think I might’ve screwed up.”
“Of course you did. You’re a man. What did you do, and how can I help?”
Kaden relayed what happened when Alison told him of the pregnancy. When he was finished, Kassie glared at him with disapproving eyes. “You should’ve said something, anything. Did you consider just being happy and excited?”
“I know I’m an ass. But I’m thrilled about it. And I did say something, which ended up making things worse.”
“Oh my god, Kaden, what did you say?”
“I asked if she was going to keep it.” Saying it now, and seeing the horrified look on Kassie’s face, he understood how Alison had taken his words all wrong. I really am an ass. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
“You what? Kaden! What were you thinking? What would’ve made you doubt that she’d keep it?”
“I guess I just wanted confirmation that she wasn’t planning to do anything else. Then I finally got her to meet with me yesterday, and things were going well. We talked things out and I was able to explain myself. Things were going great, until I said I wanted us to be a family. Then she freaked. I have no idea what I said wrong this time. Kass, I feel like no matter what I do, I’m screwing it all up.”
“That doesn’t sound right. You’ve no idea what her issue is with that?”
“Not a clue. The thing is, I’ve been wanting to ask her to move in with me for a while now. Since before I even knew about the baby. And I was working around to that, but she stormed out before I could go any further.”
“But things were good between you two before the pregnancy?”
“I thought so.” He rested his elbows on his knees and stared down at the floor. “Maybe I was wrong. I feel like a damn fool. I knew she was the one, but I spent too much time making sure my feelings were true… and I never once stopped to think she might not want that at all. Not want me.” His voice broke on the last word, and he cleared his throat.
Kassie patted his arm. “You’re a good guy, Kaden, and I think she must know that.”
“I hope you’re right. I want to believe she feels that way. But right now, I’m so worried about Mom.” It was the truth, but even the words sounded pathetic. He knew it would be nice to have Ali to comfort him and help him be strong for his mom. He had pulled out his cell to text Alison a dozen times since his mother had gone into the OR, but then he’d stop, remembering that cold look on Alison’s face when he’d told her he wanted them to be a family, and he’d put the phone away.
When he got up and walked to the window, Kassie followed.
“I don’t know what to say, bro, except that if you want her and the baby, you need to let her know. She’ll understand that Mom is important and you’re worried, but working things out with Alison needs to be your top priority. Then you can be there for Mom together.”
“Kass, I’m having a hell of a time finding that balance. It was hard enough just trying to get Alison to talk to me about the baby. Now with my focus torn, I just don’t even know what to do anymore.”
“You have to keep trying. If you really want to be with her, don’t give up.”
“I have tried. But she was suffering badly with morning sickness, and I heard from her best friend that the stress was getting to be too much for her, and that maybe I should back off for a while. That Alison just wanted some space while she got over the sickness.” He turned to Kassie. “But that bothers me. Why would she need space from me? Why wouldn’t she want me to take care of her? So yeah. I have no intention of giving up, but I feel like she might be giving up on me though.” Her non-responses and actions the last time they met were proof.
“Don’t give her the option. Girls like it when you pursue them. If you give up too easily, they don’t feel like you care. Just keep trying.” Kassie paused. The tears were gone from her eyes as she was now focused on him. “You love her, don’t you?”
With anyone else he might scoff, tell them they don’t know him and it was none of their business. But his sister knew him better than anyone else. She’d see through him if he lied, and she probably knew the truth just by looking at him.
“I really do.”
Kassie didn’t smile or laugh, or make a wise crack. She just listened.
“She’s the only one that I want. I know I’ve had a long history of fickle relationships, if you could even call them that. That’s how I know she’s the one. Because I don’t want anyone else. I haven’t wanted anyone else since the day I met her. And every time she pushes me away, it’s like a knife to the heart.”
“Oh Kaden.” Kassie squeezed him in a sisterly hug, comforting him. “You have to tell her that.”
“I have to get her to listen first.”
* * * *
Worrying about his mom had become a full-time job. She had got through the surgery fine, but in recovery there had been an issue with her coming out of the anesthetic. Her breathing had stopped on a couple of occasions, and she had needed help. For thirty minutes, Kaden and Kassie had paced in the waiting room, clung to each other, cried, and prayed.
Eventually a nurse had come to let them know their mother had been declared ready to leave recovery, but that she needed to remain under observation overnight.
Although relieved, the frightening event was enough to scare him and pull his focus back to his mom.
And even now that she was released, he didn’t want to leave her alone.
He’d taken yesterday off to bring her home after her overnight stay in the hospital, and even though she wanted to rest, he’d stayed with her, worrying. Coach understood and excused him from practice while he took care of her after surgery. She was annoyed with him hovering after only a
day, but he wasn’t budging.
Kaden had turned his cell phone off while in the hospital with his mom and had forgotten to turn it back on once they were home. How he’d gone over a day without noticing he didn’t have his cell on was amazing in itself.
His mom was finally asleep and he didn’t want to wake her. He powered the phone up, keeping it on silent. It started to buzz uncontrollably in his hand. The notification popped up on the screen that he had numerous voicemails.
They were all from Ali, but each and every one was the same thing. A pause, then her asking him to call her as soon as he got the message. Before he could dial her number, the phone buzzed with a reminder notification.
REMINDER: ALI’S ULTRASOUND—for yesterday.
Heated panic ran through him as realization set in—he had missed her ultrasound. He never got the reminder because his phone was off from the time they were at the hospital until now.
Thoughts of Alison came sweeping back in to his brain. The seconds that he wasn’t worrying about his mom, he was thinking of Ali. While watching over his mom, he had typed many a text message to Ali, only to delete them before he hit send.
How does one apologize for missing an ultrasound? She’d been counting on him, and he’d screwed that up too.
Kassie had noticed him deleting a message last night while he was resting on their couch. With only a look, she reminded him that he needed to do whatever it took. And she was right, he needed to tell Alison that he loved her.
But he had to figure out what made her run off the other day. Why his expressing his desire to be a family upset her enough to run away. He wanted to make this work. Now he had to grovel until she forgave him for missing the doctor appointment as well. If I could just stop screwing up, I’d make life so much easier on myself. Picking up his cell phone, he texted her. His stomach twisted and turned until he was nauseated as the stress ate away at him. When did my charmed life turn so complicated?
Kaden: Ali, are you okay? I’d like to talk about the other day.
SHOOTOUT SAVE (The Renegades Series Book 6) Page 10